#impromptu therapy

[yourlocalavian]

i want to send u an ask but idk what to say

lowkey valid though-

Well uhhh..

Hi :>

Shall we use this as a therapy corner?

I'll go first

When I was two I had a pet frog, and one day, while i was looking at it in the terrarium, it suddenly just squeaked, then shriveled up, and died right infront of me. Like a deflating balloon.

It was splendid and I am totally not scarred from it :)

......wait what was this ask about again-

[megsiepoo]

            "My, my, defying your dear leader? I must say, I'm almost impressed!"             "I'm not defying shit," Velvette snapped back. "I'm fixing another one of Vox's stupid fucking problems, and if he wants to get pissy about it, that's his problem. And he's not 'my leader,' much as he likes to think so."             "Could have fooled me, dear" Alastor shrugged. "Funny how you seem to answer to his beck and call. Doesn't sound like a very equal partnership, does it?"             Velevette jumped to her feet with a growl. She snatched a comb, a spray bottle, and some salon shears and dampened his mop before tugging the teeth of the comb through it harshly. Eugh, his hair was disgusting. Fur? It was hard to tell, but either way, she wasn't about to try dunking him under a faucet, much as she'd have loved to.             "You're gonna have to try harder than that if you think you're going to get under my skin."

Another entry for Helluva Fic Fight!

This was a lot of fun to write. I had sooo many other scenes planned, but I promised myself I'd keep this one short.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed, and feedback appreciated as always <3

[ohgodmyeyes]

Hey i hope it's okay if i ask this question.... i've read eventide and am now almost through with disassembly. Are you enjoying comments on your works or not so much? I'd love to tell you how great I think your stories are and how much they touch me, but after seeing that the comment function is turned off on eventide and you stopped replying to comments on disassembly at some point (even though the comments are legitimately so nice and full of praise) I was kind of unsure if you even want to read comments like that anymore or if you're tired of them.

having exhausted all of the free therapy the province is willing to provide me for now, i have to say i'm kind of delighted you asked this... because otherwise i wouldn't have the gall to talk about it:)

basically, it's nice to have an excuse to say: I LOVE GETTING COMMENTS ON MY STORIES!!! i read every single one i get, sometimes multiple times over, crying and thanking the universe that another human being noticed something i did and liked it.

that being said, i really haven't been in a good enough place to answer them for the past year or so, at least not to my satisfaction. i've started and stopped more replies to more messages/asks/comments i can count, only to delete what I've written and bury my head in a pillow halfway through: because i can't possibly answer them all in a timely fashion and i don't want anyone to think I'm favouring them; because what if the comment is too old, and the person who left it has outgrown my story; because what if my conversational tone is off; because what if the comment is entirely sarcastic, or full of slang, and i don't understand the intent well enough to make a good faith response; because what if answering causes me to in some way die; because what if what if what if...

and i wouldn't hold it against myself, except I've fallen victim to the same dysfunctional pattern in my personal & real life communications, too — i just can't answer anyone (yes i see you and you are beautiful), no matter how much I love them or how much they love me or what they're trying to communicate... which is a big big problem that goes a bit beyond not answering comments on my fanfics, admittedly. but the comments thing is surely a symptom of it, and it's just not something i can seem to force myself to overcome right now, at least not adequately.

because things always come back to star wars for me: I feel a little like I'm turning into sequels Luke. Not on purpose exactly; I've far from committed to that path, and still have quite a rich inner life that I hope to be able to project again sometime soon — hopefully in a way that continues to connect me to other people — because I think that's the most rewarding part of sharing online.

keeping this blog and my ao3 and writing when I can and sharing posts is what's keeping me connected right now, and even though it might seem like I'm ignoring people who try to reach out to me, please please understand that I'm not ignoring them/you at all. every time I post I'm kind of saying "I love you", even if that feels cheap or selfish.

i'm just a kind of "not okay" that I don't know how to express, or fix, with words... but Anakin Skywalker is someone I can still connect with in spite of it, and use to connect with others, even if (for now) that has to happen in ways that are trivial or in ways I can't reciprocate.

anyway... to answer your question again, because I understand I did go off on a bit of a tangent there, yes I definitely appreciate and read and absorb the responses people are kind enough to offer me. because I know I'm very lucky to still be getting any attention at all after all this time, and I'm endlessly grateful for the continued opportunity to connect (yes, very much in spite of a lack of any tangible evidence).

there are names I see here and on ao3 that are so important to me and my everyday that i would spiral if they ever went away entirely, and stories and comments i go back to again and again and again... in silence, like dusty old attic books, but again and again nonetheless.

part of the reason i turned the comments off on eventide was because I knew I was coming to a place where I wouldn't be able to honour them... I couldn't bear to do the same with disassembly at the time, partly because it had a smaller audience, and partly because the feedback on something i was (and am) still invested in so heavily still means so much to me.

now I'm not sure what the most responsible thing to do would be, which is very classically "me", but rest assured that I gravitate to the kindness people exude toward my work and that i bask in it and that no one's words are ever, ever wasted on me.

thank you, i love you. ❤️