#iphone:sam

[snixxem]

text message ✉️ samtana

tana: I was just going to come in and stare at you until I cracked- but a bitch has been busy.

tana: and so have you.

tana: bree? My man.

[letsgsantana]

text message ✉️ samtana

tana: have you seen surf’s up?

[snixxem]

text message ⇆ samtana

tana: so, thinking of turning the maggie into a fight club?

tana: all berry talk get's you slapped back to the womb, so you can take two on not growing up into a piece of shit?

tana: I'm sensing success.

[letsgsantana]

tagged: sam evans &. santana lopez

when: nov. 15th - 16th.

notes: discord text.

tana: the thigh hickey you gave me has almost disappeared. 

tana: which means you need to re-up on moi. 

tana: and I’m craving churros. Hot, from Ted’s by the cafeteria. 

tana: and possibly you.

sam: churros and hickeys. what a combo 

sam: anything else you want me to fetch you before i come and fuck you into the mattress?

tana: is your neck free for business, or is two o’clocks still ripe on there? 

tana: wow, did you get that from some 80’s porn?

[a beat] 

tana: and to return the favor I might have bought some coca-cola lip smacker for you to kiss off.

sam: you did a pretty good job the last time because it's still there for everyone to see 

sam: it's annoying that no one believes that i burned myself on a curling iron sam: no, more like early 2000s amateur stuff 

sam: oh, you're spoiling me here, santana

tana: I’ve always had a soft spot for ‘I was here’ tokens.

tana: that hair screams blow dry. That mark screams some A-list lips. 

tana: awe, so the the golden age of porn, iyo? 

tana: you’ve possibly earned a treat or two.

sam: you know, you're not as dominant in bed as you are on text 

sam: i quite like this versatile santana that i'm getting 

sam: thank you! that's what i keep saying! sam: care to give a hint of what those treats are?

tana: I'm lonely, so I sub out for a brat. [erased] 

tana: you've caught me off-guard. And it's been a minute since I've had a hot minute.

tana: and you might be above average. 

tana: and I haven't even showed you the beginning of what ten plus years of cheering has done for my versatility.

tana: either the baking kind, the me kind, and possibly an impression request kind. 

[a moment later] 

tana: or all of the above.

sam: i'm not at all complaining, i quite like taking charge. especially if it makes you beg 

sam: oh, you need to show me soon, because i want to see this 

sam: i can give you all three of those 

sam: what impression would you like to see? i personally think a sean connery one would go down well with you

tana: a mess in life, and in-control in the bedroom? respect. 

tana: i have a thing for dorks with big hands that feel good around my throat. tana: well, well, someone's working for that number one spot. 

tana: are you trying to turn me on wit a sean connery impression? 

[after a moment] 

tana: explain.

sam: i gotta get something right, and with these lips, it was bound to be that sam: good, i wasn't sure if the choking was too much, but i'm glad to know that we were on the same page with that 

sam: can't deny that i want to be your number one 

sam: he's james bond, duh?

tana: you're in college, so at least you can add that to your list of accomplishments.

tana: if you saw my incognito google pop up, you'd blush, Sammy. It was just barely enough. 

tana: moved on to porn with a touch of romcon? a hoe with a heart. my hero. tana: if this means I get to dress up as a bond girl and you never speak of this to anyone. I may be seriously entertaining this.

sam: i'm sure that the american museum of natural history will be impressed with the fact that i can make you cum three times with my mouth and another two times with my dick 

sam: no? i think it might be time for us to welcome a safe word into this, because i don't want to hurt you 

sam: some people would call it a gentleman in the street, a freak in the sheets, but a hoe with a heart does the job 

sam: oh my god, yes please! 

sam: also, i'm pretty sure just the sight of you being a bond girl would make me cum, so there's that

tana: well duh. It’s few and far between a woman gets that kind of pleasure from a man. Gotta mark it down when it does. 

tana: jinxy. What do you think? 

tana: i don’t think your hoe energy ever strays too far, so it’s best stick to factual nicknames. 

