looking at a beautiful sea of lights with @ilsseojun
though the girl is relieved to be able to have control of her body throughout the whole entire day thus far, she also found herself stressing out quite a bit. of course, it’s understandable. with... whatever was going on with her body and her mind, it’s hard to be sure whether or not she was going to either have full control of her actions or whether or not she’d be “controlled” again. but this time she’s acting on her own. and she knows this for a fact because when seojun suggested going on the ferris wheel together, she was more than happy to accept.
she doesn’t know for sure if he was even aware of her struggle right now. even though she herself isn’t aware of what was going on, she wonders if her fiance would recgonize that she wasn’t feeling... herself. was it obvious that she seemed a little bit down this entire day? all she did was just worry about when she would “lose control” next. she was witness to what the other her has done, but it felt as if she was just dissociating from her own body seeing that other person act. she doesn’t know why this was a recent change. she doesn’t know how she can stop it. most importantly, she is afraid to see what it will do to change her life forever.
mainly.... what would happen to her engagement if she continued to live like this?
she lets out a dejected sigh as she takes a look around herself while they waited in line (they were almost at the end!), looking down at her hand to make sure that she herself was fully there. it sucks that she isn’t able to tell nowadays. not too long after she lets out that sigh does she remember where she is right now and who was next to her. oh no. she looks over at him and gives him a forced smile and a light laugh. “ah, sorry. i didn’t realize how tired i was until now,” she lies at the spot, hoping that he would buy it. “it’s been pretty busy for me. i guess i’m just a little sad that after we spent the whole day together, i’ll be bummed out with having to go back to work the next day.”
i don’t even know if i’ll be able to spend time with you like this while i’m fully aware, anyway she wants to say. i don’t want this moment to end. but instead, she stays silent to not cause any more worries.