Discover Top Posts Tagged with #im going to cry.......... despite everything...........

Its you!

Despite everything, its still you.

#im going to cry #tadc kinger #tadc queenie #tadc #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus kinger #the amazing digital circus queenie #chaos #its you #despite everything it's still you

I'm drawing more Mrs. Flowey but it's too on-the-nose angsty... (feat third wheel Papyrus of course)

#i dont like it when its too angsty #well- ofc i like it but most of the time without buildup its like... dry #it feels forced #you dont need screaming and crying and death and injury for something to be interesting #yes its the easiest way to attract an audience #yes its also probably very easy to write #but i rather go the long way and back everything up with mundane “filler” things. which i think is more important than angst #and so much harder to write #what made undertale such a compelling story to me is that the dark stuff was only a small fraction of the game #its a shitpost at heart #a comfort game at most #and it made all of the sadness darkness and fear so much more poignant #flowey is a reflection of the bad stuff in undertale but i feel like he also deserves light-hearted content #but ironically not too much #cuz personally despite him being my favorite character and also the character i ship with my oc very self-indulgingly #i think his charm is that hes the little underused sprinkle of salt that he is #and making angst of him is easy but hard at the same time #flowey #papyrus #art tag #undertale #zarkas progress #mrs flowey #also im pouring all of the angst in red riding hood au and even so it doesnt even scratch the surface of the stuff im planning for it

JUST CAME BY TO ANNOUNCE THAT DESPITE ALL THE ODDS AND HARDSHIP DURING THE WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE THIS TWINK IS ACTUALLY GRADUATING IN MAY

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

#THE WAAAAAR IS OOOOOVEEEEEERRRRRR #THIS FEELS TOO SURREAL #DESPITE ALL THE HARDSHIP AND ENDLESS STRUGGLE AND HEALTH PROBLEMS I MADE IT WORK #I FINALLY GOT THE OFFICIAL GREEN LIGHT FROM MY SCHOOL #IM AN ACTUAL AND OFFICIAL PROFESSIONAL GRAPHIC DESIGNER AND MEDIA PRODUCER IN FOUR MONTHS #MUM LOOK!!!! I MADE IT!!!!!#AND ON TIME ON TOP OF EVERYTHING #IM GOING INSANE FROM HAPPINESS #FOUR MONTHS LEFT OF THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE #THEN ITS OVER FOR GOOD #AND I GET TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE #IM JUST CRYING AND SHAKING HERE #THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME #vee talks #VEE GRADUATES MORE LIKE #!!!!!!!

AU where Robert just...gives up on trying after the engagement with Everly and becomes terribly complacent, and Hastie has to watch his son slowly lose his sense of purpose, identity, and contentment knowing that it was mostly due to his actions. Is this anything.

#Hastie realizing that Robert has just been...agreeing with him and nodding along without making any attempt at “rebelling”.#Realizing that he still invites his “best friend” Henry over—almost compulsively now—but doesnt interact with him as energetically as before #and they just seem to be awkwardly mourning something whenever theyre in the same room.#and him realizing that Robert doesn't even really seem to go out and party or drink anymore but just sort of...rots indoors all day.#There are some points where Hastie—despite himself—tries to add maybe a slight sneer to his words just to try and make his son snarl back #He wants to see him scoff again. wants to see him fume or snap back. wants to know that Robert still cares enough about himself to protect-#-his dignity...but he doesnt. Robert just stifles a sigh and nods.#It occurs to Hastie at some point that he was the cause of a lot of this #He *was* the reason Robert essentially gave up and let everything that made him *him* wilt away after years of arguing.#Sure. that marriage to Everly was for Robert's own sake to an extent. Cuddy had gotten arrested and Hastie didnt want Robert to meet the-#-same fate. but that doesnt make it any easier for Hastie to look his son in the eyes knowing that hes the reason they dont gleam anymore.#That doesn't suddenly make it easier for him to try and talk to Robert and to feel like hes only getting automated responses.#That doesnt miraculously make him okay with seeing his son look and sound and act like hes going through a depressive episode #which he probably is at this point. or is close to having one.#Once Hastie tries to tell Robert he's proud of him. He figures that it might help at first but he tells him and Robert just...#...makes some face at him.#Is he insulted by the fact that Hastie has the gall to say something like that to him now? is he confused by the uncharacteristic affection?#Is he trying not to cry from joy that all of tat misery finally paid off? Or distress at the realization that the praise he had suffered—#—for didnt feel nearly as rewarding as he had thought it would be? that it was all for nothing? that he gave everything he wanted up for-#-a pat on the back and four stupid words from the same man that confined his life to this?#Hastie doesn't know. Hastie doesn't know what's going know what's going on through his sons mind. He only knows that he can't fix it.#He only knows that *he* was the main contributor to it.#god. im ILL over these fucking losers!!! fuck! these two are so. ough. theyre so...i wanna throw them down stairwells.#i know its uncharacteristic for Robert ro just *give up* but. please. let me be sad and angsty #tgs lanyon #tgs robert lanyon #tgs hastie lanyon #robert lanyon #the glass scientists robert #the glass scientists

my adhd/narcolepsy meds no longer working is such a fucking nightmare actually because at least when i was unmedicated i didn't know how it felt to function properly; now i've had a taste but i just CAN'T and i feel like sisyphus only he got like a year off from the boulder thing to go out and enjoy his life and have hobbies just for a lil perspective before having to go back there 💀

