#indigotypes

[indigo-types]

Jealousy, unsatisfied

Is this greed, selfishness? What else but unwholesome avarice unsettles, churns my stomach this way? A sickly fire crawls up my chest, bile reaching my mouth. Tainted, it leaves a slimy, thick coating. My breath, -oh- how it reeks of your name, unsatisfied.

How does one brush their teeth of jealousy?

[indigo-types]

sometimes I enjoy pain

not the sexual kind

not the relieving kind

not the temporary but worth it kind

sometimes, it’s not just the typical self-harm kind

but when my pain is internal, and i’m resisting the urges

a lung full of acid is nice

when i just want to cry, when I pick and bite, when I grind my teeth

a backache is just what I need

sick satisfaction, a twisted smile, early warning signs of a migrane

i turn up the screen brightness

exhaustion rakes at my body and mind, so tired, so tired

don’t sleep

there are subtle forms of torture

addicting, addicting

they never notice the secret ways to cause pain

isn’t it funny?

secrets, guilt

the worst ones

the most painful

they’re the worst ones of it all

[indigo-types]

inhale

shaking, reaching

a hand extended toward comfort, friendship, solace

i see how you suffer, struggle, hurt

typing... typing...

anger flashes, strangles

me, as i pause, stop, delete

defeated, failure

lost a battle in my mind, prison, grave

i remain alone, cold

quiet, silent

exhale

[indigo-types]

Tick, Tock, Tick

tick

tock

schedules and rhythms. 

tick

tock

plans and systems

tick 

tock

controlled by my fate

tick

tock

so much on my plate

tick

tock

already feel nauseous

tick

tock

no time to be cautious

tick

tock

headache of feelings

tick

tock

is leaving me reeling

tick

tock

nevertheless

tick

tock

alone in my stress

tick

tock

surrounded by fears

tick

tock

taste only tears

tick

tock

i just want this to end

tick

tock

i don’t want to pretend

tick

tock

that I’m still calm

tick

tock

that I’m not a bomb

tick

tock

suddenly, click

tock

it hits like a brick

tock

spark lit the wick

tock

had you been quick

tock

seen that I’m sick

tock

my clock wouldn’t stick

tock

tick

[indigo-types]

empathy of distance

and so begins

endless torrents of wordless emotions

every tendril, every connection

activated, a lit map of electricity

so my heart is yours

and yours is mine

stranger, why?

are you not fine?

a thousand people, and endless sea

their heartbeats echo, echo, echo

I know you, but you know not me

wish I could comfort, show

I know

your woe

for every moment of my waking, shaking, I feel the vibrations

they fill my ribcage

I am an instrument, a hollow tree, a drum, percussive emotions fill my soul.

i am with you, stranger, friend, foe. 

so please just know

you’re not alone