#impact review

[hazyheel]

Impact Wrestling 10/4/19 Review

This was a good episode, but not overly so. There wasn’t a whole lot of forward momentum going into Bound for Glory, they are mostly just hitting on a couple story beats over and over again. However, in a couple stories, we are getting some interesting interaction, and some good matches. The card is shaping up nicely, and I’m looking forward to the the big show. Should be pretty exciting. Here is my full review of Impact Wrestling.

Madison Rayne vs. Tenille Dashwood vs. Kiera Hogan: Dashwood tried to start things out with a quick victory, but Hogan and Rayne quickly started to work together. Dashwood and Hogan fought a bit, with Dashwood nailing a butterfly suplex. For a 1 count. Rayne then hopped on Dashwoods back and held her in place for a superkick from Hogan. Once again, the heels teamed up on Dashwood. Dashwood fought back a bit, throwing Hogan to the outside before locking in an interesting submission on Rayne, only for Hogan to break it up. Once again, the two beat down Dashwood with some really good low dropkicks and moves of the such. They then took the match to the outside, until Dashwood dodged a tope suicida from Hogan that took out Rayne. Dashwood fought her went back into the ring with a neckbreaker through the ropes on Hogan, but Rayne pulled her out of the pin. Rayne and Hogan started to argue about the miscommunication from earlier in the match. They set Dashwood up in the corner, and were arguing about who was going to deliver the superplex. As they argued, Dashwood smacked their heads together, which made Hogan fall off. She then was able to give Rayne a powerbomb onto Hogan, but they all kciked out. She locked Hogan in a Tarantula, before giving Rayne a drop toehold into Hogan, and then both of them a Taste of Tenille. Once again, the heels teamed up on Dashwood, but they argued some more, until Dashwood pushed Rayne into Hogan to send Hogan out of the ring. Dashwood rolled up Rayne for a 2 count before hitting the Spotlight for the win. 

Grade: B-. A fun little story here, with Dashwood needing to overcome two dysfunctional heels. It was good, they had a pretty fun match that I liked a lot. Good stuff to open things up. Dashwood continues to impress. 

Eddie Edwards and Tommy Dreamer Backstage: Eddie told Dreamer that he needed a lot of help, and Dreamer told him that he needs professional help. Eddie claimed that RENO SCUM drugged him. Dreamer told him that he would always have Eddie’s back, but turns out, Edwards was talking to Kenny the Kendo Stick. Ugh. Wasn’t Eddie Edwards kinda badass a few years ago? Like when he feuded with Davey Richards, and when he later teamed with Davey Richards? I wish I could see more of that Eddie Edwards rather than this “I’m so wacky” guy. Reminds me of Dean Ambrose, when he should be more of a Jon Moxley. 

Johnny Swinger vs. Owen Travis: Owen Travis was a jobberThe two locked up right away, with Swinger overpowering the poor local guy a few times. He then started to give him falling headbutts into the nether regions of Travis, followed by an eye, back and chest rake. Travis started to fight back a bit, but Swinger nailed a huge swinging neckbreaker for the win.

Grade: C+. Haha, Swinger was actually pretty funny. I didn’t mind his stuff, and I thought the swinging neckbreaker looked pretty good. Swinger looks fine, so I’m giving this the normal squash rating. 

The North Interview: The two said that they are going to prove themselves as the best tag team in the world after they beat Willie Mack and Rich Swann, but they then found out that it’ll be a three way also against RVD and Rhino. 

Tessa Blanchard interview:  She claimed that Callihan has been attacking people on purpose, and said that everyone in Impact has a target on their back. This was a pretty intense promo, but I kinda got interrupted in the middle of it so I didn’t hear everything. 

Impact Plus moment of the Week: Robert Roode vs. Kurt Angle at an old Bound for Glory. Looked pretty good. 

Ace Austin and Alisha Edwards Backstage: Austin was being really like “nice guy” towards Alisha. He said that Eddie might be dealing with some substance abuse problems, and said that he was only a call away if she needs him. He has experience dealing with friends who has problems like this, so he will be willing to help wherever he can. He is a really good heel. 

Eddie Edwards and Kenny vs. RENO SCUM: Eddie tied Kenny to the tag rope, and started things out against Adam Thornstowe. The two exchanged huge shots back in forth, before Edwards nailed a huge overhead suplex. Luster the Legend then tagged in, and he wanted Kenny. As Eddie went to do it, but Luster attacked him from behind. The two then brawled a bit, and Reno Scum started to take control with some huge to the head. Eddie then nailed a huge blue thunder bomb, but Luster grabbed his leg before he could get the hot tag to Kenny. Eddie evnetually got the hot tag to Kenny, and Eddie took control by just smacking them around with the Kendo stick. Eddie then nailed a tope suicida to Luster. Reno Scum then pulled Eddie and Kenny into the ring, and slammed Eddie into the mat. Thornstowe then went for a splash, but Eddie got his knees up. He then smacked Luster off the top with Kenny, before nailing Thornstowe with the Boston Knee Party and the win.

Grade: C-. This was dumb, really really dumb. But unfortunately, it was also really fun, mostly due to the completely idiotic commentary from a confused Josh Matthews and Don Callis, who constantly tried to pretend that Kenny was an actual wrestler. Before the tope suicida, Eddie threw Kenny out of the ring, which commentary called a tope con hilo. So yeah, that was funny, but this was a largely stupid match. Which sucks because Reno Scum looked really good. 

The North Backstage: They went into the back and confronted Konnan. Konnan took a swig of tequila and the door closed. 

Konnan Backstage: Konnan was lying on the floor of the room that he was in, and a bunch of people were yelling for help. 

OvE Promo: Security surrounded the ring, and Sami Callihan defended his actions from last week. He said that it was an accident, and a tragedy. He then read an apology off a sheet of paper. In the middle of the apology, Brian Cage ran down to the ring, and took out security to get there. He gave Jake Crist a powerbomb on the apron, a F5 to Dave Crist, and a chokeslam to madman Fulton. Callihan ran through the crowd, and as Cage started to chase after him, a fan grabbed him and he pulled him over the barricade and slammed him. Some officials yelled at Cage as he apologized, and Cage got arrested. 

Grade: B.  I actually kinda liked this. It was intense, it was cool, and it showed Cage kinda losing it. I don’t think he needed to be arrested, there could’ve just been consequences from Impact management. But yeah, this was cool. I’m into Cage getting super pissed and kicking the crap out of anyone in his way. He is awesome. 

Daga vs. Chris Bey to qualify for the X-Division Ladder Match: Jake Crist was out on commentary, and Jake and Don made fun of Matthews a whole bunch. The two started out quickly, nailing some huge flying and kicks, only really stopping after Daga hit a tope suicida on Bey. Daga then took control with a snap vertical suplex. He kept up the pressure with a superman forearm into the corner and then a shining wizard for a near fall. Bey then took control with a rewind kick, and nailed a huge tope con hilo. As they went back in the ring, Bey hit a huge slingshot DDT, but still only got a near fall. Daga then put Bey in the corner, and kicked out his leg to crotch him on the middle rope, before hitting a huge Lungblower. Bey fought back with a huge back kick and an awesome flying crucifix bomb for a close near fall, but he recovered quickly and hit an avalanche Spanish fly. Daga got the win with a butterfly facebuster to the knees. 

