The Mother

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26 Triggers may apply: Violence and sexual assault.

[citta-alveare-deactivated201811]

I'm dropping Dolorosa from Homestuck. She was housed in District Beta.

Dropped!

– mod『 』

[mewmewmage-blog]

jade && olive;;

     [ shewhotends ]

          That’s definitely a jade-blood up ahead.

You stalk her from a safe distance, ensuring she doesn’t seem overly-hostile. She’s your superior in the hemospectrum, after all, and while she doesn’t outrank you by a TON, she’s still someone who you shouldn’t technically cross. Once you observe her do something DECIDEDLY GENTLE AND GRACEFUL, you relax a bit, then sidle up to the older troll and clear your throat.

MEULIN:  ( ^..^)ﾉ < EXCUSE ME!!! I’M A LITTLE CONFUSED; IS THIS BEFURUS??? OR…IS THIS…SOME KIND OF ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE TROLLS EXIST??? I THINK MY BRAIN’S B33N A LITTLE SCRAMBLED…

[shewhotends]

A new, smallish oliveblood came up to you, clearly a little distressed to be so near an adult troll. Although this one had to be as mature as Porrim. Still, in an attempt to put her at ease, Dolorosa relaxed her posture as well as she could.

“This is not Beforus, little one.” She answered, giving a small closed mouth smile. Flash her teeth would probably not be the best move right now. “It is a different place altogether, an alternate realm where aliens from other planets all exist in the same vast city. And who are you? You remind me of someone...” 

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

Empty Jury || CA Event Closed

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

   “…No. It’s just that I can’t motherfuckin’ seem to make you get your wicked understand on. And I don’t motherfuckin’ blame you, but…”

   But what? What are you gonna say? Look at her face. No, you can’t even bear to look. Her eyes…nothing’s worse than those eyes. It’s like you were suddenly back there, sitting on a throne of broken bones, surrounded by the gruesome murals you painted.

   For a moment, everything had gone back to the way it was years before – and you loved it. You can’t deny that in that second, when the sounds of horns were louder than ever, you didn’t feel euphoric. It was horrible. It was orgasmic.

   And so, with a newly-found determination in your eyes, you look back at this woman. A ghost of your past, haunting you now, when the world was on the verge of collapse. You look back at her, and…

   “….But if I don’t motherfuckin’ try, what changes? Nothing, that’s what. Between trying to stop something from motherfuckin’ happening and sitting the motherfuck back and letting the wicked ignorance spread through my bones, I think I know what the motherfuck I’d choose. How about you? Is the only thing you’re motherfuckin’ nurturing now your despair? Cause that’s not the you I motherfuckin’ remember.”

     >:o|

[shewhotends]

His eyes were so strange, so thoughtful. There was more going on inside him then she ever thought he was even capable of. Even if he still never understood her. This Highblood was capable of restraining himself. Her Highblood was capable too. Just unwilling.

“Don’t you fucking presume to tell me how much despair I’m allow to feel. How much wallowing I’m allowed to do. I am entitled to as much grieving and wallowing depression as I fucking like after what happened to me. You were never owned. Your were never beaten, or anything that came with being owned. You did those things to other people, or it arranged it so that would happen to then. Go fuck yourself. Go get yourself killed by the real Highblood for all I care.”

[asktheironinfidel]

ooc: Anna (ask-the-dolorosa) and I are proud to present a collaboration comic between the two of us! May you all have the happiest of Mother’s Days everyone! 

[ask-the-dolorosa]

Happy Mother’s day everyone!!

[shewhotends]

'I WaNt tHe k'

10: Neck Kiss

Seated upon his lap, arms held tightly in his hands. It wasn’t sexual, exactly. She wasn’t certain he could even be sexual. All of his poor phrasing aside, Dolrosa had never seen any sign that he was interested in procreation or sexual activity thereof. No, she was just on his lap because it unnerved her, and that made him laugh.

