13 Butt-Wiping Alternatives to Toilet Paper
The COVID-19 sure has a lot of people worried about dirty bottoms. Here are some helpful suggestions for alternatives for your sinful poo hole.
(* indicates not flushable)
Newsprint*
Cut-Up Cloth*
Bidet/Spray Bottle/Bum Gun/Tabo/Dipper/Any kind of tushy waterer
A small, preferably fluffy, pet. Babies can also work in a pinch.
A banshee, screaming into your dirty bottom. (Note: Most ghoulish banshees are flushable, however, Marvel's Banshee is not safe for septic tanks)
Running Very Fast with Yer Flaps Open
Sneaking into Car Washes
Dragging on the Carpet like Your Dog
Kidnapping a Mummy*
Robbing a bank but only for their T.P. (This only works if you own a sack with a toilet paper roll on it)
Only pooping at work or your rich friends' houses
Never pooping again
Thoughts & prayers
