0:00:57 And we're back.
0:01:03 We open on the morning after the finale of the Nutcracker sequence from Fantasia. A rockin' scene, with those fairy babes and a Cirque Du Soleil ice show the likes of which would never see again. Sadly no footage exists of the riots that ensued not too long after.
0:01:24 Frozen. The only title you'd ever need for the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding biopic that will never happen.
0:01:40 Oh, I had no idea this was the unofficial sequel to Fargo.
0:01:44 Jean Valjean's exacting his revenge from beyond the grave! No!
0:01:52 Tonight, on a very special "Ice Road Truckers"...
0:02:08 "So cut through the heart, cold and clear..."
0:02:15 Did nobody get the memo, "Take Your Kids to Work Day" was delayed to next Wednesday?
0:02:32 Ah, my relaxed ways!
0:02:45 At least the reindeer's tongue didn't stick to that poor homeless kid's face. Would've led to so many worse situations.
0:02:56 Let's pick up the pace, people. The people of the American south need these giant ice blocks by Sunday for their traditional celebrations of independence. Good luck with that.
0:03:16 Can't you see we're burning Aurora?
0:03:25 Well, that was cute. Now on to the real movie.
0:03:32 Meanwhile, at Disneyland Norway...
0:03:49 I'm having those visions again!
0:03:55 "The sky's awake, so I'm awake!"
0:04:02 Haven't I been doing that for the last hour?
0:04:11 And then perhaps, burn it to a puddle of expensive spring water?
0:04:28 Snowball in your eye!
0:04:34 My six-year-old imagination couldn't ever fathom anything like this!
0:04:50 Well, he's no Frosty, but I imagine he won't be as annoying as say, the Genie in Aladdin?
0:04:57 No one will ever be as annoying as Robin Williams in Aladdin.
0:05:02 Care to bet?
0:05:09 I'm still only on lesson two of my Hogwarts winter training!
0:05:26 You were right all along. I'm a demon trapped in a human girl's body!
0:05:36 Home insurance can't possibly cover any of this. Out $100,000 in six weeks.
0:05:49 Our nearest Lexus dealer! (beat) No?
0:05:59 If only this were how season 5 of Game of Thrones started off...
0:06:11 "Faster, Sven!"
0:06:12 My weirdest nightmare is coming true!
0:06:25 Is anyone here with AAA?
0:06:36 And his "family". Whatever that is.
0:06:46 And they are unwillingly kidnapped by a confused lesbian troll.
0:07:06 Human meat? Always more juicy around the brain.
0:07:12 That of course, will include her high score on Magic: The Gathering.
0:07:33 Much like the cancerous mole on the back of my scalp.
0:07:48 And also your bail bondsman. Get to know him.
0:07:54 Cut back on the daily prize giveaways...
0:08:11 And of course, we'll have to wipe everyone's memories clean of the whole affair. We know a specialist who can come by in the morning.
0:08:21 Supper's ready.
0:08:35 Speaking of going away, I ask you, would've it been easier had Elsa been shipped off to Siberia? Why would you ask that? Just a thought.
0:08:48 "It doesn't have to be a snowman..."
0:08:55 I'll just go prank the maids in the parlor.
0:09:01 The disciples of David Blaine are impressed.
0:09:08 And don't flaunt it unless you're asked.
0:09:24 Joan Baez! Ah, no, it's Joan of Ark. Silly me.
0:09:34 Meanwhile, in the hotel room of one Bruce Wayne...
0:09:46 You'd never hurt us, our hearts are made of stone.
0:10:02 If that babysitter ever shows up.
0:10:12 Lost at sea! Tonight at 11, a kingdom mourns the loss of its youthful king and queen. The funeral preparations well under way, and what this means for the family business moving forward. We talk with the young sisters in the center of the media frenzy. Plus, is traveling across oceans even safe anymore? One expert says, it's not worth your life or your money. All that, and Leroy with the holiday weekend forecast. Join us tonight after the thrilling conclusion of the miniseries Erikson.
