Are you going to be updating “I never knew I was broken?” If so then do you have a date when the next chapter will come out?? I absolutely love that fic and am dying to read more!! (Also don’t get discouraged writing it! You keep saying that you don’t like the chapters but I find them pretty awesome!)
Hi there! I’m so sorry for the long wait (and the late reply oof) but as said in my last authors note, I will definitely be updating! It just takes me a while due to my busy life, and trying to keep all the plot going (it’s a pretty complex plot when you get to writing it!). I’m also an incredibly slow writer. Like. It takes me an hour to write 500 words on a good day. I am not speedy :(
I don’t really have a time for when it’ll come out, but definitely sooner rather than later! I’m about three quarters of the way done (it’s at about 8.5k words right now) and the next few scenes are pretty dialogue based so it should be quick!
Also thank you so much fo reading and enjoying and being so patient! I know how frustrating it can be when a fic you like doesn’t upload on the regular so I’m very sorry I’m one of those writers lol.
once again thank you and I hope you have a good day! Xxx
Any chance we could get a little snippet of INKIWB cuz I’m going through withdrawal it’s so dam good
Ahhhh I’m so sorry it’s taking so long but thank you for being so patient! Here’s a lil’ sneak peak of some of what I’ve got for Chapter 15 of I Never Knew I Was Broken so far:
(Also, here’s a link to the fic if anyone’s curious)
Enjoy!
Eventually, Pepper left to sleep. She was jet lagged and it was late and Tony kissed her goodnight and muttered a soft thank you before she left, but he didn’t follow. He couldn’t. Someone had to stay and watch Peter through the night and although the others came down and offered to stay up, Tony always refused, and the others didn’t push him. They knew just as well as Pepper that he wouldn’t leave the kid’s side for anything, not until he was okay.
Funnily enough though, Peter did look okay.
All curled up on his bed, face and body posture lax as his chest rose and fell with steady breaths. He looked peaceful, kind of like when they had unmasked him at the Gala.
Peter still looked young. Too young to be thrust into the world and the life he lived in.
Throughout the night, Tony hoped – wished – that Peter would wake with a start and be back to business. He’d lock eyes with Tony, say “What the hell are you doing here?” and then make a joke about having no schedule. Tony would say something terrifyingly honest back like, “I was worried about you kid, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay” and Peter would struggle to hide the swell of emotions inside him and reply with a simple, fragile, “Oh.”
When he did wake up though, around nine in the morning, none of that happened.
His eyes blinked to life and before Tony could get a word out, the kid slid off his bed, onto the floor, and knelt. Hands on lap, head down. Nothing.
Damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
Tony downed the rest of his coffee as if it were a shot of vodka and licked his chapped lips.
This wasn’t Peter. Tony knew that. There was no way Peter would kneel like this without shame and be so silent for so long. His fight and humour and forced apathy and poorly concealed empathy wasn’t on display.
This wasn’t Peter. Peter wasn’t here right now. Tony knew that.
And yet…
“Kid?”
Nothing.
“Kid… Pete, h-how are you doing?”
Nothing. Nothing.
“Peter – Parker, bud, did you sleep well?”
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Tony sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face.
He didn’t want to call the kid ‘boy’ or ‘White Spider’ or give orders unless absolutely necessary. Tony knew how susceptible Peter was right now. He knew that any habits, any personality traits or relationship boundaries he tried to impose on the kid would stick because that’s just what this stage of the words was meant for. Re-shaping Peter. A new personality, a new sense of morality and… obedience. A new everything.
“You know…” Tony said after a while, knowing fully well Peter couldn’t care about what he was saying, “If I wanted to, I could convince you that HYDRA is evil and that the outside world, the Avengers, me… aren’t. I could order you to think that right now and you’d agree. Sure, it would make this whole rehabilitation thing a hell of a lot easier, but…” Tony huffed a pathetically wet laugh. “I can’t force that on you, kid. Tampering with your skewed morals and misplaced loyalty’s – even if it’s for your best interests – isn’t something I can bring myself to do.
