#imissbeingwithyou

[wordsbykutt-blog]

05:21:34 - Endings.

It’s over. It really is. We have nothing holding us together now. We are no longer linked by any matter except memories and broken dreams. It’s been done for months but now it’s officially over. No reasons to write, text or call. I wished it’d been otherwise... I do. I wonder if you still think of me at times. Do I ever cross your mind? I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re moving on.

I miss you M. I really do.

xx - Always, K.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

I can’t accept that you’d just walk away on me. I can’t accept that you’d just leave me there. I know that you’re hurt. I know that I hurt you. I know I’ve disappointed you. I know I’ve hurt your feelings. I still am... I know all of this. Still, I won’t spend my life without you. I can’t. I’m being selfish. I always am, aren’t I? I’m aware this is very conflicting for you because you also want me in your life, for ever, but as more than a simple friend. The fact that I am unsure of my feelings still does not allow you to leave me, K. You promised you’d stay. We said for ever. We promised, almost nine years ago now, that we’d always have each other’s backs. June 16th 2009, 4:17 AM. Do you remember? I meant every word that morning. We were drunk and broke but I meant it all. Through thick and thin. We swore that we would always be honest, brutally honest when need be. No lies. No more fucking lies. We’re all we have left of before. You and me. Me and you. We’re the only two remaining of the initial 6 pack. We’re all that’s left, K. You’re the only one I can still share the memories with, the good ones and the bad. You’re my best friend, my rock and anchor. I need you and that’s an understatement. You have no idea. I can’t do it without you. You’ve been there 23 years. You know me like no one else does. We’ve been through storms before, this is no different. I promise we’ll make it through this one too. We’ll figure it all out. We may be scratched and bruised by the end of it but we’ll make it through. We always do. Right? Together. Trust me. Do you still trust me? I don’t want to lose another best friend. I can’t. I know I won’t survive it. You know I’m having a hard time with the three words right now because they are heavier with meaning but K, I love you. I swear. I always have and always will. Those feelings have taken different shapes throughout the years but have always been there. They always will be there. Why do you think I care so much? I’m just scared to commit. Losing my best friend is one thing. Losing the love of my life is another. I couldn’t bear losing both. I can’t do it. I’m sorry K. Can you please stay though? Don’t leave me...

[wordsbykutt-blog]

03:05:02 - 24 years old feels lonely without you ...

Happy birthday Kutt. Make a wish.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

6:21:54 - Had someone told me, after the last time I saw you, that this is how it'd end I wouldn't have believed them

But look at us now... Strangers.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

I shouldn't have wrote

It's got me waiting all over again... I miss you M. I wish we were more than strangers with memories.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

Hope less / Hopeless

Just waiting on that familiar notification sound. You were the only one who'd send me messages. I think silence is the worse especially since I know it won't be broken. Unlike me. I miss you M.

xx - K.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

M.L

Hey M., I’ve heard you are seeing someone else, which is fine, but I am not sure where I should stand in all of this and I am not sure I want this for myself. If we are meant to meet again I believe we will. For now, I wish you the best. You deserve it.

[wordsbykutt-blog]

"You've made your choice, and there's nothing I can do " she said. " I don't think you want me in your life anymore, and I have to find a way to live with that. You said you would still be there for me, but I don't want to be a mere courtesy - a salve for your guilt. You won't hear from me again after today, and I don't want you to worry. I'll be okay. Because I have to be." - Lang Leav

I gave you a chance. One more. One last. My sad conclusion is that I don't think you care for me as much as I do for you. I don't think you wanted this as much as I did. You were never as interested, as serious or as involved. I think we both believed in it for a time. Then, I think you were trying to convince yourself and failed while I was falling for it.

I'll be okay. I always am in time. Don't go worrying. You lost that right the moment you started letting me go.

Thank you for the memories. I wish we had more.

You will never know just how much I like you.

xxx - K.