#imhapanter

[igniiisaeternum]

axel bursting into his room in one of grimmjow’s shirts, hair tied up and grimmjow’s sword in his hand like 

‘ put the cuddles in the bag and nobody gets hurt B| ‘

[igniiisaeternum]

grimmjow,

i want to hate you. 

i want to hate you with every fiber of my being. you're self-centered, arrogant and rude, outrageously easy to anger and you have always known just how to get under my skin. i want to purge my body of every trace of you and pretend like you never existed. every kiss and every touch gone. every memory where i thought that i'd spend forever with you, i don't want it anymore. you're always leaving. you’re always fucking leaving and i hate it. you destroy everything you touch, you’re destroying me, grimmjow. 

i barely know anything about you and everything i do know is because i forced the information out of you. you're difficult, a closed book and hard to love. you're so FUCKING hard to love. but i still love you. does that make me stupid? does that make me just as bad? after everything you’ve done, after everything you’ve put us through... after leaving the way you did...

i love you. because you're brash, because you're arrogant and rude, because you're easy to anger and because you know just how to get under my skin. i love you because underneath all that shit is someone who gives a damn, i know you do. in those moments where it's just you and me and you let yourself relax i know you care.  

i don't want you to leave. i don't want you to l e a v e . but you've already left.

you left a long time ago and i should be over it by now. i shouldn’t care anymore. but i’m bitter. i’m angry and bitter and lonely and it’s your fault.

i'm torn between hating you and loving you and love is winning. how bullshit is that? i should hate you. if i could brush off all the shit you've done as shitty actions from a shitty person then it'd be so much easier to hate you. i could tell myself that you're the worst, you're unlovable and that you’re never coming back. i need to understand that you’re never coming back but

i can't. i can't do that.

you're all i have in this world and if i could spend forever with you then i would if i could live forever i'd want you by my side but i don't have forever so please come back come home

[igniiisaeternum]

                                                                ocean blue.  

sadness, agony, and loss. a friendship lasting years only to be cut short by betrayal, by pain. the real torture had been losing the first friend he'd ever made, someone who had been there when he lost his heart, held his hand and told him everything was going to be fine, they'd get through this together.

the moon shone down and with it, saix's fury. 

a man struggling to retain his humanity and who had lost. he was no longer isa, no longer the person who had wiped the tears staining lea's face, teasingly suggesting he draw marks under his eyes to stop him from crying so much. he was saix, cold and stoic and no friend of his.

at more than one point in time, saix had almost been the cause of axel's demise -- the beginning of an end.

                                                                sky blue.

at a point in his life where axel had come to terms with his fate -- a man incapable of emotion and devoid of a heart, a flash of sky blue was all it had taken to turn his life around. what had started as a trick of the light had turned itself into the most beautiful blue axel had ever seen. it had settled its way into axel's chest, right where his heart should have been and planted its roots, strong and sturdy. 

axel, who had sworn that he couldn't feel anything for anyone was just as surprised as anyone when grimmjow had come into axel's life. he may have no heart truly, but grimmjow had, in time, become just that.

                                                                his heart.

something that axel would cherish long after his departure. the years have been long and grueling. many times axel had been ready to give up, wanting nothing more than to accept grimmjow's disappearance for what it really was. an escape. after all, who was axel to assume he could tame such a wild soul? 

grimmjow was fury and destruction, he lived and breathed battle. delighted in carnage and blood and being the cause of it all. and who was axel but a distraction? he held grimmjow back, stopped him from being who he truly was, forced him to be something he wasn't and for what? 

faux happiness? 

a facade?

what had axel been thinking? that maybe if they held onto each other a little tighter, kissed a little bit harder then they'd know what love was? 

grimmjow had left because he'd felt trapped, it's the only reason axel can think of and it hurts. it hurts in a way that he's never known pain before. to love someone so much, to give them all that you have and more, even when you've nothing to give only to have them leave regardless.

he'd spent his whole life trying to be someone worth remembering. if he lasted in people's memories then he could never really die. it's what he'd told himself when he was a child, at least. but how unremarkable, how completely forgettable he must have to be for grimmjow to leave him so easily.

did he feel guilt? 

did he miss axel too? 

when he was alone, trying to sleep under the stars did he wonder what axel was doing? does he cry when he's alone -- aching for that warmth that always seems just out of his grasp? and if he does, does he ever think about coming home?

axel wants to hate him. wants to hate grimmjow for everything that he's done, everything he hasn't done or said and everything in between. he wants to have that rage burning deep inside of him, wants grimmjow to suffer and cry and scream when no one can hear him as he yearns for a love he no longer has. 

if he sees grimmjow again he wants to watch him burn, beg for forgiveness -- for axel to stop, he'll never do it again just stop the flames. stop the flesh melting from his bones.

i love you                i love you                               i love you--

                                                  i'll never leave, i love you.

but he can't. he won't. no matter how angry he is, he could never do that. he knows he won't. axel can't get his hopes up, thinking he'll see grimmjow again -- but he knows that if he ever did, grimmjow wouldn't be met with rage. he'd be welcomed back with open arms. the trust between them would have to be rebuilt, time would have to be taken getting to know each other again because three years is a long time to not see someone -- but axel would never turn him away. 

