listen like... if we’re talking and you’re ever upset at me/at anything in general and you’re sitting there wondering why i’m not asking what’s bothering you, I swear on both my thumbs it’s not because I don’t care or don’t notice. i care a lot. I am probably very aware you’re upset. but I am
a. terrified of being the reason someone is upset to the point where the mere thought can prompt hyperventilation and dizziness that will last long after a conversation is over, but the even bigger ‘nope’ reason is that i have been trained into thinking that
b. i am not allowed to ask/i’m being a pain if i ask
I used to be “friends” with a girl who if i asked what was wrong/asked if I had upset her, would rant to me about how not everything was about me and how I was being nosy and a shitty friend and ‘what kind of person [was i] to go sticking [my] nose into everyone’s business’. Hearing that for roughly 6 straight years makes it very!! hard!! to swallow down the feeling that asking about someone’s life or well being when they don’t seem alright makes me an annoying dick!! I’m working on it, I swear to god, but in the meantime this is just ?? idek but a ‘heads up’ i guess that I don’t mean to come off insensitive and if you say ‘hey im upset about x thing can i talk to you’ I’M HERE WITH OPEN ARMS AND EARS ( pls don’t just say ‘can we talk’ tho bc that vague shit makes me cry hahaha,,, anxiety is Fun kids ) but if you are waiting for me to ask I am so very sorry because honestly I might just not,,
