Lately, I have been going through a few instances in my life, where I felt like I was losing control (of the few aspects I could control) of my life. It felt like a nosedive back into my anxious thought process, trying to predict the future (unknown) and just fearing my next step. I realized that I was afraid of making a mistake, so I overthought towards an unforeseen future.
With these internal responses, I realized that I focused on controlling the external aspects of my life - which included others' expectations, my rigid preferences of how I thought the circumstances would unfold, and intellectualizing my way through these difficult feelings.
Reflecting on this chaotic feeling, I realized the connection with the source within myself had been disrupted. No wonder I felt so lost. With this realization, I took a step back to connect with myself. I took my time to reflect on my internal state. This decision felt invigorating. As if, trust returned to my being.
It's times like these that remind me that my power has always lay within me. When we feel a sense of internal disruption, it is generally because we have lost out to the ideals of the external world. Taking a moment to connect back into yourself anchors your authenticity, and sense of purpose.
It also reveals your priorities and nudges you to realign with your vision. When you hold your vision steadfast, the other little details take care of themselves.
It also gives you the courage to express yourself and stand your ground. Even if it means that you are the only one who believes in you.
Warnings: Violence, Injury, chokeholds, firearms mentioned, electric tasing
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes: It’s finished!! (Well at least this part is, we will see these two again in another sequel series.) I want to thank you all for coming along on this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I also want to give a shoutout to @knightsofkenn for her Kylo x reader fic that inspired this little series, thank you so much for sharing that story with us. Also feedback is always appreciated!
Gif Credit: @nikkixostan
The inside of the building is dimly lit as Bucky slowly creeps around the corner with his firearm in front of him. This is the third base that they’ve hit within two weeks of Maeve being kidnapped by Hydra. Sam, Bucky and Joaquin have been pouring everything that can into finding the bases in their search for Maeve. And so far it’s all been with dismal results.
Bucky takes in a quick breath as he feels his frustration rising within him. He slowly lets out the breath feeling his emotions begin to simmer underneath his skin. His eyes are darting back and forth along the hallway as he makes his way down it. When he comes to the end of the hallway there’s a set of double doors and a soft hum behind it. As he slowly enters the room quickly scanning for any enemies, Bucky groans loudly as he finds himself in an old control room surrounded by computer and television monitors.
“She’s not here.” he growls out angrily and can hear the feedback from the communication device in his ear.
“Yeah, they cleared this place out quickly. Looks like we’re right on their tail.” Joaquin spoke up and Bucky gritted his teeth in frustration. They were always one step behind them, and Bucky knew that if Hydra felt truly threatened they’d do something to Maeve. Bucky tried not to think about that because that was a dangerous thought process that he wasn’t prepared to go down yet.
“I need you both down here in the lower levels. Looks like Maeve left us something. I’m sending you my coordinates.” Sam said and Bucky looked down at his watch device and saw the coordinates for Sam as he began to move blindly. He moved through the maze of the base as he wondered what Maeve would’ve left for them. Bucky’s thoughts began to take a dark turn and he quickly shook his head trying to dislodge those thoughts. He didn’t want to already put Maeve in a more dire situation than she already was.
Bucky arrived at the lower levels just as Joaquin burst through the double doors at the opposite end of the hallway, the two of them moving towards the middle of the hallway when Sam called out for them. Making his way quickly towards Sam he walked into the doorway and spotted the man crouched on the floor in the far corner of the room staring at the wall bewildered.
“Get over here, I can’t understand what she wrote on the wall.” Sam says as he stands from his spot and points to the wall for Bucky to look at. On the wall Bucky could see all the dirt and grime from years of the room being used, the room was small and held only one single cot pressed up against the far wall, no windows and lone camera in the opposite corner. He knew that they were using the room as her prison and he felt rage course through him at the thought of her being kept in such a tiny room without any windows or privacy. His eyes darted along the graffiti on the wall until his eyes caught onto two quickly etched Romanian words Comandouri urlete, howling commandos. Bucky sucked in a breath as he realized where they were heading.
“Austria, they’re taking her to Austria. The base where Steve broke me and Howling Commandos out. That’s their next base.” Bucky breathed out quickly.
“Alright, we’ve got our direction let’s get going. Hopefully we can catch up to them in transit.” Sam said quickly as he began moving to the door. Bucky hoped Sam was right that they’d be able to catch up to you in transit, he didn’t know what would happen otherwise with the rage that was swirling within himself.
*-*-*-*
“God damnit!” Bucky roared absolutely seething with anger as they searched the destroyed Hydra weapons facility where he had been held with the Howling Commandos. The facility had signs of people being here recently but once again they were just a step behind the group much to his frustration. Bucky grabbed the bare cot and flung it across the room in a fit of rage causing Joaquin to look over at him with quiet shock.
“They were here.” Sam said as he walked into the small room holding a file folder in one hand that he handed over to Bucky who frowned heavily before skimming through the paperwork in the folder. None of it made sense to him as since it was all detailing theories on the soulmate connection, he started to feel an uneasy pull in his stomach that he would get when he was connected to Maeve. Looking up at Sam and he shook his head not understanding what this all meant.
“Bucky, over here.” Joaquin spoke up and Bucky turned quickly as his mind began to race with thoughts of Maeve and what was happening to her. There on the wall was another scrawled word obelisk in hurried strokes that made Bucky wonder how much time they gave you alone to be able to do this.
“She’s still in Austria. There’s a fortress where General Reinhardt was working on a Kree Obelisk that was found not far from the fortress. She’ll be there.” he said hurriedly and Sam nodded his head before the three of them quickly left the facility.
As Bucky climbed into the aircraft that would take them to the next base his eyes trailed over the destroyed weapons facility and memories swarmed him from when Steve came to save him and the Commandos. He sighed softly as he silently hoped that Maeve was alright and that Hydra hadn’t touched her. The aircraft lifted into the air and Bucky found himself staring out of the window wondering where Maeve was right now.
*-*-*-*
Pain bloomed in Maeve’s left cheek as the Hydra agent who was in charge of her transport threw a punch at her face. Gasping sharply she gritted her teeth against the pain and glared up at the man through her greasy hair that hung over her face. Breathing through the pain that coursed up her face she focused on the feeling of the steely hands of his associates gripping her bound arms to keep her standing on her own feet. He spat out a word in a language that she didn’t understand. His upper lip curled upward in rage and he began to pace in front of her.
Maeve idly watched him wondering what it was that he was upset about now. Ever since they had kidnapped her Maeve had come to recognize his emotions even though she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Same with the other two guards who were in charge of keeping her bound, those two didn’t talk very much but she was able to get a read on them when something didn’t go according to plan.
She didn’t know how long it had been since she had been kidnapped but it felt like months at this point. She could feel the dirt and grime on her skin and in her hair for the days of traveling and staying in the not most sanitary places. Her body was sore and aching from the lack of sleep and the constant state of being bound. She could feel her spirit starting to wane and knew that she wasn’t fighting back as much as she had when they first captured her. One of the quiet agents was still sporting a black eye from when she elbowed him after he grabbed her too roughly. She knew that she was showing quite a few injuries herself after their rough handling of her but they hadn’t offered any medical care and she didn’t expect them to.
Maeve idly wondered if Bucky and Sam would ever find her and bring her home. She wondered if they were able to find her clues in time to move to their next location. She had thought that Bucky and Sam were getting closer because the agents had been moving her faster than they had when this first started. Also the main transport agent had developed a nervous tick and his face now held a constant strained expression, she figured he had probably been dressed down for how close Bucky was getting. She just hoped that they hadn’t found her clues yet, hoped that she had more time to leave clues.
Just then her eyes focused on the man in front of her as he stopped in front of her and seethed, she watched as he swung his arm back as he turned towards her. Maeve closed her eyes tightly expecting him to hit her in the same spot but when the strike did happen she opened her eyes surprised. She looked up at an imposing looking woman dressed in a skintight black pencil skirt and black button up blouse. The woman was glaring at the transport agent silently and he seemed to shrink back in submission. Maeve then watched silently as the woman gazed at her with faux sympathy in her eyes.
“I am sorry.” the woman stated with a heavy German accent. “He should not have touched you.” Maeve flinched back when the woman reached out and trailed her index finger down Maeve injured cheek. “Sorry.” she stated again and Maeve thought that this woman didn’t understand the meaning behind the word. Maeve stared at her silently waiting for the woman to explain what was going on. “We know you are leaving clues for the soldat.” the woman said emotionless and Maeve felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped on her.
She stared at the woman without truly seeing her as her body froze in place, her mind began to race with ideas of what they were going to do to her now that they knew she was leaving clues for Bucky. Feelings of helplessness began to creep up and Maeve took in a deep breath to calm herself before refocusing on the woman. Not being able to judge the woman Maeve was left to silently watch her warily as her mind tried to think of ways to escape. She knew they weren’t going to take this lightly and she worried that what they would do to her would incapacitate her leaving her no way to escape if given the opportunity.
“Do not worry. We have plans for you at the last stop.” the woman said ominously and Maeve watched her as chills consumed her body. “You can leave a clue for soldat. We are going to Siberia.” the woman said with an evil smirk as she sharply patted Maeve’s injured cheek and whirled on her heel before barking out orders in German to the other hydra agents causing them all to jump into action.
Maeve groaned softly as her bounds were cut and her sore aching arms fell to her sides. She could feel the black cloud of unconsciousness starting to swarm up into her eyes. Trying to desperately stay conscious Maeve lost her struggle against it as her body crumpled to the floor. Her last thought was wondering what the plans they had for her.
*-*-*-*
Bucky stared down at the neat carved clue on the wall and felt a sense of dread fill him. Something wasn’t right, this wasn’t like the other clues. Bending at the waist he peered at the carved word soldat on the wall and felt ice slip down his spine.
“So where is she?” Sam asked as he leaned against the wall of the room with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Siberia. She’s in the Hydra base where they made me the winter soldier, where Zemo holded up.” Bucky said and could feel Sam and Joaquin’s eyes on him after his words sunk in. Bucky frowned as he felt that uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach start to flare up again. He had been feeling it ever since they were at the last base in Austria and he had thought nothing of it since it reminded him of the soulmate connection but now it was prominent and he was worried that it meant something bad for Maeve.
“What is it Bucky?” Sam asked softly as he stood from the wall and walked over to him before placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Something is happening. I’m getting an uneasy feeling in my stomach, it reminds me of the connection.” Bucky confessed and Sam stared at him with wide eyes.
“There were articles all over the weapons base about the soulmate connection.” Joaquin spoke up and Same nodded his head.
“At the last base too. They were doing research on the connection. But why?” Sam wondered aloud and Bucky looked over at him confused as they all tried to piece it together.
“If there’s a way to disconnect, is there a way to reconnect?” Joaquin asked aloud curiously and Bucky felt his lungs freeze as he snapped his head up to stare at Sam with wide eyes.
“They’re going to reconnect her. She’s a link to me and they want their soldier back.” Bucky said in a low terse tone. He felt rage swiftly consume him and he clenched his teeth in anger. “They think they can control me through the connection with her.”
“They’re going to torture her once she’s reconnected.” Sam said with obvious dread. “Let’s go.”
*-*-*-*
The snow was deep as Bucky, Sam, Joaquin and a squadron of soldiers descended on the Hydra base from their aircraft. There were no guards stationed outside and Bucky felt the uneasy feeling return in the pit of his stomach as he crouched behind a group of large rocks just outside the entrance to the base. Sam was crouched beside him peering down at his arm's digital display as redwing was doing surveillance around the base to see if there were any guards stationed outside.
“Something’s not right.” Bucky said softly as he peered around the rocks trying to figure out why there weren’t guards posted outside.
“I know, but we don’t know what’s going on inside and it’s too dangerous to just go in.” Sam said softly. Bucky nodded his head in agreement when all of a sudden pain flooded his body like waves crashing along the shore. Groaning low in his throat Bucky hunched over and pressed a hand into the ground below him. “Bucky?! What happened?” Sam barked out in worry as he stared at Bucky with wide eyes.
Bucky felt the edges of his consciousness begin to grow blurry and the blackness was creeping in. Pain like he had never felt before coursed through him at a constant pace. He tried to slowly take in a breath through his nose and blow it out through his mouth but it didn’t calm the pain he felt. Gritting his teeth Bucky slowly tried to calm himself down as he tried to push the pain down and focus on the Hydra base.
“They reconnected us.” Bucky gritted out through his teeth and Sam nodded looking solemnly over at the base. Suddenly Bucky felt a pulling in the pit of his stomach and he knew it was the connection that was causing the sensation. He felt that if he followed the pull he would be able to navigate the base to exactly where Maeve was being kept. “Follow my lead. I know how to find her.” Bucky said as he stood from behind the rocks and began moving towards the front door.
Sam quickly followed behind him with his shield and firearm drawn while the rest of the squadron with Joaquin following after. Entering the base Bucky felt as if he was transported back into the past, it was almost like deja vu when Zemo had drawn him to this location. The first floor was empty with no posted guards just like the outside of the base. It’s only as they start to descend into the depths of the base that they start to see guards and Hydra agents walking around.
