#incorrect gladiator quotes

[pianopadawan]

Caracalla: Brother. Let's play fuck, marry, kill. Acacius, Lucilla and Macrinus. Geta: Hmm. Fuck Acacius, Marry Acacius... Macrinus: Sorry to interrupt your game but Acacius betrayed you. Geta: Kill Acacius. :( Geta: ... Geta: Wait, no, actually I'm switching back to fuck Acacius. Caracalla: That's not how the game works! Macrinus: Are you going to do anything about this treason thing or... Geta: Everyone be quiet! I need to think about my fuck, marry, kill answer!

[ellies-enrichment]

a boy who's nice that breathes, i swear he's nowhere to be seen

[mystery-star]

Maximus: Three weeks from now, I will be harvesting my crops. Maximus: Imagine where you will be and it will be so. Me: Naked underneath you on a bed. Maximus: What? Me: What?

[pianopadawan]

Geta: Someone had the audacity to call me clingy today. These people have no respect. Acacius: Sure, your majesty. Now, can you get off my lap? My legs are going numb. Geta: [*stares at him in shock*] How am I supposed to sit then?

[pianopadawan]

Lucius: Do you have a type?

Geta: Men who could kill me but won’t kill me.

Lucius: [*trying to put on a sexy voice*] I could think of ten ways to kill you right now, your majesty.

[*LATER*]

Geta: So, the gladiator and I are getting married.

[pianopadawan]

Commodus: Yesterday, we lost our beloved General Maximus Decimus Meridius.

Maximus: Stop telling everyone I’m dead!

Commodus: …Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

[pianopadawan]

Geta: [*staring at Acacius sweetly in the morning*]

Acacius: What are you thinking about?

Geta: Oh, just how sometimes, men are so very fortunate to encounter the perfect partner… and sometimes I just look at you and think how incredibly lucky and blessed by the gods you are to have me.

Acacius: I really thought you were going somewhere else with this, your majesty.

[pianopadawan]

Acacius: Your majesty, do you take constructive criticism? Geta: No, but I am open to combative criticism. Acacius: What do you mean? Geta: I mean you'd have to wrestle me and pin me down naked before voicing your point. Acacius: ... and then you'd take the criticism? Geta: [*thinks about it*] Geta: Probably not, but we could try. Acacius: Well... if it's for the political wellbeing of Rome. [*THAT EVENING*] Geta: [*lying naked in bed with Acacius sleeping on top of him*] So, what criticism did you have for me? Acacius: [*lifts his head*] Mm? No, that was perfect. [*falls asleep*] [*THE NEXT MORNING*] Acacius: [*wakes up to find Geta is already off causing chaos with Caracalla*] Shit.