#insecure!james

[siriuslysnuffles]

Jilytober Vignettes—Chapter 5: Love You Louder

“I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” -Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Her back’s already against the wall of the Heads’ Office, a slight arc in anticipation of what she had begun to expect of their post-Prefect meetings, when James got so frustrated at some of the idiotic requests from the Prefects. Their eyes would meet in such cases, asking her wordlessly whether she could believe such stupidity. In combination with the additional work of being NEWT students and his additional Quidditch captaincy responsibilities, Lily enjoyed her role in giving him a healthy outlet to let out steam. There was nothing more freeing then kissing James, feeling the extent of his want for her that, sometimes, no amount of words could encompass.

She waited patiently as soon the last Prefect had left then, waited for him to turn rapidly and take control as he often did. She didn’t expect the seriousness of the tone that followed: “I don’t want to love you silently, Lily. I don’t want to be loved silently.”

She opened her mouth, closing it just as quickly as her head shook in confusion. “James—”

“No, listen to me for a second.” He approached her now, caging her in to the wall with his left palm landing to the right side of her head and the other one placed gently on her waist.

“I don’t love anyone silently. I rarely do anything silently. I want certain things between us—fights, secrets, my middle name …” There was a smirk on his face here. “Moments best left behind cupboards and portraits.” He pressed himself against her, eliciting a gasp as his grasp on her waist tightened, tightening the heat located in her stomach. “But loving you anything but loudly is not an option for me. How could it be when I couldn’t even fancy you from afar when I was trying to keep that a secret?”

He laughed with an edge of bitterness here. “Not that it fooled anyone, y’know? I heard the whispers about my fancying you but that didn’t keep me from doodling your initials and making a fool of myself in front of half of our year at the end of our Defense OWLS.” He snorted but held her tighter, his fingers digging slightly into her waist here in a way that is seconds away from eliciting a moan. “I don’t know if I’m in love with you yet, Evans.” Her eyes meet his here, not daring to look away despite the fear that he might read the truth in her eyes. The “I-think-I’m-hopelessly-in-love-with-you-so-please-love-me-too” truth that only Sirius knows the extent of. Only Sirius, who loves James, understood the sanity that she’s in love with his best friend after only a month of dating, a month of exploring what seems like every crevice of the castle when they should be patrolling to catch couples like themselves.

“I’ve never been in love with anyone before Lily, but I know I’m going to … be in love with you that is.” He ruffles his hair, breaking eyes contact as he looks to the right of her head. “And when that happens, there’s nothing that’s going to be able to stop me from showering you with all my love from the top of my lungs—to make sure that everyone who has ever or will ever step into Hogwarts knows just how much I love you.” Lily shivered at his words. The shiver that would have made her press herself further into him had his tone not been solemn. “And, Lily, we both know you’re not the quiet type either. You’ve always made your opinion known without a care about what anyone else thought, and that’s something I absolutely adore about you even if it’s had me on the receiving end of your wand once or twice. I know you’re not used to being loved loudly, but you need to let me try. I’ll hold your hand and flirt with you all you want; I promise that won’t change. But I feel like I’ll explode at not being able to show you every single bit of affection you aspire from me at all times.” His lips dropped to her shoulder, pressing open mouth kisses in the space between her neck and where her robe had begun slipping down.

Lily let out a whimper at finally getting what she hoped for since James had told off Anna Lestrange and Ciciely Thorne for their giggling, no doubt at her expense as they often did.

“I’m scared,” she managed to get out, followed by a gasp as he bit down on her neck. “James—” He paused at his name, a sheepish smile on his face before moving his temple against hers.

“Cariad?”

“I’m scared what they’ll do to you. You saw what they did to Maisie Redfern and her boyfriend for dating last term, for being out with it.” She remembered the look of Mulciber’s face as he loudly talked about that incident as he passed with his crew of Slytherins, Severus included, who laughed at the reminder and agreed the pair had it coming for flaunting their relationship in everyone’s face.

“You read the Daily Prophet—you know it doesn’t stop at Hogwarts with some curses; they’re murdering them, torturing them. What if they try something like that on you—” She broke off as the tears streamed down her face. “—because of me? What if I make you a target and something happens to you?” Her blood went livid at the thought of anyone hurting him, at the thought of the laughter permanently dying on his lips. “How can I want to be loud when they’ll take that as a challenge against me, against us? Saving keeping it a secret, I’ll keep our affection behind closed doors if it means keeping you from being a casualty of this war.” I love you. Don’t you get that? I love you.

“Oh, Evans.” He placed a kiss on her forehead before leaning his head against hers again. “Whether you’re with me or not—I’m going to be a target. Hell if I’m not going to find some way to fight once we’re out of here. But I’d rather have you by my side when I do it. I’d take on a thousand curses, jinxes, and hexes if it means I get to fulfill my Year 7 goal of snogging my lovely girlfriend at the Gryffindor table over breakfast until our friends threaten to hex us.”

She closed her eyes, laughing as his teasing tone surrounded her. “And how long have you had this goal?”

His lips kissed her temple, her cheek, the dried tears on her face before falling to her lips. “Mm … end of fourth year?”

“I wasn’t your girlfriend then,” she mumbled against his.

“It’s always been a matter of time, Evans.” He linked their fingers, nuzzling his nose against her jaw. “I don’t want to let them win and not getting to snog you at the Gryffindor table is a win for them. I want you to want me to love you as loud as I can, so let me love you louder than you’ve ever been loved before, Evans. Let’s prove they don’t get to dictate us around, yeah?” He squeezed her hands before letting them go and cupping her face. Her heart pounding faster than possible.

The door flew open then. “Oi Potter—I have a question about the new Quidditch play, and Black said I could find you here.” Tamsin Reid, the Gryffindor keeper, said. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to, err. I can come back later.” She noted the blush on Tamsin’s face as he trailed off.

To her displeasure, James disentangled himself from her and chuckled, aiming a friendly smile toward his keeper that she wanted focused back on her. “It’s fine, Reid. We were wrapping up.” James turned to Lily again, as if hearing her plea. With his signature lopsided smile, the one saved for her, he softly said, “I’ll meet you down at seven for dinner?”

She nodded. “I’ll go find Mary and April.” As fast as she could, she rushed out the office, falling against the wall outside to catch her breath.

At seven, Lily pushed past the doors of the Great Hall, moving toward the Gryffindor table at such a speed that hundreds of heads turned to look at her, but she paid them no attention as she sank down next to her boyfriend.

