You'll Always Be Magical
Magnus struggles with dealing that he has lost his magic. He tries to make Alec believe that he's taking it well, but Alec knows his boyfriend well enough to know Magnus isn't at a good place. So, he's there to let Magnus know that he's still a wonderful, magical and perfect person even without his magic and that maybe, there's a way to get his magic back.
Magnus was looking himself in the mirror and he wasn’t able to recognise himself. Yes, it was still the same face staring back at him, only now his cat-eyes were put on display constantly. Technically, he looked the same as always and it was just Magnus that couldn’t recognise himself. He wasn’t his old self anymore, not since he gave up his magic in Edom and was now dealing with accepting that. At first, he thought that it wasn’t going to be that difficult, but just a few days without magic, he realised just how much he relied on it. Not only as a warlock doing favours for his clients, he wasn’t going to miss that so much. But he relied on using magic in other, everyday things.
For example, opening doors, applying makeup, walking, cooking… He used his magic for all of those things and now doing everything manually, without the help of his magic felt weird and exhausting. Yes, he missed magic. God, he missed his magic more than anything, but he knew that it shouldn’t matter that much since everything ended up well because of him. Jace was freed, Lilith was gone and Alec survived the arrow in his chest thanks to his friend, Catarina.
That day… was horrible. Never in his life did Magnus feel so powerless and useless. Not being able to heal Alec on his own was a horrible feeling. He knew of just what spell to use, but he couldn’t and he hated himself at that moment. But thankfully, Catarina was there and Alec was just fine. A few days in bed and he was as good as new. But still, that didn’t change the fact how horrible Magnus felt and he sighed as he watched at his makeup free face, which was becoming a norm. Applying makeup without magic took time and patience and with Magnus being at wits end, he just didn’t bother like putting make up one some days and something was telling him that it was going to be one of those days again.
Magnus knew Alec felt guilty about him giving up his magic for him and his parabatai. That was why Magnus never said anything about missing his magic and he pretended that he was taking it well. But Alec wasn’t a fool, he knew how much Magnus regretted giving up his powers and even though they haven’t exactly talked about it yet, Alec promised to himself that he was going to get Magnus’ powers back. Somehow, even if it meant going to Edom. He couldn’t handle seeing Magnus like that , he was miserable, no matter what he liked to claim.
It was morning and Alec slowly made his way to Magnus’ bathroom, where he saw Magnus watching himself in the mirror and Alec puffed his cheeks when he saw that Magnus wasn’t really there. He had that distant look in his eyes and he was lost in his thoughts. Alec noticed Magnus doing that a lot lately and he huffed under his breath. Communication is the key element to make a relationship work. Communication and effort. Maybe they could have a talk about it? The hunter pressed his lips together and leaned against the door frame, finally waking up Magnus from thinking and he looked over his shoulder.
“Alexander,” said the warlock cheerfully and Alec grinned when his boyfriend went closer to him, to give him a good morning peck on top of his lips and Alec’s eyes fluttered shut as he applied one more kiss on top of Magnus’ lips and the older one grinned, then turned around and went back to the mirror. Alec followed him and stepped behind him, wrapped his arms around Magnus’ wait and rested his chin on top of Magnus’ shoulder, looking at Magnus’ reflection in the mirror.
“What kind of a look should I go today for?” asked Magnus as he was looking through his makeup and Alec shrugged. He didn’t know and didn’t really care. Lately he noticed that Magnus was bare faced a lot and that was a surprise to him, in a good way. He loved how Magnus looked with make up, of course. It made him look fabolous and hot, but without it… he was adorable. He had this soft aura around him and with his hair not spiked up, Magnus was just adorable.
“I like you like this,” said Alec and nuzzled into the crook of Magnus’ neck, who chuckled and then slowly leaned his head back a little, resting it against Alec’s and he giggled when he felt Alec pressing a few kisses up to his ear and the Shadowhunter then looked back at them in the mirror. “I’m serious, you don’t need makeup. I mean you look good with it, but without it, you’re still amazing,” said Alec and a dreamy expression came upon his face. “And soft.”
