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Paladin: Can you do something for me?

Rogue: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it.

Paladin: Can you do the dishes?

Rogue: *already leaving the room* No.

Fighter: I live for two reasons.

Monk: And those would be?

Fighter: I was born and I haven't died yet.

Sorcerer: This Halloween I’m going as a disappointment to my family.

Rogue: At least you won’t have to buy a costume.

Warlock: If I die my funeral is gonna be the Biggest F*cking Party and you're all invited.

Paladin: 'If'?

Wizard: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and they might not even die!

Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?

Rogue: Ten.

Bard: Ten what?

Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.

Fate may be in the hands of the gods, but these hands of god are about to throw down! ~Paladin

Wizard: What are you doing out this late?

Rogue: Well, we-

Wizard: Five words or less.

Barbarian: *counting on their fingers* We. Had. A. Fight.

Wizard: ...

Barbarian: Bitch.

Paladin: Who's the Leader here, me or you?

Paladin: Wait, it's me?

Paladin: Shit.

#incorrectdndclasses