What an asshole.

He wasn’t paying good enough attention to her though, perhaps thinking a tight grip and his mere proximity would keep her playing nice, or at least complacent. He was wrong about that.

Turned out this was an optimum position to surge forward, lips planting against his thick neck, then, before she lost her resolve, sunk her fangs into his throat, hitting a blood-thumping spot easily. Quickly she got her teeth out and ran her tongue over the twin wounds, tasting his blood. Sickly sweet, heavy like sweat- not the most pleasant. And yet the only bit of blood she’d been allowed to drink in ages.

Already she could feel the healing effects.

[shewhotends]

Jasmine Peach Tea: a self-care/self-love headcanon.

Dolorosa cuts her own hair and oils it rather regularly. No one else is around to do it for her, anyway.

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

Empty Jury || CA Event Closed

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

   The Dolorosa…heh. Somehow, you almost figured it would be this way. You don’t blame her for having no faith in you – after what you did to her, after what you did to everyone she ever held dear…spending all these years among the humans taught you just what it meant to deprive someone of all they’ve ever had.

   You’d never really understood before. And that makes it all the worse.

   And, in a way, you don’t really understand now, either. Was it, was it simply because you were too childish? Were you still like that, ignorant of what it meant to be a member of society? Had you not learned at all?! Her eyes were so…so condescending. There was no belief there. Where there was once faith, there was not a single shred of understanding of what you wanted for her. For everyone.

   It made…your insides boil.

   “I won’t let him motherfuckin’ kill me. I heard it being talked up that the motherfuckin’ revival is shut down…all it’ll take is motherfuckin’ experience, of which I have far more, entrenched up in this bitch as I was.” Your words are colder now, but less steady…in fact, your body has begun to shiver. Horribly.

     honk.

   “And I won’t have him comin’ the motherfuck back…THEY NEVER COME THE MOTHERFUCK BACK AFTER I’M DONE WITH THEM! YOU NEVER CAME THE MOTHERFUCK BACK, YOUR LOWBLOOD FRIENDS NEVER CAME BACK!! I’LL TEAR HIM APART AND SHOVE HIS MOTHERFUCKIN’ F–”

   No. With a horrid, hollow sound, you ball your hand into a fist and drive it directly into the side of your head, stopping yourself from slipping. You’d gone so long without slipping, so why now? 

   You couldn’t let the horrid honking noises drown out what it truly meant to be you. Especially not now.

   “……….I’ll make motherfuckin’ sure it happens. I’ll make motherfuckin’ sure he can’t hurt anyone after this. I can’t let…that….happen anymore.”

[shewhotends]

At first, his voice was the same, simply his vulgarity spiking. She wasn’t too keen on that at all, but it wasn’t the worst. But then, oh, and his voice rose, his face shifting into the expression she knew so well.

Crazy. Violent. Out of control. Her hand pressed up against her mouth to hide her expression, but it didn’t mask the horror in her eyes.

“I cannot seem to make you understand. He’s very hard to kill. You should know this. You go after him and all that’ll happen is that you’ll die, I’m certain of it.”

Part of her wondered why she was even bothering to try to talk some sense into the man. Who cared whether he lived or died, “redemption” or not.

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

Empty Jury || CA Event Closed

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

   For a moment, all you wanted to do was reach out to her, and so you raised your hand, stretching out your fingers without thinking…and then you stopped. No. No, this isn’t what you want to be doing. You don’t want to touch her. Look at her. She’s…

   She’s crying. And it’s all because of you. All because of what you let happen.

   “…Yeah. I motherfuckin’ disgust me, too. I must have lived in the Hive for years now, me and the Empress. All of a sudden, everything was just up and motherfuckin’ gone. All we had was each other.”

   So instead, you just talk. You’re so good at that. You’ve always been good at talking, although before, it used to all be nonsense. The Grand Highblood should always love the sound of his own voice, as much as he loves himself, right? How disgusting. No matter what, this is all you are ever going to amount to. 