“I look… soft? ” asked Magnus and started laughing. “Should I be insulted right now?”
“No, it’s a compliment,” said Alec and grinned. “You know, soft , like all I wanna do is cuddle you,” he then explained himself better and Magnus chuckled.
“Ah.”
“Yes,” said Alec proudly and then turned Magnus around in his arms and cocked his head to the side. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” said Alec and Magnus looked up, waiting for Ale to continue. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been looking kind of distant,” he said and Magnus looked down, already knowing where this was going and he didn’t like it. Yes, he knew he needed to work on his communication skills, but… “I know that we haven’t talked about it yet, but you giving up your powers for me… I mean I thanked you but never really asked how you were doing. I mean you literally gave up a part of yourself for me and I-”
“Alexander,” stammered Magnus, forcing himself not to shut Alec out again. He didn’t like lying to him, it was just that pretending that the issue didn’t exist was so much easier. “I’m struggling, but,” said Magnus and shrugged. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I’ve been through a lot so far and this just just another bump in the road of my long life. So don’t you fill your pretty little head with useless worries and-”
“You’re doing that again,” said Alec and shook his head. “Shutting me out and I don’t like it. I know you don’t want to being a burden to me, but like I’ve said, you’d never be a burden for me and I want to know how you truly feel, because I’ve told you already how guilty I am about it… that you did that…. for me,” stammered Alec and Magnus sighed.
“And this is another reason why I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to make you feel guiltier than you already are. I’ve already told you that there’s nothing you should feel guilty about and-”
“Magnus,” said Alec and the warlock groaned, rolled his eyes, but nodded in the end because he knew that Alec was right. They needed to communicate if they wanted to get through this. The warlock looked down and his shoulders slumped down as he was chewing on his lower lip and he cursed. Yes, Alec had learned how to read him like an open book and it had its advantages and disadvantages. Nothing got by Alexander and he slowly looked up, wearing a nervous expression and Alec slowly cradled his face, making Magnus feel at ease as he leaned against the touch, closed his eyes for a split second, then opened them again and Alec’s heart leaped into his heart. Gosh, those beautiful cat-eyes were just gorgeous and he liked that they were out in open now constantly. But Magnus didn’t like that, he hated his own eyes, because they reminded him of his father.
“I just,” stammered Magnus and sighed. “I don’t know who I am anymore without magic,” whispered Magnus and Alec felt his heart dropping when Magnus said that. “I feel useless without it, like I’m a stranger to myself,” he said and he looked down again and Alec pressed his lips together. “Magic was my everything and without it I’m no-”
“Hey, that’s no true,” said Alec and gave him a little smile. “It wasn’t your magic that made you magical. You’re still magical in my eyes and always will possess magic,” he said, trying to cheer up Magnus, but his words didn’t really make a difference and Alec sighed. “Look,” he said. “I don’t know how horrible it must be to lose a part of yourself like that, but please realise that you aren’t useless without your magic,” said Alec. “You’re still the same wonderful and beautiful man I fell in love with,” he said and those words made a little smile appear on Magnus’ face.
“My, my, Alexander… you really have a way with words,” he said and Alec rolled his eyes, but was happy that he saw Magnus smiling, before the smile disappeared again and he bowed his head down again. “I hate it that I can’t glamour my eyes,” said Magnus then and sighed.
“I love your eyes,” said Alec.
“I don’t. They’re like my father’s and-”
“Nope, I don’t believe that they’re anything like your father’s,” said Alec even though he hadn’t met Asmodeus in person. “Your eyes are full of love, affection, warmth and are so beautiful,” said Alec. “I doubt Asmodeus’ eyes are anything like yours,” said Alec and Magnus felt his cheeks heating up.
