#invictus.txt

[systematic-crows-blog]

Does anyone have advice for when an alter fronting disrupts a relationship with your friend? My friend texted me and she needed me to listen to her because she needed a friend to talk to, but the initial text she sent triggered me, and someone fronted instead of me (Probably Nicholas) and ignored her, sending out a passive reply. I feel really terrible bc she was in a bad place at the time and I wasn’t aware she even sent the text until two weeks afterwards. I already apologized and tried to explain, and she’s understanding, but I’m worried it’ll happen again.

[systematic-crows-blog]

The therapist had me do trauma work. It was okay. Learned a lot about myself. Both of them brought up dissociation and are communicating with each other. It’s up to my family to find a neuropsychiatrist for me or something. Does anyone know what that is?

[systematic-crows-blog]

The good: the little fronted for fifteen minutes, and despite having huge advantages such as being able to move her hands normally, did nothing strange except feed ice to my little brother by throwing it at him. The bad: Guess who’s stuck fronting again

[systematic-crows-blog]

The most recent trauma that produces flashbacks was a serious incident of hazing at a camp I went to. The alter that formed because of that is strong, fast, and anxious. She rarely talks with expression. She dislikes talking at all because anything I said was insubordination. She likes to wear masks so people don’t see her crying. Her name is Rachel.

[systematic-crows-blog]

Also please let someone front who isn’t Elliott because I blew all of our American eagle gift cards he’d been saving for dude clothes on girl clothes and I have a feeling he doesn’t like that. At all. In whoever’s name I pray amen hallelujah all that junk.

[systematic-crows-blog]

Callout to Sol: if you are reading this which you are PICK UP THE FRONT you awesome lazy anime child I’m tired of putting up with this crap and you seem like you have it together. Take the reins child. I wish that was how it worked

[systematic-crows-blog]

Im kind of worried about fronting this long is it normal? I know it can be but I don’t feel right. I don’t want Elliott to front because he’s so much more sensitive than me and everyone’s been enjoying not having a panic attack anytime someone brings up depression. At the same time my flashbacks have been hell compared to his.

[systematic-crows-blog]

She looks at me. ‘Are you still hearing voices?’ ‘Yes.’ She nods. She doesn’t think it’s bad right now. I’m not psychotic anymore because I’m medicated so it isn’t an issue. We get ready to walk out and a chorus of voices start up complaint about how I handled the appointment just yeah guys deal with it I didn’t get us sent to the hospital so I did well. No people in my head in the crazy doctors office. I’m going to see some memory specialists because the psych doesn’t have a lot of experience with this.