   “It took us both way too motherfuckin’ long to realize everything we’d done wrong. And if was far too motherfuckin’ late. I can’t get my wicked change on and make everything right again. But…I ain’t gonna motherfuckin’ hurt you. If I could make everything good, I would. But you know better than anyone that all I’m good at is making things break the motherfuck apart.”

   “So I’m going to go find the me of this motherfuckin’ place, and I’m gonna kill him. And I’ll make sure he can’t get his motherfuckin’ touch on up on you no more.”

[shewhotends]

He kept making words, low and quick and soft, half to himself and half to her. It was not soothing, but there was nothing to do but listen. No trust- never- and so she would wait for him to go away before going away herself.

Even so, his speech was interesting, if unbelievable. He had simply decided to absolve himself of his many crimes? Ridiculous. There could be no such redemption. Some acts could not be cleansed from ones hands. That very last statement finally moved her to speak, though quietly.

“He’ll kill you. It won’t help. He’ll still be here. Even if you kill him, he’ll come back.”

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

Empty Jury || CA Event Closed

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

   In a way, you were sort of expecting this kind of thing to happen. In your eyes, it had been so long ago. You were the highest motherfuckin’ Subjugglator out there – the Grand Highblood. In a way, that was still your name; nobody called you Kurloz, not even Her Imperial Radiance. Names had been lost a long time ago. 

   But your crimes were still your own. Nothing you ever did would change that. And so, for a moment, you clench your fists, something bubbling up inside of your stomach…and then relax them, as you had done thousands of time before. Slowly, you lurch forward, lowering yourself onto your knuckles to be on a more even level with the other troll.

   For a moment, you just stare into her eyes, which were already filling up with emerald tears. How horrid…hers was a face you hadn’t seen for so long, and yet…and yet. And yet you lower your head, shaggy mane obscuring your own eyes as you lower yourself even further. And, as if prostrating yourself before a monarch, you, the Grand Highblood, bow down before the lowblood you had once condemned to damnation.

   “You’re motherfuckin’ right, sister. I…had hoped that I wouldn’t have to find out that my…past self is still getting his rage on in this space…but this is such a different motherfuckin’ ‘Hive.’ I can’t motherfuckin’ apologize on his behalf, we’re not the same person, even if we motherfuckin’ are. But I can still apologize for my own actions. What can one do if not acknowledge the past and move the motherfuck forward? So I’m trying to move the motherfuck forward. But if that’s what it’ll take…I’ll put a motherfuckin’ stop to him myself. I can only hope that’ll be motherfuckin’ enough.”

[shewhotends]

Tiny microexpressions were something she had been forced to pay attention to, get a feel for, over the sweeps. Anticipating what might happen, what might be done to her... His fists clenched. Closed. Opened again, slowly. Even before his hands opened again she had taken half step backward, head turned to the side, fully expecting a blow.

Instead he knelt, still almost her height on his knees if one included his horns, then bent forward further still. Dolorosa stepped backed further, out of reach from those terrifying, powerful hands. His skin was so clean that it was impossible to miss the myriad of scars.

A few tears spilled out, unbidden, her throat closed. It wasn’t enough to have him like this before her, it would never be enough. If anything, it unnerved her to the point where she stood shaking, arms wrapped up around herself.

He couldn’t give her son back to her. He couldn’t do a damn thing. Her voice was tight and rough when she finally spoke.

“You disgust me.”

Even after such a statement, she was afraid to run, to turn her back on him. He was so much faster than her, bigger. Stronger. And she’d heard that they had powers once more.

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

Empty Jury || CA Event Closed

shewhotends

[miraculoussubjugglation-blog]

   “Hey there, motherfucker.”

