they send irnes a picture of an aranara like ‘i know you like these things and i got to see one :)’
the clones are going crazy over a new aranara picture. it is framed and added to the collection. sergei is crying tears of joy
irnes writes back proposing marriage
(also happy birthday!)
Reader then proceeds to send a bunch of pictures of aranaras, which gets them a pile of letters blessing their marriage in illegible clone writing. The other Fatui are starting to wonder how many people they have back home, and the rumor starts to go around that they have bajillion husbands waiting for them to return (obviously not true, but it gets a laugh every time it gets mentioned). Irnes starts writing to them like they're married already and everything, which is funny until they realize he's serious.
They get several photos of feral clones in exchange for aranara pictures, which becomes a war between Irnes and the clones as they start trying to get both blackmail and sexy shots of Irnes in return for their own pictures. It's a whole triangle of blackmail and a concerning amount of aranara photos, and reader now has a concerning amount of blurry Irnes pictures in various states of undress.
Just to avoid confusion: The first two sections (Sumeru & Land of Dreams) are flashbacks! Beyond that it's back to the present day timeline.
This took forever to write out and articulate, for absolutely no reason. But I can say that I'm very happy with the result, and it's mostly setup this chapter, and a little bit of sadness along the way. If you were expecting Irnes to be happy this time around... lower your expectations to zero. I'm sorry, it hurts me too, but it gets worse before it gets better, my friends. Enjoy this context and Omega getting what he deserves!
Sumeru
"They are merely pawns in a greater game. Why should I care what comes of them? The dendro gnosis is in my possession, the other a consolation prize, if you will. It is pointless, worrying about vermin that will eradicate themselves."
A letter rested in your hands, the flaps of your small tent on the outskirts of Port Ormos lazily drifting on tender breezes. Sumeru was oddly peaceful compared to the frigid cold of the motherland, warm and as humid as Irnes warned you it would be. You'd been taking his advice and drinking enough water, especially after the near catastrophe that happened on patrol. Passing out in the street and waking up a few hours later had not only caused an uproar within your squad, but had also managed to screw with you for the next few days, your body still struggling with the dizziness that had crept up on you so easily.
While the work was tiring, seeing a new letter from Irnes resting on the small makeshift table by your bed was enough to invigorate you again, especially seeing how long it was. Irnes had a tendency to ramble, even in his letters, which you found incredibly endearing. His pages of speculation about the stars, new ruin guard pieces, and sappy visions of the future with you by his side had made themselves at home in your heart, to the point that you would stay up late just to read his words again.
This time, however, there was a picture with his words. The kamera was a new invention from Fontaine, incredibly expensive to acquire and even more difficult to use properly. However, Irnes and the segments had somehow gotten their hands on one, and had been sending you the strangest images as of late- you'd gotten a concerning amount of half naked Irnes pictures, blurry and clearly accidental, plenty of segment group photos with fire water and betting on poker matches in the dark, and many photos of Anastasiy sleeping in awkward positions or staring straight at the kamera. Those always served to make you chuckle in amusement.
But this one... this one was different.
It was a simple portrait image, nothing to lose your head over. But its quality was... astounding. Irnes stood in front of a plain background, smiling at the camera softly. His mask was gone, suit ironed and mended, buttons embossed with flowers catching your eye. The detail of the image was so clear that it almost felt as if he were standing right in front of you, the corners of his eyes wrinkling with his smile, hands clasped around an ivory cane that you remembered all too well. It was a picture that one would keep in a locket, that they would treasure and hold the day they died.
He was beautiful.
Just seeing him made you long to be home again, where you could collapse into his arms and be scolded for not taking care of yourself again. He would make you tea, let you rest your feet and tell you about everything you missed as the other segments gathered nearby, still watching you with wide and uncertain eyes. You ached for his gentle touches, for the feeling of his lips against your forehead, for the weight of his arms around you.
The writing on the back was a host unto itself, his illegible scrawl reading:
For my darling, to keep you company until we are together again.