tana: well, I do like cum. Especially yours.

sam: do i make the top ten list of best ginsburg lovers then? 

sam: jinxy? i can work with jinxy 

sam: then you haven't seen my gentlemanly ways - we can always change that if you want 

sam: oh? what makes mine so special?

tana: no.

tana: and that's because I don't have a lovers list. But some of the best sex I've had here? Consider yourself lucky, because yes. 

tana: also lovers list? what wattpad fanfic are you neck deep in, dork. 

tana: I mean sure, but he better be just as hot and charmin-[erased] 

tana: I wouldn't mind, as long as he's as hot as hoe sam.

tana: there's a lot and you look hot. and you've usually got my hair in your fist while you're cumming on my face.

sam: i'm flattered. /and/ it is definitely reciprocated. a lot 

sam: "forbidden" - it's about harry styles and louis tomlinson. it's not very good though 

sam: yeah, i think you're gonna see more of gentleman sam than hoe sam from now on

tana: I know. 

tana: sounds terrible. 

tana: why’s that?

sam: do you know tina cohen-chang?

tana: ya.

sam: yeah, i like her and i kinda fucked it up

tana: oh god. 

tana: have you been sleeping with me while you’ve been with her? 

tana: is that your girlfriend?

sam: she's not my girlfriend 

sam: i'm sorry. you're not the only that i've been seeing. there's kinda been a lot of people 

sam: i'm really sorry

tana: oh. 

tana: well, if you’re single. Who cares. 

tana: if I wanted to sleep with anyone else, I would have already. No apologies about it.

sam: it's more than that, you know? like, we've been going on dates. 

sam: i just didn't realize that we were actually..."dating" 

sam: you just deserve to know that

tana: you probably didn’t realize you were dating because you weren’t... 

tana: why are so mopey, babe? 

tana: you fucked around, and I guess accidentally got into a relationship.... tana: how long have even known tina? 

tana: I’m just saying, people who jump into relationships in college usual need therapy, not a partner.

sam: we've known each other for like almost two months, which is ridiculous because i didn't want this to happen so fast, but like, guess my feelings just caught up with me one night 

sam: oh, girl, if i could afford therapy i would've done it a long time ago. i've got some huge baggage

tana: you could save the date money to go to a therapy fund. 

[.....] 

tana: sam, you seem caught up in....something.

sam: that's probably the best advice anyone's given me lately 

sam: no, i'm not caught up anymore, i got the zipper out of my nut

tana: looking back my reaction to your relationship might have not been the best. My bad. I should have just thrown 

in response and be done with it, but. Like.... 

tana: you’re sleeping with everyone then suddenly in a relationship because you went on some dates and found out that meant you were dating someone... tana: sounds like deflecting and micro-managing in an unhealthy way. 

tana: we were just talking about you giving me a facial. I’m just saying. That’s one hell of a turn around.

sam: it was never explicitly a relationship. we never said anything. and she'd hinted a couple of times at knowing about me seeing more people than just her sam: i told her that i was falling in love with her - it was incredibly random when i said it, i just blurted it out without even thinking about it, or ever having thought about it actually. 

sam: and then she lost her virginity to me 

sam: i don't know what's going on, i just know that i miss her

tana: you need to put down the watt pad fanfiction ‘cos it’s tripping your brain into thinking you’re in love with someone. missing someone doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them, it means you miss them. 

tana: I’m just saying. Figure this out inline at the medi-whatever line for some healthcare, and fast track to a therapist office for an appointment. If you need company I’ll offer mine, and critics on your impressions. I’ll even bring the churros this time. 

tana: but partying, sleeping around, then poking your head up from the land down under because you’ve randomly had the thought to love someone out of your line-up? Babe, just no. 

tana: but most of all, breathe.

sam: It's not like that. Missing her means more to me than just that 

sam: I don't know for sure if I'm falling in love with her - I think I am. Because I know I've never felt this way before about anyone. And it's confusing as hell, but she does make me feel a way that no one else has done before 

sam: But I agree - it's gone way too fast. And no one seems to get that 

[...] 

sam: I don't particularly want to talk about this anymore though. I just want to know if you and I are still...okay? It might just be me, but it sounds like you wouldn't mind hanging out with me, even if I'm not fucking you

tana: how many times before have you said you liked a girl? And that it was more than any other of the girls before them? 

tana: were you just dating her because she’s the only one who said yes, or because you only wanted to date her. 