   Your voice is soft – when had you even arrived? You were always one for surprises, even now. Even after everything that had happened. It wasn’t entirely something you’d ever learned to control, you were simply good at being spontaneous. You’d tried to keep low for the duration of this madness, but curiosity got the better of you; you just had to go out.

   And what you found among the rubble of some abandoned battlefield was a face you weren’t ever expecting to see again.

   It wasn’t like you meant to creep up behind her like that. In a way, maybe you were uncertain. You’d admitted your past crimes, and you’d always done your best to make up for them. But when it came to facing them directly, well…was that something anyone could do?

   Could you even be blamed for being so nervous?

   “What a motherfuckin’ mess, huh? I guess, in a way, I’m at fault, too. I’m from up there.” You point up at the city floating above, just to make it clear. No, you weren’t from around here. This place was ‘fake.’ But it sure seemed real enough to you.

   “……Still, it’s pretty motherfuckin’ sick. Such motherfuckin’ brutality. This is the kind of shit we thought we could get our leave behind on in Alternia, but it sure has a way of following you. So…sorry, I guess. I guess I had my hope on that you found some motherfuckin’ peace, at least.”

[shewhotends]

Even over the ruckus- the pandemonium of violence and the constant din of alarms and crashes and buildings falling- his voice carried through. Soft, but binding like silk ties, wrapping around her until her breath was caught up in her throat.

It was a palatable, visible reaction- over the course of her stay here, he’d made her life a continuing hell, only tempered by the fact that at least she did not having someone playing in her mind while he laid down mark after mark on her body.

And yet, even as she closed off her body language, arms cross over her chest, already cringing away, she noticed that his clothes, his skin- they were all clean, all plain- all except his makeup on his face. No bloody stains, proudly displayed as claims of power.

Oh. He was from the other city, the one that came to destroy them. Small irony that it was the one place he was less of a destroyer.

“Why couldn’t you just stay away from me? Isn’t it bad enough that your true self torments me here? I couldn’t even be free in death. How dare you- how dare you apologize as though it meant anything, as though you didn’t consign me to be a toy for sweeps and sweeps.”

[shiraae]

“I’m just terrified of losing you one day.”

[imsomothaglubbinfine-blog]

Words Left Unsaid [closed / event]

shewhotends

You somehow knew this day would come. You watched as people in your city prepared themselves for what would shake the foundation of both worlds. You floated up (or down) into the other Hive City, searching more for your identical counterpart in hopes of stoping her tyrannical regime. After spending so much time in your own Hive City, you knew the error of your ways. You understood the importance of forgiveness, of compassion, of kindness. All the things the Signless once preached that you had come to abhor. 

Your quest to find your other half was stopped short when you spotted a familiar figure in jade. Even now, seeing her always put a heavy, regretful feeling in your heart. Floating mid air, you slowly descended down before her, landing lightly on your feet. 

dolorosa u betta swim on outta here b4 shit gets dangerous u may get ur powers back but there r some strong glubbas out here both in this world n in da mirror i come from wouldnt want ya to slip n choke up…

[shewhotends]

She watched the skies, wondering who was up there from her land, how their paths had strayed from her own timeline- another strange universe such as the one Porrim was from, some place more peaceful, less violent? Or perhaps a timeline darker still, where she never strayed from her rightful stewardship in the caves.

A figure she knew came down from the city above, hovering some feet away before coming closer, settling on the bits of rubble. Dolorosa crossed her arms in a clear signal- not interested. The empress in her own city was bad enough, cavorting with his craziness.

“Why are you talking to me? Is that a threat?”, she made a disgusted noise and face, tipping her horns back to make the expression all the more clear. “You don’t scare me.”

[spacemoat-blog]

shewhotends

[spacemoat-blog]

Well fighting was normal for you to see, sure enough. Just look at all those people fighting and dying…and you’d give a laugh at yourself for realizing that they’d all have to be killed twice for them to be taken out of the running of well…world’s next top city or whatever was going on. 