Archons, if you had the choice you would already be sailing back already. But you still had (begrudging) work to do before you could return, the gnosis must be secured. The people were beginning to become restless as well, unsettled by the oppressive nature of the Fatui camps around the port. While the Second Harbinger made his escape, it was your duty to keep the people at bay, and you'd be damned if you didn't show.
"Ah, comrade! There you are, we were looking all over!"
Looking up from the photo, you found Iosif standing over you, his gun humming with pyro from where it was slung over his shoulder.
"Oh? Who's this?"
Oh no. He'd seen the photo. Not that it was anything scandalous, but knowing your squad... they'd harass you for being all moony-eyed over this man. They knew by now that he was rather fond of you, but it was even worse being caught out in the open staring at the photo sappily.
"You know who it is, Iosif." You grumbled, raising an eyebrow. "Let me wallow in my desires in peace."
Iosif chuckled, leaning over to get a better look.
"I mean, he is quite the looker. No wonder you're so enamored with him. He looks like se-"
"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence."
"Fine! Just come on, don't want to get knocked for having to drag you out..."
Tucking the photo into your interior pocket, you patted it gently. The warmth from his smile still hadn't faded, the beauty of your lover remained fresh in your mind. Oh, how you couldn't wait to sweep him up into your arms and see that ever-bright grin-
...This was going to be a long patrol.
Land of Dreams
Warning for descriptions of blood and violence ahead!
Everything hurt.
You hadn't expected an armed uprising, much less one on a peaceful boulevard as the sun settled in the cradle of the distant seas.
But the people had decided otherwise, namely their "resistance".
You didn't remember much of what had happened. You'd called upon your vision, charging into battle without a second thought. Dragging one of the many men off Olga's back, you made sure to settle him deeply in the cobblestones where he belonged, his ribs cracking under the force of your blow.
"On my flank!" Olga had cried back, beckoning you after her. Hydro gathered around her gauntlets as she lunged at the next assailant, the din and chaos whirling around the two of you so riveting and familiar. It flowed through your veins, satisfying this deep ache in your gut.
"GET DOWN!"
After that, everything was blurry. Olga had slammed into the ground with a sickening crunch, having not dropped in time, blood splattering across stone. You suspected that you'd been hit too, but your vision was spinning too much to tell. You struggled to drag yourself back towards some sort of cover, but something grabbed your boot, your ankle flaring up in burning pain as whatever it was yanked.
A hoarse cry tore itself from your throat as you scrabbled at stone, the shouting nearby muted by the ringing in your ears. Your fingernails aching as you dug them into the earth beneath you, likely bleeding and breaking, but there was too much blood to tell. You couldn't see, couldn't hear-
You panic only mounted as the force of the pulling increased, your hands finally slipping. Your jacket protected you from the brunt of the scrapes, but your palms were practically raw, more open cuts joining the blood that dripped steadily from your hands.
"We got one!"
You tried to kick at your captor, but your body felt too heavy, your leg jerking as the sensation of excruciating tearing surged up your side, your vision blanking for a moment.
The next thing you knew, you were being hauled to your feet by your hair, faced with two faces. Identical, but fading in and out of each other as you swayed, unable to keep yourself upright.
"------!"
Someone shouted. Shots rang out in the night. The next thing you knew, you were back on the ground, the platoon medic hunched over you.
"-lost too much blood, they might not make the trip..."
All that you could force out was a gurgle, your lungs feeling heavy. The world was muffled, distant.
"-up. We've got to move."
More pain. You were vaguely aware of hot tears running down your face and someone hoisted you up, whispering reassurances that you couldn't understand.
Why did it hurt so much? It burned... why did it burn?
The tearing and scorching feeling in your bones didn't subside, even as you were urgently carried away. You just wanted to sleep, to not hurt like this anymore... You wanted Irnes. Where was he, why wasn't he here? It was childish, in hindsight, to want him to hold you and make the pain go away. Maybe if he kissed it better it wouldn't hurt so much.