[.....] 

tana: just think on it. And again, breathe. And stop randomly telling people you’re in love with them, amateur hour. 

tana: I’m not sure yet. It might be hard for me to see you and not get wet. But maybe if you impress over text I’ll let you take me to get a beer so I can platonically roast you.

sam: This is the first time 

sam: No, to start off, it was just a casual thing between us. She was obviously a virgin, but there were some pretty heavy make-out sessions going on. We made a deal, to get to know each other better - for her safety of not just losing her virginity to some random guy. And so we ended up just going on a lot of dates. I genuinely wanted to get to know her better 

sam: I'm breathing. Thank you 

sam: Just call me beef, because I'm yours to roast all day and all night, Santana

tana: sure jan. 

tana: so you guys have rush delivered every step of the way. please don't get divorced before 25. 

tana: you want to get to know everyone better. [erased] 

tana: definitely not hanging out with you now that your 'beef' is off the table. 

sam: She's not talking to me right now, so I don't think we gotta worry about that 

sam: Listen, I was never that nasty. It was only on the kitchen counter those two times, and that was because you were wearing that red lacy thong and nothing else, and I've got a weak spot for that

tana: good. 

tana: Well excuse me for picking up on how much you liked me spread. I thought the all access, all the time, with the crotchless red thongs would be appreciated.

tana: although, you still owe me a pair. You can gift those when you're single in a couple of weeks. 

tana: if I don't like them, you can take them back. if I do, you can tell me if the guy I've replaced you with will. I'll even spread them for you.

sam: As much as I enjoy this conversation, I think it's time to shut it down 

sam: Please do let me know if my replacement is any better than me though. I want to know if anyone can overtake these lips

tana: true, tell sean connery I said down boy. 

tana: of course I will.

tana: what are you doing?

sam: Sean Connery? My dick? 

sam: I just got back home, after practically following Tina around all day. Well, walking her to all of her classes and trying to get her to talk to me, but with my testicle still aching, I was more limping than anything else 

sam: Probably just gonna put "Bob's Burgers" on and try and fall asleep to that. Maybe open a bottle of Jack. 

sam: You?

tana: you do know that's creepy, not romantic. 

tana: an entire bottle? stick to a cup. it's been a long day for you. 

tana: I might go to an open mic night. People love vintage shit there and I need to peddle my shop some more.

sam: She went out last night, I got her a coffee this morning to hopefully make it better - I had a purpose, don't worry. It's not like I was stalking her 

sam: Hmmmmmm, a bottle sounds more appetizing though 

sam: Oh yeah? If you want to swing by afterwards, you're welcome to. We can just watch a movie or something

tana: this is so lame [erased] 

tana: so not as creepy. good. 

 tana: sounds like alcohol poisoning. 

tana: I don't know if you've proved movie only worthy. We'll see, evans.

sam: Not like full-on creepy. I try to only keep it semi-creepy 

sam: Sounds like a good time 

sam: Well, I guess I can also offer you a cup of Jack, if you want, so it's not just a movie that you came around for

tana: which is why you just need to be full-on single. 

tana: also, question. why are you following her around like you have something to make up for? 

tana: glutton for punishment? 

 tana: I haven't drank in a week. I'm a little scarred from post-halloween.

sam: I don't want to be 

sam: Well, first of all, I hurt her. And now she's not really replying to my texts, in the sense that she's not.../talking/ to me or hearing me out. So, I figured it'd be easier if it was face to face. But it's not like she stopped to talk or anything 

sam: Something like that 

sam: Scarred? What are you scarred from?

tana: that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. 