“Because…” Tony looked at Peter, kneeling with his head down and facing the far wall, seemingly oblivious to the world around him, “It isn’t right to change your mind without your input. HYDRA did that and I’m… I’m better than HYDRA. I am. Kid, doing that to you would be like breaking your trust, and to be honest, I’m not even sure you trust me yet.
“I don’t know if you’ll remember me saying any of this… or if it makes any sense to you right now honestly, but Peter, kid. I- I care about you. A lot. As soon as we get you back, as soon as you’re up and shouting and insulting me like it’s your life long mission again…I’ll still be here. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t any different, or if you are. I’ll still be here to support you and help you and make sure you get out of this damn room and have a life and legacy of your own. I won’t force you to do anything. You’ll get to choose whatever you want and I’ll be right by your side if you want me to be.”
Tony swallowed his nerves, “Kid… I— ”
The door to Peter’s room swung open and hit the wall with bang. Tony jolted in surprise, shaken from his stream of thought as he turned to see who it was.
Sam was breathing heavily and he held the door in place with one hand.
“Wilson?” Tony asked cautiously, “What’s going on?”
Tony didn’t receive an answer immediately, watching as Sam caught his breath and moved forward to shut the door behind him.
Okay, now Tony was worried.
“What’s going on?” he demanded as he slowly rose from his chair, “Is something wrong? Did Ro— ”
“Chill Tony,” Sam said, “No it’s nothing like that. It’s… well, before I tell you, you have to listen to me say some other things and agree to doing one thing. Can you do that?”
Tony raised a weary eyebrow, “I’m not really sure if this whole cryptic business suits you, Wilson. Maybe you should consider another career?”
Sam sighed in exasperation, “Just say you’ll listen and say yes? Please? I don’t want to drag this out.”
“Is any of this stuff going to hurt Peter?”
Sam noticeably stiffened and shook his head, “Of course not,” he promised, “He’s safe Stark, we won’t let anything happen to him… again.”
Tony glanced over to Peter. Still stoic. Still silent. But, still stable. Kind of. He looked back over to Sam’s sincere, concerned and determined expression. Out of everybody on the team, Tony knew him the least. It wasn’t that they didn’t like it each other, it’s just that he’d always been Steve’s friend, and after the whole Accords thing… there was still an unspoken rift between them all. They were working on closing that rift. It was taking a while, but they were working on it.
So this seemed like a perfect opportunity to shrink the rift and pull the seams closer together. By trusting Sam with something he’d mindlessly trust Rhodey with. By saying yes.
Tony nodded and sat back down, loosely gesturing to the seat beside him.
“Fine. Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
There you go! Hopefully that wasn’t too bad and one again thank you for being so patient and lovely, it really means the world xxx
Sneak Peek of Chapter 14 for “I Never Knew I was Broken”
(I have a feeling this chapter is going to take a while to get out so here’s a lil’ teaser! If you haven’t read this fic, you can find it on AO3 here. Give it a go!)
There were five stages of grief.
And after Peter said the words “Ready to obey” and Tony’s heart finally shattered into the millions of fractured pieces that had formed ever since he’d meet this kid who had been tangled into his life, Tony went through all five stages within five hours.
That had to be a record, right?
There were five stages of grief and the first stage was Denial. Tony had already started to deny that anything was wrong before Peter had even robotically professed his undying submission because there couldn’t be anything wrong. There couldn’t be.
They were so close to giving Peter a free life. A life where every day could be just as good as the morning they’d celebrated his birthday or when Clint and Sam watched movies with him, or when Tony and he tinkered and talked about nothing, or even better than that. They were so close and they couldn’t be further away again. They couldn’t be.
Tony repeated this to Peter over and over and over until finally Steve and Rhodey were able to pry his fingers off of Peter’s shoulders and dragged him away, leaving Nat and the book to watch the kid.
“What are you doing?” he said as soon as Steve shut the door to Peter’s room and blocked it with his body, “I need to be back in there! I need to help Peter. I can’t do anything if I’m out here an— ”
“You can’t do anything if you’re in there either,” Rhodey said, “You’ve been hanging on to Parker for an hour Tones and it’s gotten you nowhere. The kid isn’t talking. I know this sucks but the only thing that could even possibly help Parker come back is the book and Nat’s— ”
“Well then Natasha should hand the thing over so I can help,” Tony him cut off, “I’m sure I can fix whatever’s going on with Peter in a couple minutes if I can just— ”
“You can’t.”
