#im getting through this

[queensconquest]

Aristotle  says  there’s  only  2  kinds  of  ppl  ,  tragedians  or  comedians.  shitposters  are  comedians  ,  roleplayers  are  tragedians.  i  don’t  accept  arguments

[sorrowless-soul]

It's been a while. Since the miscarriage, so much has happened. It's been really really hard. This post may be triggering for some. So, readers beware.

TW: Car accident fatality TW: Miscarriage

So, I had bought tickets to see The Weeknd in concert. I bought them in February 2020. Then of course covid hit and everything was rescheduled. Fine. That's fine. I understood and it was a okay. It ended up getting rescheduled twice. It's now cancelled which I was super bummed about, but I get it. BUT! Secure Box Office is REFUSING to give refunds to those of us that bought our tickets through them. I'm still pissed about it. They literally stole almost $300 from me and told me I can just use their useless store credit to book a different event. Which I have no desire to do.

Then, a few days after I found out about being out the $300, my 16 year old cousin was in a car accident and died. The morning of the accident I was pulling into the parking lot at my job when my mom texted me and told me what had happened. It was like 4:40am when I got the text. I called my mom and my voice was so shaky. She was crying and then I started crying. I went into work and told my boss what was going on. She let me leave. My mom and I decided to go out to the scene of the accident. (the accident was at 3:23am so nothing had been moved yet) My aunt had to identify the body and we didn't want her out there alone. When I tell you guys that this whole ordeal traumatized me, it really did. I saw my cousin out there in the middle of a dirt rode. I'm thankful that he didn't look too bad, because I don't know that I would have been able to handle it. He looked like he was sleeping. He looked peaceful. It was dark, but I was able to see a little blood on his head and his nose. We haven't gotten autopsy reports back yet, so I don't know the actual cause of death. I vividly remember my aunt getting on the ground to kiss his cheek and with a broken voice she said "he's cold". The sound of her saying that is so haunting to me.

Now, for something happy. On October 21st, the day before my cousins funeral, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I have my first OB appointment tomorrow, November 8th. I am so happy, but I'm so scared. I'm terrified that when I go tomorrow there won't be a heartbeat. Everytime I go to the bathroom I'm just so sure there will be blood. This last month and a half has just been such a rollercoaster. I want this baby and I'm just praying everything will be okay.

Yesterday we had a party of my mom's 50th birthday. I took this picture and for the first time in a while I felt pretty. ❤️

[toukenbaby]

I just wanna say that your url and blog title is the greatest thing ever 😂 👌 stay strong touken baby, you will survive ⚡⚡

thank you honestly i need the support with the world wanting me dead before im born but then again im a royal fetus so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[yuliangs]

school's kicking my ass

[leefelex]

I’m sorry things have been so overwhelming for you. Just know you can vent anytime💪🏻

Thanks for sending this. I saw it last night but I was so tired that I didn't answer. It means a lot to me. I know I rant a lot in the tags but it's usually not about myself or what im going through bc no one wants to see that heh

[foxflash]

.

[tashakupcake]

I'm going to get through this.

Late night thoughts