0:10:48 You agreed to go halvsies on this pizza, delivery guy's getting restless.
0:10:58 You have my medic-alert bracelet.
0:11:16 Can't you see I'm busy in my room, going insane?
0:11:40 Three years later, in my usual summer vacation spot?
0:11:56 The beer garden will open in 15 mins.
0:12:03 It may end up being your fault unless you stop whining and show some backbone!
0:12:18 That's not what he said. He was actually intending to bite his hand off.
0:12:25 Hey, it's Mary and Gene!
0:12:38 Yes, but hey, you're the potential villain in this affair. Best to get the expositional delivery out there before the storyline gets exceedingly complicated. Pile it on before the bin turns full.
0:12:59 "I've been up for hours."
0:13:14 READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!
0:13:25 Fast forward at least 2 hours later...
0:13:38 Those have to be plastic, I imagine.
0:13:43 No snickering!
0:13:58 At least my shrink says so.
0:14:15 Or at least until 11:35. I don't wanna miss Fallon.
0:14:35 I'll be your one, sweetness.
0:14:55 I knew it: Sugar Rush chocolates do exist! And you guys didn't believe me.
0:15:04 Never seen Tchaikovsky's bust look so pissed than on top of a cake made for Sofia the First. Shame.
0:15:27 No, it's not crazy at all. (cough) Icarus. (cough)
0:15:36 At romance? Not possible. But you could win a NEW CAR!!!
0:15:47 Don't let them know about my hoarder's supply.
0:16:03 Vanity Fair will have a field day.
0:16:12 My excessive wardrobe!
0:16:21 Hello, hasbeens.
0:16:32 Conceal that monster in the basement.
0:16:44 I have to get back to Lincoln, Nebraska by midnight!
0:17:01 Songblocked! Wow. Would've made performing in Little Shop more interesting.
0:17:18 Really, it was your fault. I'll request an audience with you after the weekend's festivities.
0:17:28 Just came to let you know you've been served.
0:17:37 Sorry, he never usually does this. Didn't think he was that smart.
0:17:52 Is that a pinkie promise?
0:18:01 But seriously, we'd sentence you to death at the drop of a hat.
0:18:08 Just me and, my thoughts. (awkward chuckle)
0:18:23 I'm sure someone could validate your parking.
0:18:30 My foot's in the door. (maniacal laugh)
0:18:36 We now join Psalms on Sunday, featuring the music of the Arendelle Monastery Choir, already in progress.
0:18:50 This is how I imagine a wedding at Fantasyland would look like, if they ever decide to build a decent chapel next to the Matterhorn. One can dream.
0:19:02 Aah, this crown. It's grown roots into my brain. Take it off!
0:19:15 I wouldn't be seen dead with them!
0:19:34 Hold it in, don't let anyone know you had those chili corn dogs for lunch.
0:19:45 Oh, and please pick up your yearbook by 3PM, in the front office. Thank you.
0:19:55 Ladies and gentlemen, the Dave Matthews Band!
0:20:13 King Cthulhu of R'lyeh!
0:20:20 Supposed to be standing next to her, when clearly she rarely showers.
0:20:33 No, sorry. Hi-C. Rather parched.
0:20:48 "This is what a party looks like."
0:20:58 They've been stealing each other's moisturizer.
0:21:07 Very complicated Dutch name. It's always easy to get the pronounciation incorrect.
0:21:19 Apparently he got his dance moves from the Smith kids.
0:21:28 Ah, you sneaky little (expletive bleeped)!
0:21:45 Just like asking how giant salt crystals are formed. Not enough time in the world to explain.
0:21:58 You just described the Wicked Witch's army. Good job.
0:22:17 If only our parks department budget wasn't being slashed. After all, we are the Pawnee of Norway.
0:22:28 Now if you don't mind, I have some forgiveness letters to forge.
0:22:41 Aah! Seth Green!
0:22:46 Oh, that's right. His name was Hans. EVIL!
0:23:11 No, it was full-on date rape.