 tana: I know you hurt her, but again, why are you following her around like you need to make-up for something? 

tana: you were single and hooked up with people. 

tana: if she’s upset about that, that sucks, but that still doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. 

tana: pick something other than alcohol. 

tana: I was hungover all weekend. It sucked. I’m too weak for all that.

sam: I played her and made her feel like there was more between us, that's why sam: I did everything wrong, Santana 

sam: Weed? 

sam: You gotta end it where it started - with more alcohol. A cold beer the next morning is the only way to get through a bad hangover

tana: did you tell her you weren’t seeing anyone else? Or did she assume and set herself up for disappointment? 

tana: I’m not saying you don’t suck, but it’s NOT all on you. 

tana: I don’t like that she’s putting this all on you- [erased] 

tana: I want to puke at the thought. 

tana: which is why I’m detoxing with pot.

sam: I didn't say anything about seeing other people, but I also didn't say that I was only seeing her. She kept hinting at maybe knowing that she wasn't the only one, constantly reassuring me that I was the only one that she was seeing - despite going to the halloween party with Brody 

sam: What makes you say that? What have I not done wrong? 

sam: I can do weed. I mean, I'd probably still keep the bottle of Jack around, but I wouldn't drink all of it, y'know?

tana: sounds manipulative. 

tana: hold on. 

 [**santana taps his icon and presses the call button. She brushes her hair behind her ear and traps her phone between her ear and shoulder as she pours some oatmeal in a bowl. When he picks up, she doesn’t spare him time for a hello-] 

tana: you’re single, you fucked around. There’s nothing wrong that. Someone else’s assumptions and wants aren’t your problem. She was reassuring you because she wanted reassurance, which meant she knew you were fucking around. 

tana: guilting you about it is wack, Sam. But next time don’t be so fast and loose with your dick. 

 [a beat] 

 tana: and next time don’t let someone convince you, you’re in the wrong for having a sexual appetite beyond them while you’re single. You didn’t play her, she played herself. 

tana: oh, and hi. My fingers were hurting.

[Sam wasn't sure exactly what was happening. He was mid-reply, about to send Santana a confused text to what she was doing, when his screen changed and he saw that she was calling him instead. Sighing, he braced himself for what was about to come, clicked on the green phone to accept the call and opened his mouth to say hi, but was quickly cut off by Santana's rant. He wasn't quite sure what to say after everything that she'd told him, and was just silent for a bit] 

sam: Hi 

[He finally said, and sighed] 

sam: I'm not entirely sure what you want me to say here. Several people are telling me that what I did was wrong- hell, I feel like what I did was wrong anyway. I know we never made it exclusive, but I did tell her something that sure as hell sounded like that was what we were

tana: what did you say, and when?

[Sam let out a deep sigh. This was probably the 20th time he explained it to someone] 

sam: A couple of nights ago we went up on the rooftop of my apartment building to look at the stars, and she told me to tell her a secret. I'm not good with secrets, I either tell people everything, or I don't tell them at all. But, she was also kissing my neck and it was a lot, you know? 

[Sam paused for a bit, bringing his hand up to rub his tired eyes] 

sam: So I just blurted out that I was falling for her. I mean, if I was in her position, I would assume that it meant that the person was cutting off everyone else. Like, it's pretty serious, you know?

tana: babe. If tina didn’t know that a love confession from you didn’t mean you guys weren’t together, one, she doesn’t know you at all, whether she has a rolodex card of secrets on you or not. Two, that’s not how dating work. Case in point- you. And honestly, a lot of guys. 

 tana: so, again. You BOTH have your own parts in this train wreck. You randomly blurting out you love people for no reason, and her trying to manipulate her way to a relationship instead of being blunt and saying, ‘I want to be with you.’

sam: I don't know what to tell you, Tana

tana: why do you think you need to tell me something...? I’m comforting you, not the other way around.

[There was a silence as Sam took in what the girl had said, thinking it through.] sam: You're comforting me?

tana: rude! [she practically yelled] 

tana: but um, ya.I’m trying.

