Joker Card: The 2 Flipsides of Jalen Santos
[7/28/2016 12:02:40 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Err- wow. Game's updating. You could play if you'd like. I dodged earlier by mistake so I might have a 10 minute queue. [7/28/2016 12:04:58 AM] Em: ..30 minutes. [7/28/2016 12:05:08 AM] Em: That's weird [7/28/2016 12:05:16 AM] Ashumanamuriok: 30 minutes? [7/28/2016 12:05:42 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Haven't even logged in yet. [7/28/2016 1:03:04 PM] Ashumanamuriok: So, yeah. Do you still play on that Maplestory server? I'm getting really bored of League and I've been trying out new games. About to get Undertale. [7/28/2016 2:03:55 PM] Ashumanamuriok: HAH. How our lives seem to align in strange wats. [7/28/2016 2:03:56 PM] Ashumanamuriok: *ways [7/28/2016 8:41:51 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm so tempted to end my life. [7/28/2016 8:48:46 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I wish we never met. [7/28/2016 9:48:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... I'm sorry. v_v [7/28/2016 9:50:17 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Just... Don't talk to me again. All I'll do is make your life harder than it already is. [7/28/2016 9:50:29 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Maybe one day, when I'm cured, we can talk again. [7/28/2016 9:50:50 PM] Ashumanamuriok: But right now I need someone who can... Help me through this heartache. [7/28/2016 9:52:05 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm just afraid these messages aren't getting to you -- but I'm sure my absence will tell my story for me... Goodbye. Sorry I couldn't keep to my promises.... [7/28/2016 9:52:19 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I just need love right now, and like you said, you're unready. [7/28/2016 10:14:08 PM] Em: So unless someone falls in love with you, you're not willing to stay for them? [7/28/2016 10:14:17 PM] Em: Alright then. Fine. [7/28/2016 10:16:32 PM] Ashumanamuriok: It's not just you. I can be anyone. I need an anchor. [7/28/2016 10:16:37 PM] Ashumanamuriok: *it [7/28/2016 10:16:54 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Someone to keep me sane. I need love in the nurturing way, not in the romantic sense. [7/28/2016 10:17:13 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I need someone to hold my hand when I'm feeling the way I do now. [7/28/2016 10:17:41 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Otherwise I'll just rampage through and do things that are stupid -- like cutting you out of my life. [7/28/2016 10:18:15 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm rather self-destructive. [7/28/2016 10:18:43 PM] Ashumanamuriok: As you can probably see now. It's like my body and mind work against me. [7/28/2016 10:19:01 PM] Ashumanamuriok: To where I'm scratching and attacking my skin. [7/28/2016 10:22:29 PM] Ashumanamuriok: :l I don't feel like I mean much to you anyways. Or anyone for that matter. [7/28/2016 10:24:14 PM] Em: As if I weren't doing that before already? [7/28/2016 10:24:43 PM] Em: I was there for you an entire month and things seemed to be rolling smoothly, then all of a sudden these past few days you've had some sort of a mental breakdown. [7/28/2016 10:31:45 PM] Ashumanamuriok: :/ I sorta felt you tearing away from me. [7/28/2016 10:32:34 PM] Ashumanamuriok: And... With what's been going on at work. [7/28/2016 10:34:02 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Sigh... There's so much going on in my mind that I don't want to let out. [7/28/2016 10:34:16 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Because I still fear losing you. [7/28/2016 10:34:49 PM] Ashumanamuriok: v_v I'm sorry, Emily. [7/28/2016 10:36:28 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I feel sick to my stomach. I want to talk to you, but I feel like I can't. [7/28/2016 10:37:07 PM] Ashumanamuriok: :/ I need someone to be here for me, like, right now. I feel so lost now. [7/28/2016 10:37:23 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I've been crying so much lately because I feel like I've lost my light. [7/28/2016 10:39:41 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Why've you been so unavailable? :l [7/28/2016 10:40:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Edgar, the guy who ended u dating Jessica, wants to hang out and "help" me. [7/28/2016 11:10:08 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Thanks. And sorry again. ._. [7/28/2016 11:14:05 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I guess we'll talk some other time. You seem busy. [7/28/2016 11:31:08 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Actually, nevermind. I'm going out with a few friends tonight. I need to go out and do something and not just sit around here and expect you to make me happy. That's foolish. Putting the burden on you while you already have your own that you have to carry. I'm going to make myself happy. By myself. Thank you for putting a mirror to my face and telling me how my actions made you feel. [7/28/2016 11:33:17 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Time, like you said, is the ultimate healer. And things get worse before they get a lot better. Thanks for sticking with me as a friend through this hard time. We'll talk some other time -- whenever you feel ready. I'll message you tomorrow when I feel better. But don't hesitate to message me while I'm out and about. I'll see you when I see you. [7/28/2016 11:33:41 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Don't. Give. Up. Hope. [7/28/2016 11:36:04 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm determined to get better. I'm determined to feel happy and to make others feel the same way. I'm in so much mental anguish right now, but you know what....?
