🌙 @kopivie - Tumblr Blog

“for a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight,

✦ cinna, 24, they/she, black

✦ a blog dedicated to writing, healing, and being wholly myself.

and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”

©dividers by @cafekitsune & header/pinned by @sailorsenshigifs!

PHAINON PHAINON ITS PHAINON RJEHSKDJEWISJ*@@,*×#&#*×, THANK YOU FATE EVEN THANK YOUUSUSHWJEJDDJJDF RJF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#i have been feeling like shit #HIS FACE #HIS STUPID PUPPY FACE #HIS VOICE #HEEEEEEEE #HIMMMMM

as for how i'm doing? idk. i'm not any worse than i was two months ago, but i'm definitely not any better. i truly don't know how i can even begin to get better.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]

don't talk to me unless it's about avatar i'm so serious

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#it's been my special interest for 20 years #20 fucking years of having that series memorized and now it's been revived in such a fantastic way #i am CRAZY

irritability? more like chronic misery. idk if i'm ever going to feel better

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]

keeping my phone on dnd is so... refreshing. no anxiety of missing anything or feeling bad about not answering someone. not like anybody's blowing up my phone anyway.

the only difference between me now and me back in 2021-22 is that i'm not suicidal, lmfao. i feel like s-tier shit. if i was five or six years younger, i don't think i'd be here anymore so.... hooray for character development?

point is, i'm very aware that i'm isolating myself. it's the only way i think i can even begin to heal.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]

sandrone's story is so... moving. she's kinda just like me. why even keep things around if everything you care about is going to be destroyed or lost anyway? better to have never had anything at all.

that saying "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was always a pathetic saying to me. i'd rather spare myself the heartache and push things away. granted, sandrone has overcome this and that's why she's playable — the crux of her character development comes from her overcoming that mentality. but it's... refreshing to see so much of myself in another character.

i hope i get her. really, i do.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#she means a lot to me #so so so much

hair? braided

weed? smoked

mcdonalds? eaten

edible? loading..

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#when you have nothing else going for you #what else can make a good day better than a nice joint #coming around on the joys of smoking tbh. gotta get myself some safe vapes #i prefer edibles so

idk why i'm so afraid to yap on this blog when that's literally what its for. its where i yap and get ignored because i need to scream into the void

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#i feel like a part of me just healed somehow because why tf have i ever been scared to yap on tumblr of all places #i made every single blog for the sake of yapping. including the ones i abandoned #imma be yappin now

phainon rerun.. hopefully i get paid enough next week to try and pull for e2 since i lucked out with e1 during his release 🥺

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#i have 0 dollars and 0 cents thanks to that stupid disney trip #tbh i need to make a plan to go by myself #or just go ANYWHERE by myself for that matter

i don't have money for the things i need to work, dawg. no money to buy new pants or shoes -- one different pair for each job. no money to get shirts or a bag that's not fucked up, no money to do laundry so i continue to damage my already dry and peeling hands by hand washing all my shit...

man if i never lost my fire for writing, i'd open comms right about now. instead i wanna save my money to comm others to draw my ocs. but lord knows if i'll ever even manage to MAKE an oc again. jesus fucking christ,,

i miss writing. i miss it a lot. i always carry notebooks and whatnot but never use em. maybe i'll try today during my break

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#i feel like i'm currently in that rough recovery phase #somewhat #because having two jobs is forcing my to better manage my free time..#kinda. i got sent home bc of dress code and my anxiety is working overtime bc of some drama and adjusting to a new job #but i don't feel like shit #not right now anyway

i see your asks, i do. but yesterday was the anniversary of my grandmother's passing, i had a shit vacation last week, and i started my second job today. life is moving fast and i have to keep up. i have to learn what accommodations i need n all that... im sorry, please give me time.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#forgive me

i'm starting to become numb to my own suffering. about damn time. bc i've been going about my life knowing that i'm nobody's first choice and that everyone will always assume the worst of me despite my best efforts, and that's kinda just okay at this point. nobody cares about me enough to truly listen to the words i say or truly give a shit about how terrible i'm feeling and that's genuinely okay. i'm tired of being tired. i just want it all to stop

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#depressive episode has reached critical severity

i'm finding out in real time just how much emotional distress can fuck with my body. holy shit i feel awful. i can't eat, i can't sleep, no amount of edibles is effective enough for me to relax... ugh.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#i feel fucking awful

borderlandsbf-deactivated201907

honestly if we selfship from the same media id love for our self inserts to be friends

#[ ♻️ — reblogs. ]#SOMEONE BEFRIEND MY SELF-INSERTS #GUYS GUYS GUYS #GUYS CAN OUR SELF-INSERTS BE BESTIES #PLEASEEEE 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

what if... i made apep a mother to fraternal twin dragons who both hate and love humanity.... internal dragon conflict because apep HATES humans....

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#hmm #apep was phenomenal in the archon quest #i also want an excuse to make ocs again

dude i've been in such terrible emotional and mental distress that it's fucking with me physically. like i think i reached my dissociation limit or smth, i am Not Well

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]

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