After the match, Daga and Jake argued a bit, until Dave ran out and they beat down Daga together. As they fought, Blanchard ran out and made the save.

Also, on commentary during this match, Matthews took a shot at Chris Jericho for having an ugly scarf. 

Grade: B. Pretty good stuff. Lots of flying and back and forth, but not really enough selling or storytelling for my taste. There is such a thing as too fast, especially if they aren’t telling a real story during the match. They could’ve done better, but they still put on a really good match. Chris Bey is going places, he will be big. 

Fallah Bahh and TJP backstage: TJP said that he thinks that he has a good game plan, and tried to get Bahh to give him some advice, but he couldn’t. He then told an interviewer that, although he is a Cruiserweight, he is confident for this match. 

Moose and Ken Shamrock Press Conference: Moose called MMA barbaric and completely without skill. But he then brought in a UFC trainer so he can get some of that barbarism. He said that he will beat Shamrock, and Shamrock came to him, not the other way around. Shamrock then confronted him, and said that he will beat Moose because he isn’t attacking him from behind this time. They squared up for a photo, where they insulted each other until Moose took a cheap shot. It was cool, I liked it. 

Grade: B+. This was a good segment, and since there wasn’t much going on this epsiode, I’m gonna grade it. Both guys were super intense, and were great at the MMA press conference jaw jacking. Good stuff that built well to the match. They are doing great with this build. 

Jessica Havok and Father Mitchell Outside: The Father was arguing with Havok for trying to kill Su Yung. He screamed at her for the attack, until Taya Valkyrie asked them to take out Tenille Dashwood for her, and if Havok did it, she’d get the championship match at Bound for Glory. They said no. Honestly it was a stupid idea anyway, because Havok is waaaaaaay bigger than Tenille.

Michael Elgin vs. TJP: TJP tried to start out with some quick dropkicks,put Elgin avoided them. He ate a few strikes here and there, before he started to overpower TJP. TJP started to look for the kneebar, and worked over the knee as the match rolled on. Elgin took control after a huge shoulder tackle, and kept it up with some huge powermoves, until TJP retreated to the outside. TJP was able to snap the arm, before trying to lock in some more submissions, and we cut to commercial. When we came back, Elgin was rocking TJP with strike after strike, but TJP was able to get some nice counters in here and there. He low bridged Elgin to the outside and tried for a cannonball, but Elgin caught him and powerbombed him onto the apron. Elgin kept control, and started to counter TJP’s counters, such as when he had TJP in an electric chair, but he dropped him down for a bridging suplex and a two count. Elgin tried for a deadlift superplex, but TJP countered with a springboard super rana. TJP then lit up Elgin with various strikes and a springboard forearm. He then kicked Elgin into a 619 position, gave him a dropkick and then a splash for a near fall, but he reversed the kick out into a Fujiwara arm bar. Elgin tried for a flying ensiguri, but TJP dodged and tried for an armbar, but Elgin just powered him up for a huge powerbomb, followed by an awesome lariat for only a 2 count. Elgin tried for the Elgin bomb, but TJP countered into a rana. TJP then went for tope suicida, but Elgin caught him right into a powerslam, which looked awesome. Elgin then hit the deadlift super falcon arrow, but TJP still kicked out. Elgin then looked for a huge lariat, but TJP countered with a Cross armbreaker. Elgin nearly made the ropes, so TJP pulled him back into the ring, only for Elgin to then counter the cross armbreaker into a buckle bomb. He followed that up with a huge backfist and a spinning Elgin Bomb for the win. 

Grade: B+. Really good match. This was more competitive than I thought it was going to be, with TJP getting a huge amount of quick offense. Elgin was mostly powering through moves here, although he hit some awesome strikes. Good match with the right winner. Hopefully TJP breaks into the X-Division soon, because he’d make an awesome champion. And that dream match will probably be as awesome as they are advertising. Match of the night. 

Melissa Santos bailing out Brian Cage: Sami Callihan confronted Santos outside of the prison. Callihan told her that the attack was an accident, and blamed Cage for attacking him. However, he said that he really liked hitting her with the bottle, and then left. 

Overall Grade: B-

Pros: daga vs. bey; press conference; main event

Cons: kenny as a tag team partner, ugh

[hazyheel]

Impact Wrestling 9/27/19 Review

This was not a very good episode. The matches were quite bland, nothing really kicked into a second gear, and the whole thing was centered around a wedding angle that wasn’t very well done. Sure, there were a couple results that have implications on Bound for Glory, so at least we are having forward progression in the storyline, but it wasn’t the best journey there. Impact can do better than this, I know they can. Here is my full review of this weeks impact wrestling.

The North Promo: When the North came out, they were out to LAX’s music and danced around a bit, which made the crowd super mad. Ethan Page put himself over a bit, and Josh Alexander talked crap about LAX, saying that they were losers, and even dressing up as them was embarrassing. They then said that they will be the longest reigning tag team champions of all time, and they will forget all about LAX. They said that no matter how much power Konnan has, Santana and Ortiz aren’t coming back. Konnan then came out, but Alexander and Page continued to taunt him. Konnan then called them bitches and glory holes. Page told him that they only looked like bitches because they were dressed like his boys. Konnan then said that they were bush league, and they would never be stars. He told them that he has plenty of friends backstage, and they want a piece of the North. Page and Alexander said that they were still the best, and Rob Van Dam and Rhino came out. 

The North vs. Rob Van Dam & Rhino: Konnan was in the ECW Legend’s corner. The match started up after a commercial, and RVD was in control of Page. He hit Rolling Thunder, before quickly tagging out to Rhino. Rhino then lit up Page with strikes and chops, before tagging back out to RVD. The North took control after Alexander got involved illegally on the apron. The North then beat down RVD with various power moves and some illegal shots. RVD eventually started to fight back, and nailed Page with a kick to the face, before giving Rhino the hot tag. Rhino destroyed Page with huge lariats, and even a few suplexes thrown in for flavor. As they fought, Page was able to score a superkick to take down Rhino. RVD Then ran over to brawl with Page, and they both went out over the top rope. As the ref was checking on Page on the outside, Alexander tried to hit Rhino with a tag team championship belt, but Konnan moved to stop him. They had a bit of a tug of war, and when Alexander won, but Rhino nailed a Gore, and RVD came off the top rope with a 5 Star Frog Splash for the win. 

Grade: C. The match was alright, I wasn’t super into it. There was a bit of back and forth, but nothing really too exciting. Although it is interesting for the ECW guys to get the win. That should rocket them into tag team championship territory. I did like the pre match promo though. Page can talk, and I really like his stuff. They ruined LAX here, as they probably should. I like the North the more I listen to them talk, and while I think they are good in the ring, I’m gonna need a better match than this to impress me. 

The Desi Hit Squad Backstage: Gama Singh yelled at his boys for losing to the Deaners, and said that they forced him to bring in Shera. He told them not to lose anymore. He told them that they are replaceable, and that they had to start to step up their performances. 