"'nes..."
A single, charred picture remained in your pocket.
His smile was gone.
Regret
Irnes is quiet as you clean his bruised knuckles, a cloth held to his nose as you calmly wipe away the mixture of Omega's blood and his own.
There's nothing to say. He occasionally opens his mouth, as if he wants to say something, only to close it seconds later. You don't know the situation, and you're not sure if you want to, especially hearing the distant cursing of Omega as the other clones patch him up, all watching you and Irnes with wide eyes when they pass by. You would say that it's disrespectful, if it weren't warranted by the whole "Irnes beat Omega's ass as he deserves while crying uncontrollably" situation. Sergei lingers nearby regardless, watching you with those wide and terrified eyes from behind the doorframe.
You're not sure if you should speak, you really don't want to hurt Irnes. Especially while he's upset, saying the wrong thing could make everything worse.
But seeing him cry, hiccuping quietly as you bandage his wound and place gentle kisses upon them... You'd be lying if you said the temptation wasn't there.
No, you have better self restraint than this.
"My dear..."
The rasp surprises you, Irnes coughing lightly as he finally draws the handkerchief away from his nose. It's stained a bright red, definitely ruined, the embroidery soaked through.
"Yes?"
You can't bring yourself to say anything else, instead tying off his bandages gently, careful not to jostle his wounds too much.
"Are you... upset with me?"
Honestly? Not really, Omega was a little bitch and deserved it. Besides, Irnes beating the living daylights out of him was kind of hot, thinking back on it. Blood running down his face, eyes wild- yeah, that was really hot. You'd pay to see him do it again. Maybe not to Omega, because there's a good chance that he'd get his ass handed to him if the stakes were level. But seeing the sheer, unadulterated rage in his eyes... It was scary, but also made you want to know more.
Irnes watches you like a kicked puppy as you mull it over, face stained and bruised, eyes full of tears that shine in the dim light. He looks handsome as ever, but so distraught. You hate the way his shoulders slump, how his usual facade of brilliance and happiness has fallen, leaving behind a sinking pit of anxiety and sorrow that practically radiates off him. His anger is gone, replaced by exhaustion as he looks up at you pleadingly.
"No, I'm not. I'm just worried, you know? You're pretty banged up... and I did not expect to see you so-"
You think for a moment, before chuckling to yourself.
"-feral. But I like it."
Irnes stares at you for a moment, his own watery laughter filling the air a moment later at the absurdity of your answer. He laughs until he's sobbing again, his tears finally spilling down his cheeks, his mouth contorted into a grimace as he wipes at his cheeks in vain.
You're speechless for a moment, watching his body tremble with the force of his gasping and crying, before grabbing a fresh washcloth. Pulling his shaking hands away from his face, you gently dab at his red cheeks, raw from his scrubbing.
"It's okay, Irnes... I swear I'm not mad. Pinky swear. I'm just glad you're okay."
Irnes continues to cry, but you can see the hint of a smile showing through.
"Now, let's get you some better clothes. I don't want you sleeping in bloody clothes..."
An Omega Shaped Problem
You knew Omega was trouble from the beginning.
As soon as you arrived in Sumeru, he'd been there, watching you with that terrifying grin. Compared to Irnes' pointy smile, that was the grin of a killer, a man who would throw everything away just to watch the world burn. You didn't hate him, per se, but he definitely creeped you out. He would show up in your tent regularly for a "progress report" and pester you endlessly about Irnes- which you grew to appreciate, he did have quite a bit of useful information. But it was also very annoying after a long day of fighting pointlessly to defend the so-called "god" he was building, and you had grown to have a love-hate relationship with him.
However, you would not let him upset your lover to the point of losing his temper. Not without consequences.
"Ow! Fucking hell, did that bastard knock a tooth loose? If he did, I'm going to shove that thing he calls a ruin guard so far up his-"
You didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for the cries of pain that came from around the corner. Having a nice talk with Omega would definitely make him forget about those small pains. You were a soldier, first and foremost, years of training until you felt like you were going to pass out from exhaustion behind your fists. You weren't known for your smooth tongue, no. If anything, you were known for being efficient.