Bucky is peering around a corner when he spots a guard walking away from him down the hallway. Stealthily he prowls behind the man and locks him into a chokehold before lowering the now unconscious man to the ground. He seethes quietly as he stares down at the man knowing that he can’t alert them to their location yet but he feels the desire to completely annihilate the man on the ground for what Hydra is doing to Maeve.
“C’mon let’s keep moving.” Sam said quickly as he tapped Bucky’s shoulder twice. Bucky nodded his head in agreement as he stepped over the unconscious man and continued on his way into the lower levels of the base. They came across a few more agents on the next two levels but they were all quickly and quietly taken down by either Bucky, Sam or any of the other members of the group.
Soon they found themselves on the lowest level of the base and Bucky could feel the pull in his stomach growing to a level that he wasn’t able to ignore. It almost felt like an invisible string tied to him leading him down the quiet hallways. “I don’t like this.” Sam said softly from behind Bucky as they all moved silently down the hallway towards the one room that Bucky had promised himself never to return to.
Bucky stayed silent as horrible memories bombarded him as he slowly walked down the hallway. He was transported back to the days when Hydra brainwashed him into becoming the Winter Soldier. The path that he was taking now to the main room was the same path that he’d be led down by Hydra guards. The walls were the same, the floors were the same, it was as if nothing had changed in this time capsule of a building. Taking a deep breath in through his nose Bucky grimaced as he realized that even the smell and air in the place was the same from when he became the Winter Soldier.
“Where is everyone?” Sam asked softly in a whisper and Bucky felt himself straightening his posture as they continued down the hallway. He was mentally transported to the past and found himself feeling as if he didn’t need to hide from Hydra any longer. He knew he was being reckless but he couldn’t help it as he moved down the hallway.
“They’re in the main room.” Bucky answered confidently as he and the group came to the main double doors of the ‘experiment room’. His eyes darted over to the door plaque on the wall and tapped it twice with his knuckles almost reverently before opening up the doors to the room. Sam, Joaquin and the rest of the soldiers all had their firearms drawn while Bucky held his at his side as he stood in the doorway.
The room was the exact same from his past and Bucky’s eyes darted around it in silent awe, nothing had changed. But then his eyes landed on Maeve, who was strapped to the same chair that he had been held in during Hydra’s brainwashing. Seeing Maeve laying in the chair was like a wake up call to Bucky and his mind focused only on her.
He moved about the room as if he was possessed as he incapacitated each and every Hydra agent that stood in the room. Bucky started with the man closest to him and quickly locked him into a chokehold as he raised his firearm and shot at the other agent who charged at him. He moved and expertly dodged each attack from the agents while he made progress getting closer to Maeve.
Maeve was unconscious as she lay unstrapped in the chair, her head lolled to the side with her eyes shut. There was an austere looking woman standing near Maeve as she checked a monitor that showed Maeve’s vitals. The woman turned from the monitor once she was satisfied with Maeve’s vitals to watch Bucky as he made his way through the room. The look on the woman’s face almost made a chill run down Bucky’s spine, it was emotionless and calculating. He knew that he couldn’t let this woman get away, she was in charge or close to the top of the Hydra group. She would have valuable information for Sam.
Bucky effectively knocked out agent after agent as he moved through the room. When he held the last unconscious agent by the collar of their shirt did he finally stand before the woman next to Maeve. She studied him silently as she stood as still as a statue, her beady eyes taking in his every move as if he was under her microscope.
“She has been reconnected. Soon the Winter Soldier will come back to claim his soulmate.” she said almost reverently and Bucky stared at her with disbelief coursing through him.
“Winter Soldier is gone, you monster.” he grumbled out at her while shaking his head. “Get out of the way.” he grits out as he tries to get closer to Maeve.
“No! You are not the Winter Soldier!” yells the woman and lunges forward to grab at Bucky. She doesn’t get very far though as Maeve had woken up and grabbed onto the electric prodding stick at the side of the chair. Bucky watched with wide satisfied eyes as the woman who had been in his way began to twitch as Maeve prodded her. The woman then fell to the floor in a heap and Bucky stepped over her to come to Maeve’s side.
Gently placing a hand on her shoulder Bucky watched her avidly trying to see all of her injuries. His eyes darted around her face as she silently breathed in and out swiftly, she most likely trying to calm herself down from her exertion of prodding the woman. Bucky watched as she shutter eyes and took in a deep breath through her nose and slowly blew it out through her mouth before her face crumpled in sorrow. Loud sobs escaped her mouth as she turned and buried her face into his shirt. Bucky slowly slipped his arms around her in what he hoped was a comforting hug, it had been weeks since he was able to hug her and he only hoped to help ease some of her stress.
“They took my choice away.” she said softly to him and Bucky felt sadness fill him. He knew with the reconnection that she would most likely be in pain again due to his activities, but he had also come to realize that while the pain was only part of the issue, the lack of freewill was now the bigger issue.
“We’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.” Bucky tried to reassure her as she sobbed in his arms. “We’ll get disconnected again.” he said softly and Maeve lifted her head from his shirt slowly to stare at him with wide teary eyes. Bucky looked down at her feeling as if he had made a complete breakthrough in his understanding of Maeve’s point of view. He didn’t know if it was because he was standing next to the chair where Hydra had brainwashed him into becoming the Winter Soldier while cradling her in his arms, but he felt as if he could now fully understand what Maeve had been trying to tell him. “We’ll get you disconnected. Don’t worry.” he reiterated to her and Maeve let the tears silently slip from her eyes down her face.
Bucky leaned forward and pressed a soft chaste kiss to her forehead while tightening his arms around her giving her as much comfort as he possibly could. Without him realizing it Maeve had become a very big part of his life and he was going to do everything in his power to make her happy. With all of his chaotic emotions swirling within him Bucky made a silent vow to always be there for Maeve and make sure that she was happy in her life. Bucky didn’t see the silent knowing look shared between Sam and Joaquin as they all gave Maeve and Bucky time to adjust to the situation.
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes:
Gif Credit: @buckybarnesj
“So tell me what’s going on James?” asked Dr. Raynor as she sat in her chair across the table from him. Bucky sighed softly as he slouched in his chair hating the fact that he needed help from Dr. Raynor to still figure out his emotions and feelings. He never agreed with therapy and always thought that his feelings and emotions were his own to figure out. He didn’t think he needed help with understanding his emotions. But he knew that to be able to move forward with Maeve he needed to figure something out and he only knew Dr. Raynor to be helpful.
“My soulmate went through with the disconnection.” he said softly and Dr. Raynor nodded her head patiently without saying anything to him. “I met her while there was a drive-by shooting at a coffee shop a few months ago. She wanted to see whether we could start a relationship between the two of us and I didn’t want to until I was able to get through my list.” Bucky explained and Dr. Raynor nodded her head again at his words.
“Which is perfectly valid.” Dr. Raynor agreed and Bucky nodded his head at her reaffirmation of his reasoning.
“My soulmate has been in a lot of pain because of the connection and has had to be hospitalized, she was on medication to lessen the pain, and she also has a support dog that’s able to detect when she has a painful reaction.” Bucky explained and Dr. Raynor jotted down some notes as she listened to him. “I had rejected her a couple of times and she tried to compromise with me about our relationship but I told her that I didn’t want a soulmate. I don’t feel like I deserve one.” Bucky confessed and Dr. Raynor looked at him with a furrowed brow before he spoke up again. “She didn’t take it well and we drifted apart. I kept going on missions even after she told me about the pain she experiences. I didn’t believe it was that bad for her to go through. But while I was away on a mission she disconnected and now I’m living with her in a safehouse because a terrorist group thinks that she means something to me.”
“Does she mean something to you?” Dr. Raynor asked after a moment of silence and Bucky looked up at her with furrowed eyebrows. “You’re obviously upset that she disconnected from you as a soulmate even though you told her that you didn’t want a soulmate.” Dr. Raynor explained and Bucky sat there silently wondering if Maeve meant something to him.
“I wanted her to wait for me. I wanted to get through my list and then see where I was at that point.” he said after a moment of thinking.
“How long do you think it would take you to get through your list?” Dr. Raynor asked softly as she stared at him from her spot in her large armchair. Bucky tilts his head to the side as he thinks about everything he has to do to find all the people on his list and be able to help them in some way. He figured that he’d spend at least a month looking for all of the loved ones, of the people on his list, locations before going to their location and trying to make amends with them. The time to make amends with them could vary depending on how forgiving these people were, so he thought it’d be at least one to two months spent on trying to connect with them. And with fourteen people on his list that would come to just shy of two and a half years.
“Two and a half years.” he said confidently and watched as Dr. Raynor’s eyes widened at his answer. “Give or take depending on how quickly it would be to make amends.” Bucky tried to explain and Dr. Raynor nodded her head slowly at him.
“Bucky, you wanting to get through your list first is not only admirable but it’s a good thing to do. But you can’t expect someone to wait for you to be possibly available without a commitment that they can hold onto. It’s a very long time for someone who’s just supposed to wait. It's unreasonable to ask that of her without committing to a relationship at the end.” She explained to him and Bucky frowned deeply at her words.
“But I don’t know if I’m capable of caring for her like she needs me to.” he confessed softly and Dr. Raynor looked at him shocked for a moment before smiling softly.
“I think you already do Bucky. If your reaction to her disconnecting from you is so strong that you’re back in a session with me, I think you already do care for her. It may not be how she wants or needs you to but you do care for her in some capacity.” Dr. Raynor said knowingly and confidently, making Bucky nod his head at her words. “It also may not be a whole lot of caring but you have some sort of attachment to her already if your reaction is anything to go by.”
Bucky sat there in shock at her words, he couldn’t believe that it was possible that he had some form of connection with her while be disconnected. He wondered when it had happened and how far this sense of attachment went with him. Sitting back in the chair Bucky huffed out a soft sigh.
“What should I do then? I don’t think I’m in love with her.” Bucky confessed as confusion began to swarm around him.
“Oh no, this isn’t love. It’s an attachment. Those are two completely different things.” Dr. Raynor said with finality that made Bucky’s chest tighten. He frowned softly at the feeling and wondered what it meant for him. “I think your best course of action is to come to terms with the disconnection, it’s not what you wanted but you didn’t vocalize that to her and rejected her through words and your actions. She chose to do something that was the best for her after being rejected by her soulmate and being in pain from the connection. You can’t fault her for that and she can’t fault you for wanting to get through your list before thinking about being with a soulmate.” Dr. Raynor explained as she jotted down notes in her notebook. “I think you should accept that you're disconnected from your soulmate and move forward with an amicable relationship as much as possible. Try to be friendly with her and see if she’s up to that. Or you could walk away and be done with her. You have to take into consideration what she needs to be alright in her situation. She’s the one who’s been in pain because of the connection.” Dr. Raynor gently explained to him trying to get him to understand. “You know you don’t need the soulmate connection to have a relationship with this woman, right? If you decide after your list that you want a relationship with her you can see if she’s receptive.” Bucky nodded his head at her explanation and knew that he would have a lot to think about and a lot to talk about with Maeve when he got back to the safe house.
*-*-*-*
Later on that afternoon Bucky walks into the safehouse and spots Maeve and Nocht curled up on the sofa together watching a movie, the two of them both look up from their spot to see he has a few bags of takeout in his arms. Maeve untangles herself from Nocht and moves towards Bucky to help him with the bags of food.
“Are you okay?” she asks curiously as she stares up at him. Bucky frowns softly at her question and she tilts her head to the side. “Sam said you had to go see a doctor this morning. I’m just wondering if you’re alright.”
“Oh yeah, I’m okay. Just had to go see my therapist.” he said in explanation and Maeve looked up at him surprised.
“You go to therapy?” she asked over her shoulder as she moved to the kitchen and began unloading the take out bags. Bucky follows her through the rooms and begins unloading his bags of food as Maeve pulls out utensils and plates for each other.
“Uh, yeah. Ever since I came back from Wakanda and was deprogrammed completely I’ve been in therapy.” he says and Maeve nods her head quietly as she moves back to the table with the plates.
“That’s good. Therapy is helpful when you find the right therapist.” she said good naturedly as she placed her plate down at her spot before turning back to begin preparing Nocht’s food.
“Do you go to therapy?” he asked curiously as his eyes silently watched her. She nods her head to this question as she continues to move about the kitchen preparing the food.
“Yeah, I’ve been going to a therapist ever since I was assigned to you.” She said matter of factly and Bucky felt the guilt surge up in his throat. “Sorry! I didn’t mean for that to come out like that.” Maeve began to apologize but Bucky shook his head at her words, he knew it couldn’t have been easy for her to go through all of that pain when she became his soulmate.
“No, no. It’s alright. I should know about these things about you. It’ll help me realize how much the connection affected you.” he said seriously and Maeve looked over at him from her spot in front of the kitchen counter.