“Hullo, Li—” James didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as Lily lips slammed on his, moving her hand to the back of his head to deepen the kiss.

The pair snogged for about half a minute before Professor McGonagall’s scream from the staff table reached her ears. “MS. EVANS—”

Lily sighed as she broke the kiss off, the evanecent bubble around them no longer. James gazed at Lily in shock as they both gasped for air, not taking his eyes off her even as she shifted her eyes to address her Head of House.

“Sorry, Professor. I’m just proving a point,” Lily yelled back, a red stain now present on her face that even the ten points deducted from her house “for such an act” couldn’t augment.

James moved her closer to him as a few teasing whistles sounded through the hall (Sirius the loudest of all), and Lily hid her face in his chest, listening to the soft beating of his heart that sounded a little more lively than it usually did.

James nuzzled his nose into her hair, before placing a soft kiss on her head. “Proving a point, huh?” he asked.

“I bet I can love you louder.” Her eyes lifted from his chest to meet his hazel ones.

The glint behind his glasses exhilarated her and, if it were’t for her Head of House, she swore she’d start snogging him again.

“Bet’s on, Evans.”

[earlgreyinpajamas]

might i ask for fics in which q has a family? better yet if his family gets to rect to his work as q in any way! kind of like the first one from the tatted!q series (which is amazing, thank you for rec’ing it).

1. the queen of spades by magneticwave

Technically Q's name and personal details are classified and beyond the purview of field agents, but he's worked for Q branch for ten years and had gone by his actual name for eight of them. His identity is as much of a "secret" as his ineptitude at filing financial reports.

~~~

there is no family reacting to his work in this one, but the sibling dynamics with his sisters are just so well written.

2. Chirps, or the Feline Foes of James W. Bond by midrashic (@midrashic)

James Bond is fluent in English, Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, BSL, and, just for fun, Esperanto. He never thought he’d be adding “Cat” to that list.

~~~

i adore q’s mother in this fic. ++ james dealing with feral cats is always funny.

3. Good Names are Forever by Alexis_Tenshi (@tentacletenshi)

James Bond was a code name. He'd been using it long enough that he'd begun to think of himself by the name. But he wasn't particularly attached to it. So when Q demanded to not use the name outside of work, as a condition of them dating, he agreed easily.

