DUDES I WANNA HELP

Identities: Sarah // She + Her // Pansexual // Open to polygamy // Vietnamese Canadian // Borderline Personality Disorder // University student aiming to be a teacher or some kind of youth worker // Speaks English + French + Vietnamese + Spanish and ASL ~I'm telling ya'll this so ya'll know what I have experience on! And we can chat about it~

[snowdayinthearchives]

Since I already brought up my university’s chaplain once today, I thought I’d share with you the best advice he ever gave me.

If someone is suffering and you want to help, instead of saying “let me know if there’s anything I can do,” offer a few options of things you know you can do.

“Can I do your dishes while you study for your exam?”

“Would it help if I came to the waiting room with you?”

“I can distract you if you like.”

When someone’s suffering, making them choose how to be helped can sometimes be an extra burden, especially if they don’t know how serious your offer is. By giving examples, they only need to say yes/no, and they know you wouldn’t offer anything too big for you to handle.

[fictionadventurer]

One of the more profound things I’ve heard recently came from a Mr. Rogers documentary. In a clip from his show, Mr. Rogers had just visited with a musician, and tells his audience that some people play music, and some people don’t, and that’s okay.

And then he said, “The important thing is to find something you feel good about doing.”

That phrasing struck me. “Something you feel good about doing”. Most people would have phrased it as “something you enjoy doing”. Or “something you’re good at doing”. But Mr. Rogers’ subtly different phrasing leads to a profoundly different connotation. “Something you feel good about doing” may not be enjoyable–people who work in hospitals or in disaster zones might not enjoy much of their day, but they probably feel good about helping people. “Something you feel good about doing“ may not be something you’re particularly good at–you may be a terrible artist by any objective standard, but if you feel good about making your art, then it’s a worthwhile endeavor. Looking for “something you feel good about doing” can help you find a truly satisfying life path.

That phrase is also helpful with daily decision-making. Too often, I can make choices based on “what feels good.” I put aside tasks that are too stressful or avoid activities that seem too difficult, in favor of mindlessly browsing the internet. And I enjoy myself. I feel good while I’m doing that. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel good about how I spent my time. However, reminding myself to do “something I feel good about doing” can motivate me to accomplish those more difficult tasks. It can push me to do something outside of my comfort zone, to try something new that I might not be much good at. And maybe this is a blindingly obvious philosophy to everyone else. But I’m grateful for the reminder. 

[brklynbreed]

Stop chasing people. If they block you, cut off contact, ignore you… Let them go. Let those who naturally gravitate to you enjoy your energy. We spend so much time begging for those who wouldn’t blink twice at the thought of you. Cherish those who are there by choice, and not there because you chased them every time they decided to escape.

[wayvyong]

​cishets: men have xy chromosomes and women have xx chromosomes thats just HOW IT IS you cant change your gender!!!1!1 science has spoken!!!1

science: actually there are xy women who only appear female because they never developed receptors for testosterone. in fact they’ll look even more feminine than xx women because of their insensitivity to testosterone. there are also xxx women, xxy men, xyy men, xxyy men, xxxx women, and a whole bunch of other combinations

also gender is a social construct and sex and gender are not interchangeable.

cishets: anyway science is fake

[windwardstar]

I literally only have one rule in my writing and it is this:

No matter what I put my characters through, they make it. They get to make it to the end of the story and have everything work out and be ok.

Because that’s the story I need. So it’s the kind I write.

[windwardstar]

If you want a piece of writing advice: write a story that is what you needed to hear at whatever age your target demographic is. I can guarantee you there’ll be someone out there who needs to hear it as much as you did. And maybe you’ll help them the same way someone else’s story did for you.

[boothewriter-deactivated2018122]

For some reason, this hit home and I never realized it that I did this for my stories too

[angelgone224-deactivated2021030]

Good morning everyone let’s keep it sexy and mindful

[petals42]

Okay so I just read your post about fandom etiquette and it was incredible!! So the thing is I’m reading these fics, okay and they’re so beautiful um im leaving like comments on all of them and I talk to the writers about it regularly but it doesn’t feel like enough? So my question is, what other ways are there to like honour them? Like idk edits or some whatever? I come to you because I’m to shy otherwise. Please help?

Ah, well first of all it sounds like you are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT. Leaving awesome comments is the first step towards a happy fic writer. As is talking to them. Both strong wins. If you are willing/able to do more, here are more suggestions, or as I like to call it: 

“Ways to Make Fic Writers Blush”

1. Comment On the Fic (you already do this but just to make the list pretty and comprehensive)– Any comment is much appreciated. If you have time, leave a long one. We live for long comments. Or comments where you say you are re-reading the fic! Repeat commenter comments!

2. Send them a Nice Message on tumblr 

3. Recommend Their Fics: make a rec post on tumblr, be detailed with why you like the fic, tag it and link to the fic directly! Include their fic in lists like “Best Fake Dating Fics” or whatnot! Or just recommend them to friends!

4. Make an Edit: Yes, your instincts are ON THE MONEY with that one. This does not need to be complicated or super time-consuming–any bit of Creative Output that was inspired by a fic is AWESOME (though do remember to link back to the original) (And my goodness, PLEASE TAG THEM, the tumblr tagging system isnt perfect but it can help And every once and a while, i attempt the search feature only to see things are there for me and i hate that I missed it the first time!)