*inserts pictures of the intoxicating shrooms he grows for 20 minutes*
[7/29/2016 2:42:27 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Lmfao [7/29/2016 2:42:37 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I wish you were here. [7/29/2016 1:04:40 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Hiya. Afternoon.
[7/30/2016 12:34:14 AM] Em: Please don't share my Facebook with people. [7/30/2016 12:34:39 AM] Em: That's a personal matter. I wasn't very fond of you discovering it in the first place either. [7/30/2016 12:34:42 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Huh? [7/30/2016 12:34:48 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I haven't. [7/30/2016 12:35:11 AM] Ashumanamuriok: What would make you think that I did? [7/30/2016 12:35:22 AM] Em: Dustin said you gave it to him. [7/30/2016 12:35:28 AM] Ashumanamuriok: No I didn't. [7/30/2016 12:35:35 AM] Em: Okay. Good. [7/30/2016 12:36:31 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Well, thanks for letting me know anyways. [7/30/2016 12:37:00 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Dustin told me you told everyone about my jealousy. [7/30/2016 12:37:15 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Kinda embarrassed about that. But whatever. [7/30/2016 12:38:56 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Wanna do something tonight? [7/30/2016 12:40:10 AM] Ashumanamuriok: If you don't want to, it's cool. [7/30/2016 12:40:13 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Just let me know. [7/30/2016 12:45:50 AM] Em: Everyone meaning one other person in a call? [7/30/2016 12:46:04 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Sure. [7/30/2016 12:46:09 AM] Em: Wasn't me who started the conversation about it all. [7/30/2016 12:46:32 AM] Ashumanamuriok: It's fine. I understand. [7/30/2016 12:46:49 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I don't really care anymore to be honest. [7/30/2016 12:48:06 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Call me whenever you like. [7/30/2016 12:49:34 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Who is it by the way? [7/30/2016 12:53:19 AM] Em: What? [7/30/2016 12:53:33 AM] Ashumanamuriok: What what? [7/30/2016 12:54:12 AM] Em: Who? [7/30/2016 12:54:18 AM] Ashumanamuriok: The other person. [7/30/2016 12:55:22 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Oh. Did you mean you want to have another person in the call? [7/30/2016 1:02:11 AM] Em: No, I said there was only one other person in the call when we were talking about jealousy. [7/30/2016 1:02:43 AM] Em: Saying everyone makes it seem like there were a bunch of people. [7/30/2016 1:03:12 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Oh. Yeah. I was hoping you didn't pick up my bad choice of words. lol. [7/30/2016 1:04:06 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Either way. It doesn't matter. Dwelling on negative shit only brings negative. [7/30/2016 1:04:27 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I had a good night last night. Helped me with my life path. [7/30/2016 1:04:40 AM] Ashumanamuriok: How'd you hold up? [7/30/2016 1:04:47 AM] Em: That's good to hear. [7/30/2016 1:04:59 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm considering joining the air force. [7/30/2016 1:05:24 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I think it'll really help me. Don't you? What do you think? [7/30/2016 1:05:52 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm doing research. I can get job training, education, and health care. [7/30/2016 1:06:08 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Only thing is.... I have to give up my freedom for 4 years. [7/30/2016 1:06:51 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I also have a friend who can get me a union job. $15 an hour to start. [7/30/2016 1:07:13 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Also, if I get into security, I could get into a union as well. [7/30/2016 1:07:28 AM] Ashumanamuriok: My grandma lost my papers though. -.