The Flat Dundee Society
Aabdy kens Dundee is arranged around the inside of a pure crystal sphere, otherwise aa the snaa and mony o the posh fowk wad get oot.
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But, according to the Flat Dundee Society, the Hilltoon is a special effect done wi photies like thae mountains in the Netherlands - which are actually just tenements in the Nethergate.
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The Sid- or Sidelaws are clearly very thin mountains, we just view them from the front. As their name implies, if you go round the side, their essential flatness is immediately revealed.
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The Flat Dundee Society also believes that pehs are just bridies faked up to look tall and round like policemen. Flat pastries are the true pastries of Dundee (and Forfarshire).
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The Flat Dundee Society’s most dearly-held conviction is that Dundee is actually a newspaper laid over some bumpy stuff left over from the Creation, and that we just need to go round and whack the bumps like ganglion cysts, preferably with the Bible.
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They believe in their flat hearts that we are tales told by furious typists, and our merely human aspects are as faddy as watching a movie through 3-D specs. (Also that herring are made out of red cellophane.)
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The Flat Dundee Society, who live together in a Dundee flat, insist that God is baith oor editor and proprietor, that each of us bides in oor ain column, and that angels attempt to catch the worst of the typos as oor stories unfold