Okay fine, I caved! Iām usually late to the party with social media, but this time Iāll try to jump in early... I hope I donāt jinx it š - #artist #vero #imdoingthething

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Okay fine, I caved! Iām usually late to the party with social media, but this time Iāll try to jump in early... I hope I donāt jinx it š - #artist #vero #imdoingthething
It is a strange feeling for me
when I meet strangers.
Last night I went out for the first time in a long time. I hate it because I get so much anxiety, but I know I need a dose of social interaction every now and then. I went to a small bar with a few buds I hadnāt seen for so long. We laughed & I enjoyed my self. My head was in a great place, I felt happy. I met so many people, different ages, different back rounds. But there were two people that stood out to me. I saw this guy. I donāt know how I noticed him, maybe it was his guitar on his back, or we just coincidentally just happened to look at each other at the same time but his eyes were kind so I walked up to him. I asked him about his music, what he liked, his passions. We both were taught by our brothers, We learned guitar the same exact way. It was insane. He then asked for my name so I gave him my preferred name. At first he seemed confused but then he caught on. He then politely asked ever so nicely my birth name. Normally, I wouldāve been uncomfortable but the way he asked was innocent, so I told him. We then continued our conversation about music and he told me his name was John. Heās a regular and always goes to that bar to play music. I asked him if heād like to jam sometime & he lit up like the sun. We swapped numbers & out of nowhere as I just finished typing his in my phone, he leaned in and kissed my cheek so slowly. I didnāt know how to react. I made it pretty clear that it was purely friendship I was seeking but it just caught me off guard. And off he went. I donāt know what it is, I really donāt, that draws people to me. Maybe itās my awkwardness but it truly trips me out. The night went on, and I found myself sitting outside smoking a cigarette by myself. Just thinking about life and what the new year would be like for me. And then a girl walks out, crying hysterically. Crying as if she had been dragged through a field of barbed wire. Being myself, I asked her what was wrong, if she was okay, and if someone had hurt her. She then told me that she was heartbroken over her boyfriend. Now ex. That she didnāt know how to go on without him. How she longed for him, but he had been abusive. He had been a selfish, angry prick. It broke my heart seeing this girl sob. I then broke the silence. I looked at her and gently kissed her cheek and said āYou my dear will find love again. This is just the beginning. It hurts like hell and it will for quite some time, but one day, youāll awake from this nightmare and realize that youāre okay. Donāt you ever let anyone make you feel inferior. Only you yourself can give them that power. This is just a story in your book of life. Youāll will learn to love again. So hold on tight, I promise you. Youāll understand some day.ā She just smiled and wiped her eyes and actually started to laugh a bit. She then proceeded to ask me if I had a gf but I said āNo, but my heart burns for someone. Someone that I canāt be with right now. I have to work on myself. I have to be stronger. I have to love myself. I have to make peace with what hurts me so I can be the best man for not only her, but for myself. To give us a fair shot at something that could grow into something much bigger than what it already is.ā The words just poured out of me.
I didnāt feel sad. I didnāt feel angry. I just know that thatās the truth. And the truth does hurt. It hurts like hell. Itās there. Buried deep, but I know that itās what I have to do. Iām going to make it out. Iām going to grow into the man Iāve always known I could be. Iām going to be healthy. Iām going to get back on my feet again. Iām going to work on my confidence. Iām going to work through the sweat and tears. Use all the negative and make a positive.
And maybe, when the time is right, when she is stronger and I am stronger, maybe we can bloom together. We can be partners. We can hold hands and walk through this storm of life together.
I have hope. And Iāll never give it up. What ever happens, I love that woman with my whole being & will be by her side either as lover or friendā¦.or both.
I will be there.
Always.
Rose's shift in the med bay was finally over what seemed like one of the more hellish days. But that was only because Leonard wasn't on shift with her so she could run to him and ask him things as she needed to. She was on this solo. Luckily, she didn't have to pay attention to any of the more grave patients. Mostly just bandages and a couple stitches.Ā They're going to come back tomorrow with them bleeding cause I didn't do them right... Oh well. She wasn't ready just yet to go back to her room. So instead, she went to the bridge. There were only a few people left on duty, making sure that the ship was going in the direction it needed to go and so on and so forth, and then Rose saw the Captain's chair empty. So, she took the liberty of just going over to it and plopping down.Ā
"Oh wow..this is comfortable." She mused in a soft tone to herself. And started to imitate the Captain from the things she's heard Leonard tell her. "I'm James Tiberius Jackass and I've got perfect hair. Oh my gosh, we're going to do the thing even though EVERYONES told me not to! Sulu! Prepare the thing! Chekov, go to the place we're not supposed to go!"Ā