So, the other week I was watching High School Musical 2... Don't judge me! Okay! I don't have to explain myself to you. Yeah, and you know how at the end of pretty much every sentence Zac Efron does that stupid...
*voice over* Huh, I'm so perfect.
… wink.
Well, basically, I've started to involuntarily do that at random moments... which has not been good! I'll just be walking around town and talking to somebody when all of the sudden this wink just happens like it's a reflex action or something. And I don't know why it is, I mean Troy looks ridiculous when HE does it like who actually does that?
But I'm not walking around trying to seduce people or something. You know, it might work for some people but when I try to do a sexy wink, I just look like a moose having a stroke. ...form a queue ladies. And needless to say this has caused some rather embarrassing situations such as:
Woman: Oh, did you drop your toy, Jessica?
Dan: Oh, no, that's okay, I got it.
Dan: Here you go.
Dan: Oh, sorry, no.
Woman: Jessica, get away from the man.
Dan: No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
Woman: You make me sick.
Dan: *screams* My eyes! My eyes! Aah!
not-Dan1: I can't believe he died so young.
Sarah: *cries*
not-Dan2: Oh, and poor Sarah. They just got married.
Sarah: No, it's okay, guys. I just need some time you know.
not-Dan1: Mmh.
not-Dan2: No, absolutely.
Dan: Of course.
Sarah: How dare you!
Dan: Oh god, no, no, I wasn't being like-
Sarah: *runs away crying*
not-Dan1: Too soon, bro. Too soon.
Russian agent1: We're just waiting for the signal.
Russian agent2: Do we know what he's sending?
Russian agent1: No, but if he shows a white flag, it means peace. However, if he winks we fire the missiles.
Russian agent2: Well, let's pray not.
…
Russian agent2: Oh, no! Fire the missiles!
News reporter: -and a reported 18 million people are dead in what historians are calling “the worst thing that has ever happened”.
Dan: Oh, for fucks sake.
Dan:
Well, not quite, but pretty much! And I'm guessing that most of you probably haven't had an awkward winking phase but generally disaster happens whenever I try to be mildly flirty like the time I tried to put my arm around a girl at a cinema and punched her in the face! Giving her a nose bleed... Cause that's just how I roll.
But, hey, who needs friends when you got whipped cream and Lara Croft! That sounds really dirty... Oh my god, why did I not realize how wrong that sounds. I bet none of you even thought of it like that, either, did you? My mind is wrong. I'm gonna stop talking.
*endscreen*
Dan: Oh, and quickly, if you still haven't made a vyou account and checked out my profile of it then you suck. Cause like everybody is on it now and I've answered like 300 questions or something. So, if you still don't know what it is then go to vyou or vyou.com/danisnotonfire and check me out and follow me and send me questions so I can answer them. Cause everybody's on it now and so should you be.