"Be careful! This face is getting us funds, dipshit!"
"Watch your mouth, you pathetic piece of shit! I'll kick your ass!"
The snarky return was definitely familiar, though you didn't have a face for the voice.
"I'd like to see you try!"
"Listen, do you want that tooth out or not? Because I'll fucking leave if you don't stop talking!"
"Oh, fuck you!"
"...No thanks, that's called self-cest and it's heavily frowned upon by society."
"Just shut the fuck up and do your job!"
Well now you're convinced that Omega deserves a good punch in the gut, clearly Irnes was holding back. If Omega could still bitch about getting beat up, he wasn't hurting enough.
You would remedy that quickly.
Emerging from your hiding spot behind the corner, you found Omega sitting on a rickety old bed, another familiar looking clone standing over him. Well, all of them were familiar, you saw dozens of the same face every day-
"Ah, it's you."
You didn't like that tone. Especially coming from the bloodied lips of the man who'd pissed Irnes off to the point of violence. Your lover was not easily angered, you knew from experience. Even in the face of cruelty, he was not angered. He worked himself to the bone, to the point of utter exhaustion, and did not raise his voice to complain. Irnes was patient. You were considerably less so.
"Yes, it's me. Are you done screaming like a little bitch?"
Omega's face was eerily neutral for a moment, eyes watching you from behind a blood stained mask. That was, until he started to laugh. Genuine, bone chilling laughter, his sharp teeth on display as his shoulders shook with the force of his guffaws.
"What, your little 'boyfriend' couldn't make the trip? Did he collapse on the way here? Maybe crawled across the floor after you like a dog?"
Omega continued to giggle, lifting a bloody hand and shutting his fist to look like the mouth of a puppet.
"Oh my darling! Wait for me, I'm too crippled to walk!"
Mocking. He was mocking Irnes. His high pitched tone touched a nerve, especially as he got up from the table, walking over too you with a grossly exaggerated limp.
"Oh help me, darling! I'll fall!"
Disgusting. His hands scratched at your shoulders, scraping against your skin painfully. You could feel the warmth of his hands through the heavy linens Irnes had so lovingly dressed you in, now slightly stained with smears of red from Irnes' clinging. This... bastard had the gall to insult your lover after spilling his blood. You'd felt the urge to kill before, but never this strong.
"Shut your fucking mouth."
The monotone scolding came from behind, the clone scowling as he approached.
"Unhand them. Now. Prime won't be pleased when I reveal this little scuffle, especially when I tell him you attacked Irnes first."
"Oh shut your filthy little mouth, maggot. The adults are talking."
It really was taking all your power not to punch him straight in the mouth.
"And what if I don't?"
Omega's face contorted into something of a semblance of outrage, his cape (it looked terribly silly on him) flipping as he turned to face the smaller clone.
"Then I'll take care of you myself."
"Oooo, so spooky..."
The other clone rolled his eyes, raising his needle and thread menacingly.
"I'll sew your lips together, motherfucker. Sleep with one eye open tonight."
The boys were fighting now, leaving you behind.
Should you fall back and make a tactful retreat? Probably. Were you going to do something against your husba- lover's strict moral code anyways? Abso-fucking-lutely.
You weren't usually this confrontational. But Omega mocking Irnes and pretending to be all high and mighty afterwards... It made your guts feel disgusting and sticky, the back of your throat soured as you watched the two bicker.
"Hey piss boy, think fast."
You hadn't trained under Capitano for years for nothing.
Crunch.
That's Enough
Irnes was dead asleep.
He'd fallen asleep in his clothes no less, sprawled across the bed like a morbidly large daddy long legs, pillows propping him up as he laid on his good side.