“I was in a lot of pain after my 18th birthday. And it just kept getting more intense, therapy helped me understand it and come to terms with it. I kept therapy open while I grew up and helped me understand a lot of the emotions and feelings I had. And even when I found out that I could disconnect, my therapist helped me navigate through that.” she explained as she finished preparing the food and placed the bowl on the floor next to her chair. When she sat down in her seat Bucky could see the sadness come across her face and felt horribly for putting her through all of it. “It even helped me get through my family’s rejection of me disconnecting. I think that was even harder than the actual disconnect. No offense.”
“None taken. I can’t imagine how that felt. And I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through. I don’t understand the full extent of it but I’m starting to understand a little bit of it. I’m sorry that your family was against it too.” Bucky said with a shake of his head. He was trying to show Maeve that he was starting to understand. While he didn’t fully understand it he thought he could eventually understand it all from her perspective.
“Thank you.” Maeve said softly before she dished out the food for the two of them. The two of them began to eat in silence and Bucky could feel the slight tension between the two of them. It wasn’t smothering but it was still there in the air between them. He wondered if they would always have this tension between the two of them. “Hey Bucky?” Maeve asked gently and Bucky whipped his head up to stare at her as he finished chewing his bite of food. “This might sound crazy but do you think that while we’re here in the safehouse we could try to be friends? The tension can be a little too much right now. Between the whole upset from my disconnect, the attempt on my life and Mayor Brooker’s life, and now being placed in a safehouse without any contact outside, it’s all a little too much for me right now.” she explained after asking the question.
Bucky sat there silently for a moment as he thought about everything that had happened within such a short amount of time. Maeve disconnecting from him, him still on missions believing that he still had a soulmate, finding out that he no longer did have a soulmate, the attack at the rally, Maeve’s apartment being blown to bits, and now staying at the safehouse for a short amount of time. Not to mention all of the background stuff that he didn’t know about. He figured it could definitely be a lot to take in for her, and he was making it more difficult with the tension that had grown between them.
“Yeah of course we can.” he said while nodding his head. “We go slow though, I don’t deserve a soulmate and I’ve lost one that I didn’t know I wanted. I’m still confused about everything. But I’m open to being friends.” he explained and saw Maeve’s eyes widen slightly before she smiled softly and nodded her head. He knew she was surprised by him stating that he had wanted her and he hoped that she didn’t hold a candle for him. He figured eventually he’d have time to explain to her what Dr. Raynor had helped him understand. For right now the two of them were just roommates in a safehouse.
*-*-*-*
**Change this. Make it little snapshots in their time together as they grow closer to each other.**
The next day after his talk with Maeve about slowly becoming friends Bucky felt a little disoriented as he woke. He felt as if things had changed in the house but he was still confused about it all. He was quietly hopeful that things would change for the better but he didn’t know how they would.
When he finally emerged from his bedroom the house was quiet except for Maeve’s soft voice as she talked to Nocht in the living room. Bucky stood in the doorway to the living room from the hallway and watched the two of them as they sat on the couch watching T.V. Maeve looked up and over her shoulder at him before smiling softly and with uncertainty. Bucky felt anger coursing through his body and he frowned at her, thoughts of her disconnecting from him and taking away his choice of having a soulmate. He began to breathe heavily and felt trapped as he stood there glaring at her. Maeve frowned softly as she watched him. She moved to get off the couch and Bucky shook his head violently before whirling on his heel and stalking back to his bedroom. The only sound besides the T.V. was the slamming of his bedroom door.
The next day Bucky came out of his bedroom early feeling remorseful for his behavior yesterday and wanting to make it right with Maeve. He started a pot of coffee for himself and then started a kettle of hot water for her. He had learned that she enjoyed a hot cup of tea in the morning to help wake herself up before she ate breakfast.
Once that was all on its way to being ready he began cooking breakfast for them all. He cracked some eggs into a skillet and let them begin to cook as he popped toast in the toaster and pulled out some bacon to cook up as well. It wasn’t until the bacon began to sizzle and pop that Maeve and Nocht made their appearance. Maeve stood in the kitchen watching him warily while she wore a large knitted sweater that fell down to her knees where he saw a pair of black sweatpants and her bare feet.
“Mornin’” she greeted him as she moved to the fridge and began pulling out the milk for their drinks.
“Mornin’” he replied as he continued cooking. Tension was thick in the room and Bucky felt as if he was going to choke on it if he didn’t apologize to her for yesterday. “I’m sorry for being an ass yesterday. I’m still messed up about all of this. And I didn’t mean to act like that.” he apologized and Maeve looked at him with wide eyes before nodding her head gently at his apology.
“Apology accepted.” she said easily before smiling softly. “Next time talk to me though. It’ll help I promise.” she insisted softly and Bucky nodded his head before turning back to the stove to finish breakfast. The three of them ate in silence before starting their day where Maeve and Nocht took up residence on the couch and Bucky started working on finding out the locations of all the people on his list of amends. Maeve would curiously come in and out of the study to try and get a peek at what he was working on but Bucky kept it close and Maeve let him be once she realized that he wasn’t up for sharing.
Their pattern of life continued like that where there would be good days where the tension wasn’t too smothering and then there were days when Bucky would get riled up about their disconnect. On the bad days he would often snip and snap at her in his frustration of the situation as he tried to come to terms with his emotions and feelings on the subject. Maeve would grow frustrated with him when he would refuse to talk to her about what was going on in his head when he would lash out.
It all finally came to a head one day when Bucky was being even more of a nasty boar with his short comments to her. Maeve was in the kitchen after Bucky had snapped back at her that she didn’t need his input on lunch when she had already made a big decision for the two of them already. Bucky could hear her groaning loudly with frustration and he knew that he shouldn’t be acting like this but he could believe that she would just laterally make this decision without talking to him.
“I made the decision for us because you couldn’t!” she shouted from the kitchen and Bucky sat on the couch in angry shock. He began to get up from the couch but stopped when Maeve spoke up again. “Oh no! You’re gonna sit there on the couch and listen to me. I’ve dealt with this shitty attitude of yours and snappy comments for long enough.” she snapped out angrily at him from the kitchen.
Bucky sat back down on the couch and listened to her move angrily through the kitchen. He was still feeling bitter and angry about being disconnected from her and not having a say in the matter. He knew he was still processing it and coming to terms with it and knew that it would be a whole process to get to the point where he’d be okay with it all.
“What you’re feeling right now is how I’ve felt ever since being assigned to you on my 18th birthday.” Maeve suddenly said and Bucky felt shock fill him as he thought about her words. “Every day I felt pain because of your actions. Every mission you completed and were involved in came with a high level of danger and I felt that pain every damn day.” she said loudly for him to hear her. Bucky could hear the frustration in her voice as she spoke and he felt guilty for causing her such pain. “Instead of being able to finish school I was in the hospital for a good chunk of my Senior year and was only able to graduate because I pushed myself while in the hospital.”
Bucky sat in silence as he heard Maeve take in a deep breath, he could hear her breath hitching in her chest and he felt his own chest tighten with emotion. He had caused this, all this pain, all this anger and frustration. He had caused it. Hanging his head Bucky tried to suck in air to calm himself down, he was feeling everything that Maeve was expressing.
“When the snap happened it was like a breath of fresh air.” she suddenly confessed and Bucky felt his world shatter. He could feel the self loathing and self doubt begin to rise inside him as he thought about what she was saying. When he was not here she was happy. “It’s sad to say but you weren’t able to put yourself in danger anymore and the pain instantly stopped. I was sad to find out that my soulmate had been snapped. But the relief of not being in pain any longer after being in constant pain for five years, it was such a life changing experience.” Maeve confessed, sounding relieved and sad at the same time.
Bucky sat there thinking quietly to himself. He was trying to process everything that he had learned so far. He was now starting to understand how painful the connection had been for Maeve and while the fact that she was relieved when he was snapped he understood it. He figured what she had gone through was like when Hydra tortured him as the Winter Soldier. Shaking his head gently he felt the darkness start to creep up on him as he thought back to his time as the Winter Soldier and being under Hydra’s control.
“I’m sure the pain you’ve felt while on a mission has been intense and severe. I’m not trying to relate what I’ve felt to what you’ve had to go through. But I want you to understand that after five years of being in constant pain and then getting that reprieve. It’s hard to explain.” Maeve said solemnly and Bucky understood what she meant. He knew how relieved he was to finally not be under Hydra’s control, to be able to think for himself. He sat there in silence understanding finally that Maeve had been essentially tortured with the pain of the soulmate connection. And with all of his rejections of her made it seem like all that pain she went through was for nothing if he wasn’t able to commit to her.
Sitting in there he slowly began to understand where Maeve was coming from and he felt it all crash down on him. Taking in a deep breath he leaned back til his head was resting on the back of the couch and he stared up at the ceiling letting his mind come to terms with everything. When he finally felt as if he had a firm grasp of understanding the situation between them and his emotions were in check he stood from the couch and moved to the doorway of the kitchen.
Inside Nocht was laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen while Maeve moved about the kitchen making lunch. Bucky watched them silently for a moment, his eyes tracking Maeve’s movements and saw that they were jerky as she tried to breathe calmly. Bucky stepped into the kitchen and Nocht stood from her place in the middle of the kitchen growling softly. Maeve turned to Bucky and saw that he was standing there with just a quiet unsure look on his face.
“I understand it now. And I don’t blame you for getting disconnected.” he said confidently and Maeve gasped softly at his words. “You were essentially tortured by our connection. I understand because I was tortured by Hydra while I was the Winter Soldier, for years. And when I was free of Hydra’s control it was liberating. I understand.” he confessed to her. Bucky watched as tears pooled in her eyes as her hand shakily came up to cover her mouth as a sob tore from her throat. He stood there unsure of what he should do before Maeve rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Bucky was surprised by the hug as he felt her rest the side of her face on his chest as her arms wrapped around his waist.
“Thank you.” she sobbed into his chest and Bucky slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders as they shook with sobs. Bucky felt a connection with Maeve as he held her while she cried as the two of them thought about their shared trauma and pain, in the back of Bucky’s mind Dr. Raynor’s voice chimed up. You know you don’t need the soulmate connection to have a relationship with this woman, right? He continued to hold Maeve as he thought that maybe Dr. Raynor was right about the two of them.
*-*-*-*
After that day when they came to an understanding in the kitchen Bucky noticed that things were a lot more relaxed and comfortable between the three of them. He was currently in the kitchen combing the internet for any information on the people on his list. He sighed loudly as he had been at for hours with very little results and was growing tired of all the roadblocks he was coming across.
Just then he heard a commotion from the living room and quickly stood from the table before grabbing his glock firearm. He made it to the doorway with his firearm raised before lowering it when he saw that Sam and Joaquin had entered the safehouse. Nocht was standing guard in front of Maeve who was standing in front of the couch with a worried expression on her face. Bucky nodded at Nocht who was only a few feet away from him, the dog relaxed and went to curl back up on the couch with a loud huff that made Maeve chuckle softly.
“We’ve got some news.” Sam said solemnly and Bucky frowned at him curiously.
“Alright we can talk while we have lunch. Have you eaten yet?” Maeve asked conversationally, Bucky watched as Sam and Joaquin perked up at her offer before they all followed Maeve into the kitchen.
“Been working on your list?” Sam asked Bucky as he nodded to the laptop that was open with papers around it.
“Yeah but I haven’t been getting anywhere.” Bucky said solemnly and Sam smirked at him.
“What’s the matter, old man can’t work a laptop?” Sam teased him as Joaquin smiled and shook his head. Maeve frowned as she looked over her shoulder at them while preparing lunch for everyone. “You see that’s the power button and this the keyboard kind of like a typewriter, you know how to work those don’t you?” Sam teased some more and Bucky sarcastically smiled at Sam while nodding his head.
“Put it away please.” Maeve requested as she brought sandwich meat and rolls to the table. Joaquin jumped up and began gathering plates for everyone while Bucky put away all of his notes and the laptop he’d been using to do his research. “If you really need help with anything I could always help you later too.” Maeve offered and Sam looked over at Bucky with a salacious smirk on his face making Bucky shake his head. Normally he could take Sam’s teasing but right now with how things had finally smoothed out with Maeve, Bucky was worried that Sam would screw things up for him.
“Thanks Maeve.” Bucky said with a nod of his head and she nodded her head back at him before walking over to the cabinets to grab cups for everyone. Once everything was set on the table they all took a seat and began making sandwiches for themselves.
“So what’s the news?” Maeve asked as she finished making her sandwich and taking a bite out of it. Bucky looked over at Sam as he took a sip of his drink, curious to hear what they had learned while he was here in the safe house.
“Well we haven’t caught them yet.” Sam said regrettably and Bucky watched as Maeve deflated with disappointment. She obviously thought that things would’ve been settled by now but unfortunately it wasn’t working out that way. “They always seem to be one step ahead of us. We have figured out that they don’t know about the disconnect.” Sam informed them and Bucky looked over at him with surprise.
“How do you know that?” Maeve asked as she tilted her head to the side watching Sam avidly.