0:23:27 In this case, I can actually relate. Midway through my high school period, we literally lost touch. Snap! Like that.
0:23:41 I'm mostly here looking for a VW bus. I'm a groupie for Phish.
0:23:47 I actually am crazy!
0:24:02 It's almost like I'm trying to find myself along with it.
0:24:11 And it's so greasy.
0:24:23 Attempted murder! Attempted murder! He was just picking her up! I stand by it.
0:24:33 Now we do our taxes, my kingdom's slang for relations.
0:24:44 Ah, we got a couple of Arrested Development fans.
0:24:58 Models for a wedding cake topper!
0:25:13 CUT THE COURTSHIP AND GET A ROOM, PLEASE!!!
0:25:36 But not until we get you that bus.
0:25:51 Your BFFFF, remember?
0:26:16 But your sister would have to move out. We hope you understand. KKKKKKKKKK!!!
0:26:27 Fire marshal's already under me as it is.
0:26:47 Damn. No snappy comeback.
0:26:58 And fire our pastry chef. Not enough layers with those turnovers.
0:27:10 If you are leaving, I must call dibs on your room. It's so much nicer.
0:27:25 If you must know, I'm afraid of dying alone and what Josh Radnor might be doing now after How I Met Your Mother.
0:27:39 Why did I not see the profit potential in this?
0:27:45 Weren't we supposed to cut the cake by now? Hello?
0:27:52 Curses. Why do I keep forgetting the paparazzi will try to put my head on a pike?
0:28:04 Would you like to kiss my baby?
0:28:24 Capture her so she can join my travelling sideshow!
0:28:32 Look over there! A flying ostrich!
0:28:49 Don't run without tasting the ice cream flavor we picked!
0:28:57 Take that, Bruce Nolan! Walking on ice? Thousand times better!
0:29:13 I see so much potential with this. Every Saturday night the fjord will freeze over, the lights will dim, and a butt-kicking rave will wash over this kingdom like a well-cultivated sorghum crop. Questions?
0:29:33 Do you even know what snow looks like, hmm?
0:29:44 And me without my fashionable peacock coat!
0:29:57 There really is no "best" way for ordinary. Either you are or you aren't. Pick one.
0:30:18 Don't you remember we just got "engaged to be engaged?"
0:30:28 I will literally burn it to the ground in under an hour, build a theme park over the rubble.
0:30:42 Except for on checkers, and any old card game. She was always a sore loser. Alright, I'm off. Anyone who betrays anyone is on the execute list when I get back. Bye!
0:31:04 Meanwhile, in the Blue Mountains of Arda...
0:31:16 Okay, just how much of this shot was supposed to be a ripoff from The Sound of Music?; I'm gonna guess, close to 70%? Any answer over zero, would be correct.
0:31:39 "The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside..."
0:31:49 All that money wasted on those psych courses.
0:32:08 That I am better off without those stupid gloves!
0:32:15 Let it Snow, Let it Snow, the weather outside is frightful...
0:32:36 99 problems, may the cold not be one.
0:32:54 Thanks to those Beats By Dre headphones I keep forgetting to take with me.
0:33:06 Nate Burkus, eat your heart out.
0:33:18 Give me three weeks, and I'll master Earth and Fire, then I can join the band.
0:33:35 OK, let's see what I can conjure up for a true Million Dollar Listing, not like those phony shacks in New York or Los Angeles. You posers!
0:33:47 A few whizzing effects for the kids. What else you got?
0:34:08 And besides, I already rented out my side of the kingdom to developers! I can't get the deposit back.
0:34:26 And has been replaced with the sexy wife of world-renowned troublemaker Jack Frost. They do make a cute couple.
0:34:37 Suck it, Krypton!
0:34:45 The Norwegian equivalent of being cape-swished.
0:34:52 Please yell out to me so my horse can relieve himself!
0:35:11 I knew that blood pact I took on my 18th birthday would someday bring bad luck.
0:35:23 I have been left for dead by my idiot horse. Why did I actually see this coming?
