The Comical Hatโsย Personal Lifestyle Branding Workshop for Instagram Users -- Day One
Hey kids, thanks for joining me here at the Comical Hatโs first everย โPersonal Lifestyle Branding Workshop for Instagram Users.โ ย High-fives all round! ย
So Day One is all about nailing that perfect โGood Morning World I am in Starbucks again!โ shot. Sound corny? Well not the way I do it. My way isย subtle personal lifestyle branding at its best. Youโre going to be there but you're not going to be hogging the shot. Nobody steals the show from The Double Chocolaty Chip Crรจme Frappuccinoยฎ Blended Crรจme so donโt even try. Youโre like the supporting cast member swinging in on the Double Chocolaty Chip Crรจme Frappuccinoยฎ Blended Crรจme's coattails into the view of seven zillion Starbucks-brainwashed Instagram loving global citizens--and who knows what that is doing for your personal lifestyle brand? I mean, literally, who knows!? I certainly donโt. But as long as youโre into that kind of thing, youโre going to want to listen to what I have to say. So set your ears to "TELL ME MORE!โ
Okay, first: you go to a Starbucks in HCMC/ Saigon. Donโt Tweet. Donโt Text. Donโt say anything on Facebook. Donโt post anything on Instagram. Donโt even look a stranger in the eye on the way there. You want to give the world the impression that you just woke up in Starbucks as if a fairy just magically airlifts you to a Starbucks outlet every morning and surrounds you with the most photogenic products. ย
Second you place an order -- you have two options: 1) arty minimalism: a very low-flying, birdโs view of a single espresso cup (the espresso has already been consumed--yeah, I know... soooo much better, right?), and a single croissant (just-out-of-shot) on a table that is otherwise bare besides a sprinkling of brown sugar as if you tried to pour the brown sugar into your espresso with your eyes closed, and maybe a Moleskin notebook, and your otherย mobile phone -- yes, all of this says you are a creative, possibly a genius, watching the calories, and in control; 2) a side-view of flamboyant extravagance: doesnโt matter if you are alone, order two different kinds of frappucinos, and a few savoury pastries, and it doesnโt matter if its breakfast, buy a creamy cake, fuck it: BUY TWO. Arrange it all artfully, as if five people are sitting around this Smรถrgรฅsbord of corporate fodder. It says, I have friends and we live life to the full. KEY POINT: we canโt see the friends. Maybe there are none! It should look as mysteriously uneaten and devoid of people as the last meal served up on the Marie Celeste with one exception. YOU!ย
Thatโs right, whether you go for option one or two, this is where the magic happens. You donโt take the shot. You pass your phone to someone else (friend, random punter, Starbucks employee), then step into the shot. Yeah, nice right? There he/ she is: the atmosphere actor (you!), stage left. At first it looks like the shot is focusing on the products but youโre also there. You're sooooo there looking arty by association. We can recognise you by your distinct taste in fashion, or complete lack of fashion, your hairy arms or your tattoo, or your other phone--or maybe your face (first and last rule of facial expressions: look pensive. ALWAYS look pensive). We like to call this the โnon-selfie-selfieโ at the Comical Hat Towers.ย
After you nail the shot and filter the shit out of it -- Vintage, vivid, volcanic, vital, vainglorious, vacuous, vampirelicious, whatever -- and tag the shit out of it -- #Starbucks #frappucino, #ME #selfie #Saigon #Whatever -- you have one more thing to do: write one line. One carefully chosen line that says it all, and yet absolutely nothing. A line that will make someone say, wow, Iโm not sure if thatโs one half of a fucking killer line by John Keats or T.S. Eliot or a terrible lyric from a Maroon 5 song, but for some reason it sounds vague enough to be possibly meaningful.ย
Boom! And thatโs it. You can sit back and enjoy your coffee/ pastries while watching random individuals from all around the world, your besties and your aunt like your image and bask in the glory of knowing that theyโre thinking, wow, I wish I was there, drinking that artfully placed espresso, or stuffing my face with all that Starbucksy, sugary crap--in short, however, briefly they should think โthat personโs breakfast coffee is so much better than mine.โย
As you step back out into the traffic of Ho Chi Minh City, I promise you will have never felt so alive knowing your Personal Lifestyle Brand will be at an all time high for 12-15 minutes (possibly less). You may have work to do, or some place to be, but you should already be thinking about lunch--I suggest contrasting the morningโs coffee shoot with a bowl of bun thit nuong and some artfully placed chopsticks and red chilies down a cruddy yet evocative lane-way somewhere in Saigon/ HCMC. That has the potential for your lifestyle choices to look sooooo much better than everyone elseโs.
Weโll cover that on Day Two. And to those who think this is all a little staged, I say, hell yeah! All the world'sย a stage and we are merely players, so strike a pose, arrange your breakfast/ coffee/ lunch/ chopsticks artfully andย โGram it baby!ย
No, no, no THANK YOU for coming!
