Into the night (with me) – A kurtbastian fan fiction (14.a/?)
I own nothing.
Link to ff.net
Link to chapter 13
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14a. Everything'll be alright
"Seb?", he asked to the troubled boy sat alone by the poolside. He didn't reply to him. "Seb?", he called him again. The boy seemed in trance. Kurt bended next to him and put his hand on his back.
"Seb… are you okay?", he said more sweetly. The boy raised his gaze to meet Kurt's. To stab Kurt. It was then that Kurt had a sort of déjà-vu… Like that first time they met again in May, when he had crashed into a tree and landed on Kurt's sofa and was so shaken, so out of himself, so for once human, that moved Kurt in the inside. He had back then literally spent days, weeks even, thinking of him, of what was going through his head. And there it was again, the same lost boy… This time, though, they stood on a different ground. To Kurt it seemed yesterday that the whole incident happened, even if actually a month had passed. How their relationship grew so steadily, bit by bit, over that time, still amazed Kurt. All that time ago he brooded over what was wrong with him; this time, he didn't need to know to be close to him. To feel close to him.
Damned if he seemed lost and hurt! – he observed. Like last time, Sebastian was looking at Kurt, but he actually wasn't. His eyes were frozen, emotionless, empty. He was in front of him, but he wasn't really there.
"It's gonna be okay", he told him pulling him closer to him, "Everything'll be all right".
They stood in silence like that for a while, when someone tapped his shoulder. It was Willa, wearing a worried expression. Her gaze fell right away on her brother, and again –like that night– it seemed as if she was looking at something too broken to be properly fixed. And that look scared the shit out of him.
"Kurt…", her deep green eyes looked into his, "can you wait for us inside?"
His head nodded, but his arms wouldn't release the grip. "I've got this", were the last words she said to him before he left.
What the heck was going on….?! – his inner frustrated self kept repeating to himself. From time to time, he happened to forget the whole jigsaw surrounding Sebastian; and his determination to solve it, that had brought him there in the first place. He waited for them sat on the sofa, facing that very cabinet that signed the beginning of everything. As a wave, memories of the first party he attended there came crashing into his mind, when he had first thought there no bridge could be built to join their different worlds… He had been wrong, but simply because he didn't know…anything. Now that bridge existed, and it was made up of every tiny brick Sebastian had fell from his own defense wall, sealed with their friendship, and strengthened by the affection he and Willa now shared.
Ah Willa, from the very beginning he knew he liked her. How could he forget her kindness when she tried to make him feel at ease, not a stranger among them, just sharing her deep thoughts to him. And truth was, that deep down they were all on the same boat… As he was replaying in his mind the events of that party, a memory for long forgotten then surfaced…
"Here, the frame is gone but the picture is-", he stopped in the middle of the sentence because something caught his attention. Behind the picture of the three of them, there was another one. This hidden picture showed a much younger, much happier Sebastian, laughing hardly as he looked with side eyes at another another boy –blonde, tousled hair, crooked grin– who was instead trying to hold a serious face –but failing at it completely. Sebastian had one arm across the other boy's shoulder and God, he looked so blissful and carefree.
Kurt raised his questioning gaze to meet Willa's, who was intently staring at the picture too. Her whole body was tensed and remained motionless for a while. Then she gently took the pictures from Kurt's hands and stood up. She kept on staring at the hidden picture with a look that was saying 1.000 words –Kurt just wished to know which ones.
and then there was promise he made… how distant from the present that memory felt to him….
"May I ask you something? I know there's bad blood in the water between the two of you and Sebastian is… well, Sebastian. And I know he is hard to deal with but… things didn't use to be like this. He didn't use to be like this. He is a good guy, he really is, it's just that… he lost his sun, Kurt, and he lost himself too. And after last night's events, the incident and everything, I fear… you've seen him that night… it's just that he is so lonely and… you are such a nice person to have put up with him for so long. He talked to me about you, you know…? So I was wondering will you… will you be gentle to him? I know that sounds crazy but, if you could try and be kind to him… it has not to be written in blood or anything and well, I know you owe him or me nothing but if you… I don't know, if you kind of watched over him if you had the chance to I'd… I know it's silly to ask but-"
"yes", he said by instinct, with a feeble voice, and she gave him a surprised, but relieved look.
"I don't want to force you into anything just-"
"yes"
… he probably should tell her he wasn't being nice to Seb because he promised her to be, not anymore at least… not from a while, at least… but because he truly cared about him. – Somehow, though, he knew she did know. He then thought again of the boy in the polaroid, and of the happiness in Seb's features…
The sun, his sun… when Willa had first mentioned it, he thought of the sun being a metaphor for the light, the right way… but what if it wasn't?
"How do you know, S?"
"I lost my sun, Mia", he admitted softly at last "But this didn't impede me from enjoying his warmth 'till the very last moment he shined"
He remembered his talk with brokenhearted Mia… oh how much it surprised him when he found out he's dedicated his life to helping people, being a paramedic, volunteering… and he actually never stopped surprising him, even if in his own twisted way… but, he also remembered another conversation, not so distant in time…
"We never worked hard than when we had sunflowers as a theme… god…", he bit his lips "we were in NY back then…". As he remembered, Kurt noted a flash of deep sadness cross his face "We planted so many…", he pause for a moment "It was beautiful".
"Willa's pick?"
Seb shook his head lightly "Mine". And it was then that Kurt saw it, clearly displaying on Sebastian's feature: pain.
He just never put all the pieces together…
Every one deals with pain its own way
Until now.
"Hey Kurt", Willa greeted him. He had gotten to know her well enough to tell when the thrill in her voice was real, and when it was not.
"Hey", he replied to her as she plunged into the sofa with him
"You okay? Rough morning, huh?"
"Yeah"
Willa sighed.
"He's doing better, if you were asking". He remembered she, using those same words a long time ago, during a phone call so awkward he wished it never took place.
"Willa what's going on?"
She sighed again
"It's… complicated… he is complicated"
"Complicated how?"
"Look, it's not my story to tell… I can't explain that to you but, before you start something you have to know it won't be easy, he won't be easy, he… remember what I told you last night? About Seb?", he nodded feebly. How could he forget.
"You know… in many ways Seb reminds me of Alaska", she admitted abruptly.
He got the feeling.
"I know it, right?", he lowered his head to look at his friend and gently caress his hair "He is a tornado".
"He's a deeply unhappy person"
"You're saving him, Kurt… he's not okay unless you're around… and even in that case he's not completely all right, do you get that?"
"He's not easy to deal with, but I'm happy you're here, because somehow you manage to ease him off… he's him again when you're around… but he's still-"
"A tornado"
"I'm glad he has you"
She gave him a half-hearted smile
"Yeah… with all the inconveniences of the case so…so if you wanna leave, you can leave now, before it's too late. If you want to walk away, walk away now… he'll understand"
After hearing Willa's hearted speech, Kurt's heart felt warm and, also, frozen. Since his mind wouldn't collaborate, he followed his guts – once again. He managed to stand, and he gave her one long, meaningful look, before walking away from her.
LINK TO CHAPTER 14B