0:35:40 That's what I must do. Build a fire, melt the snow and recreate the world in my own twisted image.
0:35:53 C-c-c-cold as ice. Not willing to sacrifice love. She never takes advice, and someday will pay the price, I know.
0:36:10 Where there's a sauna, there's sure to be a cucumber supply room.
0:36:17 My place isn't for lookiloos. Buy something or get out!
0:36:25 Yeah, it better not just be snake oil in a bottle of lotion, you puss.
0:36:35 $15.99 for the whole lot. Please just take it off my hands.
0:36:50 You and Mr. Freeze over there.
0:37:01 Jars of pickle juice, 2 for 1 today only.
0:37:11 Sorry that my big butt ruined 'em for you.
0:37:22 Oh, you mean the Matterhorn. Yeah, I think it's closed today for refurbishing.
0:37:38 The horrible pity of seasonal work.
0:37:46 I'm saying it right now, clearly gay.
0:38:08 This is THE response from any shopkeeper at a sports arena, fairground or otherwise when you give em guff. Way to stay true to life.
0:38:21 (Irish accent) That's the fifth time this week!
0:38:25 (Irish accent) Uh-huh, I'm sure.
0:38:36 Do you guys honor Arendelle royalty discount cards?
0:38:52 I'm at a loss for words. Did he just diss all humans?
0:39:11 He's humoring him for the moment, but give it time and it's sure to get bloody.
0:39:27 The "girl."
0:39:37 It's just a thing I have, a complete lack of trust towards any other human, if you weren't listening to my hit single.
0:39:50 Uh, what are these?
0:39:58 And he likes a little ranch dressing with them.
0:40:06 Hope you already wet your pants, cause we ain't stopping for nothing.
0:40:15 Six hours, and a very subtle change in costume later...
0:40:29 However, I did spend quite a bit of time in the stables.
0:40:33 "What made the queen go all ice-crazy?"
0:40:44 Could've sworn I've knew him way back in the fifth grade.
0:41:01 He's saying that like it's never happened in fiction before.
0:41:15 Just let me have your frying pan and drop me off here.
0:41:22 That can't be it.
0:41:38 Everyone but me. I have standards to upkeep.
0:41:48 We're all members of the cult of Jerry Springer.
0:41:56 Some gentleman you are, shushing your first-ever lady friend.
0:42:13 If you want that apple/carrot chutney tomorrow, you'll go!
0:42:30 That was a $500 lute signed by Jehtro Tull!
0:42:41 My custom 200 thread count Antarctic pillow!
0:42:47 You could tell I was trying to.
0:43:06 (laugh) WIPEOUT!!!
0:43:19 Look on the bright side, you cheated death, thus you're one step closer to that free sub with a punch card.
0:43:34 I'd rather be dead than be without a vehicle.
0:43:47 Thanks for figuring it out, at long last. (slow clap)
0:44:01 He was not agreeing with you, he just figured out the best way to cook you.
0:44:09 (Irish accent) Well, I don't like ya either, sonny jim, but that blue fairy set us up for a reason.
0:44:17 She's pretty much dead without me, isn't she?
0:44:20 "Oh I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more..."
0:44:48 Just on the other side of that giant Pandora rock that not too long ago landed on a flat snow bank. Horrible accident, so many forest creatures lost their lives that day.
0:45:07 Whoever created this must be award-winning.; It was God, okay.; Oh, well he doesn't deserve much.
0:45:20 Yeah, at least for those who could appreciate it. In other words, just in Europe.
0:45:36 There must be something in my coffee. Someone drugged it and we're looking at this weird creature.
0:45:51 Yes, protect whatever brain exists with this snowman!
0:46:06 Yes, perfect for a snowman, which really doesn't add up to much.
0:46:22 To all the ladies listening, never use that phrase to describe anything. You might live longer.
0:46:37 Yes. Now that hug, missy.
0:46:45 I'm your worst nightmare, homey.
0:47:04 No, he was trying to bite your head off. Is everyone oblivious to Sven's goals here?