Just why Q had issued that requirement sparked his curiosity. But it would take time, and plenty of stubbornness, to find the answer. It would also reveal other surprising revelations regarding the Quartermaster's history.

~~~

i adore the premise of this fic. it is so good, and q’s family is so sweet.

[siriuslysnuffles]

Two Octobers and A September

Here's a new short story! This was supposed to be posted on Halloween, so sorry! (Actually not sad? Who am I?)

Also available on AO3 & FFN.

Three instances of friendship and support between James Potter and Lily Evans from 1975-1977.

“How come she married him?” Harry asked miserably. “She hated him!”

“Nah, she didn’t,” said Sirius.

***

In the years to come after the first Dark War, there would be whispers—and some not-quite whispers from those who didn’t mind being overheard—detailing the epic love story of James Potter and Lily Evans, a love story so great that it stopped the most evil wizard since Gellert Grindelwald. There would be stories of the perfect romance, of a boy who fell headfirst over a girl and the girl who fell in love with him. Who didn’t love a good enemies to lovers romance and one with not so perfect timings? There would be rumors, of course. Rumors of a boy constantly pursing a girl who couldn’t take no for an answer. All these stories lacked the friendship between the pair. The immense adoration and support these two warriors provided each other with long before their romantic relationship began.

***

(October 1975)

James shouldn’t have been surprised by his best friend’s actions. He knew Sirius’s mood tended to be rather chaotic whenever his birthday neared. Last year, Sirius had gotten into a duel with half of the fourth-year Ravenclaws boys; James still didn’t quite understand the cause of that particular duel, but he had been rather impressed by Sirius creative use of spells— Brett MacDougal sang like a literal canary for a week after the incident.

Even knowing Sirius’ behavior during this time, James hadn’t bothered to ask whether he was okay, whether it had anything to do with the new scars he seemed to always come back to Hogwarts with. He should have.

James couldn’t comprehend how Sirius could just tell one of their arch-rivals the information he needed to confirm their best friend was a werewolf. How it could just slip out without another thought but, then again, James didn’t have Sirius’ impulsivity.

He was angry with Sirius, disappointed in him, but they were his brothers; he had to help regardless of his disappointment. The only thing he was certain of was that both Sirius and Remus were in pain and it was up to him (and possibly Peter) to fix things between the pair.

“I didn’t mean to, Prongs,” Sirius had said. “It just slipped out.”

“Bloody hell, Sirius!” He remembered shouting after Sirius had nonchalantly delivered the news. “How could you do this to Remus?”

“Snivellus has been sticking his nose in our business. He won’t stop until he finds what he’s looking for; it’s not like he’ll actually do it.” There had been a pause before Sirius’s realization. “Shite.”

“Shite,” James ran faster than he had ever run, which, considering his Quidditch training, was quite an accomplishment.

While the events of that night were terrible, the next morning was worse.

“I’m a monster, James,” Remus had uttered.

“You’re not.”

“I almost killed Snape.” Remus’ voice broke. “I almost killed you.” Remus covered his face with his hands, unable to meet his eyes. Peter looked at James, lost and scared.

“Prongs…” Peter’s voice was broken too, but James just shook his head, unsure of what to say. Instead, he watched Remus and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated but unwilling to leave.

***

This brought James to his current circumstance. Even days later, he wasn’t quite sure what to do, so here he was at three in the morning sitting in front of the fireplace in the common room. And well, as what always happens when you’re awake at this forsaken hour, he heard a creek.

“Potter?” He heard a voice say. He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

“Hey, Evans.” He couldn’t help the slight smile that made its way onto his face at her presence and the way his hand went to his hair.

“What are you doing awake,” she asked as she made her way down the girls staircase and took a place next to him on the sofa.

“The ghosts were keeping keeping me awake,” he offered with a small smile. “I thought a bit of fresh air might help.” They sat in silence for the mere second before his curiosity tempted him to ask: “What’s keeping you out of bed?”

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, seeming to debate whether to trust him with the information. “My sister sent me a letter yesterday.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Well, it wasn’t a very nice letter. ” She continued, “She doesn’t like that I’m witch.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, not sure of how else to respond.

She gave him a small smile, one that showed only a fraction of her pain. “Thank you.” She didn’t say anything for a moment before he could tell her curiosity was too much. “Are you and the other Gryffindor boys in a row?”

He examined her face for a moment, unsure of whether he could confide in her given her less than admirable friend. “Remus and Sirius are,” he admitted. “Peter and I are, well, we’re not really sure how to fix it.” He paused for a moment, “Is it that obvious?”

“Well, you four have been rather quiet; it’s hard not to notice.” Her omniscient green eyes met his, “Why do you feel like you have to fix things?”

“They’re my mates. I don’t enjoy seeing them hurt and in a fight.”

“Sometimes, the only thing you can do is wait for it to pass.” She smiled, “That’s what my mum says when Petunia and I argue.”

“Does that help?”

“Well, yes. Although, we usually find something else to argue about that distracts us from the original row.”

“So I just have to get them fighting about something else?” He snorted, “Brilliant.”

They sat there silently for a while after, content with the silence before Lily got up, “Good night, Potter.”

“Night, Evans.” His eyes met hers one last time, “And thank you.”

While his problems weren’t solved, it felt nice to have her offer a solution, to hope that there would be an end to the situation despite there being nothing he could do to fix the mess Sirius had gotten himself into.

***

(October 1976)

Their fates always seem to be drawn to an October day, perhaps it just that “fate” or perhaps, as others would put it, it was simply a coincidence. But these two believed in fate and destiny and because of that fate would without a doubt screw them over—but more on that later.

October 1976 was a turning point between James Potter and Lily Evans and one that brought on a new friendship between the pair. So, much like our last scene, this too takes place in the Gryffindor Common Room. Although, this time it is Mr James Potter who stumbled upon Lily Evans at a forsaken hour of the night.

“Evans?” He questions as he made his way down the boys staircase. “What are you doing up?”

He felt dejavú as she said, “I got a letter from my sister yesterday.” She sounded more melancholy than last time she had said it.

Having only just gotten to experience the friends side of Lily Evans, he didn’t like seeing the usually cheerful and vibrant Gryffindor look so …. rejected.

“Want to take a quick adventure with me?” He asked from where he remained standing.

She analyzed his face momentarily, trying to catch any trick he may have been planning (he assumed). “Why not,” she said before motioning for him to lead the way.

Given that he couldn’t reveal all his secrets to her so early in their friendship, James knew they had to be cautious to avoid the wrath of Filch—though he was fairly certain that a speck of dust could unleash the wrath of that duffer.

He led them down multiple stairwells and hid them behind statues and paintings at the slightest creek.

“I didn’t realize we had that many hiding spots around the castle,” Lily whispered as they ducked behind another painting to avoid Peeves who was passing by.

“Well,” James whispered. “I’ve done my research, Evans.”

They waited another minute for the hallway to clear before James motioned for her to exit the painting.

