Text exchange between IC-1109 Niner and IC-1136 Darman, approximately 2200 on the day of IC-4447 Ennenâs death:
IC-1109: Come back in one piece, will you?
IC-1136: fff Niner nu draar. Im leaving somethingg here.
IC-1109: are you drunk, mirâsheb?
IC-1136: I alrrady left sth here
IC-1109: what are you on about?
IC-1136: Joint op.. Quibbuus. Theres aroom I cant forget about.
IC-1109: ⊠thatâs a different place.
IC-1136: same place in my shabla heaD.
IC-1109: come back and tell me about it.
IC-1136: fevkin Ennen,,, vodd.d What a shabla dikut. I ccclda done th sAME THING.
IC-1109: you didnât.
IC-1136: i hd you.]
...
âSir, I apologize for what Iâm about to say. IC-4447 is dead.â
Roly Melusar did not react. Niner may as well have said heâd submitted his squadâs annual performance evaluations. âHow did he die?â
Melusar looked right at Niner, holding eye contact for a moment that ticked by too slowly. His tone was even, but Niner suspected the question was rhetorical.
âSuicide. We ⊠we found him. Heâs been examined by medical and taken to the morgue. Youâll have the police report in a couple of hours.âÂ
Niner had never had to report a squadmateâs death before, but there was a first time for everything. Blaster bolt to the temple. His own weapon. We were just outside when it happened â Dar was inside the âfresher.Â
Yes, you can ask him. Dar, the MPs need to take your account. No, we didnât touch anything.Â
Melusar rose from where he sat behind his desk. He leaned over the polished surface, supporting his weight on his fingertips. He nodded once, then walked around the desk. âHowâs Forty taking it?â
The new squad name went in one ear and out the other. Niner had gotten used to Omega, and he'd get used to Forty, too.Â
But he wouldn't get used to the absence of Fi and Atin.
Darman wasnât taking Ennen's loss well. Heâd disappeared off base by himself. He'd always been the type to process things alone, but still, for a commando, isolation wasn't a good sign.Â
Rede seemed shocked. Niner could only hope he'd eventually adapt to this tragedy as well as he had to everything else he'd been put through so far.Â
âHard, sir. But weâll handle it.â
âYou always do. Take the next couple of days to yourselves. Donât worry about the details for now ⊠weâll find a replacement when youâre ready.â
Niner had come to expect fairness and genuine support from their commander, but all the warm words in the world didnât make the situation any easier. He felt hollow and robotic. âThank you, Sir. One other request â Ennen was Corellian. He would have wanted a cremation.â
âYes of course. Once I receive the formal report weâll proceed with those arrangements. That wonât be the end of it, unfortunately. Weâll have to endure an investigation â donât take it personally. Investigation is routine when something like this happens."
The only thing Niner had ever taken personally was his squadâs welfare and performance. He took a breath and clenched his jaw tightly.
"I donât have to tell you to keep your squad within recall distance.â
âNo Sir.â Â
âTake care of yourselves, Sergeant. Iâll contact you when I have an update."
Niner saluted, about-faced, and strode out of the office. Heâd find Rede and theyâd walk the base, kicking up dust and pretending to be doing something other than trying to forget about Ennen.
âŠ
Laundry. Rede stared at Ennenâs pile of hand-me-downs â worn blacks, fatigues, a few civvie shirts and pants. âWhat will happen to them?â Rede asked suddenly, toeing a red T-shirt. Rede hadnât been through this before â the coming home to a barracks room and finding nothing but items which had nowhere to belong. Or the rote solemnity of tasks performed to force the emptiness into a structure. Filling the time so youâd make it to tomorrow. Senior leadership misunderstood how soldiers worked, Niner thought. All free time ever did was remind you where youâd gone wrong.Â
If theyâd been a regular infantry unit, service droids would have cleaned up all evidence that Ennen had ever existed. But commando squads took care of their own â increased autonomy meant self sufficiency. Not a steep price to pay when it meant you could hold on to those youâd lost.
They divided up Ennenâs clothing between them wordlessly. Rede took the civvies and folded them, lingering reverently over his footlocker as if the precision of the folds would make things right. Maybe they wouldnât, but Rede would have his first pair of civvies out of it. There were plenty more jarring things than seeing a vod in a dead manâs clothes, Niner told himself. Thatâs how things were done in the squads.
