#infpanswer

[infpadvice]

Omg, I fell in love with your ISTP x INFP post. Can you please please please write a scenario beginning from friends to lovers for them? X3

Hey!! Sorry for the late reply.  Here’s you answer!

[infpadvice]

Hi i saw your dealing with depression page and well, i have a suggestion. I'm an ISFJ,(sensing 1%, judging 11%), and i was kind of depressed last winter and at last i figured out what really made me energetic and happy before the depressed part. I love singing, it's the best way for me to let go and just express myself, so i started to sing again. Also, i lightly started to exercise. So my advice, do what makes you happy, even though how hard it is in the beginning. An old saying, but it worked!

Thanks so much! Exercise is certainly a great suggestion. I believe singing helps everyone, even if we, or I especially, *ahem* do it badly. ^_^

Also, I added that you submitted these two suggestions here 

Let me know if that is not okay! 

[infpadvice]

As a response to the male INFP question, and or wondering if anyone would be interested in a directory of sorts, I most definatley am! I also happen to be a Male INFP. Other than that, really enjoy you're blog.

OMG. This makes my day/weeks. There will be a DIRECTORY! I’m still working on setting it up and how much info there should be for each person as I imagine it would be best to organize it by a variety of factors like gender and key personal interests! I have made a tentative DIRECTORY page and you shall be the first entry! (Let me know if that isn’t okay) Woot. ^_^ I’ll hopefully get it running next week as I reaaaalllllyyy want to do it. 

If there’s any categorical suggestions anyone has please let me know.

I want to determine how best to organize people before we put people in, but if any of you reaallly want to send me an ask with any info you’d like on the directory! 

Yay. 

[infpadvice]

I have noticed myself drifting away from what's happening around me. I am trying to get over this boy because I'm still in love with him. He's my best friend, but I feel as if I can't support him while he's in a relationship because of my feelings for him. Please help.

1) This is normal in  small doses. We all have periods of dissociation. If it is excessive, you really want to see help as many, many people do unspeakable things under some form of extreme dissociation. Here’s a link to friendly to read wikipedia on this

2) Was this a relationship, or an unrequited love? Both can be hard, but if at the end of the day you can’t support him the way you wish you could, then the only solution is to break ties, either temporarily or permanently. 

If this isn’t the result of a relationship, then it may be hard to give the reason, but if you do, he may understand enough to just give you some time.

If this is after a relationship, then he should understand your need for space.

If I am being blunt, as I am most days, you can simply continue the way you are and one of two things can/will happen:

1. You will make it clear, on accident, that you cannot support him like a best friend should by doing something not nice, or simply saying something too negative about his girlfriend. One way or another, something will happen that will make him mad at you for not being able to fulfill your friendship role.

2. Your feelings will grow. The “proximity effect” is a psychological term that is the fact that those who we spend more time around appear more appealing to us. It is not your fault!

At the end of the day, you both seem like you’d be better off having time apart. Maybe you need only a little bit of time. Maybe busying yourself will be sufficient. Just try to be honest with yourself and don’t let you, your best friend, or his girlfriend suffer in the long run. 

This is a awful situation. If anyone has additional advice, please respond!

[infpadvice]

INFP here, any tips on how to keep focused during class? I can only ever manage about 30 minutes before I lose focus and I start going off in my own head. I know lectures have good and useful information I just can never seem to snap out of it.

Okay, I’m dividing this into two parts- 

1) What Research Says

You said lectures. Oh snap are you in college too? Well first off, it’s not all your fault!

“…research has found that the majority of teachers do not share the psychological type preferences of gifted individuals. In a study examining psychological types of teachers, Betkouski and Hoffaman (1981) found that teachers prefer S (50% of elementary teachers and 40% of secondary teachers) over N, and they prefer J (66% for both elementary and high school) over P. A mismatch of type between gifted students and their teachers may lead to difficulties in the classroom as gifted students with NP preferences may feel misunderstood and unchallenged by their teachers (Piirto & Rogers, 2000).”