- [7/30/2016 1:13:06 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Y'know. Something changed in me after I slept today. [7/30/2016 1:13:31 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I can't say what. [7/30/2016 1:14:17 AM] Ashumanamuriok: But it feels like a great pressure's been released. [7/30/2016 1:21:36 AM] Em: Why do you keep deleting me? [7/30/2016 1:21:59 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Why are you asking this now? I haven't deleted you again have I? [7/30/2016 1:22:19 AM] Em: Uh, apparently you have. [7/30/2016 1:22:28 AM] Ashumanamuriok: ? Where? [7/30/2016 1:22:36 AM] Em: Here. [7/30/2016 1:22:44 AM] Ashumanamuriok: It doesn't say so for me. [7/30/2016 1:23:02 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Probably a bug. [7/30/2016 1:23:13 AM] Em: Okay. Well, I mean, you don't have to do that, lol. [7/30/2016 1:23:33 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Yeah.... I know now. It's futile, to be honest. lol [7/30/2016 1:23:40 AM] Em: Here/League [7/30/2016 1:23:48 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I don't want to do it. [7/30/2016 1:23:57 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm on on your League list either? [7/30/2016 1:24:16 AM] Em: You added me back and I accepted [7/30/2016 1:24:48 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Oh -- yeah. [7/30/2016 1:24:57 AM] Ashumanamuriok: That was part of it. [7/30/2016 1:25:09 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Sorry. <_<; [7/30/2016 1:27:22 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Like I said. I don't want to do it. I felt like I had to. [7/30/2016 1:27:50 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I was at a dark stage for a few days. Like you said. [7/30/2016 1:28:05 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I felt... Worthless. Even before meeting you. [7/30/2016 1:28:32 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Someone who makes paint... makes $15 an hour. Just starting. [7/30/2016 1:28:59 AM] Ashumanamuriok: and I bust my ass every day and make $10. Do you know what I had to go through there? [7/30/2016 1:29:40 AM] Ashumanamuriok: .... I felt so dumb. Like my potential wasn't being utilized. And when I left.... I felt even dumber. [7/30/2016 1:30:19 AM] Ashumanamuriok: And it affected my self-esteem. As you could clearly notice. [7/30/2016 1:31:02 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Then I guess I sorta out you way high up on a pedestal and sorta... Expected you to make things better. [7/30/2016 1:31:29 AM] Ashumanamuriok: And when you didn't, I took it as you.... Not caring? Seeing me as less than human? [7/30/2016 1:31:55 AM] Ashumanamuriok: It took me a while. But I snapped out of it. [7/30/2016 1:32:07 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I have options. I have time. [7/30/2016 1:32:19 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Every second matters. [7/30/2016 1:32:31 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Ekko's trailer. [7/30/2016 1:33:11 AM] Ashumanamuriok: You ever read Dr. Suess books now that you're older, Emily? [7/30/2016 1:58:04 AM] Em: I have not. [7/30/2016 1:58:25 AM] Em: But now having the wisdom that I have, I'm sure there's a deeper meaning to a lot of his words. [7/30/2016 1:59:18 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Whenever you have time. [7/30/2016 2:06:39 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Weren't you interested in writing kid story books or something at some point?
[8/1/2016 1:37:28 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Hey. [8/1/2016 1:39:46 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Nevermind lol [8/1/2016 1:41:41 AM] Ashumanamuriok: That was awkward. [8/1/2016 1:41:48 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Night. [8/1/2016 1:46:21 AM] Ashumanamuriok: :l Why don't you talk to me as much anymore? It feels kinda lame. I feel left out. I mean, it's not really "killing" me anymore. Just kinda sucks. I feel like someone I was close to just forgot about the past and stuff they said. [8/1/2016 1:46:39 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I don't care what goes on between you and whoever. I just want a friend. [8/1/2016 2:48:17 AM] Ashumanamuriok: <_> [8/1/2016 2:49:12 AM] Ashumanamuriok: <_< [8/1/2016 2:49:14 AM] Ashumanamuriok: >_> [8/1/2016 2:49:18 AM] Ashumanamuriok: ._. [8/1/2016 2:49:33 AM] Ashumanamuriok: :oI [8/1/2016 2:55:48 AM] Ashumanamuriok: -..