Niner took Ennenâs fatigues for himself and left the backup bodysuit on Darmanâs bunk. Dar needed a new one, but superstition dictated wearing your first one until it became more of a hazard to wear it than replace it. Dar's blacks were Bryâs old pair.
Niner rubbed his forehead wearily and beckoned Rede out the door. âThatâs sorted. Letâs eat.â
The sun was setting behind the spacescrapers, casting a forest of cool shadows over Core Square. It had been a hot day. The ferrocrete blacktop had begun to release its absorbed sunlight, warming their boots as they walked, like shadows themselves in dark imperial armor. The katarn, an effective insulator, kept them cool enough, and their bodysuits did an adequate job of adapting to body temperature. Niner could feel his sweat being wicked away even as his brow furrowed in worry over Darmanâs radio silence. He focused on Redeâs profile as they walked. Under his bucket, Niner knew Redeâs face still looked smooth and youthful. His eyes, normally expressive, sat high and deep under his brow bone. No eye bags, no lines yet, no gray hair. Age would come for Rede, too, but Niner had somehow hoped that he would be spared just a few months longer.
The few years between Rede and the older commandos were enough that Niner noticed. Seeing Rede was like seeing himself as he thought he was, and then realizing he was not that younger man anymore. A few years did a lot to a clone â some of it visible, but most of it not.Â
âŠ
Lights out had come and gone, and Darman stumbled into the bedroom, a darker shape in a dark room, briefly illuminated by light filtering in from the hallway. He blundered into the bunk he shared with Niner and put one foot on the ladderâs middle rung. Niner, up to his chin in covers, reached out and grabbed his calf. âHey. Down here. Redeâs up top.â
âWhaa?â
âI offered,â Niner explained in a hoarse whisper.
ââCourse,â Darman agreed, but he groaned, unstuck his foot from the ladder, and crawled heavily onto the narrow mattress next to Niner, still booted and clothed. Niner turned towards the wall, taking up as little space as possible. âSorry.âÂ
He didnât mind that Darman had to scoot in close to him, or that he rested his hot forehead between Ninerâs shoulder blades, huffing as he settled down. Rede snored above them, a loud rattle that drowned out background sounds of sky traffic and the laundry room down the hall. They could have an entire conversation without him hearing.
âOh fuu, mâ clothes,'' Dar slurred suddenly, and Niner caught a whiff of beer on his breath. Darman sat up, thunking his head on the bunk above. Rede snored on, undisturbed, and Darman continued thrashing and huffing as he tried to pull his shirt off.
âHelp me, vodâika.â
Niner reached blindly for his brother, bumping into bare skin and grabbing onto what he realized was Darmanâs back. He slid his hand up, wiggling his fingers experimentally where the edge of Darmanâs shirt cut into skin. It had gotten stuck around his lats. âHow did you stuff yourself into this?â He asked helpfully.
Darman sighed. âIt fit fine earlier. Just get it off me.â
The CSF Social Club, known for its loaded fries, had obviously bloated him on both sodium and booze.Â
Niner had to roll over and straddle him from the front, edging his fingers in deeper, before he finally worked Darmanâs shirt up and over his head.
âDiâkut,â Niner murmured, pushing him back down onto the bed. He rolled off Darman's lap and settled onto his side again, feeling better about everything with Darman close. He closed his eyes, intent on falling asleep. Dar's chest rose and fell against his back, but he kept moving and twitching, bumping Ninerâs legs with his knees.
Niner sighed patiently and focused on the sound of Redeâs snoring. He was interrupted again a moment later by a metallic jingle right behind him. It had to be Darmanâs belt buckle. Niner turned, waiting for his eyes to re-adjust to the dark again. He could just make out Darmanâs hands fumbling with his belt and then with something else between his legs. âWhat. What are you doing?â
Dar hissed in frustration, palming himself, yanking on his pants. âGotta take care of this.âÂ
This turned out to be his half-hard cock, which was nestled in his open fly. Niner watched, frozen, as his hand dipped into his pants and moved up and down a few times. Then Darman stopped, his face turned toward Ninerâs in the dark. Niner swallowed. A brother taking care of himself in the same room wasnât unusual, but Omega Squad had always given their sergeant a respectful amount of distance when it happened.