“Here we are.”

“Ah, yes, well, it is a very nice fruit bowl. Those grapes look quite well-painted and that apple…” she joked.

“You wound me, Evans,” he said dramatically, clutching his heart. “It’s the pear that you should really focus on. Quite lovely really, amazing wand strokes.” He raised a finger as if to brush it but instead, to Lily’s surprise, he tickled it.

“You’re a bit bizarre, Potter.” However, a doorknob appeared a second later. He turned the doorknob before turning toward Lily and adding, “You were saying?”

“A complete wackjob, albeit a wackjob whose occasionally right.” She stepped through the painting and was awestruck by the unfamiliar, high-ceilinged room. There were five tables identical to the ones in the Great Hall, pots and pans surrounding what she assumed to be the counter-tops. At the far end of the room, across from where they now stood, was a fireplace. And, the most shocking of all, “Elves?”

“They’re house-elves,” James said as he made his way to the sit where Gryffindor would have been positioned. “They do all the cooking at Hogwarts. Some wizards also have them at home for tasks like cooking and cleaning. We have a few at home—Miki, Rae, and Lev.”

“You have house-elves?” Lily questioned skeptically.

“A lot of pure-bloods do.” He said as the house-elves surrounded them, hectically attempting to take their orders. “Oh, a sundae sounds great, Mitzi.” He turned to her, “How about you?”

“Oh, I’ll take one as well, I suppose.”

James grinned at Mitzi, “Two sundaes, please.”

“Yes, Mister,” Mitzi replied before running off.

“They love helping,” James uttered. “My Grandfather Henry tried releasing ours before and, well, they didn’t take it well,” James pulled at his hair. “They threw a fit until he stopped apparently.”

She was about to make a comment when Mitzi interrupted them with their sundaes. “You’re the best, Mitzi.” (“Thank you, Mitzi,” Lily said politely.)

Mitzi beamed at James in the way Lily had often see the younger Gryffindors boys do. “Anything for Mister Potter and friend.” Mitzi scurried off, leaving them alone at the table.

“So….what’d your sister say that upset you?” James asked as he took a bite of his dessert.

Lily sighed. “She’s getting married.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” He looked puzzled in a way that Lily found almost comical, the kind of look that made one breathe easier.

“It would be, if her husband wasn’t just as much of a stick in the mud as she tends to be nowadays. He believes that the rules are everything and anyone who isn’t ‘normal’ should be sent to the nuthouse. And, of course, she’s made me out to be some sort of delinquent who goes to a reform school.”

“Sounds like a complete wanker.”

“He is,” she laughed momentarily before turning serious once more. “If she marries him, I think I’ll lose her forever. I already feel like she hates me half the time, like she goes out of her way to surround herself with the opposite of wizardry—the most mundane—because of it.”

“This won’t be comforting but sometimes the friends you make will be more like siblings than those given to you.”

“Do you have any siblings?” She questioned.

“Not by blood, my parents had a hard time conceiving, so I was their miracle baby—mum’s words. But the chaps are more my brothers than anyone could ever be, so I’m very lucky in the brother department—even if Sirius can be quite the prat sometimes and Peter snores terribly and not to mentioned Remus’ cranky demeanor in the morning, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.” James smiled most brightly whenever he was speaking of them Lily noticed, as if they gave him light. “Sirius has a brother though—the only one of us lads who does.” He paused for a moment, “They don’t really get along anymore but that’s not really for me to talk about. Based on what Sirius mentions though, it’s either they change or you do but you shouldn’t change just so they’ll accept who you are. You’re an amazing witch Lily, an amazing friend, and probably an amazing sister, if your sister can’t see that, well, it’s her loss and our gain.”

“I miss her though, or who she was, who we were.”

“That makes sense,” he nodded sympathetically. “And, hell, it’s okay to miss her—she’ll always be your sister no matter what.”

“Thanks, James,” she said genuinely. Lily didn’t think she’d ever stop trying with Petunia but, for the moment, she needed this—this moment of mourning her.

“Anytime, Evans.”

***

(September 1977)

“I can’t go in there, Lil,” James uttered, gesturing toward the empty classroom where they were schedule for their first meeting ten minutes from now.

“You’re Head Boy,” Lily replied kindly. “Of course, you can.”

“Dumbledore had a bit too much firewhisky when he picked me as Head Boy.”

Lily grabbed his hand, leading him inside the classroom, “The prefects will be here any minute now—you’ll do fine, James.”

“Or maybe he lost a bet with Slughorn,” James continued frantically. “I wasn’t even a Prefect; I am far from qualified.”

Lily smiled at him tenderly, “Well, you have Remus and me to help you with that.”

James leant against the desk. “Everyone will be waiting for me to mess up.”

“You will,” she said discerningly. James’ face fell, a dash of hurt crossing his face. “But,” she came closer to him, “I have full faith that you’ll fix whatever mess you manage to get yourself into.”

“Thanks, Lil. You’re—”He stopped whatever he was about to say as the first of the prefects made their way inside. Some prefects scoffed as they passed the pair and others stopped to give James and Lily a pleasant greeting and ask how their summers had been.

“Hullo, Prongs,” Remus greeted with a knowing smiled shared with Lily. “I see you managed to drag him inside after all,” he said to the latter.

Lily gave Remus what James would describe as the most lovely laughter of all time (platonically, of course) before Remus was shoved to the side by a glaring Severus Snape.

“I’ll go take a seat,” Remus said. “Good luck, you two.”

“Thanks,” James mumbled.

“You’ll do fine,” Lily reassured him while looking around the room. “Everyone seems to be here. Shall we start?”

James nodded, standing up straighter.

“Welcome back, everyone,” Lily said before going in depth on what they could expect this term. “James?”

That was his cue. “Right, so Lily and I thought it’d be best to have everyone patrol with those from your same house and year, for the most part.”

“Like we do every year,” A sixth-year Slytherin girl James didn’t know the name of said.

“Well that’s kind of the point,” he shrugged. “Anyway,” he gave the girl an annoyed look, “To cover more ground, we’ll need four people patrolling per hour—so fill out the availability parchment before you leave the meeting today. Patrolling shifts begin at nine o’clock until a professor comes to relieve you at eleven. Lily and I will get back to you on your shifts tomorrow morning and will be covering shifts tonight.” He grinned at his partner, “Back to you, Lil.”

“Thank you, James.” She squeezed his hand briefly, out of recent habit he thought. His eyes met Snape’s for a moment, a look of hatred on the other boy’s. James quickly turned back to Lily. “So Filch has asked us to add a few more items on the list of banned items….”

Ten minutes later, James motioned for the Slytherins—who had taken to talking rather loudly among themselves— to quiet down. “Show some respect for the lovely Head Girl, please.” His voice made it clear that the “please” was no request. James noted a slight blush coat Regulus Black’s cheek. The other Slytherins glared at him but, reluctantly, shut it.

Thank you, Lily mouthed, squeezing his hand once more. He felt another glare but willed himself to ignore it.

***

They stayed back after dismissing the prefects with plans to fix the schedules before heading down to the Great Hall for dinner.

“Well, that could have gone better,” James said sheepishly.

“You did great,” she said as she looked over the availability sheet. A small tsk, leaving her mouth at the task ahead of them.

“I know,” James replied with a mock cocky grin.

Lily laughed, “Incorrigible.”