- I know whats going on. [8/1/2016 2:56:00 AM] Ashumanamuriok: And it's rather frustrating. [8/1/2016 2:58:35 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Silent treatment. Hmph. Two could play at that game. I'm not an idiot. [8/1/2016 5:23:17 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Sucks being uninteresting... [8/1/2016 5:29:52 AM] Ashumanamuriok: .... Enjoy yourself... [8/1/2016 10:15:57 AM] Em: Er, I wasn't playing any kind of game with you? [8/1/2016 10:16:35 AM] Em: I was eating so I was quiet..geez. If you won't stop making assumptions then I'll seriously stop replying all in all. [8/1/2016 10:17:36 AM] Em: And I don't know. Like I said, I feel like I need some of my own time. I feel a bit disgusted with what I did with you on camera. [8/1/2016 10:18:37 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Me too. [8/1/2016 10:18:39 AM] Em: You do have friends and a friend. I just don't get why you keep deleting me/Mike from skype or league. [8/1/2016 10:19:08 AM] Em: We're not doing anything wrong and he wants to help you if he can and if you'll let him. [8/1/2016 10:19:59 AM] Em: I'm not calling you an idiot or stupid or dumb. That's you assuming I'm perceiving you that way. [8/1/2016 10:20:07 AM] Em: And that's annoying as crap. [8/1/2016 10:20:32 AM] Em: So, please stop. [8/1/2016 10:22:39 AM] Em: Stop with all the assumptions. Seriously. [8/1/2016 10:22:50 AM] Em: That's the one thing I can't stand. [8/1/2016 10:28:26 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I deleted Dustin, too. [8/1/2016 10:34:51 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Also, I didn't make any assumptions. Just got tired of being ignored. Decided it was my turn. [8/1/2016 10:35:35 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Which, by the way, I'm sure you do, It's rather offensive/rude. Especially considering "our" situation. [8/1/2016 10:37:00 AM] Em: If you're going to delete, then don't keep the cycle going and continuing to add then redelete. [8/1/2016 10:37:26 AM] Em: They don't really like it and it seems a bit immature. [8/1/2016 10:38:21 AM] Em: I do but once again, all for my personal needs. [8/1/2016 10:38:41 AM] Em: Either sleeping, eating, washing, or whatever. [8/1/2016 10:38:56 AM] Em: I'm not committing twenty four hours to you each day. [8/1/2016 10:39:06 AM] Em: I have a body to take care of. [8/1/2016 10:39:30 AM] Em: As you can clearly see after the photos. [8/1/2016 10:41:02 AM] Em: I need my personal space. So that's that for now. [8/1/2016 10:43:41 AM] Em: Wrong button [8/1/2016 10:44:10 AM] Em: Was turning notifications on. [8/1/2016 2:20:29 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Well... I suppose you can havey your space and enjoy it. [8/1/2016 2:20:39 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I will, too. [8/1/2016 5:16:57 PM] Ashumanamuriok: If you love something, let it go. [8/1/2016 5:17:08 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Come back when you're ready. [8/1/2016 5:24:29 PM] Em: Er, alright. [8/1/2016 5:25:24 PM] Ashumanamuriok: When you're ready.... [8/1/2016 5:27:40 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're clearly too smart to understand. Curses. [8/1/2016 5:27:52 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Good evening, Emily. [8/1/2016 5:28:15 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Untill "next time". Whenever that happens to be.
League (cut off):
08/01/2016 [3:08AM] Ashumanamuriok: For your mistakes. Why are yo talking about me? That's very rude. Why don't you talk to me? See, this is why..... This isn't how you deal with your problems, Emily. [3:10AM] Prelove: You aren't a problem? [3:10AM] Ashumanamuriok: Why are you talking about me then? Dustin's telling me. [3:10AM] Prelove: Uh What exactly am I saying? [3:10AM] Ashumanamuriok: You act like replying to me takes so much effort. [3:11AM] Prelove: I literally have said nothing about you all day Just now I'm talking about you Because you're bringing everything up Yesterday the only thing I've talked about you was about how you may be jealous [3:12AM] Ashumanamuriok: WHy don't you just be upfront? May be jealous why? Because "He" is really tryiing hard to do so. Especially after knowing. [3:14AM] Prelove: I'm really confused [3:15AM] Ashumanamuriok: Me too. I have so many questions. A lot of them don't deserve answers. Obviously. I'm not stupid, Emily.... [3:17AM] Prelove: Uh Still really confuse.d [3:17AM] Ashumanamuriok: You really don't see it, do you? He's picking on my jealousy? It's eitehr you don't see it or you don't care. *either [3:18AM] Prelove: Uh.. I don't think he's intentionally doing it? He's literally just being himself [3:19AM] Ashumanamuriok: This has happened before to me. Countless times. But it's alright. It really is. I just think it's all childsplay now. A joke. A funny one. ... Y'know I think I might kill myself. Not in a sad way or anything. I don't get why you sent me naked pictures of yourself then sorta... Fell off. [3:24AM] Prelove: Uh, hello? What was the purpose of those pictures? I told you to, out of everything, NOT sexualize them [3:25AM] Ashumanamuriok: I mean, I know, but.... [3:25AM] Prelove: I told you the purpose was because I wanted you to see how severe my condition is. Are you KIDDING