Darman seemed to have forgotten this unspoken etiquette, or maybe their relationship had evolved enough that he felt it no longer applied. âCould you ⊠could I â I mean ââ he stuttered, face tipped toward his dick, which peeked out of his fist.Â
Ninerâs mouth dropped open. He probably misses Etain, and Iâm the best heâs got. âI donât think ââ
âFine. Forget I asked.â
Darman sounded tired now, and resolute, and vulnerable in a way Niner had not heard since before âŠ
âYou want ⊠me?â As soon as the words left his lips, Ninerâs chest began to pound. Heâd never been propositioned before. He couldnât even say where Darman would fall on a list of possible partners, because he didnât think he had a list. Everyone he met was more or less the same to him â just people, and they all had a job to do.Â
âYour hand, maybe?âÂ
This wasnât part of the job. Or at least it hadnât been until now.Â
âI donât know, Dar,â he said, as gently as he could. âIâm probably not the best person to ask.âÂ
Darman growled, frustrated, and his hand snapped up and down, as if he were trying to yank the stiffness out of his erection. Then he lay down on his side behind Niner, his forehead warm and solid against his back again. Niner sighed. Darman hadnât pulled his pants back up, which meant the door of opportunity was still open, and all he could think about now was how Dar was lying there behind him with an abandoned boner.Â
Niner didnât know what to do. âIâll sleep on the floor,â he muttered. He grabbed a blanket, rolling onto his elbow to sit up.
âLay down,â Darman snapped in a loud whisper. ââM not that drunk anymore. I know what Iâm doing.â
Niner wasnât convinced. It was difficult to tell which Darman he was dealing with. Was this grieving Dar or couldnât-care-less Dar? But Niner lay down again, for reasons beyond rationality. They breathed quietly for a minute, each with his own thoughts, and then Niner felt Darman shuffle closer and rock into his backside. He was still hard. And his hand pinned Ninerâs hip firmly against his own.
âUdesi, vod,â Niner bit out, but a little shiver crawled up his spine. Something was happening. Maybe heâd never had a list before because no one had ever come quite this close. And Darman wasnât anyone. He wasnât just one of his brothers anymore â or even just one of his closest brothers. After Shinarcan Bridge something had changed. The playing field had leveled out in a way that made him want to respond to Darâs insistent advances.Â
Niner reached back, not knowing exactly what he meant to do, and found Darmanâs head. He pulled Dar in close, turning to face him, caught by the need to keep him where he was.
âLet go of me, then,â Darman breathed, fanning Ninerâs neck with warm air.Â
Niner didnât move.
âYou want this, donât you.â
Niner shuddered, and Darman felt it, because he relaxed, face buried in Ninerâs neck. âPlease.â
Of all the days, of all the times, Dar.
Darmanâs lips on his neck made everything feel fuzzy. He didn't want to let go. So he held on, folding Darman close, breathing deeply against him. Warm little curls of desire unwound as Darman's hips arched into him again, and before he knew it he was letting Darman hump his thigh, and then his open hand; all he had to do was close his fingers.
He had his vodâs cock in his hand on the same day heâd lost another one to his own demons.
All our demons.
Darâs gentle huffing noises turned tight and desperate as Niner worked him. Then they went ragged and wet with tears as he came, effortlessly, into Ninerâs hand.Â
Rede hadnât stopped snoring. Vor entye Manda. Heâd seen enough for one day.
Darman drifted off to sleep, and Niner didnât move for the fresher until he was sure he wouldnât wake.
Laundry. Rede stared at Ennenâs pile of clothes â worn blacks, fatigues, a few civvie pants and shirts.
âWhat will happen to them?â he asked suddenly, toeing a red T-shirt. Rede hadnât been through this before â the coming home to a barracks room and finding nothing but items which had nowhere to belong. Or the rote solemnity of tasks performed to force the emptiness into a structure. Filling the time so youâd make it to tomorrow.Â
Senior leadership misunderstood how soldiers worked, Niner thought. All free time ever did was remind you where youâd gone wrong.