Shera vs. Cousin Jake: Gama Singh gave him a big introduction. Singh and the rest of the Desi Hit Squad cornered Shera, while Cody Deaner was in Jake’s corner. Shera started things out with some huge shoulder tackles, but Jake qucikly fought back with some of his own. He took control for a bit, but Rohit Roju caused a distraction, so Shera took it right back. He started to beat on Jake with some tough strikes and throws. Cody got invovled a it when Shera taunted him on the outside, but that allowed Jake to some hits in, before Shera nailed a spinebuster and a powerslam for the win. 

After the match, Cody and Shera started to fight a bit, but Rohit and Raj quickly ran into help their cohort. Shera nailed him with a powerslam, and the three posed. 

Grade: C+. Fine match, but mostly a squash. 

Madison Rayne vs. Tenille Dashwood: The two started with some grappling, and a lot of jaw jacking. The second that Dashwood started to get the advantage, Rayne immediately went to the ropes. Rayne tried to mimic Dashwood’s taunt, but that only made Dashwood mad, and she picked the leg to take her down. At one point, Rayne tried to walk out of the match, but Dashwood grabbed her and threw her back in the ring. The two continued to go back and forth, until Rayne hit a backcracker and took control back for herself. Dashwood was able to score a school girl at one point, but Rayne quickly fought back and even yelled at an old lady in the crowd. Rayne even hit a ripcord cutter, but only got a near fall. Rayne then went for a neckbreaker, but Dashwood dodged it and hit Taste of Tenille for a near fall. The two then fought with some big strikes and kicks, with Tenille taking her down with a huge lariat. Rayne then nailed a step up ensiguri and then a northern lights suplex for a near fall. They continued to fight, and Dashwood was able to hit a neckbreaker, followed by spotlight for the win. 

Grade: C. An okay match, but there wasn’t a lot of urgency here. They often whiffed a lot of their moves, and they didn’t tell a story. Just not a very strong match. I think they can do better. 

Ken Shamrock promo: He started out by talking about his memories in this company, such as winning the World Championship. He thanked the fans for their support, and then said that he was talking to Brian Cage a while back. He said that while they were talking, Moose came in and started to brag about himself. Shamrock said that he hadn’t heard of Moose, and he wanted to shut him up. He said that Moose wasn’t here tonight, and he was pissed that he couldn’t have a confrontation. He said that he was going to beat Moose until he was begging t be put down. Moose then showed up on the tron, and he was in Shamrock’s old gym. Moose said that he wasn’t scared of Shamrock. He told Shamrock that he will beat Shamrock in their “dream match.” Moose then hopped in an octogon, and beat up the two guys sparring inside. 

Grade: B-. I wasn’t a huge fan of Shamrock’s stuff here, because he sorta said the same few things over and over. But the crowd seemed keen on him destroying Moose, so they were definitely on his side here. I liked Moose’s stuff, because he is a shockingly good heel on the mic, and the fact that he beat up some guys in the octogon makes me think that this match may be a Lion’s Den match, which will definitely be interesting. But this promo didn’t get me super excited. Maybe their further interactions will. 

Taya Valkyrie and Rosemary Backstage: Valkyrie was complaining about how Rosemary wouldn’t return her calls, and then complained about how Tenille Dashwood is number one contender. She wanted Rosemary to take Dashwood out in exchange for a future title shot, but Rosemary proceeded to insult her a whole bunch for being a coward. She told Valkyrie that she had to regain her warrior attitude, otherwise they will never work together again. Valkyrie walked away confused, only to come back and give Rosemary a dress for the wedding. Taya is annoying, but I guess that’s the point.

Impact Plus Flashback of the Week: The wedding between ODB and Eric Young. Fun. 

Dave Crist vs. Tessa Blanchard to qualify for the X-Division Championship Ladder match: Madman Fulton and Jake Crist were in Dave’s corner here. The two started fighting the second that Blanchard got in the ring. The two traded strikes back and forth, with Dave trying to take out the knee. Blanchard quickly put Dave over the top rope and gave Fulton a wrecking ball dropkick. Fulton tried to beat the crap out of Blanchard, but Jake held him back. The ref then threw Fulton out, as Blanchard dodged a chop from Dave that sent his hand into the post. At one point, Blanchard tried to run the ropes, but Jake tripped her up, allowing Dave to attack and take control with some more strikes. Jake got involved a bit as Dave distracted the ref. Blanchard tried to fight back, but Dave put her down and spat in her face. That made Blanchard super pissed and she launched Dave into the ropes, nailed a single leg dropkick to the back, kneed him in the face on the apron, and then botched a sunset flip off the top for a near fall. They continued to fight, and Dave hit a spin out GTS for a near fall. At one point, Tessa crotched Dave on the top and went for Magnum, but Dave countered and put her on the mat. Blanchard then dodged a double foot stomp, and nailed the Buzzsaw DDT for the win. 

After the match, Jake tried to attack, but Blanchard put him down. Madman Fulton then ran back out fought with Blanchard. Tessa was able to fight him off for a bit, but Fulton gave her a huge chokeslam to put her down for good. 

Grade: B-. This wasn’t given as much time as it should have, but it was still pretty good. Blanchard has a lot of fire, and has pretty good chemistry with everyone in OvE, and I’m happy to see this storyline continue. Even though this match wasn’t the greatest on account of the lack of time and not much urgency, I still liked it. Match of the night. 

Brian Cage & Melissa Santos Wedding: All night, we saw various people showing up to the wedding and a few shenanigans. Gail Kim showed up, Eddie Edwards got drunk, Willie Mack and Rich Swann argued with RVD about who would be the #1 contender to the Impact Tag Team Championships, Sami Callihan and OvE got turned away at the door, Swann argued with Dreamer about what marriage meant, and Valkyrie once again tried to people to take out Dashwood. Right before the wedding started, Alisha Edwards couldn’t find Eddie. Rayne told her to do better in keeping track of Eddie, and Ace Austin came down and offered to walk down with her instead. Before the ceremony, we saw a bunch of the stars doing their thing. I was especially happy to see the Rascalz desperately trying not to show that they have been smoking. Taya made a big deal out of Rosemary not wearing the dress that she’d picked out, but Rosemary wasn’t having it. Dreamer gave Melissa away, which was cute. As the minister (who I think was Brian’s brother Ryan) asked if anyone had anything to say, Taya decided to talk about how awesome the bachelorette party was from last week, and then she said that this wedding sucked and she heeled on the wedding. Ethan Page then objected to the wedding, and heeled on the company for not treating the wrestlers right. Page said that he wanted more money, and tried to start a union. And as they were about to proceed to the actual wedding, Eddie Edwards stumbled in and threw up on the priest, before hitting him as he was aiming for Ace Austin. Dreamer then told him to leave, and begged for anyone to be able to do the wedding. That minister guy who hangs out with Rosemary did it (I don’t know everyone in the company yet), and was super creepy as he was officiating. He did marry them, and they kissed. 