me? They weren’t NUDES. That's ridiculous How what extremities you've brought it to [3:25AM] Ashumanamuriok: The fact that you were so... I dunno. [3:25AM] Prelove: Whatever. [3:25AM] Ashumanamuriok: I've brought it to? [3:26AM] Prelove: You overdramatize everything. You have trust issues. I can not reply and you'll think I'm doing something else with some other guy. When, I'm taking care of my SELF. You call me ignorant? You're ignorant. By the way, I blocked you on Facebook because I felt too weird that you visit it every day. [3:30AM] Ashumanamuriok: It still bothers me. You never have time to just sit and talk to me. Just like this. I mean, I understand you're ill. And you need to take care of yourself. [3:30AM] Prelove: Are you kidding me? I spent until what, until 8-9 AM a few weeks back just talking to you all night [3:31AM] Ashumanamuriok: Are you saying that's what did you harm? This is all I wanted. [3:31AM] Prelove: I'm saying that [3:32AM] Ashumanamuriok: Just to talk to you again. [3:32AM] Prelove: Because you're saying I never spent any time with you [3:32AM] Ashumanamuriok: It's sad that ot's on these terms. [3:32AM] Prelove: Guess you've never thought before that a girl needs her time also [3:32AM] Ashumanamuriok: The "others" weren't quite like that. It's what I'm used to. I like my time as well. But clarity is always nice. I guess that means you want some space. Hence why you've been so distant. Could have said something. I'm not a mind-reader. Feels kinda shitty you blocked me, though. Like insulting actually. <_< [3:41AM] : Heh -- Whatever. OI guess I was wrong about. About a lot of things. Time..... Oh, time. Heals and sheds knowledge. [5:19AM] : ,,,,, Night... [5:04PM] : He's playing with me. It's annoying. [5:05PM] Prelove: Who? [5:05PM] Ashumanamuriok: Mike. [5:07PM] Prelove: Uh. He's not. [5:07PM] Ashumanamuriok: *Rolls eyes* Alright.
[8/3/2016 3:21:01 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Don't take me removing you or anyone as something permanent. It's me giving you the space you asked for. Helps me keep my mind clear of you or what you may be doing. In a way, thank you for blocking me on FB. However insulting/frustrating that may be. [8/3/2016 3:21:29 AM] Ashumanamuriok: That way, if you ever don't "come back", I'm not teased by your presence. [8/3/2016 3:29:40 AM] Em: It's not supposed to be insulting. Lol. [8/3/2016 3:29:59 AM] Em: Anyways, alright. Got your message. [8/3/2016 3:30:30 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Well, you sorta "Invited" me to look for you and send you a request. [8/3/2016 3:31:19 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Sorry for everything turning out the way it did. Honestly. I wish I could have taken back some of the things I've done. Like the camera thing. <_< [8/3/2016 3:31:34 AM] Ashumanamuriok: But time blah blah blah etc etc. [8/3/2016 3:32:16 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Anyways. Thanks for getting my message. I'm going to hide you until the day you decide you show up. And whenever/if ever that day comes, I'll be here. [8/3/2016 3:32:24 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Open arms. [8/3/2016 3:32:55 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Thing'sll be much better if you come back on your own accord. I can PROMISE you that. Just.... Time... [8/3/2016 3:33:15 AM] Ashumanamuriok: ... Untill then. I'll miss you. Come back when you miss me. [8/3/2016 3:39:50 AM] Ashumanamuriok: ... But be honest. Think you'll actually be coming back? [8/3/2016 3:44:12 AM] Ashumanamuriok: .... Hard to accept rejection. Especially after you expose yourself. :) [8/3/2016 3:50:31 AM] Ashumanamuriok: I guess "This marriage won't work..." [8/3/2016 4:06:33 AM] Em: You're really obsessive. [8/3/2016 4:40:57 AM] Ashumanamuriok: What kills me is knowing that you're reading this and choosing not to say anything. Heh. I really am an idiot. For letting a little girl dictate how I feel about myself. [8/3/2016 4:41:40 AM] Ashumanamuriok: .... If you're truly my friend... If you truly cared... Don't come back. Please. [8/3/2016 4:52:05 AM] Em: you're a walking contradiction [8/3/2016 4:52:16 AM] Em: Thing'sll be much better if you come back on your own accord. I can PROMISE you that. Just.... Time... ... Untill then. I'll miss you. Come back when you miss me. [8/3/2016 7:39:51 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Who's rejecting who is the real question... Heh... Fucking idiot.
[8/3/2016 7:43:00 AM] Em: Nice to see you stoop to such a low level like that where you have to call me that to make a point. Lol.