0:47:15 My snowman intellect is very one-track.
0:47:35 Lousy jerk, trying to act dumb.
0:47:40 I'm aware this is the textbook definition of a Disney acid sequence, but I can't help appreciate his oblivious ignorance towards reality. It's so refreshing.
0:47:55 (gasps in horror, pause) Wait, that's not what I was thinking at all. Slightly relieved.
0:48:02 You can tell he's wearing 3D film glasses. Those don't protect you against anything!
0:48:19 All of a sudden, he's chilling with a seagull. Red flag! Red flag!
0:48:29 What are we looking at here? Clearly it's a friend of his, but why?
0:48:41 Line?
0:48:43 Cut! That wasn't the line!
0:48:52 Not you. You're sitting on a pipe.
0:49:00 Wanna trade sandwiches?
0:49:10 No, no, please. DO IT!
0:49:27 I would, but I wouldn't know where to start.
0:49:39 Does it matter? I may not have heard anything about the proper way to dry your bark, but... no, it just doesn't.
0:49:50 Hot glogg? Ugh, that better not be a misguided double entendre.
0:50:12 Or a religious fire ritual gone wrong. I'm still trying to get the hang of this.
0:50:27 Don't. Don't touch me.
0:50:32 "I need volunteers to go with me to find her."
0:50:48 Right! Background character security force, ho!
0:51:04 Ouch.
0:51:15 Olaf Vanderbuus in Fire and Ice, this fall on ABC.
0:51:38 Well aware.
0:51:56 And Sheldon Cooper.
0:52:12 It's been that thin forever. You're about 2,000 feet above sea level, remember?
0:52:35 Behold, the fortress of solitude that even Superman found redundant and tacky.
0:52:55 Sven, hate to be that guy, but maybe you've had one too many carrots. We'll call you a cab, but best you sit out tending for a week.
0:53:08 The guy was right. Such detail. I've a lot to learn from my sis.
0:53:28 Most of the doors back home are riddled with defective faults. Fire code violations everywhere.
0:53:52 "First when there's nothing, but a slow glowing dream..."
0:54:07 And if you don't mind me asking, who's your contractor?
0:54:29 I learned well as Michael Moloney's protegee.
0:54:38 I've got a corporate party coming in at 7:00.
0:54:49 With my ridiculous property bills.
0:55:02 It's just that spring guy. I wanna say his name is Coily.
0:55:12 You might have to check with my doctor.
0:55:29 You gotta get up, don't wanna miss that marathon of Norwegian Spongebob, do ya?
0:55:36 Your overcaring demeanor can show itself out.
0:55:51 I'll drop the impending restraining order on the maid, if that's what you want.
0:56:08 Just in famine and pestilence, which isn't that bad by comparison
0:56:12 If you're gesturing to your heart again, I won't go.
0:56:36 Me and my disastrous profit margins. Like anyone ever "needs" banquet halls.
0:56:50 Whew. Honestly thought you'd say s***.
0:57:03 Did those magic classes mean nothing to you?
0:57:23 Those blasted chili dogs!
0:57:36 Provided the Yelp reviews are on the positive side.
0:57:42 My diaphragm! Now there's no way I'll sing that showstopping finale number!
0:57:56 My dream significant other.
0:58:07 How 'bout the power of friendship? Worked for some non-humans.
0:58:18 It's Nick Nolte the Snowman!
0:58:24 Unless you're the Girl Scout with my order of Thin Mints!
0:58:37 Especially snow persons. I'm on the board of a charitable organization combating such abuse!
0:58:49 You call that a throw?!?!?
0:58:59 Talk about "rolling with the punches!" (confident laugh)
0:59:08 Hey, I demand an audience with you heathens. I earned an Oscar nomination just for sleeping with Barbra Streisand. What have you done?
0:59:18 Come to snow papa!
0:59:28 Multiplied by 100.
0:59:40 He means one of those deadly soft-rock pillows, right?
0:59:48 All the Frozen fans on opening night.