After coming back from commercial, we had the reception in the ring. They went around the ring and hugged people and stuff, and then the two got in the ring. They danced together in their “first dance”, and I was just impatiently waiting for something to happen at this point. As they danced, Sami Callihan came out singing in a mocking way. He congratulated them, and said that he was there to party. He said that he was happy for them, but said that he was hurt by getting turned away at the door. Callihan then said that he wanted Cage to train for their Bound for Glory match. He wants to beat the Machine, not a has been. He toasted them, and called Cage a bitch. Cage then took a swing, which Callihan ducked, and then tried to swing at Cage with his bottle. Cage ducked the shot, and Santos took the bottle to the face. 

Grade: C-. Was this really the best way to build to their match? Probably not. But I can’t really bring myself to lower it because, while there were a lot of stupid jokes and segments as part of the wedding, I largely enjoyed it. Their wasn’t a giant brawl at the ceremony like I’d hoped, but this was good enough. I probably would have bumped this up to a C if Callihan hadn’t been so apologetic for nailing Melissa with the bottle. If he is a sadistic pyscho, why does he care that he hit her with a bottle? It doesn’t really seem to be in his character. He isn’t one of those heels that has a moral compass in the end, he is supposed to be evil. I didn’t like that he was apologizing, because he would’ve been more menacing if he didn’t say sorry. Not the greatest way to close things out, but the actual spot was cool. Nice selling Melissa.

Overall Grade: C

Pros: Blanchard vs. Dave Crist; Santos took that bottle to the face like a champ

Cons: The North vs. Rhino & RVD; Rayne vs. Dashwood; the wedding

[hazyheel]

Impact Wrestling 9/20/19 Review

This is my first impact review in a while, so I’m glad I caught LAX’s going away show. They are a great team and will always be extremely important to this company. I’m happy to see their work be acknowledged as they move on to AEW. Other than that, the show was kinda boring, but there were some fun segments here and there. I love Impact’s way of putting the packages together, they are quite fun. Here is my review of this week’s Impact.

LAX Video Package:  It was a pretty simple tribute package that recapped what they have done in the tag division. It was touching and nice. They showed some highlights of their career throughout the night. 

OvE vs. Tessa Blanchard, Rob Van Dam, Rhino and Tommy Dreamer in Street Fight: Everyone immediately started to brawl when they got in the ring, with Van Dam and Sami Callihan brawling in the ring. Van Dam hit some of his signature offense and the two rolled to the outside. Blanchard and Dave Crist fought then, with Blanchard hitting a lungblower in the corner and then a suicide dive. Jake Crist started to fight Dreamer, but Dreamer caught him and hit a powerslam. Madman Fulton then kicked Dreamer out of the ring and started to go strike for strike with Rhino. Jake Crist then helped to take Rhino down, before Fulton launched him out of the ring in a tope con hilo. Dreamer then climbed to the top rope and gave the whole crowd of competitors a nervous splash. RVD followed suit, which just left Blanchard and Callihan in the ring together. Blanchard then took him down quickly, nailing a cutter to put him on the outside, and then climbing to the tope rope. Callihan met her up there and superplexed her onto a pile of competitors on the outside. Calliahn then rolled Rhino back in, and the two traded suplexes and spinebusters, with Rhino coming out on top. Jake took him out with a series of kicks, Dreamer took out jake with a bionic elbow, Dave took out Dreamer with a clothesline, RVD nailed him with a huge kick, before Fulton ran in and nailed a tilt a whirl flatliner, but Blanchard broke it up. Fulton started to fight Blanchard, with the knockout coming out on top, but they quickly took her back down with an elevated cutter from Fulton and Jake. Dreamer then introduced a kendo stick and cleared the ring, before setting up a table in the corner. Before Rhino and Dreamer could put Jake through it, Callihan gave them both a low blow, and tried to put Dreamer through the table, but Dreamer countered with a groin claw. Jake then nailed Dreamer with a superkick, only to get caught with a gore through the table. RVD then nailed a frog splash, and Blanchard locked in a crossface with a kendo stick to make Jake tap out.

Grade: B-. This was non stop action. Everyone was flying around the ring, hitting bit moves and it was fun. It didn’t quite get into B territory, but it was still very enjoyable. OvE are awesome, as is Blanchard, so I’m not surprised they put on a fun match. The ECW guys also put on a good show, and even though they just sorta hit their big moves, that was enough. Fun stuff. 

Ace Austin and Alisha Edwards backstage: Austin told Alisha Edwards that we would be with her no matter what, and that he’d always be there for her. Then he asked where Eddie was, and she didn’t know. She then walked away, with Austin looked knowingly into the camera. Fun times. 

The North Backstage: The two said they were celebrating LAX leaving Impact. They said that it was a party, and forced Josh Alexander to wear a hat, much to his dismay. They said they were gonna have a fiesta, and left to party. I dunno if that is in their character, but it seemed dumb to me. 

Alisha Edwards vs. Taya Valkyrie: They started things off with some trash talk, but Valkyrie quickly threw Edwards to the mat and started to pound on her. It wasn’t long into the match when a doctor pushed Austin out to the ring to watch the match. Valkyrie constantly tried to score the pin, over and over again, looking almost desperate. Edwards fought back, nailing a corner dropkick, a ripcord lariat, and a flatliner, but Johnny Bravo pulled Edwards out of the ring. Austin then stood right up out of the wheelchair, and hit a a shining wizard on the apron to take Bravo out of the match, before quickly getting back into the chair and putting the sling back on. As he did, Valkyrie nailed her finish and got the win. 

Grade: C-. Yeah, you know the match and story is bad when the only highlight that is shown is of a brawl at ringside. Valkyrie looked good at times, but this was largely nothing special. 

The North Backstage again: They went around putting hats on people, just being annoying and dicks. They were good at it though. They confronted Rhino and RVD, but Rhino ripped their pinata apart, and they walked away. RVD said that he liked to party, and Rhino just said he wanted the fucking candy. This wasn’t good, although they are charasmatic enough to make it watchable. 

Shera vs. Cody Deaner: The Desi Hit Squad and jake were in their respective corners. Shera quickly just threw Cody all over the ring. Cody tried to fight back with some strikes, and even gave the rest of the Desi hit squad a suicide dive. Cody then hung Shera up on the top rope, and went for a splash, but Shera caught him and nailed a chokeslam. Shera then picked Cody up and hit a slam for the win.

Grade: C+. Squizzity squizzity squash.

The Rascalz vs. Arez, Australian Suicide and Toxin: The match started quickly when every member of the rascalz nailed moonsaults and then triple suicide dives on the luchadores. Trey started things out against, but Toxin quickly came in to nail a brainbuster. Dez then ran in for a bulldog and a senton, only for Arez to hit a titl a whirl backbreaker. Wentz then ran in for a corkscrew senton, but Suicide nailed him with some amazing flying moves. Arez then hit a suicide dive, Toxin went for a suicide moonsault, but the Rasclz caught him, only for Suicide to hit a shooting star press to the outisde.  Everyone started to scramble in and hit big moves, and the Rasclaz hit the pushed moonsault for the win. 