That punch to Omega's jaw had been incredibly satisfying, and freshening up afterwards had added a whole other layer to the warmth that surrounded you. The bounce in your step only added to the feeling in your gut, fuzzy and fulfilling like a warm cup of tea after a long day.
Your chest felt so much lighter as you crawled into bed, positioning yourself before him. His face was so peaceful when he was asleep, the wrinkle between his brows was gone and his cheeks seemed to have the slightest bit more color. You couldn't help but watch him, reaching out and tenderly tracing along his jaw. He'd said when the two of you first met that he couldn't feel anything on that side, but that didn't stop you from wanting to smother it in kisses, to show him how much you adored those scars, how much you adored him.
Cupping his face, you gently stroked under his eye, feeling the weight beneath it. Had he not been sleeping well while you were gone? Maybe it was the stress of taking care of you all this time... that thought only served to stoke the fires of your guilt, Irnes' skin warm under your fingers as you moved to caress his cheek.
Oh, how you missed this.
"...dear?"
A crimson eye blinked open slowly, Irnes' shoulders tensing up slightly at the sudden awakening- only to relax as he met eyes with you.
"'m sorry... It seems I feel asleep..."
Irnes sounded... guilty?
"It's okay. You deserve to rest after taking such good care of me. Go back to sleep... I won't move an inch, pinky swear."
"I've slept plenty, my darling."
Your glare begs to differ.
"Alright... perhaps not as much as I should."
At least he's self aware, which is more concerning than you care to admit.
"More of a reason to go back to sleep, then. Though... I can't say that those shoes look comfortable to sleep in."
Irnes chuckled humorlessly, waggling his good foot.
"They are somewhat comfortable. However, I can't say you're wrong. Feet cramps in these are awful."
You love him, but you don't really need to know that much about his feet.
"Should I take them off then?"
"Already thinking about stripping me? My, my, we haven't even been on an official date yet, at least buy me flowers first..."
"You know that's not what I meant."
Irnes smiles at your joking tone, relaxing and leaning back against the heap of pillows beneath him.
"I know, my dear. You're simply too cute when I tease you, I can't help myself..."
The lilt of sadness in his tone was... sobering. While you'd been focusing on recovery, he'd been slaving away and worrying, undoubtedly having lost sleep with you occupying the bed. Those rickety metal bunks the clones were given would hurt his back, you were almost certain, not to mention the cold that the meager amount of blankets couldn't stave off. But even then, you had a suspicion that the armchair pulled up beside the bed had gotten more use than the empty bunk across from you.
A peaceful silence settled over the two of you, Irnes' tired eyes watching you fondly. His exhaustion seemed to wash over every crevice of his body, swallowing his usually cheerful demeanor with bone-deep weariness.
"I'm sorry. I haven't been as... good as I'd like to be, lately."
Irnes' words startled you a little, his smile struggling to stand against whatever tide of misery plagued him.
"I feel as if I've neglected you, my dear. I know that's wrong, but my clinical view of things... I feel as if I haven't cared for you. I may have cared for your person, but-"
Pausing, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I feel as if I've forgotten to love you along the way. I'm so sorry, my dear..."
You hated seeing Irnes cry. It wasn't ugly, no, never in your eyes. But the way his usually grinning face split apart into a miserable twist of his lips, eyes averted and looking down as if he was expecting punishment... Your heart ached like someone was twisting a knife into it.
"Don't apologize... You've cared for me this whole time, don't discredit yourself like this."
Cradling his cheek with your hand, you gently leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his scarred cheek.
"I know we're still trying to figure things out, but I really like you... Love might be too strong for you right now, especially while you're crying... But I care for you. I know you would never see me as an experiment or something to pick apart. Give yourself more credit, love. I will never ask you to be perfect, only to do your best. And you did with what you had on hand. That's enough for me."
Irnes leans into your touch, his tears wetting your hand. You can feel his chest shake, hear the cries stifled in his chest.
"Please believe me. I thought about you every day while I was gone, I held that picture in my coat pocket hoping I'd get to see you again. Please believe me, just this once."
