#ireneadv

[advchanyeol-blog]

gushing gold

(msg ) yes yes what is it? c:

(/phone vibrates on thigh, feet move across floor, palms sweat into unforgiving material. the walk to her room is short, it always is, and the gift box in his hands feels like it weighs at least a hundred times more than it actually does. knuckles knock three times on a door, chanyeol shifts his weight from foot to foot, chewing his lip in penance, wondering if his hair’s too messy from his shower or his clothes look too ratty or-) ... uh, .. hey (/fidgeting, a hand holding out a white and red gift box. it looks like it’s from animal crossing, he realizes, and hopes she doesn’t notice)

[advchanyeol-blog]

gooey

71 hours of silence. chanyeol’s avoidance, once deemed cured, comes back full swing and chanyeol’s been sitting in the dark of his metal room ever since irene left. 3 days ago. 

it takes a monumental effort not to repeatedly call himself a fuck up but it’s hard when he’s being such a fuck up. 

chanyeol showers. chanyeol tries to eat an apple but can’t get it down. chanyeol gets dressed. chanyeol paces a metal plated floor. chanyeol misses irene. chanyeol misses irene. chanyeol misses irene. 

fifteen minutes are spent psyching himself up. tugging gray hair strands down so they’ll stop flying all over the place. he needs a haircut. irene usually reminds him of things like that, but he hasn’t given her much of an opportunity lately. 

at the very least, even if chanyeol can’t give her what she wants, irene deserves an apology. for how he’s been acting, for his muted interest, for starting something he can’t finish. but it’s hard to take something you want away from yourself, isn’t? it’s past self-discipline, extending far beyond simple willpower. chanyeol doesn’t think he’s ever been tested like this. 

long strides, randomized knocks on a wooden door, bated breath. 

it isn’t safe, he reminds himself, for anyone, and this is the right thing to do.