Grade: C+. Lots of quick moves and high spots, but they went too fast to really appreciate it. You never knew who to look at or who to follow, and they didn’t give the match long enough to develop. But the right guys won and looked good doing it. I didn’t get much of a sense for the luchadores, because I haven’t seen them before and they weren’t talked about enough to really stand out. They looked fine though. Just not enough substance for me. 

Moose segment: He talked a whole bunch of crap to Ken Shamrock. He was mostly walking around and trying to get shot inMexico city.Then he just attacked three dudes on the street. He said he was the world’s most dangerous man, and stood tall over three random dudes. 

Brian Cage Bachelor Party teaser: Rich Swann, Tommy Dreamer and Brian Cage said that they were going to cheat tonight. How fun. They cut away before anything happened, so I don’t think that this was the actual segment. 

Tenille Dashwood Interview: She said that she hadn’t fought many of the knockouts, so she showed up to do so. She said that she really wanted to fight Madison Rayne, Tessa Blanchard and Taya Valkyrie. She said that she wanted to make sure the spotlight is on her, and will do so by taking the opportunities that were so held back from her. 

Jessica Havok vs. Su Yung in a No Disqualification match: Havok attacked Su Yung during the entrance, and started to run her around into the apron and the barricade. Havok quickly tried to go for the staple gun, but Su Yung bit her hand and started to shower Havok with kicks and knees for a near fall. The two fought back to the outside, with Havok getting control right back. At one point, we saw Yung walk along be barricade, but Havok pulled her off and into the barricade as well. Havok then introduced a ladder, which Yung set up in the corner, before nailing a hangman’s pedigree for a near fall. Yung then ran Havok into a chair in the corner, before stapling her leg and chest with a staple gun, followed by a somersault senton. Yung then donned the bloody glove, but Havok fought back with a trio of kicks to the face. Havok then picked Yung up and hit the tombstone. 

After the match, Yung gave Havok the mandible claw, before throwing her into the ladder and dropping it on Havoks head. Yung grabbed another chair that she threw into Havok’s face. Back on the outside, Havok pushed Yung to the top of the ramp, and they exchanged forearms, before spilling into the back and continuing the brawl. They smashed each other’s faces into the walls and stairs and stuff, and fought up some of the stairs, where Havok hung Yung.

Grade: D+. Bad. Very slow. The stuff after actually kinda improved it for me, even though it was kinda dumb. The match sucked though, Havok didn’t impress me at all and I’m pretty sure Su Yung can do better. Just bad and disappointing. Also, someone got hung! And I thought Lucha Underground got cancelled. 

Bachelor and Bachelorette parties: Valkyrie poured herself a drink and was being loud and annoying. She toasted herself, but the rest of the group toasted Melissa. Then Joey Ryan showed up as a policeman stripper and danced around. He poured champaign all over himself and gave Melissa a lap dance. At the Bachelor party, Swann, Cage and Dreamer made a bunch of sex jokes, but turns out that the cheating was cheating on his diet. Har dee har.

Johnny Swinger package: a guy walked around a city sounding like a douchebag. I guess that he is debuting next week. 

Willie Mack & Rich Swann vs. LAX: The match started out with a respectful handshake, and everyone just soaked in the crowd for a bit. Santana and Swann started things out with some fast paced mat wrestling, with each guy making an awesome escape and cartwheeling out of ranas. The two wrestled for a long time, going counter for counter until Santana tackled Swann into the LAX corner and gave Ortiz the tag in. Swann then rolled back into his corner and tagged in Mack, who took on Ortiz. Mack then took chop after chop from LAX in the corner, and actually go a cool spear and lariat combo on Ortiz after escaping. Mack then picked up the speed and took out Ortiz with a tackle, samoan drop and a moonsault for a near fall. Mack and Swann continued to beat down Ortiz, who only fought back a bit as they fought. Ortiz nearly got a hot tag after a huge lariat to Swann, but Mack tagged in and took Santana off the apron. Ortiz then gave Mack a huge DDT, and Santana got the hot tag. Lax then went through a whole complicated sequence before giving Swann a neckbreaker on the knee. Santana then went to the top, but Mack caught him and Swann gave him a crucifix neckbreaker for a near fall. Everyone was in the ring and hit huge moves one after another, leaving everyone down. LAX then hit a huge combo, a powerbomb from Ortiz and then a powerbomb onto Ortiz’s knees from Santana, but Mack broke it up. LAX were going to go for their finish, but Swann got an ensiguri and then a rana off the top, followed by a huge frog splash from Mack for a super close near fall. Santana then desperately fought off both men with slaps, only for Mack and Swann to hit double superkicks. They then showered Santana with kicks, taking him down with a handspring cutter, a stunner, a 450 and the frog splash for the win. 

After the match, everyone came out to the ring and gave Ortiz and Santana hugs. Konan got his fair share of hugs too. It was emotional, and they were treated like the legends and heroes that they are. Congratulations, Ortiz and Santana. Go on to bigger things, and kill it in the mainstream crowd. You will always be remembered as some of the guys who put impact on the map during these years. Good luck and Godspeed. 

Grade: B+. This was the sendoff that LAX deserved. The closing stretch was actually awesome, and this tag match was a great way to send the champs off. Swann and Mack were exciting babyfaces that looked great in the ring with them, and they put on a really good main event that was so fast paced I could hardly keep up. Of course, LAX went out on their back and that is the right way to go. They lost a really good match, and the sendoff afterwards was emotional and good. Match of the night. 

Su Yung in the hospital: Su Yung died in the hospital, but then she sat up. They seriously ended on this rather than the heartwarming shots of LAX leaving the company? Ugh. 

Overall Grade: C

Pros: main event

Cons: edwards vs. valkyrie; no dq match

[hazyheel]

Impact Wrestling Rebellion 2019 Review

Night began with a six man scramble. We had Petey Williams, Jake Crist, Aiden Prince, Ace Austin, Cousin Jake, and Eddie Edwards. No real reward for winning here, but it would be a big victory. The announcers seemed to be implying that this match would be important in the X-Division. The big spots started right out of the gate, with Crist intercepting Austin’s suicide dive with a cutter onto a pile of opponents. Crist was actually all over the place, drilling people with huge DDT’s and cutters all over the place. Austin as well was flying around with well placed kicks to all of his opponents. Jake was the powerhouse of the match, coming in to deliver huge power moves when the action was low. The finish came very quickly, with Williams hitting Jake with a Canadian destroyer, but Austin slid in and rolled up Williams for the win.

Grade: C-. Fine match, very spotty, not really long enough. Jake Crist and Ace Austin really shined, but everyone else felt very left out. Prince and Edwards in particular only really got one spot each, with Edwards hitting a tiger driver and Prince hitting a 450. The physicality of the match may be enough for some people to put it on the positive side, but they just didn’t give it enough time, nor was there much of a story here. A couple side stories converged here, especially between Austin and Williams, but we didn’t need this many people in a match to further that story. If you are gonna book a match with this many people, then you need to give it ample time. There was less than 6 minutes here, so each wrestler literally had less than a minute to do something memorable. That would be impossible. This match was doomed from the start.

