#ineffable clan

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 10

"Okay, so... What do we know?" He could pace in the attic, click his pens, and study his corkboards. He could come up with solutions, even to Bill. He had new information on him, so started to add a bulleted list. "A lot, maybe. Do we even know for sure that he's really an angel? What if he's... I don't know. All the magic could actually just be Crowley and they're faking it somehow."

"Or they could both be demons?" Wirt's worries spilled out of him freely when it was just him and Dipper, comfortable enough with him and free from the potential judgment of an angel and the yellow eyes hidden behind sunglasses. "And they're just trying to get us to lower our defenses and let Bill in. I mean, we really have no way to prove Aziraphale's an angel, do we?"

"I don't know. We could ask for proof, but can you fake a halo? Do angels actually have halos?" Dipper shrugged. "But I know they're not both demons. Aziraphale can come in and out. We've seen him do it. It's just... He feels different. Does that make sense? But that's all I've got to go off of and, I mean... Mabel believes him? She's trusting but she's not- like she's not stupid."

Wirt sighed as he sagged against the door, already feeling a weight lifting from just being able to process with Dipper. "No, she's not. And I mean, honestly, he does have this sort of angelic glow? Like if I'm not too stuck in my head and worrying, I get this kind of sense. Like a 'be not afraid' sort of feeling that angels are supposed to come with. So it… It makes sense. It's just a lot, I think."

"It is a lot," he agreed, crossing to his boyfriend. He let himself remove the hat, bobbing up to let their lips meet and brows nuzzle together. "They have given us a ton of info on Bill and, honestly, they don't seem impressed by him and Crowley was genuinely mad to see Hastur. That's the only demon besides Bill who's actually tried to kill us so far."

"Yeah, and if Aziraphale isn't a demon, then whatever that fire was must've been dangerous to him, too, right? I mean Crowley was fine in it, but Aziraphale didn't want to go near it and he did anyway to help us." Wirt closed his eyes, nuzzling back and let his arms loop around Dipper's waist. "I feel like that's a lot to risk just for a ruse."

"Especially if it's one for Bill. I just can't wrap my head around telling us all that if they're working with him. Bill likes to brag. He'd hate it if he knew they'd just totally brushed off him coming up with dreams. Like he did it, but humans perfected it? He'd be mad that they think it's boring that he's still trying to mess up our minds through dreams."

"Yeah." Wirt opened his eyes to search Dipper's gaze, keeping his voice low, like it would keep their secrets just between them even if it was in vain. "Do you… do you feel anything? Like he's in there somewhere?"

[Continue on AO3]

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 8

He hadn't counted on them getting through the barrier. An angel immune to Hellfire shouldn't also be immune to a barrier, and it infuriated Bill that he couldn't hear what was being said behind it. A goody two-shoes angel and a soft demon helping Pine Tree was exactly what he didn't need. He'd been making some progress before they'd shown up, but it was virtually impossible to separate the quartet when they left the Shack and completely impossible when they were in it.

Of course a Duke of Hell wouldn't be much use. Heaven and Hell were both so small-minded, ultimately. They weighed everything on a scale Bill had left behind years ago. Centuries, really, when he'd first popped up onto Earth with instructions, "Have fun and rip it up. Sow Hell's seeds."

Have fun.

He'd had fun. He had ripped the place up. He'd fashioned dinosaurs out of God's fake bones and trapped them in amber. He'd screwed up the timeline for this tiny part of the world. He'd helped Trembley get elected and happily ignored that it had ultimately been a failure, with him entirely erased from history. He'd encouraged visiting demons to try and gain some sort of imagination because that, he was convinced, would win out in the final war. 

The only one who'd shown a spark of it had been good old Crowley. Still Crawly, then, he'd appeared with a unicorn and Bill had secretly watched him set their continued population in motion. That was what he'd needed, but the serpent hadn't surfaced again. At least not here.

So Bill had decided to think outside the box. He'd suffered for it, sure. His original vessel had burned away in the crossing of dimensions, but he'd found what he'd been seeking. A whole host of creatures just filled with dark imaginations and wicked dreams. He'd ripped them into this world, and Hell - small, weak Hell - had turned on him. Bubbled him up. 

