I NEED HELP
This is a shout for help. I really wanted to hang out with my friends tonight. My best friend is tired and I respect that. I’ve been looking forward to this ( eating Ramen) almost all week. I NEED to hang out with them to escape my own INSANITY. I have many emotions that need to be ignored and all i’m left is to cope with them. I want to continue to ignore them.... until I’m ready which I don't think i’ll ever be. It’s a cry for help I admit that. I desperately need the help, I admit. Its nice to numb the pain once in awhile but recently it’s been getting harder and harder to ignore. I know my friendS have struggles of their own. I don’t want to burden them because I love them so much. It hurts so much that i’m not as close with my sister as I used to be..IT HURTS ALOT. So much more than a person can imagine. I went to my first therapy session on Wed and I don’t know how I feel. its Fri and my face feels numb from crying so much. I’m trying to get ahold of myself so i can go to work tomorrow. I want to feel everything and not feel everything at the same time. I want to feel feel happy and I think I need to know true sadness as well. IT HURTS. so much. Its inevitable, I think...... I’ve gotten help and I want to stay off meds at the same time. I want my friends t know without me telling me them. At the same time, how are they going to know if I don't tell them?