Then there was an ad for Impact+, a new streaming service. Very exciting.

Next was another new match on the card, Scarlet Bordeaux vs Rohit Raju. This was a pretty basic inter gender match, with Raju being a dick and not taking her seriously. Raju had the win early on with a snap suplex, but he pulled her back off the mat. Not long after, Bordeaux was able to lock in a cross face, with Raju nearly tapping out but powered out of the hold. Scarlet was able to get the win after hitting a low blow while Fallah Bahh distracted the ref, and then a package pildriver for the win.

Grade: D. Bordeaux really isn’t all that good, and this match was so easily telegraphed that I called her getting a win with a low blow from the beginning. Raju did his best selling and such, but this match was heavily held back by its own “gimmick.” Not really worth watching.

Into the 6-man tag, Moose and The North against the Rascalz. Page and Alexander were actually cheered as they entered, possibly because of their affiliation with Canada. Heels has a huge size advantage. Rascalz started out with some high flying teamwork, hitting senton after senton to Moose, before Moose destroyed them after a kip up. Dez was destroyed for much of the beginning, but when they got the offense they hit some killer offense. Page was taken out after being hit with a pushed moonsault off the stage from Wentz. Moose then caught a suicide dive from Trey, powerbombing him into the barricade, before Dez came flying in with a senton, jumping off the back of Alexander on the stage. The Rascalz hit a series of offense of the top rope, only for Page to break it up with a crucifix bomb. Alexander then threw Wentz out of the ring onto Trey. Dez continued to get destroyed, being hit with a superkick, forearm, and then a pump kick. The North then destroyed him with an assisted fireman’s slam, and then a spear from moose for the win.

Grade: B+. This is how to have a flippy sprint of a match. Everyone had a chance to shine, with the Rascalz showing some of their high flying prowess, and the heels showing how good they could be in a prominent pay per view spot. Makes sense for the heels to pick up the win, builds up a new tag team and a new challenger for the world championship. I liked this a lot.

In an interview, Johnny Impact and Taya Valkyrie bullied Melissa Santos, and ultimately said that they would destroy their opponents. Simple stuff, but Santos is an awesome interviewer. She gives me Renee Young vibes, and hopefully she becomes just as big.

Into the Knockouts championship match, Jordynne Grace against Valkyrie. Grace attacked right at the bell, immediately dropping Valkyrie onto the apron twice for a near fall. Valkyrie targetted Grace’s arm throughout the match. Grace started to fight back, hitting Valkyrie with a lariat, but falling to the mat in pain from the injured arm. Grace continued to use her arms to attack, with one lariat after the other, but she just couldn’t keep it up. Valkyrie took advantage of that and hit the road to Valhalla for the win.

Grade: B-. This match was a bit slow, and really was just short of being bad. I liked the story of dissecting the arm, and having that come back to hurt Grace. Valkyrie played a great heel here, and nevertheless got a clean win. It was just a very straightforward match that felt like it should have been on TV, given how much limb work was in it. But I was into the story, so good on them for crafting a narrative.

Another interview from Santos, this time with Gail Kim. Kim said that she is coming back to the ring to teach Tessa Blanchard a lesson. A lesson that no one is willing to teach them themselves. She wouldn’t listen to Kim as an agent, so maybe she will listen as an opponent. 

And next up was Rich Swann against Sami Callihan for the X-Division championship, under OvE rules. The rest of OvE, including their new heavy, are banned from ringside. As Swann came down, he was not dancing at all, dead serious, opening the match with a series of quick strikes. Swann wasted no time getting extreme, stapling Callihan several times in he opening stretch. Callihan returned the favor with a staple to the mouth the second he got the staple gun. Callihan countered a suicide dive with a brutal shot with a steel sheet to the face. Callihan even countered a crossbody by catching Swann, and drilling him into a seated chair with an exploder suplex. Swann shocked the crowd with how sadistic he could be, licking Callihan’s blood, and nailing Callihan with a series of kicks while his head was in a garbage can. Swann also used the stipulation to aid his flying offense, swinging off part of the set into a hurricanrana, and also nailing a handspring cutter on the stage. Callihan has a bit of railing set up between the stage and ring steps, and ended up piledriving Swann onto it for a near fall. Swann was on the top rope locking for a splash, but Callihan countered with a hand full of salt to the eyes, and then piledriver him off the top and onto a pile of legos for a crazy near fall. Callihan introduced a barbed ware baseball bat into the match, but Swann got it after a hitting a low blow, tapping Callihan out with a cross face using the bat.

Grade: B. Pretty good match, with some absolutely brutal death match spots. I wasn’t sure how much Swann’s offense would translate into a style like this, but he worked pretty well. My biggest problem with the match was simply that they didn’t play up their rivalry enough. This match was one of the best built on the whole card, but I didn’t feel as much emotion as I thought I would. They didn’t really tap into it until the end, when Callihan begged Swann to have mercy on him. With that little bit more of storytelling, and possibly a bit more wrestling before they got into all the deathmatch stuff, this could have been a really great match.

Another interview, this time with Blanchard. She said that she doesn’t need to respect anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Tully Blanchard showed up out of nowhere, saying that he fully supported his daughter, and that she needed this win. Well alrighty then.

We went right into that match next, Gail Kim against Tessa Blanchard. This was a brawl from the bell, and it was Blanchard’s strength against Kim’s speed. Blanchard hit a brutal codebreaker off of the middle rope for a near fall. This really felt like the two hated each other, with a bit of extra emphasis on each of the strikes. The two even brawled on the ring steps, with Tessa going face first into the post. After a big splash out of the corner from Kim, the crowd erupted into well deserved “you still got it” chants. The two brawled on the stage, and Blanchard used her signature reverse dragon suplex spot to throw Kim off the stage. Kim was able to hit Blanchard with eat defeat after countering a slingshot suplex, but only a near fall. As Kim locked in a dragon sleeper on the top rope, Blanchard countered by biting her arm, and then hitting magnum for another near fall. Blanchard then immediately locked in a sort of cobra clutch on the mat, and Kim had no choice but to tap out. After the match, Blanchard offered a handshake, but Kim came in with a hug. Blanchard was balling her eyes out, so happy to get the torch passed to her. Kim was in the ring and soaked up the applause, in what could easily be her last match. And it was a hell of a match to go out on.

Grade: A-. This was a brutal match for a brutal feud. All the hatred that built between the two in the preceding weeks was addressed here. They brought the fight to each other with as much as they possibly could. The adversity between the two was real, and it was awesome to see the two get to show what they had. The showcase at the end was very sweet, but it kinda took me out of the whole “hate each other” thing. But it was clearly a huge moment for Blanchard, the biggest win she’s ever had, so I understand why she couldn’t contain herself.

Cage cut a weirdly quick promo about how he will do anything to beat down Impact tonight. Their friendship was long gone, and he wants to show him that he is the better man.