***

Their last September at Hogwarts felt like a test in many ways, a test of “will they, won’t they”, of every right moment that went inevitably wrong. For a while, it felt as if the universe was conspiring against them, but the one thing they could count on was the other’s support when the other felt as if they could only do wrong.

[siriuslysnuffles]

one of twenty-seven drabble/fics for “27 Days of James Potter 2019.” this one is a few days late since I was helping my cousin with something this weekend, but I’ll catch up by the time this event is over. This one is part of my “Of Intimacy” series (intimacy meaning: close familiarity or friendship; closeness). 

vi. of human decency, a rant.

’What are you thinking about?’ Lily asked him, letting her fingers brush the knuckles on his hand lightly as they made their rounds around the castle. He grasped her hand carefully, intertwining their fingers together.  

He gave her hand a small squeeze before saying: ‘I heard that you got into a fight with the Slytherins today.’ It wasn’t accusing, it was exhausting. He was tired, tired of them and their prejudices. ‘I was worried,’ he admitted.

‘I’m sorry.’ And she was but not for the fight. 

‘Don’t apologize.’ He sighed knowing that her sorrow lied in his own emotions. ‘I hate them, Lil, so much. How messed up do you have to be to want someone dead because they weren’t “fortunate” enough to be born with the “right” blood running through their veins? To be so offended by the thought of someone marrying someone of a different blood status?’ He let out a derisive snort. ‘Idiots, the lot of them. They’d rather have their daughters and sons end up with literal arses than be happy with someone they love because they have these preconceived idea that blood means something. Blood is shite, it’s just an idea meant to further oppress a group through the idea that being born of one status makes you superior; it’s chance.’ He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and saying, ‘Whatever happened to being a decent human being and not caring about someone’s blood but whether they were decent people? No one should have to settle for anything less.’

She pulled on his hand, stopping them in their tracks. ‘James?’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘Did you just rant to me about the blood status system?’ 

‘Yeah.’

She laughed for a moment, tears in her eyes. ‘I love you, I hope you know that.’ 

He let go of the hand she was still holding, placing them instead on both sides of her face and leaning his forehead against hers. ‘Never settle for anything or anyone less than you deserve, Lil. I won’t even mind it much if you break my heart while doing it. You deserve everything, everything.’ He sounded as if he were in pain. 

It broke her heart for a moment as she saw the hint of tears in his eyes, she knew he meant it. Knew that he would step aside without another word if he though she would be happier without him. 

So she pressed her lips to his instead, putting in every intense feeling she has ever felt for him into this one kiss. She soon tore away, moving her lips to his cheek before whispering into his ear: ‘This isn’t settling, this could never be settling.’ 

let me know what you think! I'm not sure how I feel about how I wrote them, so any feedback would be appreciated! 

[siriuslysnuffles]

Disappear

This is the first thing I’ve finished in a while (and also the first first-person pov). It’s also really sad due to a few people in my life going through loss and my own worries. Anyways, here you go.

can also be read on FFN & AO3. 

You’re kissing her like she is destined to disappear, thus, taking away your light (she shines brighter than anything you’ve ever seen and ever will see). And you’re crying because you can’t believe that you got so lucky­–how the fuck did you get so lucky?

‘James,’ you hear her whisper, her voice sounding like the world was shattering around her. You wished it wouldn’t, wished that you could make it so that she would never have to see you like this because yourworld is shattering. They’re dead. Dead. How could you live in a world without them, without your mother’s teasing nature and the way she’d hug you every night you were home as if you too would disappear. She was so tiny, so fragile.  

How could you live without your father who smelled like coffee first thing in the morning and found it fun to bond over the crossword. He was your role model, the kind of husband you inspired to be, the kind of father you one day hoped to be.

They let you have the brother you had always wanted, an adopted one who they loved an adored just as they loved and adored you. He was their son too.

‘They’re dead, Lily, dead.’ And you cried because you had her, because she married you and let you be a mess. But you no longer had them and that would always wreck you. Perhaps you would see them in the afterlife, healthier than they had been in their last years.

‘I know.’ What else was there to be said? That she was sorry? You knew she was, that she had loved them as she had loved her own in life and in death. And they had loved her from the moment they had meant, officially having given her the Euphemia and Fleamont Potter stamp of approval.  

Rest in peace, mum and dad.

She looked scared as she announced, ‘I’m pregnant.’ You go to her, tears in your eyes and wrap your arms around her, lightly lifting her up from the ground. You love her, you love them.

You mumble that into her skin, placing kisses on her neck, the tears on her cheeks, her lips.

‘It’ll be okay,’ you say not realizing that that was a lie. Perhaps nothing would ever be okay.

[siriuslysnuffles]

These Four Words

edited version of james’ reaction! enjoy!

read on ao3 | ffn 

(January 1980)  

There were four words James would have given anything in order to never hear coming from his wife. Four words that caused anxiety to anyone they were directed towards because surely that meant you had somehow fucked up.

The four words?

‘Jamie, can we talk,’ she asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway.

He felt his heartbeat quicken at her words.

He knew that she was attempting to soften up whatever news would inevitably change his life. Knew it by the manner in which she said Jamie and the way her eyes seemed conflicted.

It wasn’t unusual for him to be caught out of bed, pacing in one room or another. It had become a habit of his in the month since his parents’ passings. He supposed it was only slightly better than turning into Prongs and hoping his troubles would disappear.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said sincerely, begging her with his eyes to forgive him for causing her any amount of distress. ‘I know I’ve been a bit reclusive and probably haven’t been the best husband lately. I–‘

Lily moved closer to him, bringing her hands up to cup his face, ‘I’m not mad.’ She pressed a soft kiss onto his jaw, letting it linger for a second and leaving the swarm of butterflies living in his stomach fluttering. ‘I get it,’ she said, placing her head against his chest. He felt her take a deep breath before lifting her gaze up to meet his. ‘That’s not what I wanted to talk about.’ She let go of him, taking a step back. ‘I’ve been keeping something from you.’

His eyes studied her for a moment, watching as her hands wrapped around herself. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but he knew he just had to let her say what she had to say. So instead he pushed his glasses up, prolonging the unavoidable. ‘Oh,’ he responded.

His mind started running over anything that Lily could have potentially had a problem with and came up empty.

He gave her a confused look that she met with a small smile, ‘I’m pregnant.’

For a moment he stood frozen unable to process what she had just confessed. His face split into a grin before he was picking her up, spinning her and placing kisses on every inch of skin , relishing in the feeling of Lily. He heard her giggling as she tightened her grasp around his neck.

‘So you’re not upset? ’ She asked him as he set her down.

He cupped her face gently, bringing his lips down to meet hers in a kiss that expressed what he couldn’t say in words. The never-ending love he felt for her and their unborn child, the sadness he still felt over the loss of his parents, the happiness at the news .

