I don't care how many people have written about a two winners au because it is endlessly fascinating to me okay. the dynamic is insane. they're alive but are they really can they trust anything they're seeing what if it's all a trick what if the rug is going to be pulled out from underneath them at any moment. all I can cling to is your eyes and your skin and your breath and your sweat right up next to mine. I was ready to die for you and I would have been worth more if I did, would you please try to live for me instead? you could've had everything and you wasted it on me, if it's for you nothing is ever a waste. we had the nonchalance of corpses on our feet, too focused on walking to think about the judgement but now that we've stopped the scrutinizing lens of the world is on us. dangerous. be a good little lapdog to the state and we won't take your treat away. you have a mom that cherishes you, her angel on earth, and I'm an outsider outstaying my welcome. what will happen if she finds out. squadding a winner is unheard of but two winners is uncharted territory. is she afraid? does she tremble herself to fitful sleep as she imagines waking up to her son's corpse, executed just like her husband, as he and the miracle that saved his life spin around each other, unsure and desperate like flipped magnets. unable to say it unable to live without it. grasping at each other to stay afloat. do you have the same nightmares I do? the ones where there's a bullet in all our friends' heads? and what about my brain matter on the concrete? does it shine like the constellations that are illegal to name?