And that world championship match was next, Brian Cage against Johnny Impact with Lance Storm as the referee. Another match that started right at the bell, with Cage destroying Impact with tackles, kicks, a German Suplex and an F5 for a near fall right out of the gate. Then he hit a buckle bomb, and a deadlift vertical suplex off the apron and into the ring for another near fall. He went for another deadlift, but Impact fought out and hit an incredible German suplex. Impact then took the fight to the stage, and hit a Spanish fly off the the ramp and onto the floor. At some point, Cage did a blade job, probably after being thrown into the barricade. Actually, looking at his head, Cage May have cut open the top of his head, but either way, he was bleeding like a stuck pig. As the two brawled, Valkyrie and the crooked ref Bravo set up a table for Impact on the outside. Impact had Cage set up for a Starship Pain through the table, but Cage got up and powerbombed Impact through the table. Bravo tried to get involved, but Cage caught him. Impact hit Cage with the belt in the back, only for Valkyrie to pull Storm out of the ring, and Impact nailed him with a dropkick to the outside. Impact then played possum in the ring, with Valkyrie pretending that she hit Cage with the belt. Cage drilled her with a powerbomb, only for Impact to grab the belt and hit Cage with it. Bravo then ran in the ring, with a ref’s shirt on, and Impact hit the Starship Pain, but Cage kicked out! Storm ran back in the ring, and superkicked Bravo. He was about to disqualify Impact, but Cage stopped him. Cage then hit Impact with a superkick of his own, and the drill claw to finally win the Impact world championship.

After the match, Michael fucking Elgin showed up debuting in Impact, and he seemed to challenge Cage for his belt. He attacked Cage with a backfist and a spinning powerbomb. Seems like we have the next big opponent for Cage.

Grade: B-. This was fucking wild. Huge moves all over the place, and while it seemed slow at times, the big moves more than made up for it. That finishing sequence was all over the place, but it seemed to tick all the boxes. Impact got comeuppance with a powerbomb through a table and losing his belt. Valkyrie ate a rough powerbomb, and Bravo was hit with a superkick. However, everything that was leading up to that finish, apart from the opening sequence, seemed like it slowed down too much. I think that Cage looked a bit weak, even in his victory, because he didn’t have he advantage much after he started bleeding. But still, his win was the right choice. I wouldn’t have had Elgin beat him down right after his big win, his first big win at that, but it will probably be an awesome match. I was wondering where Elgin went, and this is a huge acquisition for Impact. Also, they used to be a tag team in PWG, so maybe they will bring that up. The finish, while entertaining, was a bit overbooked and had too many twists and turns to really keep up with. A bit tough to grade this one, but I think that the loss of momentum and the flurry of stuff happening in the latter half of the match hurt it a bit for me.

In the clubhouse, LAX were prepared for their match in the main event. Kennan called the full metal mayhem match a Mexican standoff, which is weird because it is nothing like a Mexican standoff, other than the fact that it is a standoff amongst Mexicans. Maybe I’m stupid, because I was thinking about that so much that I missed the rest of the promo.

And in the main event, the Lucha Bros took on LAX for the Impact Tag Team Championships, in Full Metal Mayhem. Once again, LAX attacked before the bell with stereo dives. Fenix and Pentagon responded with dives of their own, sending everyone through tables. The Lucha Bros hit their classic double superkick spot, but Satanna’s head was in a trash can this time. LAX hit their team combo, but Fenix broke up the pin with a big diving dropkick, and then fended them both off with a series of kicks. At one point, Ortiz had Fenix up for a draping cutter into a couple set up chairs, and Santana assisted with a double stomp to Fenix’s head, for a near fall. The four met in the middle of the right, nailing each other with elbow strikes while just sitting in chairs. Konnan involved himself after this, passing Ortiz and Santana a couple forks. LAX set up a bunch of chairs near the corner, only for the Lucha Bros to use it against them with a terrifying fear factor into the chairs, but Santana kicked out! Fenix looked pretty busted up during the match, and even Don Callis and Josh Mathews on commentary pointed out that his left arm looked limp. Lax had a table set up on the ramp, and Ortiz tried to put Pentagon through it with something off a ladder, but Fenix walked the top rope and drove him through it with the scariest Spanish fly that I have ever seen. Fenix under rotated, and landed on his fucking head and somehow he could still walk. Back in the ring, Santana ate a Pentagon driver through a chair, but still kicked out. Then came the thumb tacks. Pentagon spread them out on a pair of tables. Pentagon and Santana battled atop a ladder, teasing who would go through them. It seemed like Santana would do the honors, but Ortiz ran in to make the save, putting Pentagon in a powerbomb position. Santana helped out his partner by stabbing Pentagon in the head with a fork, and Ortiz blasted Pentagon through the tables and the tacks. That was what did it, and LAX began their forth title reign as the tag champs.

After the match, Fenix could barely stand up straight. Konnan decided to squash the hate, saying that they are family. They all embraced, and then the faces of the roster came out to pay their respects.

Grade: A. One of the most terrifying matches I have ever seen. The spots were so sick, everything was scary as hell, and it was car crash TV at its finest. This was as much of a war as their feud needed, and it was a hell of a blowoff. I hope that Fenix is okay, because that was a scarier spanish fly than Will Ospreay last year. The embrace at the end made a lot of sense as well. They started this feud as friends, and that was how they ended it. Great match through and through, easily the best Impact match in years. Match of the night for sure.

Overall Grade: B-

Pros: Good commentary; 6-man tag; X-Division Championship; Blanchard vs. Kim; Main Event

Cons: Way too short of an opener; Bordeaux vs. Raju

On a note that I wanted to be completely separate from the review, why wasn’t anyone disqualified for using the tables in the main event? They aren’t made of metal, so they shouldn’t be legal. Just saying.

[hazyheel]

Impact United We Stand Review

I haven’t watched much Impact Wrestling this year, but this was definitely a show that I was excited for. I’m a big impact fan, but given that it’s shows are on Friday nights, I don’t normally watch week to week, but I like to follow along and watch the big shows like this. The show was decent overall, but not phenomenal. Surprisingly fun time though, for a pretty paint by numbers B-Show.

First match was an Ultimate X match for #1 contendership to the X-division championship. It was Jake Crist vs Dante Fox vs Pat Buck vs Ace Austin vs Johnny Impact. The beginning of the match was about everyone feeling each other out, with various strikes and flying moves. Impact definitely had his eye on the prize the most, as he was going for the X from the second the bell rang, at one point, Austin pilled Impact off the the cables into a huge powerbomb. The match was a lot of pulling people off of the cable and off of the ropes for big spots, but there wasn’t much of a story throughout the match. Impact hit some cool crucifix urenagi on Austin. At one point, Austin hit a huge somersault Senton off the top of the pillar. Fox and impact had a good segment together, where they battled into a Spanish fly spot, taking Fox out of the match. At one point, Austin went for the X with his legs wrapped around the cable, but Crist caught him with an awesome looking cutter to take Austin out of the match. Impact then used the chaos as a distraction to grab the X and win the match.

Grade: C+. Pretty car crash style match. Not much of a story. There were some cool spots, but not enough to really pick up the slack that was left from not having much. I like the idea of Johnny winning here, gives some intrigue for the X-Division. Decent match, but not quite good enough for anything higher than a C+.