He pulled away slightly despite wanting nothing but to feel the warmth of her lips pressed against his. 'This is great. I’m–' He looked at her with tears in his eyes, caressing her cheek lightly. ‘We’re going to be parents, Lil.’ He could hear the awe in his own voice as he placed his forehead against hers.  

’I only wished they had known,’ he mumbled.

‘They did,’ she said, her fingers playing with the locks of hair at the back of his neck. He let a sigh escape his lips before tilting his head slightly in confusion. ‘I told them a few days after I found out,’ she confessed. She paused before adding, ‘A few days before they passed away.’

James kissed her again, mumbling his gratitude. Reluctantly pulling away, she giggled and with a coy smile said, ‘Let’s take this to the bedroom.’

He could already feel his body reacting to her words. He wanted nothing more than to touch her, to feel her press against him and send his mind spiraling into a delicious sort of madness.

Interlinking her fingers with his, she led him away from kitchen. He still felt the need to ask what had begun to worry him at the mention of their bedroom.

'It’s not going to hurt our baby, is it?’ He could hear the slight tremble in his voice at the thought of possibly hurting the child that already held a strong grasp on his heart.

She squeezed his hand in hers in reassurance before turning to face him. She gazed at him lovingly, an expression he knew was mirrored on his own. ‘No, it’s not going to hurt our baby. ’

sorry for any typos or weird format. happy last minute of harry’s birthday!

[siriuslysnuffles]

iii. of the past part two, a date

‘Evans,’ she heard a voice scream from the common room for the third time. A voice that would have usually had her smiling and blushing. Presently, however, it caused Lily to have the temper of a Peruvian Vipertooth–the smallest known dragon to wizarding kind who, like Lily, could no doubt cause one to cease to exist with little to no effort on their part.

As another scream echoed from below–courtesy of the idiotic Head Boy with an apparent death wish–she grabbed her wand from the bed, ready to hex the prat for his lack of consideration if the occasion presented itself. She supposed that if she really wanted to get back at him all she would have to do is steal his glasses and watch as he attempted to fly on his broom without them. Unfortunately–or fortunately if she had been in a better mood–she would have to catch a glimpse of those pretty hazel eyes if she planned on seeing this action through. And frankly, prats who stood up their dates did not deserve to have beautiful eyes; it was the law of the universe.

April gave her a sympathetic look before asking, ‘Are you going to talk to him?’ Lily’s only response was a shake of her head before lying down on her bed. ‘I’m sure he didn’t mean to stand you up. He looked like he just won the  Quidditch World Cup when I saw him this morning.’

‘Then he should have shown up.’ Lily mumbled mulishly, shooting her friend a glare that didn’t quite have the same effect it would have had on most people. ‘If Potter,’ she spat the name with as much content as she could manage, ‘had wanted to talk with me the courteous thing would have been to show up.’ Although she tried to hide how hurt she was by his actions through angry words, her feelings remained visible.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Lily’s petulant behaviour she said instead, ‘James isn’t Severus.’ Lily bit the inside of her cheek at this statement but remained silent. ‘He wouldn’t just ditch you for no reason. You know that, you know him. You’re just scared that maybe you’ll make a mistake by trusting him. That’s why you waited so long before asking him out despite the fact that you’ve fancied him since last year. You’re scared, and, as your best friend, I’m telling you this for your own good, Lily. Stop trying to find a reason to ruin any chance of a relationship you might have with James just because Severus turned out to be a  complete arsehole who never stopped letting you down.’

‘I’m not,’ she pouted, crossing her arms. Her eyes narrowed at the other girl briefly in defiance before she took a deep breath and stood up. Although, she tried to conceal her smile, April made no attempt in hiding her innocent humming of ‘Here Comes the Bride.’

Once more shifting her attention to focus on the blonde, she firmly stated that it was her own desire to go talk to the handsome prat (perhaps not in those exact words) and not the result of her friend’s insinuation that Lily had unresolved issues involving backstabbing bigots.

‘I just don’t want him to injure himself doing something careless and get blamed if Gryffindor loses the first match of the season,’ she said adamantly.

‘Whatever you say,’ April laughed. Before marching off, Lily heard her friend’s smug proclamation that said event wasn’t until November.

On her way down to the common room, she caught sight of the boy in question sitting at the foot of the staircase. He was glaring at it as if it were responsible for all his troubles.

‘What do you want, Potter?’ She saw him flinch at the manner in which she pronounced his surname as if it were acid. Nevertheless, he stood up and faced her. As she watched him, she noticed how he held onto the left side of his abdomen with a look of pain on his face before quickly dropping his hand when he caught her gaze fixated on him. ‘Are you–’ she began asking as he said, ‘Lil, I–’

‘Erm, you can go first,’ she said as she brushed aside a strand of her hair.

His voice came out alarmed as he continued with his sentence, ‘I got mugged,’ The look on his face one of a deer caught in headlights.

She stared back at him with a look of bewilderment on her face. She opened her mouth before quickly closing it; not quite sure what to say to that. Instead, she raised an eyebrow and waited for him to elaborate.

‘I panicked,’ he admitted. The worry in his voice evident. ‘I didn’t get mugged. Although, Sirius did say it would be better if I said I was.’ He laughed nervously before adding, ‘He’s under the impression that you want to murder me.’

‘I wouldn’t call it an impression considering I told him as much.’ Taking a deep breath, she took a step closer to him and asked, ‘So what really happened? The James Potter edition, that is.’

He sighed before meeting her gaze. ‘I got ambushed by a few Slytherins when I was coming back from the kitchen. They gave me a nasty curse to the stomach and disappeared once they heard the sound of someone approaching us. It was Dirk Cresswell, you know, one of the Hufflepuff Prefects. He saw my wound and went to find Professor Sprout to help take me to the hospital wing.’ Absently, he moved his hand over his middle once more.

He ran his other hand through his hair, pulling at it nervously. His eyes pleading with her before saying wretchedly, ‘I never meant to miss our date.’ He sent her one of his lopsided smiles, ‘I’ve wanted a date with you since our fourth-year, Evans; so please trust me when I say that had I not been surprised by the Slytherins, I would have shown up.’

She cast her eyes down for a moment, feeling guilty for thinking poorly of him—all prior thoughts of vicious dragons and hexing forgotten.

‘I suppose being attacked is a good reason for missing our date,’ she acknowledged softly. ‘Even if you weren’t actually mugged.’

Her eyes held a mischievous glint in them for a moment that had James speechless. Especially when she placed a hand on his shoulder and tilted her face up to get a better look at him. He was close enough to her to admire the assembled freckles that were gracefully spattered across her face and caused him to become tongue-tied at any given opportunity.

With the same look of mischief still present, she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before impishly remarking, ‘I suppose you’ll have to make it up to me, won’t you?’ And with a playful wink sent his way, she headed up the stairs.

Revised: August 21, 2018

[siriuslysnuffles]

The Mistake

i decided to write the one i said @inakindofdaydream would kill me for. i would say enjoy, but...read and find out. this is almost 3k words, and i cried. 

also, if you like snape, this is probably not for you.  

(January 1978)

