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𝙎𝙇𝙄𝙈𝙁𝙄𝙉𝙄𝙏𝙔 的高科技研，融合瘦身与健体双重出击。𝙎𝙇𝙄𝙈𝙁𝙄𝙉𝙄𝙏𝙔里的𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙖𝙙®成分提供特殊生物活性物质，它们对代谢功能的特异作用🤹 ✔ 🤸♀️提高身体性能： • 增强总验氧工作能力 • 提升更高的峰值功率 ✔ 🤸♀️高强度运动中的爆发力需求： • 管理关键的生物参数，如：锻炼期间与锻炼后的血压 • 弥补运动中引起的代谢加速 • 维护身体机能在锻炼其中会遭受的损伤, 并达到更高性能‼️ ♀️极短时间内一次过达成你双重愿望‼️ #ImAnnThong #BeautéMorî #SLIMFINITY® #SlimFinityPLAN #InFinitySTRENGTH 💌想了解更多，欢迎按此链接询问 http://bit.ly/2R0e4vE 或 按此链接到我的Lazada 店面选购👍 👉 bit.ly/34bJFyS https://www.instagram.com/p/CKiSSwVJh8d/?igshid=isi4az19rz6g
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The ugliest feeling
I will never forget the day, and the feelings the word brought with it. Thursday, my dad and I just get home. And there was my mom, sitting in the same chair at the same time as the day before. Only, it wasn't the same. She was running her pen over the same line on the same paper with her eyes puffy from crying. I was more afraid of it having to do with something with my nana. When I asked if she was okay, she shook her head and said no and cried even more. It was so hard to see her like that. I ran to her hugging her. To afraid to hear why she was crying so much.
"It's cancer". Those were the words she was able to breathe out and I hugged her even tighter. I remember feeling like I just got shot out of the sky from some perfect world where bad things didn't happen. I thought it was a dream, and no matter how hard i blinked, it didn't make it any less real. I was so afraid for my mom, but I couldn't cry. I ran upstairs to my room and sat in my closet and cried. My mom doesn't smoke, drink excessively, sun bathe. She's healthy. She takes the dogs out for a 3 mile walk every morning. She hits the gym three times a week and is on an adult soccer team and eats healthy. Why MY mom? I think what scared me more is that cancer doesn't care who you are or what you do. There's no history of cancer in our family, so why MY mom?
When i finally calmed down somewhat, i went to find Luci to see if she understood what was going on. I don't think she fully comprehended the situation. There was Luci, laying on my parents bed, playing with her Ipad. I laid next to her trying to remember a time of innocence. I kept trying to nap hoping that it was just a dream. I kept waking up from dreams of spiders or dreams of falling. It was scary to realize that it wasn't a dream, and that what my mom had said downstairs was real.
(To this day, I still haven't said "my mom has cancer" out loud. This blog is only the second time me saying it. It's not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed for my mom. It's because I feel that if I actually said it out loud, it would make this situation more real.)
When Daniel, my older brother found out, it was a cry i've never heard before. I ran to them and hugged my mom and brother as tight as i could. My dad joined the family hug and it scared me just as much because he was crying too. I've only seen my dad cry two other times and that would be when one of his Tias passed away, and the second time being when he and my mom were sitting in the LEADS center at NAU while they were telling me how proud they were of me and how i've grown.
As afraid for my mom as I was, I didn't want to be home. I wanted to run away. When a good friend called me asking to go for a run, I took that offer. We went to some steep hill place in Tucson where almost everyone goes to get a pretty legit walk in. By the time we got to he hill, the sun was going down and I hate running in the dark. We said we'd run only so far up the mountain before turning around. I ran as hard as I could as if I could sweat out any cancerous genes from my body. I pushed myself as hard as I could for my mom. Well, I suck at running uphill so that didn't last long. But when we got to our stopping point, we ran our way down. With so many opportunities to tell my friend what I had just heard earlier, I couldn't bring myself to say it. Our run was short, so we went to the UofA campus to run around that place. I pushed myself to keep running. I didn't wanna think. I just wanted to run. After that run, I still didn't wanna go home so we killed time at target. Although I didn't say it, my dear friend Jelly did help my get my mind off the news. We're a ridiculous pair of friends and incredibly grateful to have her as a best friend.
When we stopped for gas before finally heading home, the text message from family started coming in. "hey I heard about your mom, I'm so sorry. I'm here for you guys if you need anything. How are you doing? I know what your going through". I hate the sympathy. I don't want it. And no, you don't know what I'm going through. You didn't just hear that your mom got cancer. That it's too early to know anything, and of your moms gonna be there for you next 4th of July. The feeling of not knowing how the holidays are gonna be. How much harder school is gonna be not being at home with family while this is happening. Just not knowing what's going to happen. And don't you dare say "I'm here for you guys". I'm sorry, you weren't here this weekend to show your support and love for my mom when your family was here. I'm sorry this news came up when you had flaky plans with your flaky friends. I fully believe that actions speak louder than words, and if you couldn't be here now, i'd like to not see you if and when the struggles get harder. You come and support my family out of love, not guilt.
Later that night, i finally worked up the courage to tell jelly about my mom. Of course not verbally. I'd start crying and it'd just be a mess.
On Saturday, i bought my mom an "Infinity" Tiffany&Company necklace. I told her it stood for "Infinity" strength, faith, and love. I know a necklace and words wouldn't scare the cancer away, but it's so my mom will never forget the type of family she's raised and the support system she has standing beside her. We cried right there in the middle of the store. That was embarrassing.
For the past few days, our house has been infested by different Tias, Tios, and cousins. And for the past few days, i have to hear the story of when my mom got the news, and how she took it and it breaks my heart every time.
I'm almost afraid to be to positive about this situation because i don't want to be let down and have it take a turn for the worst. I was happy because i was finally finding religion again and having faith in god, but why my mom? "Everything happens for a reason". I don't know how to feel except afraid. Afraid for the future of my moms, afraid for my future, afraid of what's to come.
It's still hard for me to swallow this news, but I know i have great family and friends with love and prayers.
We're gonna get through this mommy. We're going to be okay.