#when i say i have wasted my days off jesus fucking christ #i dont even know what happened or where time went #much love to the queerteez server the only reason i have any sanity left #i am trying. to not blame myself. because i know i didn't ask to have adhd and narcolepsy and i know i am burnt out and trying my best #but i need to study for my exam next week i need to eat more than once a day i need to fucking VACUUM MY FLAT #i wanna write and read and study and do my assessment due in 10 days that i haven't even started and watch films #instead i keep sleeping til 3pm Existing and suddenly it's 3am and i'm like ????#i boiled the kettle like 5 times today and never made a hot drink with it. that tea never happened. the hypothetical hot chocolate.#it has been over 24 hours since i drank anything i ate dinner at 2am... shockingly i have a headache #LIKE WHERE DOES THE DAY GO??? WHERE DID THE AFTERNOON GO??? WHAT HAPPENED???#im going to go cry myself to sleep this is so frustrating adhd is just perpetual frustration #i cant even come here and scream on tumblr all day anymore idk what happened #i need actual meth or smth by this point clearly #anyway ignore my self pitying rambling #one day my sleep dr will remember i haven't had an appointment since august despite the fact i should have one every few months #and remember that he said we'd explore other medication options a whole 5 months ago #and i might be a functional human being again #until then i will keep crying from the frustration of knowing everything is wrong but being unable to fix it despite the fact im trying!#its 3am i need to sleep preferably forever pls dont let me wake up i cannot keep doing this shit lmao #(im gonna wake up and have to go to work as usual grrrr)#everything that has happened in the last week has been stressful i am tired and i wish i knew rest #personal #rambling into the void #will probably delete later cuz i don't like being depressing or having a depressing blog lol #(i think the worst part about it is the fact this has happened before and every time im like i actually have to kms i can't do this)#(and i never remember how to fix it probably because the answer is correct medication and getting the right support)#(instead of just struggling alone with meds that might as well be sweets and no support from the docs or anything)

#it sucks being such a Genuine loser man. it sucks being someone who would rather stay home than go out #it sucks struggling to make a connection with people bc somewhere along the way you reali #zed that when the kids talked to you they were making fun of you. so now you can't conceptualize someone trying to make actual conversation #with you and so you're closed off and awkward without even noticing. or maybe there's just always been smth wrong with #you specifically and the kids were never making fun of you you just say that to make yourself feel better bc then at least there's a reason #you don't have any friends. at least there's experiences you can blame for your current struggles. but you don't remember anyone #laughing to your face or being mean to your face but you always Felt the ridicule and you remember hearing whispers and quiet laughs #but maybe those laughs were never about you. maybe you're so conceited that you think everyone is always looking at you and judging you when #they're just going abt their day. but then i also can't really remember 95% of my life which is it's own scary realization #i try to be nice. i really do. but then i realize that im so mean to myself i make myself cry and i realize i am fully capable of being crue #l. but i try. i want ppl to like me but it never sticks. i don't know how to hold a conversation how can i expect to keep friends #or find a relationship. and again it sucks to be such a genuine fucking loser all the time Watching the fucking st finale of all things and #i was the only one who understood the character not wanting to go to the party. talking abt it w my sister and her saying I mean I'm a loser #and i would go party like Oh okay. maybe i'm just that sad and pathetic. i don't know. i want to be nicer #to myself bc i don't want to let myself be cruel but now i just hear and see myself whining abt the same things and never actually doing any #thing abt it. and then i complain that I'm whining instead of doing smth and then I'm complaining that I'm complaining abt smth and so on.#why have i been like this for as long as i can remember? was i just born like this? was i always made to die alone?#i like to say that despite it all im an optimistic person and i like to believe that everything works out in the end. but ig after #being alone for 22 years it gets harder to believe. for some reason despite all that ive admitted online and in these tags i am most embarra #ssed to admit I've never had my first kiss. and sometimes i wonder if i would actually like kissing someone and maybe im on the aro spectrum #but man it would be nice to know for sure. maybe. it would be nice if someone wanted to kiss me. but i can't blame anyone bc even if someone #is somehow attracted to me physically which is already unlikely my personality is too awkward to make it anything past that. if i was suppos #ed to be awkward and unlikeable could i at least have been attractive. but this talk is shirking all of my responsibility and putting it ont #o someone else so. idk. im a coward and a loser and i refuse to fix it i will only complain until i finally do smth one way or another. idk.#writing abt my feelings never makes me feel better so why do i still do it. ig i must get some catharsis out of it whether i notice it or no #t. but hey. whatever. so alone the only place i can write this shit is in the tags of a stupid tumblr blog at 22. what a joke.