Fury still burned in him. Cover him up, officially cast him out, and why? Because of God? The Great Plan was boring. Pointless. Unimaginative. Very unlike God in so many ways, and yet they'd been obsessed with it. 

He landed on two feet, giving Hastur the visage he expected from a fellow demon. He barely remembered this body. Slim, lanky even, with a mop of golden hair and an eyepatch on one side to hide the pit the angels had left him with. The other was something like Crowley's, but he'd never been a snake. He just liked the look and he'd been quietly jealous of the gold. He'd covered up his red with it. 

It twitched now, flickering between colors as he held onto a broken human form. "So. You thought they'd stay in London."

[Continue on AO3]

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 14

"Can't believe I let that little gobshite stab me," Crowley complained, the Bentley roaring down the mountain as they needed the few minutes it would give them to formulate a plan. 

His mind was nowhere near his mouth, though, shooting through ways to collect and contain this much Hellfire. A town like this should have a well of some sort somewhere, surely. Strong enough demonic miracle to get it all into a bottle or maybe a cauldron with a lid and throw that into a lake if there wasn't a well. Or their stupid watertower. A miracle to topple that maybe.

"Hours in Hell and nothing, but five bloody minutes back up here..."

"Obviously being on Earth and in other dimensions has benefitted Cipher's ability to think on his feet," Aziraphale reasoned. "And we couldn't have known that he knew about you sealing yourself in your corporation. But we shan't underestimate him again. We'll get the holy water, so we have it ready, then we just force him out of Dipper and into his rightful body and all's well that ends well. After we stop the town from burning to the ground, that is." 

"Angel, that's not a we problem. It's a me problem. You should go find the kids. Huddle them back into their Shack with demon kid outside and fix the barrier. Whatever happened with it."

Aziraphale scoffed. "Absolutely not. Then you'll be trapped outside of it, too. Even if we do fix the barrier, that doesn't help us remove Cipher from the boy-" He stopped mid thought as an idea occurred to him. "But we could seal him in. We could lure him back there and repair the barrier with him inside. That would at least keep him from wreaking more havoc on the town."

Plenty of havoc was being wreaked. Crowley could feel the Hellfire even before they saw it, and it was greedily eating up all the old wooden buildings. As fast as it had devoured the little demon-man's building. As the flames finally came into direct view, Crowley gave himself permission to smack the steering wheel with both hands, swearing furiously at the whole situation for a few seconds.

"Crowley," Aziraphale sighed, but even he couldn't tear his eyes away from the flames, sitting a bit more stiffly at the sight of them. "Is that helping?"

"It's helping me." Which was plenty of justification, in his opinion. He gestured at the flaming town below, still very annoyed but more willing to think. "Hastur," and he growled the name, "is the one wreaking havoc on the town. If I can nab him, I can discorporate him somehow or another and then package up all the Hellfire. Dunno how we'll make it to the bloody kids otherwise."

"Alright, so we'll stop them both." Aziraphale made a pressing gesture with his hands, distracting himself from the Hellfire so his mind could concoct a better plan than just "stop them." "I'll miracle the townspeople to safety, while you contain the Hellfire and Hastur, then the path to the children will be clear and we can go from there."

Crowley started to argue, but stopped. Maybe it was a we problem. "You could do that. Be very helpful, actually."

[Continue on AO3]

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 16

"When's the last time you were in an actual fight, angel?"

"That depends on what you constitute as a fight, my dear. As in, do one-sided affairs count, or must blows be exchanged between two or more parties?" Aziraphale asked conversationally, for clarification purposes. 

"A physical fight. Not really sure how that'd be one-sided."

"Well, that would be if only one person was, ah, roughed up a bit, so to speak. But if you mean a proper fight, then that would be… whenever it was that fencing came into fashion. Mid-1700s? All in good sport though, obviously."

He stopped following Cipher's movements to stare at Aziraphale instead. "Hang on, who the hell would corner you?"

Aziraphale sighed and gave him a look. "I'd think it would be quite obvious, given the nature of my so-called trial, but I'll give you a guess."

He had four names in mind immediately, but one would be more likely to give such orders than carry them out. He had a mental list compiled of who he'd introduce to Hellfire in what order and this new information slipped Gabriel down three notches. It'd probably be Michael or Uriel first. Sandalphon was too much of a hands-off sort than a physical one, bloody coward. 