“They’re still targeting you. If they knew about the disconnect we figured they wouldn’t be going after you.” Sam answered solemnly.
“We’ve spotted some suspicious looking people at your office, as well as your old apartment complex.” Joaquin filled in and Bucky frowned softly at the thought that the terrorist group was stalking Maeve’s workplace and her home. He didn’t think that this group would go after someone that was associated with him and he wondered who this group answered to, who was pulling the strings with this group. He made Bucky feel anxious and cagey that they didn’t know the whole story about this group yet. Something wasn’t adding up and it was starting to bother Bucky.
“They’re also getting closer to the safe house and we have been thinking about moving you guys to another safe house.” Sam said seriously and Bucky watched Maeve whip her head to look at him.
“Seriously? What’s the point of a safe house if I’m not safe here from them?” She asked seriously as she stared at Sam in disbelief. Bucky chuckled at her question as Sam nodded his head.
“Yes normally you would be safe but this group is different. They’re more intense than anyone we’ve dealt with before. They seem to have a lot of resources and a lot of support from another organization or group behind the scenes.” Sam informed them and Bucky began to wrack his brain on the last fight that they had with this group. He realized that Sam was right, the group that they had clashed with seemed to have more members that showed up out of nowhere. And from the reports of the explosion of Maeve’s apartment the explosive devices used were something that couldn’t be found out on the black market.
“When do you want us to move to another safe house?” Maeve asked softly as she looked from Sam to Bucky with worry etched in her eyes. Bucky nodded his head once at her trying to reassure her while she smiled softly at him from across the table.
“By next weekend. We have some things that we have to get together before we can move you guys. But you won’t have to worry about anything, it will be all taken care of.” Sam reassured her gently and Maeve nodded her head along with his words as she sat back in her chair.
The four of them finished lunch together before Maeve got up and began to clear away the table. Bucky stood to help her but Sam grabbed his arm and shook his head before nodding his head to the living room. Bucky looked over at Maeve and saw that she had her back to them as Joaquin moved over to help her put the lunch meat in the fridge. He then turned and followed Sam out of the kitchen into the living room where they could talk without Maeve overhearing.
“We have reason to believe that they’ve found the safe house already.” Sam informed him and Bucky stared at him in shock.
“What? So why are we still here?” Bucky asked in outraged disbelief. He knew the answer before he even asked the question and felt anger fill him at the thought.
“We needed to get them close, they’ve been one step ahead of us this whole time and I think by waiting just a little longer we’ll be able to have them close enough to capture them.” Sam reasoned strategically. Bucky could understand where Sam was coming from in a military strategic place but the fact that he was using Maeve to draw in the terrorist group did not sit well with Bucky.
“I don’t like that Maeve might be caught in the crossfire. It’s too dangerous for her.” Bucky insisted as he crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. Sam nodded his head at Bucky’s concern, Bucky could see the sparkle in Sam’s eyes as he smiled at him.
“First, I understand your concern but she’ll be protected no matter what. Second, are you catching feelings for your ex-soulmate?” Sam teased and Bucky huffed at him impatiently.
“How can you guarantee that she’ll be safe?” Bucky asked curiously as he frowned at Sam.
“She’ll have people posted with her at all times. She won’t be alone for a second while we move the two of you. All of her guards are military soldiers from Joaquin’s division. We’ve made sure that they are all focused on her safety during transport.” Sam explained to him and Bucky sighed softly knowing that him speaking up wouldn’t be able to change anything about this at all. Nodding his head, Bucky promised himself to do everything he could to make sure Maeve was safe, but he couldn’t shake the bad feeling that was slowly creeping up on him as he thought more about the situation.
*-*-*-*
Bucky felt like ants were crawling under his skin, his anxiety was at an almost unbearable level as the morning of their transport day had arrived. He’s been feeling his anxiety rise with each passing day and has tried to keep it from affecting his time with Maeve but he knows she can sense he’s stressed about something. She’s given him his space to deal with it on his own and just kept to the outskirts with him still letting him know that she’s there for him if he needs her.
Walking into the kitchen Bucky sees Maeve standing at the stove making eggs while some of the soldiers who will be traveling with them sit at the table talking. Making his way over to her Bucky wraps his arms around her shoulders and hugs her tightly causing Maeve to gasp softly and pause her cooking. She hums softly as she rests her face on his melt arm in acknowledgement of him.
The two of them stand like that for a moment just feeling the companionship that they shared. Bucky tried to let her know through the hug that he was worried for her but he’d have her back and protect her no matter what happened. He could feel the reassurance from her as her hand came up and gripped his metal wrist firmly. She was trying to ground him in this moment and Bucky felt immediate relief wash over him.
He never thought that the two of them would become this close with each other but he was grateful for it. Slowly releasing her Bucky moved to lean against the counter just to the left of her. He watched her quietly for a moment as she hummed and finished making eggs for everyone.
“I want you to know that I will do everything I possibly can to make sure that you’re safe.” he promised her quietly as he reached out and touched her forearm. Maeve looked up at him with soft affection shining through her eyes and Bucky felt the companionship that they had been building up together swell in his chest.
“Thanks Bucky.” she said softly with a kind smile that seemed to fill him up with warmth. “Alright guys, breakfast is ready.” Maeve called out to the soldiers before grabbing herself a plate of food and moving to the living room to eat in silence as the soldiers had taken over the kitchen. Bucky chose to give her space as he stayed in the kitchen and ate his breakfast leaning against the counter.
Once breakfast was over and the dishes were all cleaned and stored away the soldiers all began to prepare for their departure. Bucky watched as Maeve held tightly onto Nocht’s leash as she stood in the middle of the living room watching everyone with wide worried eyes. Walking over to her he smiled reassuringly at her before leaning towards her ear.
“Just stick with me and you’ll be fine.” he said softly and Maeve nodded her head quickly as her body exuded anxious energy.
Suddenly one of the soldiers was guiding Maeve and Bucky out of the house and Bucky stayed near Maeve as they walked out of the safe house to the dark tinted suvs that were waiting for them. Bucky moved to the very first one and opened the door. He shifted slightly to be able to let Maeve get into the car when he heard the distinct sound of a safety clicking off. He looked up and spotted a man dressed as one of the soldiers sitting in the suv with a Glock pointed straight at Bucky.
Instantly Bucky shifted so that Maeve was protected and he prepared to take the shot. When the firearm went off Bucky groaned loudly as the bullet pierced his shoulder and he felt shock as he felt electricity course through him from where the bullet penetrated his skin. He knew who the group was working for now with the knowledge of weaponry they had, Hydra.
Maeve screamed loudly from behind him as Bucky felt his muscles tense and then gave out with the amount of electricity that raced up and down his body. Bucky tried to grab onto the car door as his body fell to the floor, but he wasn’t able to get a good grip on it and he landed harshly on the ground where he was able to see everything.
Nocht was barking and charging while still on her leash, Maeve was still in shock as she gazed down at Bucky with wide eyes and the soldiers all seemed to be surprised as well as they drew their weapons. Maeve screamed again as the soldiers were quickly taken down by the man in the car. Bucky grunted with anger as he watched a man dressed in dark clothes step up behind Maeve as another began to approach Nocht who was barking and growling menacingly at him.
Maeve began to pull Nocht closer to her by the leash when suddenly the man in the SUV shot at Nocht causing Maeve to scream again as the bullet pierced Nocht in the shoulder. Nocht howled in pain and anger as she whirled on the man approaching her and lunged at him. Bucky tried to move his legs to kick out at the man behind Maeve but it was no use, his muscles were still affected by the electricity coursing through him. Bucky watched helplessly as Maeve was grabbed from behind by the man. Maeve put up a fight flailing her arms and kicking out her legs to dislodge the man but it didn’t work as the man easily picked her up and slid a needle into her neck before injecting her with a drug that subdued her quickly.
Nocht was still attacking the other man and Bucky watched as Maeve was tossed into the SUV quickly followed by her captor. It was only when Nocht realized that Maeve had been taken that she turned away from the man and faced the retreating SUV. Bucky groaned loudly at the dog to try and keep it from running after the SUV but Nocht just took off after the SUV.
Suddenly Bucky heard running footsteps from behind him and he tried to turn his body to see who was coming over to him. Bucky felt relief rush over him as Sam crouched down into his line of sight.
“What happened?” Sam asked quickly as he checked on Bucky before looking up to where the SUV had taken off.
“Hydra, Sam. The main group is Hydra. And they have Maeve now.” Bucky rushed out before gritting his teeth as electricity coursed through him once more. He groaned again as Sam stared at him with wide eyes knowing that they had messed up and given Maeve right over to Hydra who knew exactly how to hurt Bucky.
Warnings: Arguing, mention of brainwashing, mention of Hydra
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes: More fighting, these two have come to a stalemate of sorts at this point. Hopefully Bucky’s therapist will be able to help him understand why he’s feeling this way and help him understand what Maeve’s feeling.
Gif Credit: @mcupeggycarter
Bucky sighed as he laid back on the lumpy couch in the small living room of the safe house. It had been two days since Sam and Joaquin left him with Maeve and Nocht, to go and investigate the resistance group that had targeted Maeve’s apartment complex. Two days since he’d spoken to Maeve about the connection or anything that was going with her life at the moment.
Bucky sighed deeply again before rolling his head to look through the living room doorway into the kitchen where he could hear Maeve moving around, probably making lunch. A sudden loud gurgling was heard coming from his stomach and he huffed softly at the sound. Sniffing the air Bucky hummed softly at the delicious scent of cooking herbs and butter coming from the kitchen.
Rolling to a stand Bucky dusted off his pants and walked over to the doorway to lean against the door jam with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes landed on Maeve as she stood at the stove peering into a large soup pot with a wooden spoon held in her hand. She reached out to the counter at her right and picked up a container of spices before sprinkling some into the pot.
“Do you like your chicken noodle soup with a lot of spices?” she asked without looking away from the pot.
“I’ll eat whatever you make.” Bucky responded knowing that she was talking to him. He watched her nod her head at his response before she moved to pull down to large bowls.
“Silverware is in that drawer, if you’d set the table.” she said softly as she pointed to a drawer at the end of the counter. Bucky nodded and grabbed two napkins and two spoons while Maeve ladled out the soup into the bowls and brought it over to the table. After setting the table with silverware Bucky went back to the cabinet to grab cups for the two of them while Maeve pulled out garlic bread from the oven.
When everything was set and Maeve had placed the basket of garlic bread in the middle of the table the two of them sat at the table on opposite sides from each other. Maeve slipped the simple metal dog bowl on the floor next to her chair filled with soup broth and cooked chicken as Nocht sat next to her chair waiting patiently.
“You’ve really got that dog trained.” Bucky said, amazed as he watched Nocht wait for Maeve to sit before digging into her meal.
“Yeah, she’s a quick learner.” Maeve said as she smiled fondly down at Nocht. Bucky nodded his head as he swiped a piece of garlic bread from the basket before dipping it into the soup. He hummed softly once the bread hit his tongue and he began to chew.
“This is really good. Didn’t know you could cook.” he said absentmindedly as he began to eat his soup.
“Thanks.” Maeve said softly before digging into her own bowl of soup.
The silence between the two of them grew as they both began to eat their soup and bread, the only sound being the clinking of spoons against bowls. It wasn’t until Bucky was staring into his empty bowl that he thought he should say something to Maeve, try to break the ice between them about the connection and what was next for them.
“So, was it really so bad being my soulmate?” he asked in a low tone and he watched as Maeve’s head snapped up to him from her position of watching Nocht. Her eyes sparkled at him with bewilderment as her eyebrows furrowed with disbelief.
“Did you really just ask me that?” she asked him in shock and Bucky crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair.
“I did.” he said stubbornly and Maeve scoffed softly at him before gripping her bowl and standing from her seat. “I want an answer.” he said adamantly as she turned her back to him and walked towards the sink. She picked up Nocht’s bowl and dumped them both in the sink loudly. Bucky watched as Maeve stood at the sink gripping onto the counter ledge tightly until her knuckles turned white.
“I’ve already told you what happened to me when I was assigned the connection.” Maeve began to explain.
“It couldn’t have been that bad though.” Bucky interrupted insistently and Maeve whirled around to glare at him heatedly.
“It couldn’t have been that bad?! Who are you to tell how bad my pain has to be to affect me?” she snapped at him and Bucky snapped his mouth shut. “Having a therapy dog means that the pain wasn’t that bad right?! Being in the hospital for weeks on end means that the pain wasn’t that bad right?! Having to take medication to make the pain manageable means that it wasn’t that bad huh?!” she snapped at him angrily as she began to pace the length of the small kitchen. “Are you a doctor?” she asked angrily suddenly as she spun around to stalk towards Bucky. “I want an answer.” she snapped back his words at him.
Bucky watched her warily as she stalked over to him and stand a few feet away from him and glare steadily at him waiting for his answer. He could see that her eyes were sparking with anger, her cheeks were flushed with color and her hands were planted on her hips as she stood with her feet flat on the floor.