However, a familiar face in the other city sealed the deal on you not really feeling up to having a fight. You’d approach with that smirk on your face and just gesture to all the chaos around the two of you. 

     “Here we are, at a war again. That’s twice now. Two cities, two versions of the same individual, and I heard that if you die twice, you’re gone for good. This is almost two much, right?”

Oh the duality, this was great. 

But your smirk would soften into something a little more gentle as you let out a low chuckle. 

     “It’s really good two see you. It really is…two see you well.”

[shewhotends]

The air was filled with a thousand sounds, two armies of sorts flowing up between the strange void that connected the cities. Blood- mostly red, filled with metal- filled the street in patches, pooled around bodies now gone. 

Among the looks of shock, dismay, apathy, and unbridled aggression, worn on the faces of many smallish pink and brown faced aliens, there was a familiar, grey face. He came closer, and for a moment she fell back a step, the smirk unnerving her. Her captors had made sure to tell her what had befallen her child’s friend. Was his mind now a shadow of its former self?

But then the expression faded, and a gentle smile grew, more familiar to the jadeblood, and that small chuckle, deep- how she missed the sound of friendly troll voices.

“It has been too long, and our lives too hard, since our separation.” 

Dolorosa carefully avoided dwelling upon the event by naming it, moving closer still to him, to slowly embrace him for a hug, even slower still patting the backs of his shoulders. It had been so long since the touch of another troll was her true, free choice.

“I heard whispers of what happened to you, but if you do not mind, I would like to hear the words from your lips.”

[aldjfajkdlajf-deactivated201708]

For a few moments, she danced from foot to foot, small smacking sounds coming when her toes padded against the firm ground. Pursing her lips, she lost her voice for a few moments, perhaps two, watching the other with eyes round and dead behind the goggles. Finally though, she cleared her throat, forcing her voice to come. 

“Oh, of course! You looked a lot like Kanaya from a distance! I got a little excited, and sort of got ahead of myshellf.” 

The stiffened posture, she noticed that immediately, and moved to lay her trident into a relaxed position, fins flickering forward in a gesture of relaxation. 

“My name is Feferi! Feferi Peixes- I’m guessing you know the Empress, huh?” 

[shewhotends]

The two of them did a strange little circle, getting a bit more used to each other’s presence. It was something Dolorosa was used to after being in the company of seadwellers for so long- kind of a way of feeling castes. Although, if this was a little fuchsia, like her tinted cheeks suggested- Oh. She was exactly that, the heiress.

“I am Dolorosa, Kanaya’s ancestor. And yes, I did know and meet her on a few occasions, though only briefly. I spent far more time with Mindfang in particular than anyone else, being passed like a shiny toy.”

It was more than a little difficult to reign in her hostility at one born into a power position, but her caste won out eventually. She was just too young (and her caste too rare) to show more than a little nervousness.

“Did you know the Maryams well?”

[aldjfajkdlajf-deactivated201708]

shewhotends

Feeling perhaps a tad lost, mentally, of course– Feferi hadn’t gotten lost too many times in the particularly drab area of the city– she’d taken to wandering about. The place was a bit upside-down, at least in her eyes, clever gaze wandering, and lips sealed. It was all a tad forlorn looking, a small, very dead troll with her trident clutched close to her chest like a teddy bear.

It was from a distance, that she spotted a pair of horns that looked very, very familiar. A small gasp flooded her lips, and in her glee, Feferi paid no attention to the difference in the outfit, the stature. The figure she thought she knew was far away, and the silhouette matched someone she wanted to see. So, at full speed, she took off, still clinging tight to the trident, glubs of obvious glee spilling from her mouth like an overfilled bathtub. 

“Kanaya! Kan– Oh.” 

Frozen in place, it was easy to see that this figure was far, far too tall, too grown up. Not Kanaya. Groaning shortly, her eyes shut tight, cheeks tinting fuchsia with some form of embarrassment. 