[8/3/2016 7:43:46 AM] Em: I'm not rejecting anything/anyone; you're the one who created your own mess. [8/3/2016 7:44:50 AM] Em: That's why I haven't been replying as much. That way you have little content to work with when you're overthinking or trying to blame me for something I didn't do. [8/3/2016 7:49:23 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Nice to see you only replying to me when I call you stupid or something. [8/3/2016 7:50:23 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Besides. It's a matter of perspective. [8/3/2016 7:50:57 AM] Ashumanamuriok: You know I'm hurt. You know what to say/do to help. [8/3/2016 7:51:09 AM] Ashumanamuriok: But you won't do it. [8/3/2016 7:51:33 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Quit making excuses as to why you're not replying. [8/3/2016 7:52:28 AM] Ashumanamuriok: You don't care. [8/3/2016 7:52:32 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Why should I? [8/3/2016 7:53:05 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Oh, wait, Let me guess. You're not replying anymore. [8/3/2016 7:53:53 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Gee. Wonderful strategy, don't you think? [8/3/2016 7:57:07 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Perhaps your brother was right about you. Maybe I am right. You're ignorant. You seem bright. You're good at parroting information. But let's face it. Deep down, you know you're not as smart as you want to be. Let's face it. You're only eighteen. I'm only twenty-three. We're both fucking idiots. [8/3/2016 7:58:06 AM] Ashumanamuriok: .... At least I'm okay with it. You? .... You need time. [8/3/2016 7:59:25 AM] Ashumanamuriok: Young and fucking stupid. I'm formally rejecting you on the basis that you're a stupid little girl who can't handle feelings. Good night. [8/3/2016 12:46:03 PM] Em: I know what to say and do to help but I'm not doing it because I told you that I want to be away from you for a while, and since you're the one who overthought things and made yourself upset like this. Plus, I've not been directly rude to you once yet you've called me so many names already. [8/3/2016 12:49:27 PM] Em: So I mean, I'm just going to continue being the way I am and taper off messaging you. It doesn't emotionally bother me either. Your messages you want them to get to me since you're trying to be manipulative, but they're all a matter of entertainment now since you've resort to negatively talking. [8/3/2016 12:50:41 PM] Em: Night night. [8/3/2016 5:26:33 PM] Ashumanamuriok: lol You really are an IDIOT! [8/3/2016 5:30:47 PM] Em: Wouldn't hesitate to say the same for you [8/3/2016 5:41:26 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're mean. <The irony [8/3/2016 5:43:25 PM] Em: You call me that and then say I'm mean when I reiterate what you said? [8/3/2016 5:43:32 PM] Em: What an irony [8/3/2016 5:46:12 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Well, you are. You only reply with mean things to say. Things that hurt me. [8/3/2016 5:46:20 PM] Ashumanamuriok: The cycle of pain. [8/3/2016 5:47:46 PM] Ashumanamuriok: A non-mean person would know my words don't come from a place of hurt. But you're likely just... Ignorant. You don't know how painful this is. [8/3/2016 5:49:24 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You could make this all normal again if you would just... Stop fucking ignoring me! Ugh. [8/3/2016 5:49:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're... so... STUPID!!! [8/3/2016 5:50:30 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ...Or you just don't care. [8/3/2016 5:50:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... Talk to me. [8/3/2016 5:51:54 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Why are you doing this to me? [8/3/2016 5:52:39 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Ugh. Women are so frustrating. This is why I didn't want to get close to you. Fucking idiot. [8/3/2016 5:53:06 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Thanks for reinforcing my ideas. [8/3/2016 5:53:23 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Sigh. Ultra sigh. You're probably laughing at me right now.
[8/3/2016 5:53:27 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Talk to me.
[8/3/2016 5:53:33 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Enjoy yourself. Slut. [8/3/2016 5:54:14 PM] Ashumanamuriok: My revenge will be so sweet. [8/3/2016 5:57:59 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're.. Garbage to me. You'll go down in my history as a bad person. Whore. [8/3/2016 5:58:49 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You clearly lost interest and found it in someone else. You just won't admit it. You're a liar. A big liar. [8/3/2016 5:58:58 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... And I hate you.... [8/3/2016 6:00:22 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... I hope you never get better. I hope you shed until there's nothing let of you.... Die. You ugly, stupid monster... [8/3/2016 6:07:42 PM] Em: So this is why they put you in a psych ward. [8/3/2016 6:08:12 PM] Em: It's alright. Do what you wish. [8/3/2016 6:13:06 PM] Ashumanamuriok: That's right.... [8/3/2016 6:13:18 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Don't say ANYTHING. [8/3/2016 6:13:24 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Just disappear. [8/3/2016 6:13:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're not welcome anymore. [8/3/2016 6:13:50 PM] Em: Okay [8/3/2016 6:14:11 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Tch. See? You don't even care. [8/3/2016 6:14:32 PM] Ashumanamuriok: God. You're so annoying. Bitch. [8/3/2016 6:14:53 PM] Em: Why would I? You placed a spell and pompously said Emily begone. [8/3/2016 6:15:14 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You've already left a long time ago. [8/3/2016 6:15:43 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You're the one that drove me away.