Staying focused:

First off, it might help to learn your learning style[1]

This other website helps with learning-style based study habits/note taking, etc. [2] It certainly can give you some ideas :)

"Many Perceiving individuals have patterns of behavior not yet described in research literature. Their approaches, though unconventional, are rational and functional. While their routines may include (a) postponing homework and projects, (b) foregoing the use of planners or calendars, and © writing papers just in time for class, their academic standing is often good. Despite their success, many students with a Perceiving preference describe themselves with: procrastinator, bad, lazy, disorganized, messy, late. They apologize for not following time management principles promoted as desirable. The strategies recommended in traditional college student success materials are primarily oriented toward techniques that fit Judging behavior patterns." 

Schools in general weren’t meant for INFPs in a lot of ways. Just trying to take some of the responsibility off your shoulders!

2) What I Personally Do

A. Staying focused:

I struggle with staying focused a ton. To be honest, some lectures have moments where the professor will repeat something, or talk about something insanely insignificant. If you are zoned at and try and zone back in around this point, try and listen for his/her tone to shift. He/she may clear their throat, they may say “I went off on a tangent” (my fav.),  a sudden jump in loudness- especially with the word “SO”, and other typical voice inflections. More than anything embrace daydreams in small doses during this “downtime”. (I realize this sounds like insane advice but I get straight A’s and I’m in my last year of college. ^_^ )

B. Can never seem to snap out of it:

If you try to do the above this will be a problem! Try and be more involved in lecture BY DRAWING! (or you could participate *not a fan myself*).

This works really good for powerpoints. Don’t try and draw the Mona Lisa, but a simple 5-line, two or three inch space every few slides might help you. 

This may or may not help depending on your learning style, mentioned earlier^

BUT there is research related to ADHD kids that shows doodling and even fidgeting are helpful focus tools.

National Education Association.org’s Article

You also may want to try sitting in the front of the class if you aren’t already, it could make you just anxious enough not to daydream. 

If you really start daydreaming, go the the bathroom to get fresh air or help yourself refocus.

Lastly, I still feel like there’s much to be desired in this answer. Anybody got focusing/note-taking tips for us daydreamers? Respond to this post or send an ask and I’ll post it on the blog ^_^

Sources:

1. Learn Your Learning Style

2. Vark: A Guide To Learning Styles 

3. National Education Association.org’s Article

[infpadvice]

Hey, I have a problem with being INFP like... Every test I made, made me into an INFP and I just don't /really/ identify myself with it? When I read stuff up I feel more like a mix of INFP and ISFJ...

First off, a lot of people feel this way with the MBTI. I am close to being INFJ myself! 

Here’s a good test that shows you what percent you are of each[1]

(http://similarminds.com/embj.html)

Ex) Perceiving (P) 62.5% Judging (J) 37.5%

One is stronger than the other.

You may feel like this- I just don’t /really/ identify myself with it- because:

1. You’re personality might be changing, we don’t all stay the same type forever.

2. Your just more of a mixture than the 16 types allows for. 

3. You use certain functions for certain situations.

4. Or you could be more INFP than you realize. LOL. :)

5. Also keep in mind, Jung, whose work is what the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is based on didn’t like oversimplification:

“Every individual is an exception to the rule,”

“stick[ing] labels on people at first sight,” in his view, was “nothing but a childish parlor game.“ [2]

6. Lastly, don’t feel too frustrated as it seems, among a lot of forums especially, a common occurrence to feel “caught in-between”.

Any followers who feel like this too? I know I do sometimes!

Sources:

1. Similar Minds Jung+Enneagram Test

2. Why The Myers-Briggs Personality Test Is Misleading, Inaccurate, And Unscientific

[infpadvice]

Hi there! I was wondering if you think that INFPs tend to have heightened senses of anxiety compared to most other people because of their introversion, emotionality, and the fact that they are often locked inside of their own minds. Sometimes I am very unsure whether being anxious all the time is part of my personality or something else entirely! Thanks for reading this :)

I certainly think that INFPs have heightened anxiety!

Introversion basically means that we do not get energy from being around others (we feel drained of energy).

Introverts are drained by social encounters and energized by solitary, often creative pursuits. Their disposition is frequently misconstrued as shyness,social phobia or even avoidant personality disorder, but many introverts socialize easily; they just strongly prefer not to. In fact, the self-styled introvert can be more empathic and interpersonally connected than his or her outgoing counterparts. The line between introversion and lonely loners gets blurry, however, as some introverts do wish they could break out of their shell. [1]

A) So in regards to social situations can the fact that we are being drained add to anxiety? I certainly think so!

