“Stop asking me questions I can’t answer!” or “Why, if you loved me, would you have strayed?” // (i dont love myself)
“...” You halted your inquiries, as asked, or rather, with that tone in her voice, ordered. Whenever she spoke in that tone, you had to resist the urge to cringe back, but...that resistance had faded sweeps ago. You shrank back against her words, falling into a silence that was as loud as any statement.
“I must apologize for that, Empress. I was out of line--a mistake I shall not repeat.”
That was a lie and you both knew it. Every once in a while, you’d get like this, asking why she’d extended your life for so long. Just...why? That was something that she never would tell you, and that had frustrated you to no end.
But that last comment...that last comment caught you off guard.
“Equipment cannot harbor feelings for those who use them.” Was your initial saying, but...something was off. You had heard that sometimes, over time, someone of such a poor rank as you would develop feelings for the one who held them captive.
Why didn’t you hate her? You wanted to, but why /couldn’t/ you?
She killed so many, and among them was someone who was...very important to you.
And yet you could not hate her entirely, and you despised that part of yourself. Still, you managed to raise your voice once more.
“Hypothetically speaking, if that were true, I would not stray. My loyalty never sways when it is true.”
So forth you would continue this downward spiral of self loathing. It would be something you never would manage to free yourself from, sadly.
Then again, maybe you deserved it.