[8/3/2016 6:15:50 PM] Em: Yeah, for like 1 day.. Lol. (Seriously.) [8/3/2016 6:15:57 PM] Ashumanamuriok: More for like a week. [8/3/2016 6:16:02 PM] Em: I said I needed a break and you accepted that. [8/3/2016 6:16:13 PM] Em: You over dramatize everything [8/3/2016 6:16:33 PM] Em: Go back to our League chats and check please [8/3/2016 6:16:49 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Why? It's not like there's any going back. [8/3/2016 6:17:01 PM] Em: I didn't drive you away. I remained normal. You literally started all of this yourself [8/3/2016 6:17:24 PM] Em: Okay then, there's no evidence behind your claim and there is for mine [8/3/2016 6:17:59 PM] Ashumanamuriok: You know what sucks? [8/3/2016 6:18:26 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I know you said that. [8/3/2016 6:20:23 PM] Ashumanamuriok: If you would have just TOLD me earlier... [8/3/2016 6:20:35 PM] Ashumanamuriok: "Do you honestly think you'd be coming back?" [8/3/2016 6:20:42 PM] Ashumanamuriok: This would have never have happened. [8/3/2016 6:20:49 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Be it a yes or no. [8/3/2016 6:20:57 PM] Ashumanamuriok: All I wanted was clarity. [8/3/2016 6:21:16 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... I'm sorry for saying those things I said earlier. Most of it wasn't true. But.... [8/3/2016 6:21:31 PM] Em: You're too psychologically twisted [8/3/2016 6:21:35 PM] Em: And there's "no going back" [8/3/2016 6:21:45 PM] Em: So fix your mouth the next time you speak to me or don't speak at all [8/3/2016 6:22:03 PM] Em: Guilt-tripping isn't a sincere move either [8/3/2016 6:22:40 PM] Em: Next time you label me as something uncalled for, I'm blocking you. [8/3/2016 6:23:07 PM] Em: And I won't be the kiddy kind of you where I delete/block then undo it. That's just child's play. [8/3/2016 6:23:18 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Why not do it now if "there's no going back"? [8/3/2016 6:24:04 PM] Em: Cause it's entertaining what all you have to say to me still. I can literally sit here and say nothing and somehow you'll come up with pages of text of profanity and attempt ways of cursing me. [8/3/2016 6:24:31 PM] Em: Years of evidence of what all them girls did to your mind. [8/3/2016 6:24:40 PM] Em: You need a serious detox. [8/3/2016 6:24:58 PM] Em: A therapist. And hell no, I'm not doing that for you. [8/3/2016 6:25:12 PM] Em: After seeing how intoxicating you can be, lol. This is your true self. [8/3/2016 6:25:12 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... How's that entertaining? I'm suffering. [8/3/2016 6:25:26 PM] Ashumanamuriok: This isn't my true self... [8/3/2016 6:25:41 PM] Ashumanamuriok: This is my hurt self. Trying to save face. [8/3/2016 6:26:21 PM] Ashumanamuriok: v_v You're not doing what for me? Be a therapist? [8/3/2016 6:26:56 PM] Em: I'm not doing anything else for you. [8/3/2016 6:27:12 PM] Em: You are who you are at your worst. [8/3/2016 6:27:44 PM] Em: And this, these past few days, this is you. And you're nowhere near the genuine and sincere person I thought you were. [8/3/2016 6:28:32 PM] Ashumanamuriok: That's not true. Contrary. [8/3/2016 6:28:39 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm not a wicked person. [8/3/2016 6:28:58 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I've just been hurt so much... The pain turns me into that/ [8/3/2016 6:29:09 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I didn't have anyone to talk to or support me. [8/3/2016 6:29:23 PM] Ashumanamuriok: So I threw a tantrum. :/ In the most simple sense. [8/3/2016 6:29:28 PM] Em: You're not? Lol. Feel free to look at all of what you've written through Skype. [8/3/2016 6:29:38 PM] Ashumanamuriok: That's not me!! [8/3/2016 6:29:42 PM] Em: Sorry. Words can't be taken back. [8/3/2016 6:29:48 PM] Ashumanamuriok: I'm like Amumu. [8/3/2016 6:29:54 PM] Em: Provide yourself some more self control then [8/3/2016 6:30:08 PM] Em: For future others' sakes [8/3/2016 6:30:19 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Please... Just block me... v_v [8/3/2016 6:30:23 PM] Em: K [8/3/2016 6:30:37 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ... I'm sorry. [8/3/2016 6:30:44 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Tell me when you do it. [8/3/2016 6:30:58 PM] Em: You're so bipolar. [8/3/2016 6:30:58 PM] Ashumanamuriok: Thanks for talking to me. [8/3/2016 6:31:02 PM] Em: See ya. [8/3/2016 6:31:08 PM] Ashumanamuriok: ...bye..
