When it came to believing that he could never love, he understood where Bart was coming from. He had hurt one too many people in his life and he wasn’t sure if he ever would again. The trust, or lack there of, that he had within himself was officially broken. He wasn’t sure at times who he even was anymore, and if he couldn’t love himself, then how on earth could he ever love another? But the question he realised within that moment was simple. He wouldn’t just fall in love with anyone. He wouldn’t just give his heart to some random, and some random wouldn’t just give their heart to him. There would be some connection, some chemistry, there would be a reason for him to fall deeper than he ever had before. He might have only known the male for a short amount of time but he knew his presence in his life was more than just him passing him by. He felt it the day they met, and it was confirmed the moment their kiss was shared.
There was something about him that drew him in, something about him that caused for his heart to thud wildly against his chest. The butterflies he felt whenever with him that existed even before their lips were locked, before the simplest form of intimacy he already couldn’t get enough of. His eyelids that fluttered reopened as he parted them for air, the crystal blue of hues fixated upon the kiss swollen before searching for blurred eye contact. “Don’t be.” It was what he wanted, had wanted for longer then he’d care to admit to. “I thought you said you couldn’t love?” The curl at the corners appearing, the slightest chuckle escaping during the softness of his each and every word.
@drmactr | many a time had bartholomew made a mistake. trusted too soon, taken the wrong turn. hell, he sabotaged every relationship you could nail to his name. no longer did he have the luxury of feeling worth something.
for as long as he can remember, which really isn’t much, his mother was that carrying force, that drive to do good, be better. even the idea that nathan could make him feel as safe, as warm, it sent a sickly tingle down his spine. the familiar room had brought him comfort, though short lived. once again the universe had sent him a clear cut sign. YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT.
a crack in the painting, a falter in the smile. why could nothing, not a moment, not a morsel of his existence be pure. “yeah, well. maybe that works out for the best, huh?” never had his own voice sounded so bitter, so harsh. “i’m going home.”