So I have really dropped the ball on my post for Lupus Awareness so far in May. Yesterday was POP day -PutOnPurple I think I have let myself fall down an ugly, selfloathing hate everything about myself, my body,my massive weight gain (I mean like Hippo Gainage) rabbit hole. I don't own clothes that fit me because I'm always in my PJ's in bed . I haven't done my makeup in 2 months (last Dr.Visit) I'm just so tired of the exhaustion, the Frickin pain and my appearance. I don't think my husband loves me as much as he use to and that is all my fault. I don't feel loved like I use too from my kids and that's my fault. It just sucks this disease is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and I have had 4 c-sections one long painful vbac delivery , a hysterectomy , gallbladder and still this beats me down daily. *****I am not posting for pity***** I just want people to know the ugly side of Lupus, the side most people don't talk about for fear that it will change them in other's eyes. It's just frustrating all around . I hate being sick, I hate the pain I feel ,which is worse for my body to take for some reason . I hate the flu like feeling I awake to, the hair loss, and the just overall effects this disease causes because everyone is different... Sorry to rant, just speaking my #LupusTruth We need a Cure! May is Lupus Awareness let's spread this message like fire. #makelupusvisible #IPostForAwarenessNotPity https://www.instagram.com/p/CAPpMIeJ5wQ/?igshid=1ijx1m74emdnv