B) Our sensitivity and our perfectionistic tendencies (esp. with emotional control) is the biggest factor.  

C) We are very introspective and that can make us too aware of our own faults to the point where we feel like everyone sees every mistake we make. 

Whether being anxious (term used loosely in regards to it being a personality trait, but you get what I mean!) is a personality trait or an actual problem comes down to, above everything:

Is the anxiety making a big negative impact on your life? If it is, if at all possible get help. It’s the same rule doctors use for people who think they may have a drinking problem but haven’t done something that made anyone else think they did.

A drinking problem could exist if either:

1. The person thinks it is a problem. Odd are if it is concerning you, it’s not  for nothing!

2. The impact it has on your life and if you’ve had negative consequences.

The only other thing I can think to mention is the level of anxiety. Are you experiencing panic attacks? Have you recently been having more anxious feelings or does it seem like a gradual thing? Gradual would indicate personality trait. Some anxiety is normal. What’s the line between normal and not normal? Only the person who struggles with it can determine unless something drastic happens (like having a panic attack in public).

Lastly, if you’re anxious all the time that tells me you used to not be anxious all the time or else you wouldn’t  know the difference. Logically, there sound like there’s something you should look into.

Some Helpful Articles:

How Do I know if My Anxiety is Normal? [2]

This page explains what makes INFPs anxious and how we try and rebalance [3]

Sources:

1. Psychology Today

2. How Do I know if My Anxiety is Normal?

3.  Patterns of Anxiety by MBTI Behavior - Escaping the Grip

If anyone ever wants to vent about panic attacks/anxiety I am here and I feel you :-)) Hope I  helpedishkindamaybenotreally. infp-overcriticalness striketh again

[infpadvice]

Hi I'm an INFP. I'm starting school soon at an alternative school that is supposed to help me get back on track. Throughout h.s. I have missed alot & I'm not as present mentally as before. I also have trouble w. routine & consistency. Any advice? Thx

I am not too sure what you mean by “alternative” but that doesn’t matter much anyway!

By missed out, do you mean socially or academically? Or perhaps a bit of both?

Routine:

Try and find a way to be passionate about whatever you’re doing. INFP’s hate routine, yes, but things we really care about almost make us forget what we’re doing is repetitive! It’s hard to apply this to school and trust me, I personally have done silly things to break my routine back in high school. 

The only thing that can really help is balancing the routine of school with your other activities. Be extra spontaneous at other points in the day. 

Lastly, over time INFP’s stop hating routine so much:

Introverted Sensing

An INFP develops this third function of Introverted Sensing, or Si, a bit later in life. Introverted Sensing wants the world to have a routine and a predictable set of outcomes. Si is great at remembering facts and details. INFPs that have developed their Si may become very good at routine tasks or identify very strongly with traditions and old friends. [1]

Also, here’s a good story of an older INFP who has found advantages to routine.

Consistency:

First off, my personal perspective: I struggle with this all the time. What I have had to do is fake it. I start each class off doing less than my best and slowly do better so teachers see an improvement over time. Before this, my grades went from A’s to C’s back and forth all the time and teachers just thought I was being lazy or cheating. I just lacked motivation and also hated the routine of it all.

The best information on consistency is to break things down into certain areas you want to be more consistent with. A lot of consistency can feel like routine, try not to think of it that way. Think of how consistency represents reliability, control, determination, etc. 

As INFPs our greatest gift is being able to see things from other’s perspectives. Perhaps there’s someone in your life that is much more consistent. Try and figure out how they are that way and if their motivation can help you.

It’s clear that you want to be more consistent and okay with routine. That’s half the battle! For the most part, all you can do is trial and error. And you must also try to not be hard on yourself or overcritical. These things are a part of your INFP brain and will only discourage you! 

Just aim to do better and try harder each day and you’ll manage. 

What matters is knowing more or being better today than you were yesterday. [2]

Personally my favorite quote about consistency, however opposite it is!:

“Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are dead.” -Aldous Huxley [3]

Sources:

1. INFP Personality Description

2. The Very Simple Secret to Staying Consistent

3. Good Reads Quote