“Shorey about that! I got you, mixed up with someone else.” 

[shewhotends]

The city, in its vastness, offered a powerful escape. With her old enemies and captors flowing into her region, Dolorosa moved away, drifting down the streets and being flowed around by the strange pink and brown aliens, Among them, it was easy to spot another troll- small, practically a wriggler in comparison to her.

That blush, though, made her frown and stiffen, even in the presence in what was clearly a child and therefore hardly a threat to an adult troll. 

“It is quite alright. Might you be talking about another Maryam? I have met both Porrim and Kanaya in this city, both fine girls, if I do say so myself. And you are...?”

[shesagam8lignant-blog]

shewhotends

Of all the faces she never expected to see before her ever again—let alone in this city—there she was.  The jadeblood whom she had considered nudging into the flushed quadrant at one time was within an arms reach from her now.  Would she apologize for the games?  For getting her killed?  Whenever had she been the apologizing sort?  Mindfang was not going to start now.

“It’s 8een a long time.”

She did not reach out to the woman and hoped the sound of her voice would be enough to make her turn around.  There was no hidden sentimentality, only the base desire to cause mischief and to challenge herself by playing her games without powers.

“Let me 8e the first to welcome you 8ack from the throes of death.  Though if my greeting was not the first you heard, I’d find it a tad 8it disheartening.  Your current gar8 is certainly more agreeable than that other rag you came to me in.”

[shewhotends]

Trolls were extraordinary easy to spot among humans, and full-grown troll were even easier. Coloring for coloring and height for height, an adult troll was conspicuous in the streets of the small, warm colored mammals. And then there was this one. Finely clothed (of all her crimes, she committed none against fashion) and blue tinted, her former mistress was easy to spot, but not easy enough to edge away from once the spotting was mutual.

“Not long enough.”

Already Dolorosa felt the sense of someone creeping in her mind, peeling the tissues away to peer inside and read her thoughts, pluck at her strings and use her body to work a will that was not her own. It did not matter that the woman before her likely had no powers at all- the mere doubt of the fact was enough to spin the jadeblood’s psyche.

“You are certainly not the first to greet me. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some lovely troll children here, and the displeasure of meeting a few individuals that are as filthy, morally speaking, as you are. Please refrain from making any physical compliments on my person, I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.”

[spacialsylph]

shewhotends

[spacialsylph]

Oh, gog! 

It was her, it was really her! Her actual, honest to goodness ancestor! Who would have thought that they would ever meet, let alone in a situation such as this?! Had she seen her? Should she hide before she made a complete fool of herself?

Kanaya wrung her hands, unsure what to say to the troll she had admired and emulated for so many sweeps, but now, as she stood before her, she had gone mute. She wanted to say something, tried but immediately closed her mouth, then tried again to unfortunately opposite results.

“Hi.” She offered a pathetic wave. “I Am Kanaya Maryam,Your Descendant, Although You Might Have Gathered As Such?” She let out a nervous chuckle. “What I Mean Is That There Is No Reason That You Would Not Have Come To Such A Conclusion, I Am Certain There Is Not A Fault In Your Reasoning Skills Nor Comprehension Within The Current Situational Context. I Only Intended To Better Illuminate Our Relationship, If It Was Even Required At This Point?”

[shewhotends]

She had been on a lovely stroll, taking in the strangely tepid-feeling sunrays. This sun was just so much weaker than theirs, though perhaps that was to the benefit of the other trolls here. These humans and their silly diurnal habits. Just then she noticed a small little troll coming up to her. Another jadeblood? 

“Hello,” you offer in a return greeting, before abruptly being cut off by a veritable stream of words. Patiently, you wait for it to end- this might be the first time the little thing has ever seen an adult troll.

“It’s perfectly alright. I admit there were some similarities in our appearance that might have led me to that confusion without your elaboration, but it was good of you to do so. Won’t you join me on my walk? I’m sure I would love to learn more about you.