[Sam removes the phone from his ear, holding it away from him for a second, as he hears Santana yell at him. Then he puts it back to talk to her] 

sam: No, it wasn't meant like that! I just meant more that...I've had to explain myself over and over again with people, and I guess I was just expecting the same with you

[sam couldn’t see it, but she frowned. It didn’t feel right. The blame being put on him, and the exhaustion in his voice.] 

 tana: stop explaining yourself. You’re not the only wrong in this situation. Are you right? Not particularly. But you’re not wrong for having a sex life while single. You are wrong for not communicating more, and dropping L bombs out of the blue. Just like she’s wrong for playing games, instead of just saying how she felt, just so she could have you chasing her around campus for no good reason. 

tana: I’ll be over in an hour. One cup of Jack. That’s your limit.

sam: Tell it to the people who think it's alright to be all up my business about this, please. 

 [Thinking about it for a moment, Sam sighed] 

sam: Actually don't, I think it's best if I just deal with them myself. 

 sam: Three cups. I can have three cups of it. I bought it myself, it's mine

tana: who is all up in your business? 

 [her eyebrows crinkled together, annoyed for him.] 

 tana: don't worry. I have to leave my important to really warm-up for a good run through someone's soul. 

 tana: sam, you're trying to not touch on me. one cup, we don't want to blame it on the a-a-a-lcohol, moment. 

 [she snickered, cracking open an egg as her griddle started to warm up.]

sam: It doesn't matter, just forget that I said anything. 

 sam: Yes, but I'm also in a lot of pain with my testicle and alcohol numbs the pain. See, logic?

tana: okay.... 

[she sighed, debating on pressing the issue and on the whim she went with:] tana: if you need a place to vent, I'm here. No offense, but I'm cruising on side-eye with most people, and going full snixx for anyone is going to take a lot of encouragement. 

tana: so you're going to have a lot of focus on your crotch, drink a lot of alcohol, and not try to flirt with me. [there's a pause] 

tana: Shaky logic.

sam: Thanks, Tana, I might take you up on it sometime. It means a lot to me as well, you know? For now though, I'm done, I think I've talked about this enough. I kinda want to just move on to the next part of this entire shabang [Sam pauses, hearing what she's just said and swallows hard. She had a point that he hadn't thought of.] 

sam: I mean, it's not like I can do anything anyway with my dick, because of how sore it is, but if you prefer, you're welcome to come over tomorrow instead?

tana: hopefully single, but knowing you... 

tana: I was serious about taking the steps to get public healthcare or w/e the poor term is. 

 [santana snickers, her voice drops a little and get's breathy] 

tana: sammy, you know how much I enjoyed sucking your dick, and you know how good I was at it. let's not tempt one another.... [she sighed[ 

tana: i'll text you later and let you know if I'm coming by.

sam: Well, I am most definitely single right now, and with no game-plan whatsoever, so there's that. Also, yeah, I know. I'll look into it. It's not just this whole thing that requires therapy. I've got a lot of baggage that needs to be dealt with [Biting his lip, Sam can feel himself growing horny and groans] 

sam: You're tempting me right now, this isn't fair. It's not like I'm teasing you with anything. 

sam: But yeah, sure, let me know so I can put some sweatpants on before you get here

tana: good. Single is good. 

tana: and making decisions based off what YOU want, with discretion on how it’ll effect others is even better - or at least that’s what I’m told. tana: down boy, [she sang in a sing-song voice] neither I or my cleavage is there yet. Keep the pants off. See you in a couple hours. [She smiled, then hung up.]

[letsgsantana]

text message ✉️ samtana

tana: let’s study.

tana: and I’ll even allow spiked hot chocolate.

[snixxem]

text message ✉️ sam

tana: got a blackout special on lame jokes or impressions?

[snixxem]

text message sam

tana: I can whip up a slutty vigilante suit that’s all stretch and see-through material if you’re serious ‘bout tracking down Bluetooth and ending their ass. 😏

[snixxem]

text message ✉️ samtana

tana: are you going to the party next weekend?