1:00:02 Perhaps Richard Simmons' diet plan isn't a worthless diversion after all.
1:00:14 "Hey, we were just talking about you."
1:00:21 Come on, big bro, give these guys a break!
1:00:34 Did I say "in?" I meant on!
1:00:48 As long as you don't scream at us with your putrid snow breath!
1:01:04 Made of piercing sheetrock.
1:01:11 Just how is that any better?
1:01:24 That smile could only mean one thing? Unsolicited mental arousal.
1:01:37 Or any vital organs for that matter. Hangin' on by a thread here.
1:01:56 And the warrant for your arrest.
1:02:07 Not sure anyone would care here, but no.
1:02:19 You are going to bed, little man. You've had a very big day.
1:02:31 (Irish accent) Naw, I don't see it.
1:02:42 Those Japanese businessmen can smell weakness.
1:02:52 Well, good luck getting the deposit back on that paneling job.
1:03:02 (Irish accent) So we have to play now? No thanks.
1:03:18 That's actually exhaust from the beanstalk giant's private bathhouse. Disgusting scene down there.
1:03:31 Against our will, of course.
1:03:53 You signed the waiver, no going back.
1:04:07 All princesses have a frying pan. Where's yours?
1:04:23 And alert Interpol!
1:04:35 Give it another moment. I'll prove to you I'm not insane.
1:04:42 Our noble odorous ruler!
1:04:48 That's the reindeer's name?
1:04:54 Do what your family says, Kristoff and TAKE IT OFF!
1:05:03 All great ideas for short films, especially the one about the kidney stone.
1:05:15 Let's sacrifice her to our rock god!
1:05:27 Obligatory rock pun, that's 20 points.
1:05:47 I mean, look. Like giant cat claws.
1:05:57 How about Robert Pattinson?
1:06:07 They're ganging up on you in song. Clearly it's all about you.
1:06:25 Our budget's been cut by half. Gotta make this transplant quick and painful.
1:06:33 Nothing but an urban rumor, I swear.
1:06:43 Ugh, come on!
1:06:48 I scratch my scalp one time!
1:06:57 Roast them both!
1:07:09 Shipper huddle!
1:07:19 Yeah, no surprise these trolls are into awkward voodoo.
1:07:42 Or disgraced live on national television!
1:07:58 Lllllladies...
1:08:16 Into the hole with ya! We'll bury you alive and savor the dirt with your tender flesh in about 48 hours.
1:08:29 No electic blanket can save her!
1:08:39 Let me get a closeup of that pointy nose. That may hold the key.
1:08:50 And the rest of these weirdos you've joined up with.
1:09:07 I wish it was just a gesture of kindness, but you know these fairy tales.
1:09:17 Their mushiness is making me weaker!
1:09:33 Here he is, the biggest douche in the universe!
1:09:53 (Nolte) Darn! I wasn't ready! What do you want?
1:10:06 (Nolte) OK, you've asked for it, goatherders!
1:10:19 (Nolte) What part of "get out of my point of minimal vision" don't you understand?
1:10:30 At that very expensive staircase!
1:10:47 Has nobody thought of building a fire?
1:10:57 (Nolte) MY SNOW BLOOD!
1:11:03 (Nolte) Tell my family I still resent my mother-in-law!
1:11:20 Darn, I was wanting those to penetrate the flesh!
1:11:40 Forgive me, Charles Atlas!
1:11:49 "Don't be the monster they fear you are."
1:11:54 Line? Anyone?
1:12:05 Don't get killed! Don't get killed! Don't get killed! Don't get killed! Don't get killed!
1:12:16 Three months, and many, many injury claim files later...
1:12:27 Please tell me I didn't sleep with King Hubert again.
1:12:39 Crap, I'm in Minnesota!
1:12:48 Room service!
1:12:56 And to the estate of the late Casey Kasem.
1:13:08 I'm out of range for the powers to be effective. Bad telecom plan.
1:13:23 Which won't be much, because I'm an evil villain, trying to plot my revenge against everyone who ever screwed me over. I hope you'll realize you're one of those persons. Goodbye, forever.