                              just come home.                               come back to me.                               please please please please please---

[igniiisaeternum]

he thinks that one day he'll marry grimmjow.

they're mates, of course -- bonded by soul eternal. but there's something about the idea of a wedding that makes his would-be heart soar. he'd love nothing more than to say those two little words, put a ring on grimmjow's finger and smile in pure joy as he watches grimmjow do the same in return.

axel bets grimmjow would look great in a suit. he looks great no matter what he wears. but formal attire, a three-piece suit and a tie to match, a beaming grin adorning his features when he's walking and spots axel all dressed up too. axel laughing and telling grimmjow that they can't kiss until after they've been married as he tries to push grimmjow back gently.

get back to yer spot and walk up, we've gotta do this properly.

nah, fuck tha'. wanna walk up wit' ya. wanna make sure everyone knows yer mine.

of course, they know m' yers, idiot. it's OUR wedding.

the smiles on their faces when they walk up to the altar together because grimmjow refuses to leave his side. never being able to take their eyes off of each other and growing restless because fuck, this is taking too long i jus' wanna fuckin' kiss ya already--

he already knows what he'd say -- is embarrassed to admit that he's already gotten his vows written out. it's silly, axel knows it is. grimmjow would hardly see the point in getting married when they're already mates, but he knows for sure that he could get grimmjow to come around in due time.

                                                             -------------------------

the crumpled up paper is still right where he'd left it in their old home. tucked behind the picture frame that holds a photo of the two of them. axel finds the frame still covered in dust -- he's been here so many times and yet, never takes anything. no keepsakes for a time long gone. 

lithe fingers grasp the frame, blowing off the dust before removing the back and plucking out a small piece of paper. a lot of things in this house make him sad now. a warm house bursting with joy no longer inviting, a cold emptiness having long since replaced everything. but this paper, it makes him smile. axel feels the tears welling up and just lets them fall as he opens the paper up, greeted by the sight of his own messy handwriting.

grimmjow,

you came into my life without any warning. nestled your way into what was left of my heart and made a home there. you became my escape from a life i hated and helped me make a new one. you showed me that there was more to life than what i'd gotten myself into. you listened when no one else did and made me forget about how shitty everything was, even if it was just for a night.

you were a friend when i felt like i had no one.                  you're my best friend.

when i was at my worst, you were there to pick up the pieces. when i was at my best, you were there supporting me. you gave me the one thing i've never had -- you gave me a home. you gave me a place to rest my head, a place to laugh and cry and be angry without judgment. 

sure, we've had our problems, we've yelled and screamed and thrown shit at each other in our anger, but who doesn't? 

no matter what happens, you always come back to me just like i always come back to you and there's no one else i'd rather have fighting by my side. no matter what happens, i'll be there for you, just like you're there for me. 

you always say that you have to protect me. but from now on... let me protect you too.

axel blinks, face wet with tears as he looks down at the paper in his hand. his free hand covers his mouth, muffling the cries that threaten to spill. it's not like anyone is here to hear his cries, but he can't bear to hear them himself. he wishes he'd gotten the chance to say these words to grimmjow, to let him know just how much he cares. god knows they were terrible with words -- never being able to say how they really feel to each other's face. 

but this, this is the rawest axel's ever been. it's a blatant display of just how far he'd go for grimmjow, how devoted he was -- and still is.

take me with you, grimmjow. please.

it'll be dangerous, sure ya wanna do tha'? it ain't gonna be pretty, ax. but i ain't gonna lie -- i'd fuckin' love it if ya came.

this place ain't home without ya, grimm. YOU’RE my home. 

                                       wherever you go, i go.

[destructioniisms]

@imhapanter

He could only start laughing at the punch he received, knocking his face to the side and making him bite his own cheek rather than her lip.

Of course if she’d punched his masked cheek nothing would have come of the punch. He loved that spark that she had though, the fact that she hated his guts but wouldn’t– or possibly couldn’t –push him away.

“Awe, Don’ be like tha’ ‘Tera.” He cooed at her, trying to be as cute as possible as he used the nickname. “I jus’ wanted ta say hi, as ya how yer day was goin’.”

He deserved it, he fucking deserved it. It’s a shame it hadn’t hurt him, or at the very least disorientated him because that would have been sweet revenge. But it seemed that this zanpakuto spirit wasn’t getting what she wanted anytime soon.

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” She’d question, obvious distaste in her tone and she moved away from him just enough so that she didn’t do something she truly regretted. “Like you care how my day was.” You only act like this when there’s something in it for you - and I don’t plan on giving you what you want.

[destructioniisms]

@imhapanter

                            If Pantera were to say that she never YELLED at Grimmjow, she’d be lying. If she said that he didn’t IRRITATE her to the point of wanting to rip out her own hair because that would be LESS painful, she’d also be lying. She may have been his zanpakuto’s spirit, his ever FAITHFUL weapon ( if you will ) but by god sometimes she wanted to just RIP his throat out and be done with him.

--Now was one of those times.

                            “How about instead of just going IN without consulting me like the idiot you ARE, you listen to me for ONCE?” Her voice was raised and rightfully so. Grimmjow could have gotten himself KILLED, he could have gotten HER killed and THAT was what she was most concerned about.

                            “--What the HELL were you thinking? No! Don’t even answer that, I already know the answer! YOU WEREN’T THINKING.”

[iradivinitatis]

It Wasn’t Supposed to Happen Like this || Grimmjow & Saïx ||

@imhapanter

       {☾} – Why was he here again? This. . . insufferable man hung around here almost all the time, even when Axel wasn’t here. It was a real pain. It was going to be a matter of time before Xemnas caught on to what was going on and put an end to this man. Even so. . . he would just let it be. It was not like Grimmjow had stolen his soulmate or anything.

       Nope. Everything was fine. 

       “. . .Axel is out on a mission and will not be back till late tomorrow night. Do you not have somewhere better to be that does not include you sitting around here like a lost mutt?” He spat out, his expression remaining cold.