#introversion-extroversion

[fawkes-the-enbyphoenix]

15 Unmistakable, Outrageously Secret Signs You're an Extrovert

In recent weeks, introverts have been receiving a lot of attention on the internet, which they hate. Just kidding--they love attention! Talking about, reading about, and Facebook-sharing about introverts are an introvert’s favorite things to do.

I saw this article on facebook and read it and I thought it was just the most ridiculous, sensationalized and introvert-bashing pieces of ridiculousness I've seen. As you can see in that paragraph, it's an extrovert talking about "omg introverts have been getting attention." She goes on to say that the entire populations has "suddenly delude[d] itself into thinking that being 'introverted' is a noble thing to be." She basically says everybody is talking about introverts and nobody is talking about extroverts. The entire article is incredibly passive aggressive.

Fucking news flash, do you know why it seems like everybody's talking about introverts and being an introvert seems like the cool thing to do now? BECAUSE WE'RE ON THE FUCKING INTERNET! God forbid introverts have one damn place to feel they can communicate and channel themselves freely. You know where being an introvert isn't praised or even accepted? EVERWHERE ELSE. Extroverts just naturally have an easier time in real world when it comes to communication and networking. People get made fun of or called weird if they don't want to go to parties or need some peace and quiet. Sure, on the internet that's common as fuck. But in the real world you're expected to keep up with the extroverts' standards of social interaction; a fact that she unwittingly demonstrates in numbers 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 9. and 13 (seriously... look at them... they're fucking ridiculous).

What this article mainly shows is an incredible lack of understanding and inability to see things through someone else's eyes. She talks a lot about how introverts are basically all attention seeking narcissists just for community building on the internet and sharing experiences. I'm not going to defend every buzz piece about introvertism. I know there's a lot of lists out there that are mirror images of this one: "No. 1, you don't constantly feel the need to be the center of attention." But that does not make an article like this (passive aggressive , shaming, bullying and name calling) remotely called for. Like I said before, can we have one fucking place to talk where the conversation isn't dominated by extroverts?

The world needs introverts. The world needs extroverts. They're personality types, and they're here because we're human beings. The knowledge of the introversion-extroversion spectrum is important because it can help us see how our society can tend to cater to the extrovert and try to force introverts into being extroverts. It can lead to a better understanding of the fact that we're all different, and there's no one way to do things, a better utilization of each person's unique talents. But none of that's going to happen as long as we have attacking, passive-aggressive, bullying articles like this one.

[thesasearch]

Love this article! I'm especially grateful for the term "Centrovert" - because I'm right on the line of E/I. Hope it's useful to you in your networking efforts.

[thesasearch]

Most grad student would be worried about the interview process at TPE, However, I'm more worried about the crowd. I HATE large crowds.. Do you have any advice?

First, I should note that I've never participated in placement, either at NASPA or ACPA. So, I checked in with a few folks who have to get their advice, as well. 

The key is finding ways to support and soothe yourself. It could be finding folks to cheer you on - I've heard from many folks that brief check-ins during the day, especially with alums from your grad program and from cohort members, are a great way to keep up your energy. It could also be very helpful to have check-ins and cheerleading from folks who aren't at conference - texts and phone calls from home would be a great idea.

Find ways to plan escapes small or large - maybe it's going for a run, seeing a movie, visiting a museum, catching time to read, or just meeting at the end of the day to unwind with a good friend, a soothing mug of tea or other drink and some chocolate.

It's also important to note that in some instances, accommodations for private interview rooms may be available - check out both The Placement Exchange and Career Central at Convention for more details.

Finally, it's important to note that you don't have to participate in placement in order to get a job. For lots of reasons, you might choose not to - whether it's cost (I remember seeing a facebook status update last spring that said, "I'm too poor to get a job #tpe") or if you decide there aren't going to be jobs you're interested in there (saw a note from @NASPAtweets during SAChat last week that said about 60% of positions at TPE are entry-level in residential life), or if you're doing a geographically limited search, or any number of other reasons.

You can see what jobs are available before conference as they're posted on those sites, and apply individually through the schools' HR websites. I remember doing this - for one position, one of my cohort-mates had a screening interview at conference, while I had a phone interview while she was on her way back. There's no rule that says you have to participate in placement, even if it feels like that's what the rest of your cohort is doing.

Finally, you might also like this post from the archive: From #SAGrad to #SAPro: Preparing for Your Job Search.

What do others think? How do you keep your balance during placement?

[thesasearch]

The Challenge of Being Charming: Introversion, Extroversion, and Interviewing

I once read that introverts are great with individuals or large audiences, but have difficulty with much in between. This can make interviewing on campus pretty challenging. I'm an extrovert, but just barely (the first time I took the MBTI, in undergrad, I was right on the line between E/I). I like meeting new people and hanging out in groups, but I have a threshold - like back when I was a grad student and folks in my cohort would go out, I might join for one drink and then go home. (This might have something to do with my being a morning person - otherwise known as my tendency to turn into a pumpkin around 11 pm.) I need my alone time, to curl up with a book, to watch mindless television, to write in a journal, to try to convince my garden plants to grow, and to putz around in my pj's to recharge. Given that I have a people-time threshold, how do I manage campus interviews?