“No, I’m not.” he answered slowly, watching to see what she would do now.
“No, you’re not. So who the fuck are you to judge how bad my pain is?” she asked in a dangerously low tone that made the hair on Bucky’s arms rise in a cautionary reminder.
“Maeve, the connection isn’t supposed to hurt that much.” Bucky says softly while shaking his head.
“James.” she says, sounding exhausted, as if it was painful for her to have to explain this to him. “The connection is triggered by how much your soulmate is in danger. Your whole life has been dangerous. You served in the war before we were assigned to each other. On my 18th birthday you were being controlled by Hydra and fighting with Captain America to launch the helipads. When I was 20 you were fighting with Iron Man and the other avengers. At the age of 22 you were fighting Thanos and then the snap happened. While you were gone it was the most peaceful 5 years of my life and the least painful. Then you came back and fought Thanos again. And since then you’ve been in and out of missions. It’s all related to how much danger you put yourself in.” Maeve explained tiredly as she waved her hands around in the air. “You constantly put yourself in danger for years without any regard for your soulmate and how it would affect them.”
“If I had known it was that bad I would’ve stopped.” Bucky insisted and Maeve scoffed softly at him as she shook her head.
“You did know, I told you that night while at your apartment. I told you about me being in the hospital due to the connection and you still didn’t stop.” Maeve responded and Bucky looked at her for a quiet moment knowing that she was right, he just hadn’t believed her.
“I didn’t-” he began to respond and she sighed loudly at him.
“You didn’t believe me. I know, no one ever seems to believe me when I tell them how bad the pain is. That’s on you though, not on me.” she told him resolutely and Bucky sat there staring at her.
“So where do we go from here?” Bucky asks unsure and Maeve looks at him with a bewildered look.
“What do you mean?” she asks, confused and Bucky waves his hand in between the two of them.
“Where do we stand?” he asks, starting to grow irritated that she had thought about the relationship between themselves.
“We’re no longer soulmates. We’re disconnected.” she said sternly as if she was talking to a child. Bucky’s irritation grew into anger now as she talked to him as if he was a child. And the fact that she would just casually mention that they’re disconnected.
“Just like that?” he snapped angrily and Maeve tilted her head to the side with furrowed eyebrows as she watched.
“Just like that.” she said firmly and Bucky shook his head.
“You can’t just decide that without talking to me about it.” he said insistently and Maeve groaned loudly while throwing her hands up into the air and turning away from him to pace a few steps away from him.
“Just like you decided that you didn’t want a soulmate without talking to me about it?” she asked him with her back turned to him. Bucky watched her for a silent moment and he shook his head.
“That’s different.” he said firmly and Maeve turned to look over her shoulder at him with anger filled eyes.
“No it’s not.” she replied. “Why is it different? Just because you decided that you wanted to follow your new path of amending your past wrongs? You decided for the both of us that you didn’t want a soulmate. I just gave you what you wanted.” Maeve said and Bucky shook his head.
In the back of his head Bucky knew that she was right, there was a small voice shouting at him to back down but he let his anger of his free will being taken away from him consume him. He sat there staring at Maeve as she shook her head and placed her hands on her hips once more. He knew he was being irrational but Bucky’s mind easily turned to the time where Hydra had a hold on him and brainwashed him to be the Winter Soldier. He felt as if Maeve was doing exactly what Hydra was doing by taking away his free will in the matter of being her soulmate.
“I wanted to revisit the connection eventually. After I worked through my list.” Bucky said adamantly and Maeve shook her head at his words before turning to him.
“How long would that take? How long would I have to wait for you to finish your list before we started a relationship? What if I wanted to have children James? What then? I would have to wait until you were done with your list before we could even start exploring the relationship. I don’t have time to wait around for you to decide if you want to be my soulmate.” Maeve argued back at him and Bucky sat there stunned at the mention of children.
Bucky’s mind spun into a tailspin of what a future with Maeve would look like. Would they have one or two children? Would it be a little boy who looked just like her or a little girl who took after him? The possibilities were endless and Bucky’s breath began to shallow as he thought about becoming a father. Would he be a good father? Would he be able to guide his children through life?
“You took that choice away from me.” he said softly and Maeve scoffed at him as she faced him.
“We’re arguing in circles and I’m tired of it. Look you took my choice away from me by saying you didn’t want a soulmate right now. I took your choice away from coming back to our connection. It’s already done and I’m not going to undo it. We just have to live with it now and it shouldn’t be so hard for you since you didn’t even want a soulmate to begin with!” Maeve says exasperated as she flings a hand out into the air towards him. Bucky grits his teeth and sits there glaring at the table top in the dimly lit kitchen. His arms tighten around his chest as he continues to glare at the table top and refuse to look at Maeve. “And now you’re not responding to me. Great, real mature of you James.” Maeve sighs out before moving over to the stove and cleans up the soup pot before storing away the leftover soup in the fridge. “There’s leftovers if you get hungry later.” she says tiredly before patting her hip signaling Nocht to follow her to the bedroom.
Bucky sits there in the kitchen chair for a while longer still staring at the table top. His mind is swirling with thoughts about what Maeve said about the two of them taking each other's choices away. The way she had argued that she shouldn’t have to wait for him to make up his mind. His mind still spiraling as he thought of how Hydra controlled him and took his free will away without a thought.
It wasn’t until he heard the soft murmuring of Maeve to Nocht from her bedroom that he was pulled from his spiraling thoughts. He could hear her talking to the dog as her hand gently ran over the soft fur coat of the dog. He could hear the sadness clouding her tone as she spoke and he knew that he had caused that sadness to fill her.
“I don’t understand Nocht. It’s what he wanted so why is he so upset about it? After always telling me no and rejecting me you’d think he’d be happy to be disconnected. I just don’t understand why it’s a problem that I took the step to disconnect.” she said softly to Nocht before sighing softly.
Bucky frowned as he listened to her heartbeat even out and her breathing become slow, he could tell that she had fallen asleep as no other noise came from her bedroom. He stood from the chair and turned to the living room where he was going to take up residence on the lumpy couch in front of the t.v. But as he plopped himself down on the couch Bucky wondered like Maeve why it bothered him so much that she had gone through the disconnect without talking to him. Sighing tiredly he pulled out his flip phone and pressed number two before hitting the dial button.
“Dr. Raynor’s office, this is Sarah.” said the voice over the phone.
“Hi Sarah, it’s Bucky Barnes. Would you be able to schedule me for an appointment with the doctor? Preferably sometime next week if you can.” Bucky said into the phone as he stared silently at the rerun on the t.v.
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes: Whooo boy! These two are going to light the safe house on fire with their fights. Oh this is going to be interesting. There’s going to be some more angst for these two.
Gif Credit: @bloodvows
They arrive at the safe house late at night, Maeve silently slips out of the dark tinted van with Nocht at her side while Sam and Bucky walk ahead of her into the nondescript brick building. From what she can see they had pulled into a dimly lit alleyway not far from a main street where she can see some light foot traffic. Sam unlocks a large metal door with a key and holds it open while Bucky walks in with Maeve and Nocht following.
“So Joaquin should be here shortly with the supplies you requested. We just have to wait it out.” Sam advised as he followed Maeve in while shutting and locking the door. Maeve nodded as she waited for Sam in the hallway, when he joined her he gestured down the hallway before walking ahead. “Let me show you around.”
Maeve followed Sam through the hallway until they came to the small kitchen that was lit up by fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling. There’s a small square table with two chairs that looks like it’s a few decades old that has an unidentifiable stain on it. “We’ll supply groceries for however long you’re here. You’ll be spending your time here while we make sure that the resistance group is taken down.” Sam said as Bucky entered the kitchen to lean against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. Sam then guides you through the doorway past Bucky who silently watches the two of you, his eyes trailing Maeve as she keeps a larger distance to him.
“So there’s a small living room area, t.v. with a dvd player, there’s no streaming services but cable t.v. is available. Small bathroom with a shower is right down here and then there’s two bedrooms opposite each other here.” Sam says as he concludes the tour with the three of them standing in a simple bedroom with a queen sized bed. Nocht huffs softly and Maeve chuckles softly as she ruffles her fur.
“This will be just fine. It’s not like I’m going to be leaving right?” Maeve asks curiously.
“No, we’re going to keep you here until we’re sure that the group is taken care of. We’ll probably keep one of us here with you just to be on the safe side.” Sam said reassuringly and Maeve nodded her head at his words.
The silence grew between the two of them and Maeve knew he wanted to ask about her disconnect with Bucky. But after everything that had happened today Maeve wasn’t in a particularly sharing mood, not to mention she was still getting used to being disconnected. Seeing Bucky today had been a shock and had definitely upset her emotional balance that she had achieved so far. Sitting down suddenly on the bed Maeve suddenly felt the exhaustion and stress hit her, Nocht whined softly before she hopped up onto the bed and curled up against Maeve’s side.
“I’ll give you some time to try and relax and settle in. Once Joaquin gets here we’ll meet up to make a plan of who’s going to be staying with you.” Sam said and Maeve nodded her head as she felt tears sting her eyes. Her emotions were suddenly now pouring into her after being pushed back when she had to react and act against the situation this afternoon.
“Sure thing Sam.” She said softly before turning her face into Nocht’s fur and breathing in slowly. The bedroom door quietly shut behind Sam and Maeve breathed out shakily. “
*-*-*-*
There’s commotion down the hallway and Maeve rolls on her bed to stare at her bedroom door before completely rolling off the bed. She walks to the door and opens it swiftly only to be met with Bucky standing in the doorway with his closed fist raised to knock on the door. He startles slightly and looks down at her silently before slowly lowering his fist. His eyes dance around her face as she stares up at him just as silent, she can’t tell what he’s thinking but the way he stares at her has her unsettled.
“Joaquin’s here.” he says solemnly and Maeve nods her head before he suddenly turns from her and walks down the hallway towards the kitchen. Nocht hops off the bed and follows Maeve from the room down the hallway, once they reach the doorway Maeve smiles softly as she sees Joaquin placing the bags of groceries and clothing on the small table while Sam digs through them and jokes with him. Bucky is silently sitting in one of the table chairs with his arms over his chest once again.
“Okay! So I was able to pick up almost everything that you asked for. The store ran out of two percent milk so I could only get whole milk. And I wasn’t sure what type of sweats you liked so I bought a bunch of different types, there’s shorts and pants, t-shirts, tank tops, underwear and sports bras. I didn’t feel confident enough buying regular bras.” Joaquin told her and Sam burst out laughing while Bucky stared at Joaquin like he had three heads.
Walking over to Joaquin Maeve placed a hand on his shoulder as she smiled brightly up at him. He blushed softly as Sam still laughed next to him. Maeve was standing to the side of the Bucky as she faced Joaquin trying to reassure him softly.
“You did great. Thank you so much.” she said kindly to him with a bright smile on her face. She then took the grocery bags and moved them closer to the refrigerator and began unpacking them. Sam took the seat across from Bucky and watched as Maeve put the groceries away where she would easily be able to get to them.
“Alright so I think we need to figure out the rotation for the three of us to stay here with Maeve and Nocht.” Sam informed them all as he rested his elbows on his knees. Maeve looked over her shoulder as she pulled out more items out of the shopping bags.
“I’m alright to start first watch and let the two of you go and see if you can get a lead on the resistance group.” Joaquin offered.
“No, I’ll stay with Maeve.” Bucky spoke up and Maeve’s eyes snapped over to him. Bucky wasn’t looking at her though as he stared quietly at Sam with his lips pressed into a straight line. “I won’t need a change out either. They went after Maeve because of who she works for. And they probably know that she was my soulmate because of all the tabloids and newspapers.” Bucky began to reason from his seat. “They know my face, they know I’m connected to her. They’ll recognize me easier than you or Joaquin out in the field. It’s better if I stay here with her.”
Sam looks over at Maeve who’s standing at the counter watching the three of them with a quiet look on her face before turning back to the groceries again. He notices that she hasn’t said anything about Bucky staying with her and he wonders how she feels about it all.
“Maeve, what do you think?” Sam asks suddenly and Bucky frowns at him from across the table. Maeve turns to face the three of them as Joaquin turns to face her as well, Bucky doesn’t look over at her at all.
“I’m putting my trust in you guys to make sure that me and Nocht are safe. Whatever you guys think is best is fine by me. I don’t know anything about this group and I don’t have resources to help so you’re the experts.” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Will you be okay if Bucky stays here with you?” Sam asks gently and Maeve nods her head at him in response.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” she says, nodding her head.
“Are you sure?” Sam asks, wanting to make sure.
“Sam stop dancing around the elephant in the room.” Maeve says irritated now. “I disconnected from James, I’m no longer his soulmate. I’ve only started speaking about the disconnect this rally so not many know about it. James is right they’ll all still think that we’re connected and if they know what he looks like he’ll be easier to spot.” Maeve reasons and Sam nods his head.
“Why did you disconnect?” Bucky asks softly in a low tone that has Sam’s hackles rising. He knows when Bucky gets quiet like this that he’s itching for a fight and he doesn’t want Maeve to be even more stressed than she is.
