also one last little rant thing real quick before shark drawings it's super pet-peeve-y just tossing it out into the void because I need to say words
when mom came to the thesis show she was upset that the only time she got to see all my portfolio work was... in my portfolio at the show and I couldn't bring myself to tell her that it's partially because nobody sees everything I make except maybe Matthew because everything I don't like gets shown in class once and then never gets posted, haha, but also partially because I have a hard time believing that she wants to see it? I mean... that's the only thing that I heard from either her or dad about my work all night, even though they gave other people's art compliments. Every time I show either of them what I've been working on I either get like a half-interested nod or some comment about how I should have done something that interests them more than it interests me. It's so difficult to sit through that and just leaves me feeling worse than if I hadn't shown it to them at all. So I don't. I was hoping that getting them to see my entire college career's worth of work in a professional setting would change that somehow, and it didn't, and that was probably the most disappointing part of the whole thing that I just didn't want to address at all at first but hit me like a brick today.
I know that they're proud of the fact that I work hard and get good grades and have developed marketable skills but I feel like they don't really care about the art that I make and that's something that's always difficult to think about at all. This is... my life, this is what I put all of my time and effort into, please at least feign interest.