It's as if you're begging him, you can see how much it pains him on his face as he rests his hand over yours, shaky and wounded beyond repair.
"I- I don't know if I can."
"Then try it, love. Just try, as you always do."
He hesitates. You watch him, waiting for the outburst, something to indicate how hard it is to keep him from shaking apart.
Instead, you get a small nod.
That's enough for you.
An Experiment
Irnes rarely gets a moment apart from you, now that you're recovered and still on leave. You follow him through his daily routine, watching in fascination as Irnes works so easily, even if he's dealing with life and death. He moves from pod to pod, checking the segments inside and scribbling on his clipboard, his cane slung over his arm as he limps along. You keep your distance, allowing him to gather his thoughts and keep his focus, instead taking time to think about what comes next. Will the two of you start "dating" officially? Or will you consider marriage, per the customs of this land?
You don't know, and that's the part that scares you.
"My dear, can I steal you for a moment?"
You hadn't even realized you were staring into one of the pods nearby, watching the undeveloped clone move. This one looked particularly close to adulthood already, his features closer to that of a teenager than an actual adult. Tearing you gaze away, you looked up at Irnes, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
"Oh, it's nothing really. Just something I've been waiting to show you."
You nod along, your mind struggling to comprehend what it could possibly be.
"Lead the way, then."
Irnes smiles gratefully, offering an arm. You take it, though it's a bit awkward considering your height difference.
"I considered what you said last night. While I'm not sure if my subconsciousness would welcome thoughts like that, after so long with him in my head, I've decided that I would like to "try" as you put it."
You listen carefully, noticing how Irnes says him. As if he dreads whoever it is he speaks of.
"The first step to that is honesty, I believe. I should be honest with you first and foremost, and that is what I intend to do."
It sounds almost as if he's going to show you something terrible.
"I must tell you that what you are going to see is... negotiable, and fully up to you. I will not proceed with this without you telling me that you want it as well, do you understand me?"
You nod.
"I need a vocal confirmation, dear."
"I do. It can't be that bad, can it?"
Irnes purses his lips at the statement, but doesn't answer. At least, not directly.
"I suppose you'll just have to see for yourself."
The room he leads you into his dark, surprisingly clean compared to the rest of the lab. The tables are clear, papers sorted neatly- but that's not what draws your attention.
A single pod inhabits the center of the room, Irnes relinquishing your hold as he drifts over to touch it, laying a shaky hand on the cold glass.
cairo i am begging you to write reader and irnes babysitting anastasiy
reader has younger siblings (right?) so they’re probably good with children and irnes is essentially all the clones’ big brother so
idk i think it be really sweet if anastasiy told reader that ‘big brother is really happy when you’re around’ or something
Ask and ye shall receive!
(And I have not decided if reader has siblings or not, that's up to you guys! They do hang around the kids back home though, so they wrangle gremlins all the time.)
Babysitting
With some turmoil going on overseas, Pantalone and Dottore have been called away to deal with a threat, leaving Irnes in charge of keeping the child alive. Which he's done before, it's easy enough!
Anastasiy is probably one of the most tame children ever fostered within the Fatui ranks. Quiet, always eats his vegetables, usually keeps to himself and is very agreeable to anything you ask of him (without reason, which Irnes does feel bad about). You find it a little peculiar, that he's not as rambunctious as the boys back home, especially given that the clones are straight up nutjobs and he's been around them so much. But he's cute, and when Irnes pulls you aside to come babysit with him... your superior officer can't exactly say no.
That's how you got here, sitting on the floor of the Regrator's office, the fire crackling merrily as Anastasiy sits across from you, doodling in a little notebook, one of the Doctor's journals open to a page on aranaras. You can't tell if he's copying from it or not until you notice the scribbles that are supposed to be handwriting. It's kind of cute, minus the fact that he's taking after the absolutely deranged Doctor, but hey- Irnes is also a byproduct of the deranged Doctor in question, so you can't really complain. In fact, when he hands you a sheet of paper and pushes some of his pencils over encouragingly, you're compelled to do your own drawing, glancing over at Irnes, who is currently occupying one of Pantalone's velvetine chairs, his cane propped up beside him and focus on the report that's piled in his lap, the pages close to falling over and scattering everywhere.