“Bucky.” Sam warns softly and Bucky snaps his head to glare at Sam.
“No, I wanna know! The soulmate connection has two people involved! She shouldn’t be able to just disconnect it without talking to me about it?!” he snapped angrily. Sam held his hands up to try and ease Bucky’s sudden anger but suddenly there was a loud scoffing sound from the other side of the room.
“Oh, you mean like when you unilaterally decided that you didn’t want a soulmate?” Maeve sneered at Bucky as she now stood in the middle of the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest. “Look, I gave you what you wanted! You didn’t want a soulmate, now you don’t have a soulmate.” Maeve snapped angrily and Sam looked back at Bucky to see the man silently seething in his chair as his metal hand gripped the table bending the metal of it under his grip.
“I told you that we could see later on if we worked out!” Bucky hissed through gritted teeth.
“How long would that have been?! Huh!? What am I supposed to do in the meantime! Wait for you?! Are you insane!?” Maeve snapped angrily as her eyes sparkled with fury and anger. “So because you like your life and want to continue making amends I’m supposed to just put part of my life on hold and wait around for you? You couldn’t even commit to wanting to try later on down the line. If I remember your exact words were maybe.” Maeve argued angrily.
“Because I don’t deserve a soulmate! How could I commit to that when I don’t deserve one!” Bucky snapped, surprising Sam and Joaquin as they whipped their heads back to stare at Bucky silently.
“Then what happens to me?” Maeve asked suddenly in a soft quiet voice. Sam turned to her and saw that she looked deflated and worn out all of a sudden. The room grew quiet, Joaquin and Sam kept looking between the two arguing parties, Bucky tried to avoid Maeve’s eyes while she stared steadily at him. “I did what you couldn’t do. And that was to take control of the situation and make a decision for a better future for the two of us.” Maeve said firmly. Sam watched quietly as Maeve grabbed the bags filled with clothes and quietly left the kitchen leaving the three men to stare at each other.
Warnings: Implied violence, mention of family dispute, disowning
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes: We get to see our girl on the other side of the disconnect! It’s only been a month so she’s still getting used to it. She’s slowly starting to spread her wings! I’m excited for her! And still poor Bucky he’s still punishing himself.
Gif Credit: @elizasfics
Central Park is decently crowded as Bucky walks up to the entrance where Sam and Joaquin are waiting for him, there are a lot of people walking around with gold or amber colored clothing and gold colored bead necklaces. He nods his head silently at them in greeting as he comes to stand next to Sam. He’s not paying much attention to Sam and Joaquin as his mind begins to wander to the memory of the last time he was here. The image of Maeve staring at him blankly before walking away without a glance back plays out in his mind distracting him from what Sam is saying.
Just then there is a loud cheer from behind him and Bucky is shaken from his memories as he turns his head to see a group of people walking into the park with gold beads stacked around their necks and gold sunglasses over their eyes. Bucky furrows his eyebrows as he starts to notice that almost everyone walking into the park are wearing something gold colored. He turns back to Sam confused for a moment.
“What’s with all the gold?” he asks Sam curiously as his eyes dart back and forth picking out all the gold colored clothing or accessories that people are wearing as they walk into the park.
“It’s a rally for Take Back Your Connection.” says a young woman who has three strands of gold beads around her neck and a pair of gold sunglasses perched on the top of her head as she walks past the three of them with a smile on her face. Bucky watches as her eyes dart from his head down to his toes and she shoots him a wink which surprises him and causes him to scowl softly at her attention. Sam and Joaquin chuckle at Bucky as he continues to scowl after the woman.
“Do you know what take back your connection is?” Bucky asks Sam who shakes his head before they both turn to Joaquin who just shrugs his shoulders at them.
“No clue. But let’s go find out, the mayor is supposed to be here too so maybe we can find out about this rally before going to see the mayor.” Sam says as he turns to the park and begins to walk along with the other people walking into the park. Bucky stands there for a moment longer, shocked that Sam hadn’t told him that they were all meeting up to see the mayor. His mind immediately began to race with thoughts of Maeve as the people walking into the park began walking around him giving him enough room as he began to second guess being here.
Sam finally turned around and saw that Bucky was still standing where they had left him. Him and Joaquin walked back over to him with concerned looks on their faces.
“You alright old man?” Sam asked softly as he placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.
“I don’t know. I’m second guessing seeing her.” Bucky said truthfully and Sam nodded his head at his words.
“It’ll be fine. You were honest with her and it’ll probably be a little awkward but it’ll be fine.” Sam reassured him, Bucky began to nod his head as he slowly calmed down until he didn’t feel as doubtful.
“Yeah you’re right. I told her how I felt and it’s fine.” Bucky repeated Sam’s words as he followed Sam and Joaquin into the park. The three of them followed the crowd down the paved path until the path opened up into a large grassy area that had a large stage set up. There were people spread out in the grass on blankets as a band played on the stage and people cheered for them. Bucky could see event staff walking around the crowd handing out gold beads and gold lanyards as well as pamphlets.
Just then an elderly woman walked over to the three of them and handed them each a gold lanyard and pamphlet before smiling and walking over to the next guest at the event. Bucky looked down at the pamphlet and began reading it.
Take Back Your Connection was founded by Cheryl Easter and Dylan Yatsko to help those that believed they were stuck or trapped in their soulmate connection. They have helped thousands of people take back their life and their connection from a soulmate match that wasn’t ideal. And they hope to keep helping those who want to disconnect the connection and bring awareness to others. Take back your life!
“Sam what is this?!” Bucky hissed at him as he snapped his head to see Sam also reading the pamphlet with a flabbergasted look on his face.
“I don’t know man. Hold on, the mayor is calling me.” Sam said and quickly answered his phone as he raised one finger up at Bucky and Joaquin while he walked away to be able to hear the mayor over the phone.
“Alright let’s hear it for Pop The Lee! Next were going to have some speeches from some of our members who have gone through the disconnect. They’re going to share their struggles and stories with us to help raise awareness and hopefully help those that need to hear similar stories to their own. And then after that we’ve got more bands lined up like Dirty Paradise, The Firing Gladys, and Switch Magic!” said the announcer who had walked on stage after the band finished. Cheers rang from the crowd and Bucky walked over to a nearby tree before leaning against it and crossing his arms to wait for Sam to finish with his phone call.
Just then Sam came walking quickly over to Bucky with a regretful look on his face. Bucky knew that whatever the Mayor had told Sam he wasn’t going to like it. But before Sam could even reach Bucky someone was on stage speaking catching Bucky’s attention more than Sam was.
“Good afternoon everyone! And welcome to the Take Back Your Connection musicpalooza!” said Mayor Brooker into the microphone. “I’d like to introduce the next speaker as she is a very dear colleague of mine. Her story has been so inspiring in ways of raising awareness to this group and I believe she has already helped so many over the month since she disconnected. Please welcome Maeve Úrnua to the stage!”
Bucky stood stock still against the tree as he watched Maeve walk across the stage dressed in a pretty gold colored sundress. She beamed happily at the crowd as she waved and walked towards the Mayor. When she reached him Bucky watched as he warmly embraced her and then walked off the stage. Bucky’s eyes stayed glued to Maeve as she took the microphone and faced the crowd still smiling. She gave a small wave and laughed nervously into the microphone and Bucky felt his body relax slightly at her nervous mannerisms.
“Hello everyone! Sorry I'm still a little nervous talking in front of a large group. You would think I’d be better at this since I work in Public Relations for the Mayor’s Office, go figure.” she said, giving off a small derisive laugh as she began to pace the stage. The crowd cheered and laughed along with her before they all quieted to listen to her talk. “Anyway my name is Maeve Úrnua formerly Maeve Kauffman and it’s been a whole month since I disconnected the soulmate connection.” she told the crowd as she faced them with a bright smile.
Bucky watched as she stood there smiling at the cheering crowd before she began to pace the stage once more. “I’m sure you all know who my soulmate was, if not you can pick up any tabloid, newspaper or magazine and it’ll tell you. They’ve been writing about me since I found out who my soulmate was. So I’ll skip over that fact and tell you about my soulmate journey.” she said easily as she began walking the stage again. “Ever since I turned eighteen and was assigned a soulmate I’ve suffered through horrible pain. Pain that was constant and so severe that it landed me in the hospital for a while during my freshman year of high school. I was put on medications to dampen the connection and the pain. The medication was able to bring it down to a level that was manageable, but they also assigned me a support dog who could detect when the connection would ramp up. That’s Nocht.” Maeve explained.
And at the mention of the dog’s name Bucky watched as the dog ran across the stage to Maeve’s side. The crowd all aww’d and cheered at Nocht who stayed at Maeve’s side as she walked along the stage.
“Yeah she’s an awesome dog and has helped me through many years of unbearable pain.” Maeve said into the microphone. Bucky stood there leant against the tree with his arms still crossed over his chest listening to Maeve’s past. He was surprised that her pain had been that bad but he remembered her trying to tell him about it the night she showed up at his apartment. Bucky began to feel like he had failed Maeve as she began to retell her past, and he realized how much she had gone through all because of the connection they had.
“While growing up I was always told by my mother and grandmother that the pain would be worth it. As soon as I found my soulmate everything would be alright. They reminded me every time I had to call in sick at school because I couldn’t leave my bed that it would all be worth it. The family motto was Kauffman women were strong and would dig their heels in and endure the pain for the reward of finding their soulmate.” Maeve said somberly before looking up from the stage at the crowd. “It’s not worth it. At least it wasn’t for me. It may be for you but why put yourself through that much pain for something that’s not guaranteed?” Maeve asked the crowd. There were a few groups in the crowd who cheered and Bucky saw a lot of the crowd were nodding their heads along with her words.
He began to feel even more horrible about Maeve’s situation as it sunk in that he had rejected her and their connection after everything she had gone through because of him. He realized that he hadn’t even given her a chance to explain or given their relationship a chance. Bucky looked down at the ground and scuffed his shoes against the grass.
“I was rejected by my soulmate, and to be honest I’m not angry with him for choosing a life that he has grown comfortable with. He has his reasons and they are his own but I also have my own reasons for disconnecting from the soulmate connection. The disconnect has cost me being disowned by my family and I’ve lost some friends along the way but I’ve gained so much in return. I no longer feel any pain, Nocht now just detects when I get too anxious, and I no longer feel trapped in a connection that the other person doesn’t want.” Maeve says confidently and the crowd erupts into applause and cheers making Maeve chuckle softly and grin widely.
Bucky can feel the consuming wave of guilt starting to surge up inside of him. His body starts to freeze in place as the applause from the crowd echoes in his ears and rattles in his brain. He had thought that maybe later on in life that he and Maeve would be able to revisit the connection when he was in a better place. But now that she had disconnected from him he no longer had a soulmate. He was no longer connected to someone. Bucky suddenly felt anger rise up from his toes and he gritted his teeth harshly. How could she do that without even talking to him about it?! How could she unilaterally make a decision about a connection they shared?! Bucky stood from his leaning position against the tree and glared over at the stage where Maeve was waving and letting everyone know that she would be available for questions.
But as the anger swirled inside of him he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and focused on that for a moment. There was a man wearing a dark hooded sweatshirt and olive green pants walking through the lounging crowd with his hands in his hoodie’s pockets.
“Buck, are you okay?” Sam asked concerned as he moved to Bucky’s side.
“You see that?” Bucky asked as he nodded his head to the man still walking through the crowd. Sam stiffened and then began to walk through the crowd to intercept the man. Bucky followed Sam but took a different angle and began running when the man looked over his shoulder.
“EVERYBODY GET DOWN!!!” shouted Sam as he and Bucky began running towards the man who was now running as fast as he could towards the stage. The crowd all began to scream and yell while stumbling from their blankets to run away from the man. Bucky’s eyes widened when he saw the man pick up his pace and was heading straight for Maeve and Nocht who were now rushing to the side of the stage to get away.
Bucky pushed himself to run faster to get to the man faster and just as he was on the man’s heels Joaquin collided with the man as he began to pull his hand out of his hoodie pocket. The two men fell to the ground with Joaquin’s momentum and soon Joaquin had the man pinned to the ground yelling at him to stop resisting. Sam caught up as the crowd still evacuated the area as quickly as possible.
Looking down at the man Bucky realized that he was a member of the resistance group that they had been taking out over the last few months. He grinned evilly up at Bucky, Sam and Joaquin.
“We will prevail! Down with the government and their stupid little relief fund!” he shouted angrily. Bucky scoffed at him while sneering down at him. There were soft footsteps to his left that made Bucky look up and come face to face with a worried looking Maeve.
“Are you guys alright?” she asked as Nocht stuck to her side without even needing her leash held. Bucky felt the air in his lungs immediately leave him as he got an up close look at Maeve. Her eyes sparkled more than he remembered and while her lips were downturned in a concerned frown he could still see the laugh lines around her face. He realized that she looked happy and at peace, and was reminded of why she looked that way now. He stayed silent as he nodded his head at her question.