“Oh, Alexander,” said Magnus as another smile crept upon his face. “Yeah, life without magic is difficult,” complained Magnus and shook his head. “I mean I have to walk places now. Walk! Magnus Bane doesn’t walk,” joked Magnus and Alec grinned, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend.
“Worry not, I’ll teach you how to live without magic,” said Alec. “Oh, we can train together,” said Alec and his eyes lit up. He had always wanted to spare with Magnus and this gave him a perfect opportunity and excuse to do just that!
Magnus hummed in amusement. “Prepared to get your ass kicked, Shadowhunter,” challenged Magnus and Alec grinned up to his ears. This was more like it, Magnus showing a bit of his competitive side. That showed that Magnus felt a bit better now about the whole magic thing, but ALec knew that Magnus would still have a long way to go before he was completely okay with the terms that he had lost his magic. Then again, who said that it was a permanent thing? Magnus wsas still very much a warlock! He still had his warlock mark, the eyes, so maybe the magic was just locked somewhere deep within him and he needed something that would unlock it. If not, then Alec would have to pay his father in law a little visit and make him see the light! He should return Magnus’ magic back. He was the prince of hell, he had enough of his own magic, so Magnus deserved his own magic back! Alec was prepared to fight-
“Alexander, you have that look on your face again,” said Magnus in amusement and Alec cocked his head to the side, Magnus chuckling. It looked like Alec came up with an idea or something, he had something that looked like an eureka moment and Magnus was amused.
“What look?”
“The one when you get when you think of a good idea. Well, what you think would be a good idea,” said Magnus and Alec grinned.
“Maybe you can get your magic back,” said Alec and Magnus arched an eyebrow. “Maybe you need to unlock it or something like that. Maybe you still have it, but Asmodeus just locked it away somewhere within you, or,” said Alec. “I’ll go talk to Asmodeus and convince him to give you your magic back,” said Alec and Magnus started laughing. “What? Don’t laugh, I’ll fight him,” said Alec, prepared to fight and Magnus’ laughter got louder, because Alec was ridiculously adorable. This overprotective side of him was adorable, prepared to fight everyone that wanted to hurt any of his beloved people.
“My father’s a greater demon, remember?”
“So? I took care of Azazel all on my own,” said Alec and narrowed his eyes.
“Yes, yes… I remember. You’re a big, bad Shadowhunter,” said Magnus and Alec grinned when he saw that Magnus was playing along. But still, there was some truth behind the ridiculous words coming from Alec’s mouth; maybe there was a way and Alec was going to find out if there was a possibility to bring Magnus’ magic back. In the meantime, he was going to look after Magnus and make the dealing process easier for Magnus. Well, he was going to try to at least, but seeing a genuine smile on Magnus’ face showed him that his help was working.
“Hell yeah I am and Asmodeus will give you your magic back as soon as he sees me,” said Alec and Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, the hunter bringing Magnus’ waist closer to himself and Magnus’ smile faltered a bit when he saw that Alec got serious. “I’m serious though, you’ll get your magic back,” he said and Magnus looked down. “I mean it,” he whispered and Magnus slowly looked up, troubled expression on his face, which melted away when Alec leaned in to kiss him.
“Take care of me until you get my magic back?” asked Magnus, half joking, half being serious. Alec wanted to laugh, but when he saw that Magnus’ expression was serious and desperate, he nodded and hugged him.
“Yes, of course,” said Alec and kissed Magnus’ temples. “Always.”
“Thank you,” muttered Magnus as he melted into another hug that Alec gave him and a little smile spread across his face. This wasn’t so bad, thought Magnus and closed his eyes, sighing. Maybe that day wasn’t going to be so bad and he allowed himself to blindly believe in Alec’s words.
Yes, his magic was going to come back. Until then, he’d have to learn how to live without it, but with Alec by his side, that shouldn’t be so difficult, he was sure of it.