It's peaceful, and you can now say that you've been in the Regrator's office, which isn't an accomplishment you expected to claim.
You're fairly decent at drawing (at least that's what you tell yourself), so you decide to pick the most beautiful thing in the room to draw: Irnes. Today in particular, he's wearing an embroidered suit, which only adds to his charm, if you do say so yourself. Sketching him is easy enough- you don't have to worry about uneven or misshapen eyes, the mask more than covers it, and he's not moving around, capturing his wider shoulders and tapered waist the best you can. You even find yourself shading in the scars on his neck and cheek, trailing down his jaw and disappearing inside his collar. It's easy to get lost in such a rhythmic and relaxing activity, and you don't even realize Irnes is leaned over to look at your drawing until he chuckles, startling you out of your trance.
"You didn't tell me you were an artist, my dear."
"I'm not, really. It's a side hobby, at best."
"I must disagree! It's quite accurate, if I do say so myself... And a bit flattering, my dear."
"Flattering?"
"Surely you don't think I'm that attractive."
"...Irnes please."
"I'm joking, I'm joking, my dear!"
The rest of the afternoon is relatively quiet. Irnes eventually joins the two of you on the floor, claiming that his brain is leaking out of his ears (which gets a laugh from you), and lays down next to you, occasionally glancing over at you with the glee of a child seeing toys at the market. The child continues to draw, until he has a few pages of scribbles and aranaras (which are green blobs with hats, but it's too cute for you to laugh at), eventually putting it aside and instead wandering off to the bookshelf, pulling out his favorite book and flopping down next to Irnes.
It's weirdly relaxing, this domesticity.
"My dear, what's your opinion on hydraulics?"
"Sounds awfully pretentious."
"Exactly! Those Fontainians are obsessed with them, I will never understand the excitement around them. Electrical circuits are so much more effective when paired with high caliber pistons!"
"High caliber pistons, huh?"
"Well, backed by some well oiled motors, but yes! I'll have to show you sometime, my dear, it's rather mesmerizing to watch..."
Irnes continues to rant about Fontainian hydraulics, the child getting up again and instead coming to sit by you, still reading. He's still weirdly quiet, but Irnes is more than happy to fill the silence with an in depth explanation of how electrical circuits function, even scribbling a little diagram on a piece of paper nearby.
"Big brother really likes you."
"Hm?"
"Big brother talks about you a lot. He likes you lots."
"Does he?"
"Mhm!"
"Whatever are you two talking about over there?"
Irnes chuckled, noticing that you'd gotten distracted, not to mention that your face was a little pink.
"Nothing important- Keep talking!"
"Fine, fine! But I'll find out some day..."
Irnes is about to speak again when Anastasiy speaks up.
Beautiful, ethereal. With eyes that shone like gold in the sunlight, watching him tenderly in a sea of identical faces. They spoke to him so gently, held him so carefully that he was convinced that they believed him to be glass. He was a fool in love, from the first time he ran into them in the halls, the ache in his hip fully worth the love that flooded his heart. He’d never been this tender before, felt this bare before the world. It was as if their love had stripped him naked before a crowd of thousands, pulling him from the pool of despair that had been his home for so long. They made him feel whole, filled his heart with molten gold that burned so good.
He loved them, so much so that his body weakened when they weren’t there, a hollow shell compared to the throes of his desire, to the expanse of his affection. He would worship them, place them on a pedestal above Celestia if he could. His body yearned for them, his mind had driven itself mad with every day they were apart. It had driven him to the point of obsessing over the one thing he wouldn’t dream of asking for, meticulously planned and created behind closed doors.
And now, he stood on a pier, holding the one thing that he would’ve never considered creating if he hadn’t met them.