1:13:46 (Irish accent) I am not a racehorse, you dumb mother******!
1:13:59 Somebody science this creature at once!
1:14:11 Along with some weird drifter and his pet.
1:14:27 I'll be closer than you think. I've got priors in 16 kingdoms.
1:14:35 Punch him in the gut once for me!
1:14:45 Yeah, buddy. No reward this time.
1:15:03 Frankly, I think we could lose you and nobody would care.
1:15:15 No, don't leave me alone with this creep!
1:15:35 Before we do this, let me get a good long look at your uniquely Jewish freckles.
1:15:50 DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!
1:16:08 Hell, I'd take the royal line in French Polynesia, if that's what it took.
1:16:21 Who still does that?
1:16:31 Like a vulnerable fawn who's lost his mother to a hunters' rifle.
1:16:38 Then I'll join SHIELD, frame Phil Coulson for treason...
1:16:54 Now if you'll excuse me, my new parking pass is ready at the laminators. Ta.
1:17:05 If I'm gonna be locked up in here, at least leave me a cup of tea, a BIble and a hand towel? You'll figure it out when you return.
1:17:15 Or slowly evolve into giant penguins.
1:17:27 Just a mess. Blood everywhere.
1:17:42 Spitting in my face as she kicked the bucket.
1:17:55 Who am I kidding? I'm a fake. Might as well execute me now.
1:18:05 Or a three-month missionary trip across the River Styx. Whichever's more expensive.
1:18:19 I'm never getting the money back, so start pulling your weight, adopted magic powers!
1:18:34 So after the court proceedings, we'll have the contractors to deal with? Again, might as well kill me now. I'm obviously no good at ruling anything.
1:18:57 (Irish) I just remembered I set a bomb in the castle moat. I need to disarm it in the next 10 mins!
1:19:06 "Can he even understand him at all", is my question!
1:19:16 What can you say about that face? Nothing, 'cause he's.. better than us.
1:19:32 The reindeer admits he's been pulling more weight than his owner this whole time.
1:19:44 Housekeeping! Housekeeping! Gestapo housekeeping! Anyone here?
1:20:01 Why hasn't this room been weather-sealed?
1:20:10 That's our Olaf!
1:20:26 Fire knows your deepest secrets, and will burn you if you abuse its trust!
1:20:39 It was land development and urban planning, such a weird notion.
1:20:52 How 'bout a HOSPITAL???
1:21:08 Potentially for dead. That ignorant smug ******!
1:21:22 Others, burning in a fiery pit filled with snakes, spiders and womanly sirens.
1:21:40 Picking up some garbled transmission from my antenna hair.
1:21:53 The poor sap.
1:21:57 "You need to stay by the fire and keep warm."
1:22:05 Home invasion/murder plot!
1:22:15 There's about $35 million worth of visual effects that can't be disturbed of its natural processes. Run!
1:22:35 Marco!
1:22:39 Polo!
1:22:45 Hi-Keeba-ha-gah-ha-haaaaa!!!
1:22:52 It's only a 500 foot drop!
1:23:06 He was never out of shape to begin with. I want a refund on those snowman workout tapes I just bought on eBay!
1:23:19 They're starting the peak crowd Fantasyland stage show without us!
1:23:32 I was never here, but I will always be in your mind!
1:23:48 The ghost of Blackbeard's not too far behind us. Avoid him and we save the world!
1:24:05 Yambao, what have I ever done to you?
1:24:21 Yes! Today's been my day! In your face, Grandma Bjorgman!
1:24:32 You have my epipen in one of your hooves!
1:24:43 If you die, I won't send flowers.
1:25:01 Are you blasting Jimi Hendrix out there?
1:25:16 And a little blue in the face. Have you considered the fact she might be diabetic?
1:25:31 And the poor execution of my otherwise flawless plan.
1:25:45 Ladies and gentlemen, the over-the-top weather demonstration is on hold due to technical difficulties. We are working to bring the program back to order. Please stand by.