Next, there was a backstage segment, showing some dissection in Team Impact, where Moose and Eddie Edwards argued about getting in each other’s way. Brian Cage calmed them down, saying that there can’t be infighting because they are already down a man, due to Impact living them. Edwards then implied that he had a fix for the numbers disadvantage. He walked away, and Moose yelled after him that he better not be talking about Kenny the Kendo stick.

That match came on next: Team Lucha Underground vs team impact in an 8 man tag. Lucha Underground has Aero Star, Daga, Drago and Marty Martinez, while impact had Eddie Edwards, Brian Cage, and Moose. However, Tommy Dreamer came out fill out the rest of Team Impact and help them out. Edwards and Aero Star started out, wrestling to a standstill. Dreamer and Martinez tagged in. The younger guys then took advantage of his lack of mobility, eventually forcing him to tag out. Daga and Cage has a great exchange. These two had really great chemistry, and Cage was in the advantage, but Moose tagged himself in. Moose was quickly beaten down before a long sequence of dives. Cage hit an awesome sequence of an ensiguri, superkick and a German suplex on Daga. Just as Team Impact got the advantage, Moose speared Cage, taking him out. Dreamer then attacked Moose with a kendo stick and Edwards him with a suicide dive. Martinez toon advantage of the infighting, hitting Dreamer with a double underhook DDT.

Grade: B-. Fun match, with a lot of fast paced action. The story was simple from the start, with Team Impact just not being nearly as cohesive of a unit as Lucha Underground. Daga and Cage has some awesome interaction, and that was really the highlight of the matches. Good stuff, and it makes sense that Lucha Underground would win here. Good stuff, love that rivalry between shows.

Next was the Knockouts Championship match, Taya Valkyrie vs Jordynne Grace vs Katie Forbes vs Rosemary. Rosemary got taken out right in the beginning of the match, while the other three locked up in the middle of the ring. Everyone had a one on one segment with Valkyrie, with Rosemarie even getting the better of her. Grace was really the highlight of the match, as she really wrestled circles around the rest of the women. Grace hit a huge missile dropkick to Forbes, who had Valkyrie in a fireman’s carry. As Rosemarie got the advantage, Su Yung came out to distract her, and then the two fought backstage. Grace hit the grace Driver on Forbes, but Valkyrie pulled her off and got the pin herself.

Grade: D. Just not super good wrestling. Grace had a lot of the highlights here, while everyone else just seemed very clunky. Just a little clumsy of a match, and I wasn’t into that.

Next, LAX took on Low Ki and Ricky Martinez. It took a while for any wrestling to take place, as there was a lot of jaw jacking between everyone. Santana and Low Ki started the match out, just feeling each other out with various kicks and quick strikes. They slowly got more and more violent, with Low Ki snapping on a cross arm breaker in the corner to maintain the advantage. Ortiz and Martinez brawled a bit, ending in a sort of arm trap back body drop. At one point, Ortiz had Martinez hanging off the corner, and Santana superkicked him into a cutter from Ortiz, but Ki broke up the pin with a senton. Martinez and Ki then hit an ensiguri/ electric chair drop for a near fall. Santana then took Ki down outside, allowing Ortiz to hit a Death Valley driver for the win.

Grade: B-. The match just never picked up into second gear. Both teams have good fundamentals, but it seemed to end a little early, and the hatred that it felt like should be involved in the match wasn’t there. Still, cool to see Low Ki again.

Into an intergender match, Joey Ryan took on Tessa Blanchard. I was definitely looking forward to this match, because Blanchard is very no nonsense, while Ryan is just one of the goofiest wrestlers in the world. Ryan tried to have a test of strength with his dick, but Blanchard refused. It seemed like Ryan’s goal in the match to have Blanchard touch his dick. Blanchard was having none of it, brutally beating him down at all points. She even had him in the corner for a shattered dreams, but hit a running codebreaker instead. Ryan worked over her left shoulder, but lost the advantage when she hit an awesome suicide dive and diving senton. After hitting a boob plex, Ryan then nailed the dick flip for a near fall. He then took out another lollipop from his strucks, gave it to Blanchard and hit a superkick for another near fall. Ryan had Blanchard up for a superplex, but Blanchard kicked him off and hit Magnum for the win.

Grade: B. Very fun match. Blanchard’s refusal to bend to Ryan’s Movesets was very cool to see, and although she didn’t get in much offense, it was nice to see Ryan get his ass beat when he did. He is quite the slimeball, but that’s what makes him so good.

Next was the X-Division Championshio match, Rich Swann against Flamita. The two started firing on all cylinders right away, hitting hurricanrana and then a suicide dive. The two continued to go counter for counter throughout the match, with Flamita even hitting a butterfly backbreaker. Swann kept refusing to stay down, and stood up to the bigger Flamita in a striking and chopping contest in the middle of the ring. Swann then took Flamita off the top with a hurricanrana, and then hit the Phoenix splash for the win.

Grade: B+. Really good stuff here. I haven’t seen much of Flamita in the past, and I am always pleasantly surprised with his abilities. They were going hard and fast, and they killed each other. Their moves flowed incredibly well, and so did their counters. Loved to see Rich Swann again, and I look forward to his match with Johnny Impact.

Into the hardcore match of the night, it was a monsters ball between Jimmy Havoc and Sami Callihan. Havoc started out with the violence quickly, stapling Callihan and in the chest and back, and Callihan countered by smacking him with a ring bell. The match was just as bloody as I thought it would be. Both men targeted each other’s eyes, with Callihan using that to score a piledriver on the apron. Callihan introduces a stapler of his own, stapling Havok in the head and arms, stapling newspapers to him. He then poured lemon juice into Havok’s cuts. Havok countered with paper cuts between fingers, lips and toes, before salting the wound. Havok then hit a Death Valley driver onto a trash can for a near fall. Callihan then landed two piledrivers, one onto legos and the other onto chairs for the win. They first bumped at the end of the match for the sportsmanship

Grade: B+. Disgusting and awesome match. They put themselves through so much during this match, and it was difficult to watch at times, but it really was entertaining to see. They didn’t quite wrestle enough to get into the A range, but still, match of the night.

And finally, the main event, The Lucha Bros vs Sabu and RVD in an extreme tag match. The Titles were not on the line here. They started dueling chants of Cero Miedo and Rob Van Dam. Everyone began brawling, and the legends hit their signature offense. A table was introduced, but the table was breaking before anyone even went through it. RVD and Sabu put the Lucha Bros through the table with stereo leg drops. RVD went up top again, but Pentagon threw a chair and knocked him off. Fenix and Pentagon then hit fear factor for the win. All men shook hands after the match.

Grade: B-. The Lucha Bros carried this match like a backpack. It was a short match, but it didn’t seem like RVD and Sabu could do much more than they did. Still, decent wrestling, and it was cool to see the legends again. Fun times, but ultimately not a great match.

Overall Grade: B-

Pros: impact vs lu; inter gender match; X-division championship; monsters ball; main event (kinda)

Cons: disappointing ultimate x; knockouts championship; poor production quality.

[nerdcorp]

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