Ivan.
I really didn't do any promotion for Ballroom Over Deep Water when I first published it, so here's the ✨official✨ notice that it exists. It follows up to My Dearest Darling, but if you don't want spoilers for what's to come, I'd suggest holding off on it for a while. It's going to be the ultimate nuclear bomb of feelings, so strap in and hold on for dear life.
Been thinking alot abt the reader in strength/combat training in the military. I might be projecting a little bit but they definitely got some beef. I also cant stop thinking about those fun trends where people show off their strength, like crushing a watermelon with their thighs or something. OR doing pushups with someone on their back (it’s Irnes and hes reading a book)
Reader really is dependent on interpretation (as ya'll are reader here), but they definitely have some muscle on them! Being a part of the Fatui as a foot soldier is definitely not easy, and it takes some serious physical training and conditioning to fight, much less successfully. I'm leaving reader's appearance and fighting style up to you guys for that reason (and I'll admit that I'm definitely curious about how ya'll think they look).
As for pushups with Irnes on your back: a fairly easy feat. He doesn't actually weigh all that much, surprisingly, it's the lankiness that makes him seem heavier than he actually is. Reader can scoop him up into a princess carry easily, which he thinks is very attractive. In fact, he'll leap into reader's arms if he feels like it, and they will most definitely catch him:
Reader also has a vision (which I called a delusion at one point and didn't notice until recently) which means they have some serious power packed behind those punches. Irnes is certainly not defenseless, but he watches them train and is perfectly content to be the damsel in distress when the situation demands it (much to your disgruntlement, because that ruin guard will trample him and snap his spine cleanly in two like a twig).
So yeah, reader is definitely packing. It's fair to say that Irnes might be enjoying it a little too much.
ive got another brainworm i need to share with you but rather than do it on the discord i thought the tumblr format would be better. anyway, reader and irnes being together in public and reader spotting someone about to make an attempt on irnes’ life and without thinking just, reaches into his tits and grabs his pistol to show them dead before irnes can even react. goodnight im going to sleep now this thought was fuelled by vodka and malibu youre welcome goodnight
Arden, I am both fascinated and terrified of your brain. Know this and take it with pride, there are few things that can scare me in this world.
For context, I have this image currently saved to my computer. I decided that since Irnes can't have a stabby in case he stabs himself, he deserves to have a pistol. A pistol that is strapped to his chest, because no one can know he has it. For reasons. Not even Dottore knows.
Hence, it has been lovingly named the Tit Pistol™.
As for the situation itself, bonus points if reader tries to shove it back in after the fact, before realizing that the metal is hot and just throws it into the snow. There's steam rising from the nearby snow bank, Irnes' tits are out, and there's a dead person laying on the ground nearby, it's a complete disaster. Irnes has to explain to the authorities that he is in fact a Fatui agent and this is not just a straight up murder. They believe him only slightly.
Somehow Irnes and our beloved reader get off with a warning, but Irnes is now very interested in what else they can do with his pistol. For science. It was very badass and sexy, watching them whip out his gun like that, he's having thoughts.
Meanwhile reader is having a crisis over what would've happened if they hadn't stopped themselves from shoving it down his shirt.
Unpopular opinion, but I’m glad Irnes beat up Omega 😤 Also I’m very curiously as to what Omega said about Reader for Irnes to beat them up…
I think it's a popular opinion by now... if the comments are anything to go by-
Now here's the thing. I wanted to make Omega and reader gossip buddies, but because I'm an evil little gremlin and crave confrontation, I also had to add in that Omega can be an ass when he thinks he's right. And you, recklessly getting blasted into the fourth dimension? Absolute stupidity to him. He loves you, but you also have a severe case of the stupid, and Irnes just happened to overhear him joking about it.
Let's just say that Irnes may have snapped, and Omega would not back down. When you pit two stubborn madmen in a room together, things don't always go well...
It's anyone's guess what Omega actually said, but Irnes didn't take it all that well.