5. Fanart!! Warning: if you draw something for an author, they might die of joy.

6. Message the author a copy of a conversation where you talk about their fic: This is oddly specific but one time someone copy and pasted a conversation they had with their friends in a group chat where they were ALL TALKING ABOUT MY FIC AND JUST LOVING IT AND YELLING ABOUT THEIR FAVORITE PARTS and I actually did die. I am writing now from beyond the grave. It was incredible. (Note: ask friends before doing this)

7. [if its a tumblr fic] Reblog with nice tags (authors read the reblog tags. for real. promise)

8. [if its a tumblr fic] Reblog and tag your friends in the comments– knowing that you want your friends to read the fic badly enough that you are tagging them is awesome!

Hmm… that’s all I can think of for right now. Other fic authors feel free to add!

Thank you very much for this question, it was such a sweet one!

[theuninspirednovelist]

Reblog to save a Muslim

As you probably know, Punish A Muslim day is coming up on the third of April. Any Muslim who lives in England is in danger so please stay home. Don’t send your children to school. DON’T GO OUT on the 3rd of April. My non Muslim friends, please reblog this, one of your followers could benefit from it.

[dxactivatxdusxr]

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

[fitzefitcher]

#this is team skull

[its-just-a-phage]

The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.

[yallmightt]

I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the guys was TERRIFIED of cats.  The moment he sees one he freezes up and can barely breathe.  Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle.  Whenever he came over I’d put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book because my cats don’t like being shut away without one of us. 

One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she REALLY needs to use the litter box.  I let her out and decide, hey, I’m hungry, and decide to the kitchen.  I forgot to shut the bedroom door. 

Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent.  My husband very calmly asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up.  I go over to where the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy’s leg, purring, and doing her “let me on your lap” meow.  The other cat, Jasper, is sitting at the window, chilling out.  I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big dude she’s harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her.  Very slowly he touches my cat’s face, and she leans right into his hand.  He then pets her back and sighs because she’s really soft and purring like mad.  After a few minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it’s okay if she sits on his lap.

He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat.  The next week he showed up with cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats.  He told me he was doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them.  A couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a new parent. 

[ruffboi-mags]

Oh no a new one!!!

[jack-the-lion]

Blessed post.

[anaalihelmisimpukka]

I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went ”I always wanted to learn how to ride but I’m afraid of horses because they’re so huge. If I could ride ponies like this, maybe I’d dare but now I’m too big and heavy for them.” You should have seen his face when I told them that actually they’re not ponies, just small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I’m helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride.

[toujours-fidele-deactivated2018]

omg this is so pure <3

[cell113]

This is my favorite post.

[hoodratprvncess]

to everyone taking exams: u gon be ok. we gon be ok.

[mamashug]

[roseshock]

Note to self

[fukkce]

here for the girls who are slowly realizing their worth, GO AWFFF SIS

[the-soul-tribe-deactivated20180]

This is a process. You are growing. You are allowed to change. Allow yourself to be imperfect, you are learning.

[latenights]

Something I learned about people… If they do it once, they’ll do it again.

[askragtatter]

Triggers are like allergies.

An allergy is an extreme sensitivity to something that might not bother most people.

There are common ones and rare ones

They range from mildly annoying to life threatening, depending on the degree of sensitivity.

Not everyone has them. Some people might have several.

There’s no need to include allergy warnings when your audience is small and well known and you know no one present is allergic to anything you’re bringing.

When your audience is wider or unknown, it’s courteous to include warnings for the more common ones (peanuts, milk). Because better safe than sorry.

If you find out that someone with a rarer one might be present, you should include warnings for things you usually wouldn’t (cayenne pepper, mint).

If you set off an allergic reaction, you apologize even if you didn’t know they had that allergy, you do what you can to help, and you take care not to do it again.

Teasing someone for having one is stupid.

People don’t choose to have them, and those that have them wish they didn’t.

Faking one that you don’t have is bad form.

And if you intentionally expose an allergic person to something you know they are allergic to, you are an ASSHOLE.

[askragtatter]

I have more.

Sensitivity to an allergen can increase over time. Having better tolerance in the past does not mean that the current level of sensitivity is fake.

Sensitivity to an allergen can decrease over time. Having better tolerance now does not mean that the past level of sensitivity was fake.

An allergy can develop abruptly. Something that had no reaction on first exposure can have a violent reaction on second exposure.

Often a person doesn’t know they have an allergy until their first allergic reaction. This can be terrifying.

[prospitanmutie]

I’m happy that folks are learning about this now! 

[true-egalitarian]

An excellent way of explaining triggers!

[apopheniaandeisegesis]

How about :

Some people aren’t quite sure what they’re allergic to. You still try not to expose them to things you know they’re avoiding. You DO NOT “help” them figure out what it is by exposing them to things they might react to. That’s up to them, and maybe a professional.

If you’ve seen someone interact with something they say they’re allergic to, you continue to warn them about it unless they say they don’t need you to. You DO NOT get to try to “catch them” at it, or surprise them with it. They could be simplifying something too complex or too private, trying to desensitize themselves on their own terms, or using it as an easy explanation for another problem that’s STILL a real problem.

If someone says they’re getting better at handling something, or even that they’re not allergic anymore, you DO NOT dump a bunch of it on them to celebrate or to see if they’re “really” better. “Better” usually means ‘enough to handle daily life and accidental exposure’, not ‘an entire ocean full of things even a normal person might have a hard time with’.

[muuutant]

You ever just realize how lucky you are that you did that weird thing that led to you being friends with the people you are friends with?

[vuelosola]

What your headache is tellin you

[vuelosola]

I haven’t seen this post in a min but precisely when I have a headache RN it comes up in my feed

[thedaniverse]

Two quick additions, as someone who suffered from chronic migraines

1. Behind the eyes: eye strain or just long stress. More sleep will definitely make this feel better. 2. Temples: unclench your jaw, as that bone is putting too much pressure on your temples.

[depressed-alone]

This is a fucking life saviour with the amount of headaches I have