I both love and loathe campus interviews - because I struggle with small talk, but I love deep conversations. Small talk with strangers, like the kind that typically fills the drive from airport to campus, makes me reach my people-time threshold more quickly. At the same time, I find deep conversation about student development, social justice, and program quality to be restorative. It engages my creativity, gets my brain working, so much so that I can forget that I'm chatting with strangers or that I'm supposed to be nervous because this is an interview.

In one of my searches, I was looking for both traditional student affairs campus-based positions and non-profit jobs. In two weeks, I had two on-site interviews in different areas of the country - one for a campus job and one for a nonprofit job. The campus interview was pretty typical - fly in the night before, have an interview dinner with four folks, breakfast with the committee the next morning, presentation, campus tour, group interviews with several constituencies. The nonprofit interview was an hour-long interview with their committee, with rapid-fire questions going around the table and topics changing quickly.

Because I had these interviews so close together, it was easy to compare the processes. While I found the nonprofit interview a bit stressful, I actually enjoyed the campus interview - because I saw some of the same people throughout the day, it was possible to continue our conversations; and because we'd had time to really talk, I had a better idea of the challenges facing the institution and the interests of each person - and was able to more effectively answer questions, ask questions, and propose solutions. It was more of a seminar and less of an interview. (Of course, this is coming from someone who once met a former student for coffee to catch up and talk about life... and ended up having a four-hour coffee date.)

So where does being charming come in? When I'm interviewing, I want to be myself, but the best, friendliest, most clever, most polished version of myself - in short, I want to be charming me. Not that I'm not charming ordinarily, or that I don't want to be authentic - in fact, I've had long conversations with colleagues and mentors about expectations around dressing for interviews that often come down to "I don't know how to be anyone but myself" (more on that in a future post).

But Interview Me is me on my best day - no coffee stains on my shirt, a smile for everyone, not a hair out of place. Interview Me doesn't feel like small talk is awkward and always has a story to illustrate just how I did that, thanks, and that whole story and explanation takes no more than two minutes. Next question? 

Just like I have a people-time threshold, I have an Interview-Me time limit: after a while, being charming is kind of tiring. Sometimes I am the person with a coffee stain on my shirt, who pulls papers out of my bag just a bit crumpled, whose hair doesn't behave, and who thinks small talk is ridiculously awkward. 

So, how do I reconcile Interview Me and Me-Me, and keep my balance even at my people-time threshold? Here are a few things that work for me:

Focus on one person. I find it helps to focus on one person at a time. Use their names ("Brian, that's a great question. In my experience..."), make eye contact, and smile. Focusing on one person makes me relax a bit and makes my connection to them a bit more genuine.

Take good notes. When possible, take notes - At the beginning of a group meeting, I usually write down folks' names in a diagram of the table at the top of my notepad - in a small circle, and when possible add titles or brief notes (e.g., "GA" or "faculty- English"). I also try to take notes when appropriate about specific people's questions or programmatic concerns to make it easier to follow up with them individually if needed.

Take a break. I've learned to take a break whenever it's offered. No, I don't really need to use the bathroom after every single meeting. (Although, since you're feeding me lots of water and coffee, it's appreciated.) But more than that I appreciate the few minutes to go somewhere quiet where I don't have to be "on." One campus interview gave me twenty minutes or so of break time when I was able to sit in the quiet reception area and read the campus newspaper; another had an office they made available for my use that day.

Use humor. Nothing breaks the tension like a joke. This doesn't mean you have to actually tell jokes (although, my new favorite: What do you call a masochistic sheep? a mutton for punishment. yuk yuk yuk.), but rather poke fun in a gentle way to make everyone feel at ease.

Ask questions. Both during actual interview times and small talk, questions are key! I love conversations - and breaking up interviews with questions and making it more of a back-and-forth is a great way to engage your committee, learn more about the position and institution, and to help you tailor your responses to make them most helpful to the committee. And during small talk? I love to ask questions because it gives me something to respond to - and it gets the attention off me for a moment.

Focus on content. I've found that focusing on the content of our conversation helps me forget the stress of interviewing. If I can approach the questions somewhat like our case studies back in grad school, I find it easier to engage intellectually and turn off the skittish emotional part of me that says "why is everyone staring at me!" Better yet, by approaching questions this way, I'm able to give deep, nuanced responses that often bring similar reactions from the committee - showing me more about what the institution/division/department/program is facing, and turning our interactions into more of a conversation.

Finally, try to make Me-Me and Interview-Me as similar as possible. I sometimes talk about the costume I put on when I'm facilitating. I actually really love facilitating and presenting, but I do feel like that's not all of me. When I'm presenting, the introverted part of me takes a back seat. While I can't do it all the time, I put on the presenter-me persona for a bit. I do think it's important to be your authentic, whole self when interviewing, even if I try to be the most charming version of that self. So I aim to be as comfortable as I can - being most me-like helps me focus on the task at hand. What does that look like? I imagine it's different for everyone. For me, it means: dressing professionally but comfortably; it means telling a few jokes and making bad puns on occasion; tossing in a few pop culture references; talking music with students; and very rarely, with a fellow techie-person, making #hashtag jokes. 

In the end, I want to be in a community that welcomes and accepts me for me - bad jokes and all- so I have to let that self show during interviews (and bad jokes may be less than charming, depending on your sense of humor). Because I want to be comfortable where I am - and besides, if I'm trying to put on too much of a show, to be too perfect or too charming in an interview, I'll be uncomfortable, and that discomfort will show.

What about you? How do you keep the balance during campus interviews?