The week had held so much potential, yet perhaps that potential was never meant to be fulfilled. Really they both should have known better than to believe that something could go right for this long. Was it really a surprise that this all story began with a love story gone to ruins.

It started on the Friday of the week that they came back from the winter holidays. James believed they had been progressing in their relationship, he even believed that maybe she loved him. He had been a fool.

He should have expected it though, but perhaps love really does make you blind. He was halfway there anyways.

Teasing kisses had been exchanged that morning, like any other, as they made their way to Potions. His hand in hers as Sirius made jokes about how they were joined at the hips. He couldn’t help but grin at him, however, as his eyes shifted to his cariad who was chatting away with Remus.

Pulling away his hand, he moved it to her waist, pulling her in closer. He caught her eye and grinned before giving her a quick kiss on the cheeks, accidentally moving her pointed hat in the process.

She giggled before adjusting it accordingly. “Just because you hate wearing yours doesn’t mean you should mess with mine.”

“But it gets in the way of your lovely hair,” he teased, drawing circles on her waist (or the robes over her waist).

Biting on her bottom lip, she said, “Shut it, Potter.” She paused in her walk, letting the other two walk ahead of them. Glancing back, Sirius sent a wink at them before following after Remus.

Disentangling herself from him, she laughed and said, “You’re an idiot, you prat. Did you know that?”

He walked closer to her, causing her to walk backwards until her back hit the wall. “You remind me at least once a week.” His licked his lips briefly, drawing Lily’s attention to them.

Her voice was playful but her eyes gave away her desire, “Who else would remind you?” She stood on her toes, placing her hand behind his neck, playing with the baby hairs there. “I’m doing you a favour really, otherwise you would have to find another way to ride that broomstick of yours.”

James threw his head back. Lily loved watching him laugh, it never failed to draw a smile to her face. “I think you’re more worried that I wouldn’t be able to snog you.” He wrapped a hand around her waist, letting the other one cradle her face.

Her eyes were shining as she resisted laughing, “Oh, of course, that’s obviously why I’m with you.”

He glanced over his shoulder, before leaning down to kiss her. “Knew it,” he mumbled as he pulled her tightly against him. His fingers digging into her cheek softly, eliciting a soft whimper from his girlfriend.

“Always knew the Mudblood was a slag.” They pulled away at the voice of Atreus Avery. “Tell me, Potter, have you shagged her yet?”

“James, don’t do something stupid,” she whispered urgently as she felt him tense up. He made no reply as he turned around, his hand reaching for hers.

“I’m sorry, Avery, did you say something?” His voice challenged the boy to say anything before glancing at his three other companions, Severus Snape, Thomas Flint and Marcus Mulciber. “I suggest you save your comments for your little Death Eater parties, maybe you’ll find someone there who actually cares.”

“Let’s go,” Lily said, glaring at Slytherins while also avoiding Snape’s gaze. Snape who was looking at them both with anger in his eyes. “I don’t want to be late.” She pulled James along, her hand tight in his as they ignored the comments shouted at them.

“Bloody purist,” James mumbled as he took his seat next to Lily’s, earning him a look from Sirius and Remus.

Lily placed a supportive hand on his arm, “Ignore them. They just want to get a rise out of you.”

“I don’t know how you do it, Cariad.” He turned to her, “Must be because you’re just so amazing.”

She blushed, “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

Sirius laughed, “I think the saying is nowhere, Lil.”

She winked at him teasingly before kissing James’ cheek, “I’ll go get our supplies.”

That night, three animagi and a werewolf had snuck out to the kitchen to celebrate their last term at Hogwarts.

“What do you think it’ll be like after Hogwarts?” Peter asked as he spooned ice-cream into his mouth. “Do you think it’ll be the same?”

“Prongsie here,” Sirius began winking at James and gently nudging him, “Will obviously marry our favourite redhead and have many black-haired, green-eyed children and name me godfather to all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Padfoot,” Remus admonished, “I’m sure some of them will be have Lily’s red hair.”

James laughed before a lovestruck smile graced his face, “She’s great. Absolutely amazing.”

The other three exchanged a look. “So have you told her you’re hopelessly in love with her yet?” Sirius asked, a knowing grin spreading across his face.

“Not yet, I’ll do it soon. Her birthday’s coming up. I’m sure I’ll get the courage to do so before then. I mean, it’s Lily. It needs to be special.”

Sirius laughed, “That’s what you said about asking her to be your girlfriend, and need I remind you that I was the one who had to hear from Lily for most of October about how you were such an idiot and if you were no longer interested in her because you wouldn’t kiss her.”

“Tosser,” James blushed, tossing a crisp at him.

“I’m a bit tired, I think I’ll head out.” Remus said an hour later.

Peter stood up, rubbing his eyes. “I’ll go with you. I’m a bit knackered too.”

Remus eyed them, “Are you two staying?”

James looked at Sirius who shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, just for a bit.” He grabbed something from behind him and tossed it to Remus, “Take the cloak.”  

“All right, be careful,” he said before following behind Peter.

Another hour passed before James and Sirius decided to call it a night and left the house-elves to themselves, declining their many offers of food to take with.

They had barely left the kitchen when they ran into Regulus Black and Severus Snape.

Sirius glared at his brother, yet James could tell that part of him wanted to talk to him, wanted to take him away from the influences of the other Slytherins, but James knew it was too late. He could see the way Sirius’ jaw tensed and the fearful look on Regulus’ face. The last thing James needed was to handle another fight between the two brothers or for Snape to have another thing to hold over Sirius.

“Let’s go, Padfoot,” James said, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. James really had had every intention of taking Sirius and walking away, too bad that Snape never knew when to mind his own business.

Snape sneered, “Where are you going, Potter?”

“I have better things to do, Snape. You know, place to go, people to see.” James smirked as he turned around, briefly glancing at Sirius whose eyes remain fixated on his brother. “I suppose you wouldn’t know how that feels.”

Snape glared at him as James turned around, pulling Sirius away. “Frankly, you’re just not worth my time,” James called over his shoulder as Sirius let out a barklike laugh, muttering something to James that made a smirk appear on his face.

But Snape was done being ridiculed by the likes of Potter and Black, especially in front of the younger Black brother.

He was tired of watching Lily prance about with the arrogant prat like his trophy, like she was his. She wasn’t Potter’s, she was Severus’, she would always be Severus’. And he hated her for it.

So he did the one thing he’d been longing to do since they returned from the holidays, he raised his wand against James Potter. Against the one who had turned Lily against him.

The hex hit his back, stopping the laughter from the two arrogant Gryffindors. Snape’s lips curled as they turned to face him. Fire burned in Potter’s eyes, and Snape felt pleasure in the anger that emitted from the other boy, felt pleasure in knowing he hadn’t changed, that Lily couldn’t really love the toerag who had found pleasure in ruining his life. No, Potter just had her fooled, but all Severus had to do was show Lily who Potter really was.

He felt Regulus shift uneasily as his brother glared at him, blaming him for Severus’ action before turning to Severus himself.

“Scared, Potter,” he taunted them.

James scowled at him, raising his wand. “A lot of talk for someone who doesn’t say shite when Lily’s around.”