Alright everyone, it has been done

After 2 months of absence, we're back :)

After planning and thinking and making, we downloaded the app again and our new account is now up and running. While there's not many posts there for now, we hope to share art and writing when we get back to creating again. We already have some ideas :)

We appreciate everyone for their patience and support, and now we're glad to be officially back. While it'll take us some time to get used to the Tumblr app again and posting, we're looking forward to reuniting with everyone and the community. To this day we're sorry, but we're also endlessly grateful for everyone's kindness <3

This account will stay up, but will be left dormant. We don't know if we'll come back to this account for roleplay, but regardless, it'll stay active as a memory of our cringe.

Thank you again for being there for us <3

Previous pinned post can be found here

#Im really happy but also really scared UAGEHEGAHHAGHg #I forgot how AGONIZING it is to make pinned posts but we did it :D #Now we'll make our sideblogs and deal with their pinned posts later <//3 #FINALLY I CAN HAVE MY YUMEBLOG AGAIN YIPPIEEEEE #Aaannndd we should follow again the same ppl i miss stalking them aaugeheggahagrhhagahg #Wow only now do it realize how much is... gone... It feels so empty to look at the new account #I hope by time the emptiness will be gone and it'll feel right again #I forgot how it is to start an account... It's just... Empty #Well. All I can say is that we'll need some time. But i hope everything will be back to how it once was #.... Damn... Now I see how much I missed it #Now I see the weight of dropping it. It was getting rid of a WHOLE YEAR of memories and fun...#Im told myself im not gonna cry but I'm still guilty and am flabbergasted that I was not thinking at all #OVER 12 MONTHS OF MEMORIES GONE BECAUSE I WAS STUPID STUPID DUMB AAUEGHEGAHAEGHHAGA <<//3 #hopefully by time this stupidity will be disregarded and we'll go back to how it once was #Still THANK YOU EVERYONE #Im a bit at a loss for words despite the endless thinking AHAHHAHAHA #Im just so happy and scared and sad and AIAGEHGAHAGGEHAGAGHHGAGA #Hope that makes sense #...... I might add to this post when and if I get my thoughts together but for now i hope my point comes across #ALSO! Funny thing but this is exactly our 100th post AHAHAHHAHAH #100 posts of foolish death and cringe :)

Oh i forgot to mention i finally saw Kpop Demon Hunters w my sibling last night bc they would constantly ask to watch it w/me and honestly me being very averse to kpop for “Annoying ass xitter stans spamming fancams and being generally insufferable under every fking tweet for some reason” reasons i always put it off and turned it down but i cane back from my longass shift and figured since it was a holiday i might as well spend time w family and….

Sigh….i get the hype….and….ugh…..i may have listened to ‘Your Idol’ while walking in to work today😔

#tge songs are annoyingly catchy wtf #and the animation had a endearing kind of choppiness to it AND IT WAS SO PRETTY ALOT OF THE TIME #at first when the kpop songs started playing i had a reflex ‘EUGH 🤢fuck change the song-‘ reaction #but honestly getting past that. fk it the songs were good. they were pretty good fine whatever🙄#they lowkey got me crying esp when the girls fought to reunite in the end i teared up ngl #and ykw they got me w the rumijinu romance like i ship them and i lowk cried when jinu was being fkin manipulated towards the end #like idk despite what he said he seemed genuinely caught off guard w regards to his family i think he had good intentions #but just got fked over in multiple ways🙃#I FELT BAD FOR HIM IT WAS WEIRD rooting for a straight couple is always such a strange feeling LMAODJSK #god the fking your idol song is still kind of in my head its so ANNOYINGGGG #my only major criticisms is that 1. The pacing is all over the place like everything happened one after the other #it started feeling like a stream of consciousness like. one major event after another broken up w songs it just felt like alot too quickly #and 2. Celine. thats all bc shes literally just there in a few scenes😭#I FORGOT SHE EXISTED UNTIL THE MOMENT RUMI CONFRONTED HER like girl where WERE you the plot is happening rn!!!!!#poking celines character like cmoon😐do something 😐#literally just ‘You need to repress yourself to be accepted.’ like thx i get the message but like. do you do anything else orrrr #we didnt even know anything abt rumis dad or mom like i hobestly thought the twist was going to be that Rumi is a distant descendant of Jinu #it would make sense!!! it would VERY weird and uncomfortable but ITD MAKE SENSE #ALSO WHEEEEREE ARE ZOEY AND MIRAS PARENTAL FIGURRRESS LIKE ARE YALL ALL FKIN ORPHANS OR ESTRANGED-#WHATEVER whatever it was still a solid fkin movie i admit it deserves the hype!!!#im even thinking of studying some of the scenes and doing style studies or smth like. its so pretty at random points wtf #also. Zoey and Mira are like. two sides of a kin for me. its hard to explain in tags so imma just stop here but ye #I REALLY LIKED THE MOVIE good show good show👏🏾👏🏾#i must scream

#im going to cry.......... despite everything...........

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