Anon wrote: Hello ! I have a couple issues I wish to improve and want your advice:
Firstly I have this out of sync behaviour. Especially with my mom where I become immature like a teenage brat and say things which I dont necessarily feel are aligned with how I truely feel, like "that person did me wrong blabla they are this and that " although I dont feel the grudges . Its almost as if I am possesed. Could it be that its because I didnt get enough mirroring for her growing up and we were not talking when I was in my preteen? Is this a Fe issue?
Another issue I have is my indecessiveness in life, no matter how brave I try to be I get stuck in dilemmas and they suck my soul out. There would have been less consequences in choosing than all the rabit holes I have to go down to. I feel like all my ambitions have come to dust with my adhd and other issues that are a blockage and I am just feeling lost and say and do stupid things so I can ignore my failures.
Ps. Could you please tag this INFJblackpearl so I can come back and see your answer.Thank you :)
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(1) I have already written in detail about the complexities of parent-child relationships, so I suggest you search through the site index and relevant tags for previous articles.
(2) There are many possible factors that can contribute to indecisiveness. You must have some understanding of what's causing a problem before you can find the right solution, and it doesn't sound like you have much insight into it, so deeper reflection is required. This means all I can do is merely speculate about what the underlying factors might be based on what is generally common for the personality type.
For INFJs, one common factor is an irrational fear of failure that often goes along with unhealthy perfectionism. This might manifest as having unrealistic expectations (Ni) and/or holding oneself to unreasonable standards that stem from social pressures (Fe). Thus, the remedy would be to nurture a more realistic and/or a more compassionate and forgiving mindset.
Another common factor is being out of touch with one's own needs, preferences, and values. It's hard to make firm decisions when you don't know what you need, don't know what you want, don't know what you like, and/or don't know what you value most. Denigration or denial of oneself is a common sign of unhealthy Fe. The remedy would be to improve your self-esteem and self-worth and take steps to know and honor yourself better.
Another common factor is lack of critical thinking skills. Good critical thinking includes being able to explore, analyze, and evaluate your options in a more thorough, systematic, and objective manner. Feeling inundated with or being too easily swayed by too much information and not knowing how to draw sound conclusions is a symptom of having poorly developed judging functions. There are lots of online and book resources for improving critical thinking.
