HOLD A FUNERAL FOR YOUR OLD HEART
I have been thinking a lot about grief. Probably because I have been doing it pretty consistently. Sometimes I feel as if I am getting worse. Other times I feel as if I am getting better. But it sits like a cannonball on my chest. It caves in my ribs and hollows me. But that's part of my practice, learning to sit with it. Letting time pass and heal with people I love and devotion to my practice. A victory only won through patience and the gifts of others.
That being said, I am also crazy.
So I did what any stellar, big bosomed, dramatic woman of my stature would do. I threw a party. If you're still reading, you might be interested in throwing a fun'eral for your old, broken heart too. I know I did. Fuck it, that bitch will be back in a week. Here's how I did mine. You're going to need:
-empty box (make it small, like a cardboard jewelry box or a matchbook)
- something to draw with, but the more time you put into the drawing, the better.
- Something to light this on fire (don't be stupid, stupid. It's not witchcraft if it's not fire safe).
Draw your heart. Make it however you want. Runes, sigils, art, secrets. Something worth devotion and time, literally put your heart into it. For easy prompt, write down what you feared and what's worth acknowledging and letting go of.
Put that shit in the box (if you're Yzma from the Emporer's New Groove, put that box in another box. And then mail that box to yourself. And then smash it with a hammer.)
Now here comes the fun part. Throw yourself a party. Just for you. Alone. Get all dressed up in your best goth outfit. There are musts in witchcraft, but theatrics for this spell is a mist. Play the most over dramatic funeral music you can. Like "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. Or "Wind Beneath my Wings" by Bette Midler. Lean into the silliness of the whole event. Make sure that you are along and have a genuinely nice time by yourself. And when you're done putting on this show for yourself, read the person who you were a eulogy. This is the one serious part of this entire endeavor.
This is the hard part because you have to be kind to the person who you were. You have to be kind to the part of yourself that feels yucky. Self love isn't always accessible, but you're by yourself. This is a good time to practice one action of self kindness. Depending on where you are emotionally, you might not have the practice and strength to be able to perform self kindness. If not, you're more than welcome to base yours of mine.
For me I wrote something like this:
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the passing of me.
From one point of time to the next, I will move and transform. The person who I was is honored here. They are at rest within the casket of time. You have taught me much, but I no longer wish to be ruled by you. Thank you for serving me well. May your rest be sweet and warm. I ask for your guidance and protection cares and informs me."
This concludes the eulogy.
It's time to bury your heart! This is an important step because the earth heals all that is returned to it. There are lots of ways to give your old heart a burial. The traditional way of burying it in the earth is most conventional (if it's not biodegradable like plastic or glass, don't put it in the ground, we share the earth with critters). However you can also:
- put it deep in the garbage
- take it to a park and leave it underneath a bush and then when you try to get on the bus you realize you were late to the bus and then wait 20 minutes for the next bus because you're not psychic just a witch
Regardless, there is one final offering that we leave for the person that we were. That is the joy of living now. Before leaving or releasing your heart in its coffin, thank your heart and tell it a story. Sing it a song. From your body and breath, speak words of promise for tomorrow. While the old heart might not be able to come with, the new heart will experience enough joy for the person you are and the person you were.
Now get on the bus and listen to some 70s disco. Congrats on the fun'eral, go celebrate.
May the gifts of the earth be ceaseless at your hearth.