1:26:02 Yell out once more. I think the blowing ice has scratched my retinas.
1:26:20 Close your mouth, you perv!
1:26:32 (whisper) Watch out for snakes.
1:26:53 Is this your version of hide and seek. If so, you're being beyond racist right now.
1:26:59 I'll never know true love.
1:27:02 I'll never be able to tell her she was the crazy one.
1:27:06 We'll all gonna die, aren't we?
1:27:16 Hug tighter! I need to thaw out before my brain starts growing fur.
1:27:32 That wasn't as kinky as I imagined.
1:27:50 Not the kind of love I was hoping for, but okay.
1:28:00 You're not just gonna go and sing "All You Need is Love", are you?
1:28:16 Hey, we paid $200 a head for an all-star display of intense weather set to the music of Pink Floyd, and we're gonna get it one way or another! Rioters, to your marks! (etc)
1:28:53 Cheerful to the end, even in death. We'll surely miss you, Ol..... ***********!!!
1:29:12 Ah, ah, ah, ah. He still owes me that kiss, remember?
1:29:21 Did I mention I still find you attractive?!?
1:29:32 (Irish) Well, tell 'em to start wrestling.
1:29:42 Dah, my perfect skull!
1:29:53 You oughta come back sometime, we'll play charades.
1:30:04 Or if I could just get some Sugar Rush chocolates for the road?
1:30:15 Just split the difference. Weseltown, and move on.
1:30:23 Saving that for later.
1:30:28 The new 2014 Chrysler Chariot. Proven worthy of the mountain range.
1:30:50 If you want to add an entertainment system, I'll call my guy right now.
1:31:01 "Mais oui. What, what?"
1:31:05 We may, ma chere. And cue the Stevie Wonder for the end credits.
1:31:16 I remember you from that one trailer we did.
1:31:26 I still think Sven is working slowly to exact his revenge on all humans and snowpeople everywhere. Just you wait.
1:31:37 Here comes the construction of your one leisurely activity in this jerk town.
1:32:00 Except for all major holidays, and those two weeks in April we slated for spring break in Cabo.
1:32:09 Just try not to fall, 'cause we don't have insurance.
1:32:15 (A) So what would you say is the moral of the story here?
(B) I'd say that the bond between siblings is a complicated matter of affairs. You don't treat each other's differences with respect, you're be bitten royally right back.
(C) I'll add that love is the most mysterious/powerful emotion there is. Take it to an obsessive level and in normal circumstances you'll be given the short end. It's never like what you see in the movies, where the person you fall for turns out to be the most psychotic villain everout for vengeance. Wait.
(A) Though in either case, you could still find a dashing ice cutter worth melting for.
(C) I hope so.
(A) Meanwhile, I'm still thinking of ideas for how we could be better humans, and take back our world from the reindeer who live among us. Here's one idea: Make a reindeer our next president, force him to resign after one bad term, which will have millions of people shaming him in the streets on his ideals about healthcare, foreign wars, unemployment, and the rest of the herd will simply flee to the North Pole, where they'll reestablish a quiet partnership with the toymaking community just like they have for thousands of years. The point I'm getting across here is both parties have strayed from each other for about 50 years, owing to evolution of technology. Why not get the old guard back in the mix? There's gotta be room somewhere.
(B) Wow. You do know this was a movie, and shouldn't have been taken seriously?
(C) Just let him have this. This was our first commentary. He'll learn soon enough.
(A) I'm sure I will. Well, I wanna thank you all for joining us here for our loving skewering of Frozen. For my good friends (insert names here), this is Joe Hammerschmidt, reminding you to always riff responsibly and never step on anyone's toes. We'll see you next time, everyone. So long.
(B) Thanks.
(C) Goodbye!
1:41:35 (Nolte) Thank God I have the power of regeneration. Yowch! Elsa? Anyone? Aright, guess I'm your new ruler now. Bring forth the bucket of whole fried chickens. I'm Nick Nolte. Good night.