Suddenly there was a loud booming noise and the ground shook underneath all of them. Bucky reached out to Maeve as she stumbled slightly as the ground shook and she reached out to stabilize herself, Bucky silently rejoiced that she had reached out to him to steady her. But that rejoice was short lived when she gasped horrified as her eyes traveled to something behind him. Bucky turned around and saw that a large apartment complex was now engulfed in flames.
“Oh my god that’s my apartment complex.” Maeve said dismayed as she stared in horror as the building was quickly engulfed in flames.
“Yes it is, isn’t it?” asked the man that Joaquin had handcuffed. He was looking up at Maeve with a wicked grin on his face and Bucky felt rage bubbling up inside of him. “Too bad you weren’t in it.” he said dismissively and Maeve gasped loudly at his words.
“Alright that’s enough of you.” Joaquin said and hauled the man to his feet before leading him away from Maeve, Bucky and Sam. Just as Joaquin was leaving Mayor Brooker walked quickly over to Maeve and placed his hands on her elbows.
“Maeve are you alright? That’s your complex right?” the Mayor asked worriedly and Maeve nodded her head dismayed as she turned to the Mayor.
“It is. I can’t tell which floor but that’s my complex. Oh I hope my elderly neighbor Mrs. Scepter is okay. She lives on the same floor as me.” Maeve said worriedly as looked back over to her complex.
“Mayor Brooker, Maeve, the two of you are now being targeted by the resistance group. We need to get the two of you to lay low for a little bit. These attacks that they are making are hitting a little close for comfort now. Maeve, I think it would be best now to get you to a safehouse. And Mayor, I will speak with your head of security and give them suggestions.” Sam instructed both Maeve and Mayor Brooker.
“I think that’s a good idea Sam. Maeve take Sam’s advice and listen to him alright? He’ll be able to keep you safe.” Mayor Brooker said softly and fondly to Maeve. Maeve nodded her head quickly at him.
“You’ll be alright though?” She asked concerned and the man pulled her into a quick hug whispering something to her making her chuckle softly before they pulled away and nodded at each other. Maeve then turned from the Mayor and looked expectantly at Sam and Bucky. “Alright where to?” She asked seriously.
Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien
Author Notes: Úrnua means brand new in Irish, so I felt that it was fitting new last name for Maeve after being disowned by her family. I loved writing this chapter, exploring the side of the mother and grandmother was fun to write. Also Maeve is going to get her new chapter and I’m so excited!
Gif Credit: @elizasfics
The day was miserable as Bucky crouched behind the large cargo crates on the dock, rain had been falling steadily enough for the past three hours for him to be soaked through his outdoor gear. He peered over the crate watching the large bay doors for any sight of the resistance group. Him, Sam and Joaquin along with a few other soldiers were all camping out in various places along the dock watching the group.
He had been helping Sam and Joaquin to capture and arrest the members of the group for a whole two months until they had eliminated most of the group until only the few that had taken up residence in the shipping warehouse in front of him were left. He supposed that he felt slightly guilty for rejecting Maeve one last time that he felt obligated to help out with the mission of capturing the group members that were causing problems for Mayor Brooker, but Bucky chose not to overthink about that.
They had managed to track the resistance group to this warehouse after flushing them out of all the abandoned safehouses that they had been using for their meetings. The group, while having been reduced to this small group, was slowly starting to grow more powerful and alluring for those affected by the Blip displacement. Bucky could see both sides of the displacement issue, he was part of those that had been blipped by Thanos and while he had a place in Wakanda thanks to their help with his Hydra programing he never truly thought he belonged there. And back in New York he had managed to find an apartment to call his own but still he didn’t truly think he belonged there either. But he could also see the side of those that had stayed during the Blip, they’d had to pick up their destroyed lives when their loved ones had disappeared. They’d had to live five years without their loved ones and then suddenly their loved ones were back. Five years was a long time to be away and without any warning that things were going to go back to normal. People changed and moved on in that time.
Shaking his head, Bucky focused back on the warehouse bay doors when he suddenly heard squealing tires. He watched as a large beat up moving truck pulled up to the bay doors blocking his line of sight. Bucky grumbled softly as he peered over the crate quietly, two men exited the moving truck and rushed to the bay doors calling for the other men. Bucky moved around the crate trying to find a better position to see into the warehouse when suddenly his communications device crackled to life.
“Alright guys I’ve got eyes on the group I want Barnes and another on the bay doors while the rest are going to be moving with me.” Sam's voice came over the earpiece. Bucky nodded his head and began to move around the crate as he spotted the soldier that was assigned to his area following closely behind him. Bucky peered into the warehouse when he got to the edge of the door and saw that the warehouse was empty and he felt a sick feeling of premonition hit him as his eyes darted around the warehouse.
“They’re not here Sam.” Bucky said softly and heard the silence on the other end of the communications.
“What do you mean they’re not there?” Same asked harshly with concern and Bucky shook his head.
“He’s right Sam, Redwing’s in there and I’ve got no resistance members in the warehouse.” Joaquin backed up Bucky as he spoke into the communications device. Sam sighed softly before issuing out another order.
“Alright Bucky you and your backup sweep the room. Make sure they left and aren’t just hiding.” Same instructed and Bucky nodded his head while he darted his eyes to the soldier next to him who nodded his head in agreement.
The two of them slinked into the warehouse around the doorway and traveled along the walls to still cover each other. Once they had cleared half of the room Bucky stopped beside a table littered with maps and foreign written commands. He frowned as he tried to make sense of the commands that were written on the pages before him. He quickly gave up when the sound of metal hitting the ground alerted him and the soldier that someone was nearby.
Turning to where the sound came from Bucky saw a large metal door that was partially closed most likely leading into an office area. He checked with the soldier and the two of them took to each side of the door before the soldier opened the door. Bucky peered inside around the doorframe before nodding his head and entered the room. The room is filled with crates taller than Bucky and it’s all laid out in a maze where he can’t get a clear view of the room.
Moving forward Bucky follows the maze with his handgun raised as he peers around the corners of the maze. It takes him and the soldier a good ten minutes to make their way through the maze, Bucky is starting to lose hope of finding the exit when he peers around the corner and sees the maze open up and there’s a group of five men waiting in the area with their own firearms. Bucky stops and takes cover alerting the soldier to do the same next to him.
“I’ve got five in the room to the right of the open warehouse area we were watching. It’s a maze and we’ve just come up to the middle of the maze.” Bucky informs over the communications.
“We’re on the back end of the maze. Stationed northwest behind cover.” Sam informs them before Joaquin speaks up as well.
“We’ve got the northeast entrance. And I’m deploying Redwing.” Joaquin advises easily.
“Alright on my mark we’re going to ambush them.” Sam speaks and then begins to countdown. Once he reaches three Bucky moves around the corner and begins firing at the men aiming for their legs to incapacitate them and not kill them. He easily hits two of the men in the legs making them fall to the floor, as he moves towards them to secure them with the plastic zip ties that they all had more men begin to spill into the middle of the maze. Bucky changed direction and began to fight with the men that entered the middle of the maze with hand to hand combat as he quickly stowed his firearm.
Bucky could hear the others fighting the men as they spilled into the space and he focused on the man in front of him as he swung his fist into the side of his face. As Bucky moved through the men swiftly he began to feel a tightening in his lower stomach area. He didn’t give it a second thought as he continued to fight the men who just kept entering the space.
It wasn’t until Bucky had the last man held tightly by the collar of his shirt in his clenched fist when it felt a sensation of snapping within him that caused him to groan loudly in pain as his eyes widened at the man held below him. Bucky breathed through the severe pain that seized his body before punching the man in the face causing him to fall unconscious. Bucky stood there slightly hunched over as his hands pressed into his bent knees as the pain began to slowly leave his body. He looked up when he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder, Sam was standing next to him asking if he was alright.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just felt this weird snap inside me and some pain but I’m okay now.” Bucky said easily as he nodded his head at Sam.
“You gotta get that checked out old man. You might’ve really hurt yourself.” Sam said worriedly and Bucky shrugged him off his shoulders. Sam grinned softly at Bucky and he glared at him in response making Sam laugh loudly as the soldiers all tied up the rest of the men who were laying on the ground.
“Yeah, maybe I’ll go see Shuri and see if she can do a check for me.” Bucky grumbled softly as he straightened up and began to help with tying up the men. He wondered if the snapping that he had felt inside of himself was a muscle pulling too tightly and he just wasn’t feeling it right now. He made a mental note to send a message to Shuri by the time they were leaving the dock for a check up.
*-*-*-*
“I like the direction my life is heading in right now and I feel like adding a soulmate to it would upend everything I’ve worked towards. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but maybe later on down the line when I’ve completely made amends with my past we could possibly open the connection.”
The words ran through Maeve’s mind as she blindly walked away from the man who had just shattered her entire world. She pressed a hand to her chest above her heart as she felt the pain of being rejected once more by James. She could hear him call out to her from where she left him on the bench but she didn’t pay him any mind as she continued to walk with Nocht at her side.
She didn’t look up from her pointed gaze at the ground as she walked down the path, she didn’t acknowledge anyone that she passed on her way. Maeve’s head was in a thick fog as she just kept walking. Her heart hurt from the final blow that James had delivered. And while she couldn’t fault him for his reasoning of not wanting a soulmate it still broke her.
All the years of her mother and grandmother telling her that the pain she went through every time her soulmate was in danger would be worth it when she finally found him. All the years of unbearable pain all because of a connection to a man who didn’t want a soulmate. Maeve could feel herself shutting down completely as everything that she was told and everything that she’s gone through has been all for nothing.
Maeve kept walking until the sounds of loud car horns and yelling taxi drivers caught her attention and she finally blinked away the fog from her mind. Looking up from the ground Maeve found herself at the Duke Ellington Circle entrance of the park. Frowning softly Maeve regripped Nocht’s leash and looked down at the dog who was pressed as close to her side as possible without making it difficult to walk. The dog stared up at her with solemn quiet and expressive eyes, it was almost as if Nocht knew something was wrong with Maeve and she only wanted to protect her. Feeling a wave of sadness crash into Maeve sucked in a deep breath and forced a smile onto her face.
“C’mon girl, let’s get home.” Maeve said softly before walking across the street to the nearest subway station that would be able to take her back to the office so she could grab her things. She knew that Mayor Brooker wouldn’t be upset if she took the rest of the day off, especially when she would explain to him what happened this afternoon. She was lucky that Mayor Brooker was so understanding when it came to her taking time off, he always praised her for her work as it was and the fact that she worked through her soulmate predicament as much as she physically could was a benefit for her when she requested time off.
*-*-*-*
The next morning Maeve laid in bed blinking sleepily as the sun began to cascade into her bedroom window through her partially opened blinds. She groaned softly as she raised her hands to her face and scrubbed the sleep from her eyes. Rolling in the bed she huffed as she rolled on top of Nocht and got a mouthful of fur and a loud thumping tail on the bed. Grinning softly at her constant company Maeve wrapped her arms around Nocht and pulled her close as the dog huffed and then made a warm grumbling noise.
“What do you want to do today girl? Wanna go outside for the day?” Maeve asked sleepily as she snuggled closer to Nocht. Breathing in deep she realized how glad she was to request the day off. She hadn’t gotten much sleep last night after the aftermath of her meeting with James. And she knew she would be miserable if she had to go into the office today, she was still processing the fact that she had a soulmate who didn’t want her. The way James had told her that he wanted to stay on the path that he made for himself she couldn’t fault or deny him that, but the way he had told her that he wanted to possibly see if it could work later on in life upset her.
For all the pain she had gone through and the doctor and hospital visits she felt that she deserved at least something more than a maybe. If it wasn’t a yes then a no would do just fine too, at least she would be able to move on from him and not feel as if she was in a limbo. Sighing Maeve shifted in bed making Nocht grumble against her as she buried her head in the covers.
“C’mon girl. Let’s go for a walk.” Maeve said warmly as she unwrapped from Nocht and rolled out of bed.
*-*-*-*
The next day at her desk Maeve groaned low in her throat as she saw another email from a reporter of NY Times pop up in her inbox. It had been like this all morning and now as the hours creeped into the afternoon it wasn’t abating at all. Sighing softly Maeve opened the email and quickly scanned over it before pulling up her word document that held her blanket no comment statement. She easily copied it into a response email and sent that off before looking down at Nocht quietly.
Just as she was going to speak to the dog a searing pain erupted in her lower stomach and she hunched over in her chair as the pain raced up her body. Taking in a deep breath she slowly it out through her mouth trying to calm herself down as the pain just erupted inside of her. Maeve slammed her eyes closed as she whimpered softly and blindly reached out across her desk over to her desk drawer where she quickly fished out her medication.
Barely able to rise from her hunched position she shook a single pill out of the bottle onto her desk before slipping it into her clenched mouth. She grabbed her water bottle from her desk and gulped down some water feeling the pill slide down her throat slowly. When she felt that the pill was finally down she breathed out slowly through her mouth feeling the pain begin to fade away from her. Rising to a sitting position in her chair Maeve was grateful for the strong medication that her doctor had prescribed her. She huffed softly as she reminded once more that she had this soulmate connection that wouldn’t ever amount to anything besides pain.