Tony turned to look at Steve whose hard glare was a great contrast to his quiet voice.
“What?” Tony said.
“You can’t just fix Peter in a couple of minutes,” Steve continued, “Even when Bucky came back from his words, there was always still a part of him that was affected by them,” he swallowed hard, looking everywhere but Tony, “It took Wakanda months to finally get the word’s out of his brain and that was when he wasn’t even under complete control. If Peter’s words are anything like Bucky’s, it’s not going to be easy to bring him back.”
Tony shook his head in defiance, “No. Peter’s words aren’t like that. They don’t make him a mindless killer they make him… they make him— ”
“Nothing,” Rhodey answered, saying what Tony couldn’t bear to say himself.
He brushed off Rhodey’s comment with a wave of his hand a tremble in his voice, “It doesn’t matter, I know that if you just let me have that book then I’ll— ” Tony paused halfway through his sentence.
“Hang on,” he said to Steve who was still trying to mask the pain in his eyes, “How do you know Peter had words used? You weren’t in the observation room when it happened. You couldn’t have heard.”
Steve shifted uncomfortably, “Well, it’s not like Ross is trying to hide anything, so when Fury asked him he was pretty hone— ”
“Fury’s here?” Tony stressed, “And he’s talking to Ross and nobody told me?”
“You’re not in the right headspace to go see them man,” Rhodey tried to explain, “We don’t think you should— ”
“I’m going to kill those bastards,” Tony growled as he pushed Rhodey out of the way and headed towards the elevator, “I’m going to find those fucking assholes and gate-crash their secret meeting and murder them by myse— ”
As the elevator doors opened, a hand grabbed his shoulder.
“Tony,” Steve said, worry etched into his words, “You can’t do something stupid. You need to be here for Peter. You need to have a rest. Don— ”
Tony whirled around, knocking Steve’s hand away and jabbing a finger into his chest.
“Just because you had to cart Barnes off to Wakanda because you couldn’t help him doesn’t mean I’m going to sit on my ass and let other people do the work for me too,” he snapped, watching as Steve finally allowed the pain to settle on his face, “Peter is my responsibility and I’m going to do everything in my god damn power to keep it that way.”
There was a moment where they just stared at one another. Two different pairs of eyes experiencing two different types of pain deciding if either one of them pushed the other too far. Heavy breathing filled the air until Rhodey made a last-ditch attempt to reach out.
“God, Tones— ”
Tony stumbled back into the elevator, slamming the close door button as hard as he could and watched as the two stared on with anguish devoted only to him.
“I’m not a fucking coward,” he spat as the doors slid shut, “And I’m not going to back down until Peter is safe and Ross is dead.”
There were five stages of grief, and the second stage was Anger.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Peter Parker has been living in HYDRA ever since his parents died at age four. All he can remember are the lesson's HYDRA taught him and a series of words that strike fear into his heart. The only thing driving him forward are the memories of meeting his hero The Winter Soldier when he was seven and the goal to one day be as great an assassin as him.
At age sixteen Peter finds himself tangled in the lives of the Avengers and can't help but wonder if there's more to life than what he's been told.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 13/18
Fandom: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Summary:
Peter Parker has been living in HYDRA ever since his parents died at age four. All he can remember are the lesson's HYDRA taught him and a series of words that strike fear into his heart. The only thing driving him forward are the memories of meeting his hero The Winter Soldier when he was seven and the goal to one day be as great an assassin as him.
At age sixteen Peter finds himself tangled in the lives of the Avengers and can't help but wonder if there's more to life than what he's been told.
PLEASE UPDATE!!! I’M DYING FOR UR STORY TO CONTINUE!!! IT’S SO FREAKING AWESOME AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! *screams & faints*
I WILL I PROMISE I TOTALLY WILL BUD!
I have definitely not abandoned this fic - I love it. It’s my baby. But life’s come around and has started to become full on and wild again so it might take a while but I promise you I will update this fic.
Thank you so much for reading INKIWB and liking!!! I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as frequently but I’ll update asap!
ALSO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS ASDFVGHJHGYJKL