“What does Evans have to do with anything?” Snape snarled out, forcing himself to call her by her surname as he aimed a spell at Potter. He could hear Black patronising Regulus.

“I think we both know, Lily has everything to do with this.” He blocked the spell. “Tell me, Snape, did Lily ever realise you fancied her? Do your Death Eater friends realise you have feelings for a Muggle-born?” James’ eyes darkened as he looked at Snape. “You never deserved her friendship, you know? Lily’s too kind for someone like you, you only ever hurt her.”

Snape aimed another spell at him, that James once again managed to block. “You think you deserve Lily Evans, Potter? You’ll never really know her.” His nostrils flared. “You don’t deserve her.”

“No one deserves Lily, she isn’t a thing you deserve, Snape.” A muscle in his jaw twitched, “You’re pathetic.”

James became momentarily distracted as his eyes shifted to Sirius who was looking at his brother’s left arm in horror. James was in the process of turning when he felt a spell cut across the skin at his side.

James’ hand instantly went to his side where blood began soaking through his robes. He heard as Sirius pushed his brother against the wall before stalking past James and grabbing Snape and proceeding to forcefully shove him against the wall. James could already imagine Sirius’ grey eyes flashing.

“Padfoot, let’s go.” James gritted his teeth. Sirius pulled his wand at Snape, petrifying him with a spell. “Watch yourself,” he said menacingly, letting him fall to the ground before aiming another spell at his face.  

“Let’s get you to Poppy, James.” He watched as he eyed his mate’s injury.

“Do me a favour, Sirius,” James said once they were near the Hospital Wing. “Don’t tell Lily.”

It was Saturday when Lily had the misfortune of running into Snape while she was in the library studying with her best friend, April Eliot.

“Lily,” April whispered to her, avoiding the wrath of Madam Pince who would snap at anyone who so much as dropped a quill in the library. “Snape is staring at you.”

“I don’t care,” Lily said, ignoring the look the other girl was sending her. “He’s walking over here.”

Lily groaned. “I thought I made things clear in fifth and sixth-year.” She bit her lip pensively before Snape had managed to approach her.

“Lily,” he called to her.

“What do you want, Severus?” She didn’t waste her time in looking at him but continued in flipping the page. “I thought I made it clear that I want nothing to do with you.”

“It’s important.”

She rolled her eyes, finally looking up at him and noticing a purple bruise on his face. She contemplated it for a moment, agreeing solely out of curiosity. “Fine, but make it quick. I’m meeting James in a bit.” She knew she shouldn’t have mentioned her boyfriend, but part of her felt particularly vindictive whenever she saw him; she hated feeling this way.

She followed him outside the library, keeping her distance. “What did you want?” A frown graced her lips, “Surprised you’re not trying to hide me. Aren’t you scared your little Death Eater pals will see us together and get the wrong idea? Wouldn’t want them to think you’re being civil to a Mudblood, now would we?”

“I apologised for that,” he protested.

Lily let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, yes, a half-hearted apology where and when no one else could see you, how inconvenient for you.” Her eyes met his, “Let’s be honest, Severus, your pride would have never been able to take that hit.”

Snape sneered, “What about Potter’s pride?”

Lily glowered at him, “James,” her voice softened slightly at his name, it disgusted Snape. “Can apologise when he’s wrong. I find it a very enduring trait.”

“He’s not who you think he is, Lily.” His words came out quickly, “He’s an arrogant prat, and he’s deceiving you.”

She drew in a deep breath, “He grew up. People change. Sometime for the better.” She looked at him sadly, “Sometimes for the worst.”

“He hasn’t changed.” His voice was final. “He still hexes me, you know. Where do you think I got the bruise. He’s always going to be the arrogant toerag, Lily. I just don’t want him making a fool out of you. He’s hiding more from you than you think.”

With that he walked away, knowing the seed of doubt had been placed.

They worked quiet as James sorted out the next month’s patrol schedule, and Lily worked out the past week’s point deductions, making sure the prefects weren’t being too hard or lenient in order to favour their houses.

Lily resisted laughing as she got to the pile filled out by James, who made the comments extra amusing when he knew it was Lily’s turn to oversee points. Indeed, the first one listed was ten points deducted from a sixth-year Ravenclaw who “couldn’t pick a better place to try and shag his girlfriend.” She let out a small snort which was eerie in the silence of the evening, something that didn’t go unnoticed by James.

“You’re quiet tonight, Lil,” his eyes looked her over. “Is something bothering you?”

She almost denied it before Snape’s word replayed in her. “Are you keeping secrets from me, James?”

He looked at her, shocked. “I–Everyone has secrets, Lily. Secrets aren’t necessarily a bad thing.”

Lily didn’t know whether she would have rather had him lie to her about having secrets or not. “What are you hiding?” She felt an anxiety that she had been denying all evening overwhelm her. “What is it?”

His eyes gave away his indecisiveness, but he seemed to come to a decision. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Do you still hex Severus? He said you did.” Her voice was coming out in small pants, “Did you?”

He stood up from his seat, his eyebrows knitting in confusion. “The better question is: do you believe him?”

Her eyes scanned his, taking in the boy she had grown to love. Part of her knew the truth, she thought, but the other part was scared. “I don’t know.”

Disappointment clouded his eyes followed by anger, hurt, and betrayal. “You don’t know whether you trust me?”

“No, I–” she was lost, “I don’t know.” She had already trusted one person beyond reason, put all her faith in him and in the end been let down. “Just tell me the truth, James.”

She saw his jaw clench, his eyes that were usually playful and loving darkened. “The truth is that we shouldn’t be together if you don’t trust me.”

She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “The truth is that you’re always going to believe him over me, aren’t you, Lily?” She had no answer as her lips parted softly, nothing coming out.

“I’m never going to be good enough, am I?”

“James, don’t,” her eyes began tearing up. “I–”

“What’s the point in being with someone who you can’t count on to trust you. I can be second to many people, Lily, but not to you. I can’t come second to you when,” his voice broke, “when it comes down to it you’ll always take his side, always see him as the defenceless boy you knew.”

A tear rolled down his face that was quickly wiped away. “Just so you know, I didn’t hex him.” He pulled up the Muggle jumper he had on up, touching the spot where a scar lied. “He hexed me.”

Grabbing the patrol schedule he had been working on he said, “I think we’re done. With us.” He turned around, not letting her see the tears that had begun rolling down his face, “Good-bye, Evans.”

She sat there for awhile, not letting the breakup sink in until it was too late to run after him. Tears streamed down her face, her green eyes rimmed with red. What have I done, she thought.

“James,” Sirius said as he watched his friend in a similar position. His hazel eyes surrounded by red, his hair more frazzled than usual. “You love her, and she loves you. I know it. Merlin, I barely believe in love, and I know you two have it.”

James scoffed as Peter and Remus exchanged worried glances. “I can’t love her, Padfoot, because how do you love someone you barely know? And she can’t love me; you can’t love someone you don’t trust.”

Literally, writing the last few parts made me cry. Also to clarify, it was Sirius who hexed Snape and gave him the bruise. James only used shield spells during this one. Also writing Severus was so weird, like can I not? But it was partially from his perspective so writing Snape for all his actions would have been weird. 

Also I’m sorry, but keep an eye on the timeline if you’re screaming at me. 

And I guess I’m sorry for the ending? Poor James.