Letting her head fall back Maeve shut her eyes as tears began to prick at the edges. She took a few deep calming breaths as she heard Nocht whimper softly and the feeling of her heavy head settled on Maeve’s lap. Carding her fingers through Nocht’s fur Maeve could feel herself grounding and calming down slowly.
“Thanks girl.” she whispered to Nocht not wanting to speak too loud. Maeve sat there for a moment in the quiet of her office with Nocht pressed up against her just feeling defeated as the pain completely faded from her body. As she sat there Maeve started to hear a distant chanting coming from outside, furrowing her eyebrows she tapped Nocht’s side to alert her that she was standing up before actually doing so and walking to the windows in her office. She peered out of them and noticed the group of people dressed in amber and gold colored clothing holding signs up as they chanted and walked down the street.
Tilting her head to the side Maeve wondered what they were protesting. She watched as the group continued down the street before she was able to make out what was written on one of the signs. Take back your connection! Read one of the signs with a website by the same name written underneath it. Standing at her window Maeve watched as the group traveled down the street until they turned a corner and were now out of sight before she turned and walked back to her desk.
She quietly opened up a search engine and typed in the website, while she waited for the website to load her desk phone rang loudly. Picking it up after a quick glance at the caller I.D. she pressed it to her ear as she smiled softly.
“Yes my dear?” she asked softly and Veronica chuckled softly into her ear.
“Your favorite delivery guy dropped off your food. Do you want to have lunch together?” Veronica asked kindly.
“Yeah that’d be great, did you order out too? Do you want to order anything for you?” Maeve asked thoughtfully but Veronica declined.
“No, I already have my lunch. I’ll be right up.” Veronica said before hanging up and Maeve hung her phone up as well. She then turned back to the computer screen, the webpage was professionally done with a soft amber glow and black and white lettering so that it stood out and easily readable. Maeve’s eyes danced around the webpage reading the history or the group.
The group was founded by two best friends Dylan Yatsko and Cheryl Easter who grew up believing that their soulmates were supposed to be the one person who would make their world better. But Dylan was assigned to a woman who was emotionally and physically abusive and Cheryl was assigned to a man who only wanted her for the prestige that she would bring to their relationship and not actually for her as a person. The two kept in contact and as they heard about the others’ struggles with their soulmate they rebelled against the idea of being assigned to someone.
Dylan and Cheryl successfully disconnected from their soulmate completely and have made a life for themselves with each other. They have supported others who have found that they are not compatible with their assigned soulmates. They have also helped spread the knowledge that being assigned a soulmate is not a permanent thing. Maeve avidly read everything that was listed on the website and was just clicking onto another page of information about disconnecting the soulmate connection when there was a knock at her door.
“C’mon in V.” Maeve said distractedly as she continued to read the information on the website.
“Well hi there lady. What are you reading?” Veronica asked as she walked around Maeve’s desk. “Are you considering disconnecting from Barnes?” Veronica asked seriously as she whipped her head to stare at Maeve. Maeve was thankful that she had called Veronica yesterday to talk about what had happened with James so that she wouldn’t have to worry about talking about it again today and reliving it.
“I don’t know, I’m curious about it. I just heard them chanting outside on the street before.” Maeve informed her and Veronica nodded her head at Maeve’s words.
“Yeah they’re a nice group, very easy going and laid back. I think their mission is more to spread the information that a soulmate connection doesn’t have to be permanent.” Veronica said knowingly as she nodded her head. “We’ve never had a problem with them and their rallies.”
“Do they hold a lot of rallies?” Maeve asked curiously as she looked up at Veronica. Veronica looked down at her quietly for a moment before gesturing to the table where they normally ate.
“Come have a seat and let’s talk over lunch.” Veronica said solemnly and Maeve nodded her head as she stood from her desk and readied Nocht’s food first before walking over to the table to sit with Veronica. “So are you seriously thinking about disconnecting?” Veronica asked softly before she took a bite of her sandwich.
“I didn’t actually know that was a possibility until just now to be honest. My mother and grandmother never told me that this was a thing. I was always told to bear through the pain because the connection was worth it when I found my soulmate.” Maeve told Veronica who nodded her head along with her words.
“Me too. My mom was big on the it’s all worth it train too. I can’t imagine the pain you went through though and so constantly after knowing who your soulmate is now. I don’t agree with him just tossing you away, all because he’s made a new life for himself.” Veronica said seriously as she shook her head after speaking. “Does he know the full extent of what you’ve gone through?”
“I’ve told him that I’ve suffered through some serious pain because of the connection and that I’ve had to go to the hospital for it. I also told him that I have medication that makes it bearable. But I don’t think it’s sunk in or if it ever will, he’s set on denying the connection for now but he wants to keep his options open.” Maeve said bitterly as her lips twisted into a pout at the idea that she would have to still go through the pain without having James in her life. It was a blow to her soul that he didn’t want her right now but he thought maybe later on he’d want her.
“That’s ridiculous.” Veronica snapped angrily on Maeve’s behalf.
“I agree, I’d rather just completely shut the door on the relationship than leave it open and have to wait for him to make up his mind.” Maeve agreed as she nodded her head at Veronica.
“So then shut the door Maeve. You don’t have the time to wait on him, nor should you have to wait when he’s rejected you three times now. It’s your life that’s being put on hold not his, he’s still living the life he wants yet you’re supposed to wait and see if he wants to accept you finally? I wouldn’t let him have that power over my life if I were you.” Veronica said passionately as she stared straight into Maeve’s eyes. “You’ve gone through all of this pain and suffering all because of your connection to him and now he’s rejecting it? His loss. Absolutely his loss. If you want to explore your options with this disconnect I’ll be there for you. I have a family member who went through the disconnect because his soulmate was like Bucky. She didn’t want a soulmate and preferred to casually date others. He’s now happily married to a lovely woman who is his whole world and vice versa. They’re actually expecting their first child together now. I can introduce you to him so you can talk to him about it if you want.” Veronica offered.
Maeve sat there feeling so loved and supported by Veronica that she got up from her seat and moved to her side to give her a hug. Veronica quickly stood and wrapped Maeve in a tight hug. Maeve could feel the tears forming in her eyes and she buried her head in Veronica’s shoulder as the woman rubbed her back letting her cry on her shoulder.
“I will be with you every step of the way. You’ve been such a wonderful supportive friend to me and it’s now my turn to help you. Anyway I can, I will help you.” Veronica promised softly. The two of them stayed like that for a few moments and Maeve felt as if it was a turning point for her as she gathered the support of her friend to move forward with disentangling herself from a soulmate who didn’t want her.
*-*-*-*
Maeve picked at the sleeve or her sweater as she sat at the dining room table in her mother’s house. Her grandmother sat across from her at the table while her mother sat next to her at the head of the table. Nocht pressed into Maeve’s lower leg in a gesture of comfort that Maeve was grateful for how intuitive her companion was.
“What do you mean that you’re looking into disconnecting from your soulmate? That’s not possible.” her mother said confused before she picked up her tea cup to take a sip of her tea.
“It is possible. I’ve been researching it and I’ve found a doctor who practices it. He’s been able to successfully disconnect multiple people from their soulmates after they find themselves assigned to someone that they’re not compatible with.” Maeve said confidently as she sat at the table still picking nervously at her sweater. She was hoping that her mother and grandmother would understand her situation and her need to disconnect from James.
“No, absolutely not.” her grandmother spoke suddenly and Maeve darted her eyes over to the stoic woman across the table.
“I’m not looking for your permission, it’s my body and my connection. I came here looking for understanding from the both of you and acceptance of me without a soulmate connection.” Maeve said firmly as she frowned at her grandmother.
“You can not do this Maeve!” snapped her grandmother as she glared at Maeve over the table. “You’ve got the medication to make it bearable and Nocht is by your side all the time. That should be enough!” she insisted and Maeve shook her head.
“He’s rejected me three times now. Do you know how that feels? It’s shattering to be assigned to a man who does not want you. Not to mention all the time the two of you told me to bear through the pain because it would be worth it only to find out that it’s not worth it.” Maeve said firmly and her grandmother shook her head.
“He can come around.” she insisted and Maeve just shook her head at her grandmother’s words.
“He’s not going to. He’s happy with his life and how it is. He doesn’t want a soulmate.” Maeve argued and her grandmother frowned harshly at her. “I would bear it if he was able to commit to something with me grandma. But he said he doesn’t want a soulmate right now and I don’t have time to wait around for him. I shouldn’t have to wait around for him.” Maeve insisted and her grandmother leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Well, obviously you know that we don’t agree with this. But you’re correct that it’s your body.” her mother said as she tried to ease the tension that seemed to be rising in the room between Maeve and her grandmother.
“You’re no granddaughter of mine. And your mother would be a fool to still accept you as her daughter.” her grandmother said stonily causing both Maeve and her mother to gasp and whip their heads to stare at her.
“Mom!” her mother cried out in shock. “How can you say that?!”
“It’s true! She is no granddaughter of mine if she’s going to just throw away her soulmate because he rejected her! Kauffman women do not run away from pain! We plant our feet and endure it! She is not a Kauffman! You don’t deserve that last name!” shouted her grandmother angrily as she stood from her chair in a rush. Maeve felt her heart crack in her chest as her grandmother stormed out of the dining room in a huff.
“I’m so sorry Maeve. I don’t think now is a good time to talk about this as it’s upsetting your grandmother.” her mother stated as she stood from her chair as well. She gripped the back of the chair and looked over at Maeve for a second before looking over her shoulder to where her grandmother disappeared. Maeve knew that her mother would be siding with her grandmother but she had hoped that they’d understand her issue.
“I’m going through with the disconnection in a week. I was hoping to have the support of my mother.” Maeve said feeling lost as her emotions and feelings began to swell inside of her like a tidal wave.
“I’m sorry Maeve, please think it over carefully. Maybe find another solution.” her mother said distractedly. “I have to go see your grandmother. I’m so sorry.” she said before rushing towards the doorway.
“I’m not coming back Mom.” Maeve said softly as she sat there staring at her mother’s back. Her mother stood there at the doorway with her hand on the door jam. “Grandmother doesn’t accept me doing this and by default neither do you. I hoped you’d both understand since you both went through the pain. I accept your choice. Tell Dad and Grandfather I love them.” Maeve stated to her mother’s back before rising from her chair. She grabbed onto Nocht’s leash and her keys before quietly walking out of her childhood home that no longer felt like home.
As she drove slowly away from her Mother’s residence Maeve let the tears cascade down her face. She had not only been rejected by her soulmate because she didn’t fit into his new life, she had now been rejected by her grandmother and mother because of the choice she was making. The crack in her heart widened and it soon shattered into a million pieces once again under the gravity of rejection. It wasn’t until Maeve had parked her car in the apartment parking garage three hours later that her tears finally stopped.
*-*-*-*
Maeve laid on the operating room table staring up at the tiled ceiling with the large spotlight lamps. Veronica was waiting for her in her hospital room with Nocht and Maeve slowly let out a breath to ease her anxiety with that knowledge. Someone was waiting for her on the other side of this ordeal. She was grateful for her friend being there for her and supporting her as her emotions rolled through her like she was on a rollercoaster. Her mother and grandmother hadn’t reached out to her since she visited them at their house two weeks ago, and while that was devastating to her she had found that she was able to endure that pain just like the pain she had endured for all those years ever since she was assigned to James.
Just then there was a commotion over the operating doors and Maeve turned her head to see Cheryl and David at the doors waving at her. Maeve felt tears pool in her eyes as she grinned over at them, the two people who had become such inspirations and a solid foundation for her to fall back on. Ever since her talk with Veronica about disconnecting, Maeve had set off on the journey of joining Cheryl and Dylan’s community. It hadn’t been long after she had shared her story with Cheryl and Dylan that they welcomed her into their community. They helped and supported her in choosing a doctor to disconnect her soulmate connection and she was so grateful that they had shown up for her operation.
“We’ll be waiting for you in your room once you’re done. Everything will be okay, don’t worry. We got you girl!” called Cheryl happily as she waved from just behind Dylan. Dylan was smiling at her with sparkling happy eyes as he watched the medical staff prepare around her.
“I’m so happy for you Maeve. Can’t wait to see you on the other side.” Dylan said proudly and Maeve nodded her head at them before they disappeared out the doors.
“Alright Miss Úrnua, are you ready to begin this new chapter of your life?” asked Doctor McKenzie using Maeve’s new last name. Maeve smiled softly at him as the anesthesiologist stepped up to the side of her head and smiled down at her comfortingly.
“I’m ready.” Maeve said softly as she grinned widely at the doctor and anesthesiologist before the anesthesiologist told her that the medication was being administered. Maeve smiled dreamily as her eyelashes fluttered before falling shut and she was pulled under. Her last thought was that she was ready for her new life without pain and rejection to begin.