"Fuckers," he growled softly, glancing up as if to send his irritation straight into Heaven. Instead, he watched a triangle flicker in and out of sight and only just managed to whirl around to catch the knife that had been aimed straight for his back. "Still playing with knives, Cipher?"

"You can thank Hastur for the idea. He doesn't have many, so let's give him his due."

"Must we?" Aziraphale sighed, miracling the weapon away so Crowley wouldn't have to waste his energy on it. "I don't believe anyone's keeping score. I certainly won't tell him if you don't."

[Continue on AO3]

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 6

Mabel leaned forward, delighted to have Pacifica there and intrigued by the magic tricks she claimed to have seen, but there was something even more important to ask than if she'd been able to hear incantations or whatever was running through Dipper’s conspiratorial mind over pancakes. 

"Big question time," she began. 

"Here we go," Dipper muttered, jumping a little at a swift kick in the shin. 

"Were either of them cute?" 

"They were old," Pacifica replied, but Mabel continued to look expectant. "No."

"Oh, come on."

"No. Ugh." She propped her elbow on the table, chin in hand in a move she was definitely not able to get away with at home. "One of them was, like, giving off some rockstar vibes but in a way that makes you think he was cool back when Queen was."

"Queen's still cool," Dipper protested, listening to her description. They had to know who to keep an eye out for, after all. "Their music is timeless. They'll never not be cool."

"Yeah, whatever. He never took off his sunglasses, so he's probably a dou-" Greg was listening, his trusty frog on his head, so she corrected herself. "He's probably a jerk. And the other guy looked like a lame librarian. He was wearing a waistcoat and a bowtie."

"There's nothing wrong with bowties," Dipper muttered. 

"There is when they're tartan."

"I don't know what that is."

[Continue on AO3]

[sylwritesstuff]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

After millions of texts and dozens of video chats over the long wait between winter and summer, the Mystery Best Friends are ready for a summer full of fun and romance in Gravity Falls.

After too many years of waiting and planning, something else waits in the shadows. And this time, he has Hellish help and enough power to draw the attention of one angel and one demon who would so much rather be doing anything other than trying to prevent another Armageddon.

Co-written by @syl-writes-stuff and @skimmingmilk

—

Chapter 12

Any demon would prefer Earth over Hell, which was exactly why the demonic lot had been more likely to visit its surface over the years than the opposition. They'd popped in and out, possessing humans, stirring up trouble in tiny ways, and everyone had left Crowley alone because they'd all assumed - partially because he'd lied on compliance reports - that he was stirring up trouble in big ways. If they'd known most of it all had been humanity itself, no demonic intervention needed, he'd have probably been dragged back down for a desk job.

Though, after making it a point to visit as little as possible over the centuries, Crowley couldn't actually remember the last time he hadn't gone through the front door. His job had always been above ground and he'd liked it there even before slithering up to a certain angel. It shouldn't have been a surprise that they'd landed in a storage unit filled near to bursting with desks, but it made him grimace as much as the dirt the back entrances always required.

He brushed loose soil off his shoulders, but left it smudged on his cheeks, and reached out for Aziraphale's wrist before it could come down. "None of that, angel. A Heavenly miracle will reverberate through here like a bomb. You can handle a touch of dirt for a bit." Though he silently rid him of most of it anyway. It was the scent that mattered more than the actual soil.

"Right, so sorr-" The apology died on the tip of his tongue, so Aziraphale switched to a well-practiced huff as he relegated himself to merely dusting off the sleeves of his coat. He hesitated when he realized the demonic miracle that had likely taken place when his fingers came away clean, and it took everything in him not to send Crowley the most grateful of smiles. "Right," he said again, pitching his voice a bit lower than usual, a bit more gruff. "Obviously. Not bothered by dirt, don't be ridiculous."

He almost sounded drunk, Crowley mused, just without the slurring. It was a good thing he'd had centuries to act like he wasn't gone over him because it was easy enough to angle his head and scowl a little. He let his accent shift when he spoke, thicken into more of a Scottish brogue. "Obviously not. Just keep at it and we'll be alright. You ready?"

[Continue on Ao3]