[8/9/2016 7:12:33 PM] *** Jalen Santos would like to add you on Skype
Hey, you. If you can't read my message, accept this request (temporarily?) *** [8/9/2016 7:13:17 PM] *** Em has shared contact details with Jalen Santos. *** [8/9/2016 7:13:39 PM] Em: You have 5 minutes [8/9/2016 7:13:53 PM] Jalen Santos: To do what? [8/9/2016 7:14:08 PM] Em: Hey, you. If you can't read my message, accept this request (temporarily?) [8/9/2016 7:14:15 PM] Jalen Santos: Oh. [8/9/2016 7:14:19 PM] Jalen Santos: Hey, you. I know it hasn't been too, too long. But I wanted to reach out to you. I sorta... Dug around. Did some research on my mental attributes and found out that I do, uh, have "something" going on with me. It sorta helps me understand more of why I feel the way I feel. I want to try again. I know you likely won't accept me back or, like, hate me or something. But I feel like you're one of the few people who, potentially, could help me understand and grow. Feel free to, like, ignore me or something. I sorta... Lost feelings for you in that sense. But I still like you as a person. Anyways.... I'm gunna go off for a walk. Hope to hear from you soon. [8/9/2016 7:14:54 PM] Jalen Santos: Gunna go for that walk now. [8/9/2016 7:16:00 PM] Jalen Santos: Also, I apologize for those awful things I've said to you. It wasn't "me". It was a manifestation of my hurt feelings and retaliation to "perceived threats". [8/9/2016 9:05:33 PM] Jalen Santos: Done with that walk.Broke a good-ass sweat. Been doin' it lately to help combat my, uhh... Y'know. I don' t want to say what I "have" in fear of being judged. But it has a name and I display 90%-95% of the symptoms. But that I know what's up with my noggin, I feel it's so much easier to cope. SO Much easier. Like lidocane on the skin. [8/9/2016 9:11:07 PM] Em: Feel free to delete any photos of mine on your phone [8/9/2016 9:11:27 PM] Em: Otherwise the thought makes me feel disgusted [8/9/2016 9:11:36 PM] Jalen Santos: Alright. [8/9/2016 9:11:57 PM] Jalen Santos: I haven't looked at them since before we last talked. If that makes you feel any better. [8/9/2016 9:12:34 PM] Jalen Santos: Well. Once. Ir made me feel so bad for being so... I dunno. Demanding? [8/9/2016 9:14:28 PM] Jalen Santos: They're gone now. [8/9/2016 9:14:32 PM] Em: I like how you had the idea of blackmailing me in mind [8/9/2016 9:14:41 PM] Em: And good [8/9/2016 9:14:42 PM] Jalen Santos: `I didn't. [8/9/2016 9:14:53 PM] Em: Uh, you clearly did [8/9/2016 9:15:08 PM] Jalen Santos: "My revenge will be so sweet?" [8/9/2016 9:15:34 PM] Jalen Santos: Psh. That was bullshit. I didn't even have that idea in mind as I was writing it. [8/9/2016 9:15:35 PM] Em: Aw, sweet how you still remember all of what you said [8/9/2016 9:16:08 PM] Em: Night [8/9/2016 9:16:08 PM] Jalen Santos: ... Trust me. The words... [8/9/2016 9:16:25 PM] Jalen Santos: They're burned into my memory, too. I read over what I said. [8/9/2016 9:16:57 PM] Jalen Santos: Err... Night, I guess. Sorry we couldn't be friends. [8/9/2016 9:19:05 PM] Jalen Santos: Kept one picture as a souvenir. It's not a bad one, I promise. I just want something to remember you by if this is truly our last encounter. Anyways. Night for real this time. Signing out.
[8/10/2016 12:03:12 PM] Jalen Santos: Afternoon? [8/10/2016 12:03:27 PM] Jalen Santos: A good one, I hope.
[8/11/2016 11:11:23 AM] Jalen Santos: I don't see why you felt the need to delete me on Skype. BAHAHAHAHA. Whatever. I don't care, really. If you're gunna be a bitch, I won't be your friend. Bitch.
[8/11/2016 11:50:09 AM] Jalen Santos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgGDwYYfayI
[8/12/2016 10:28:57 PM] Em: I mean, I don't mind not being a friend to someone who's malevolently listed me off as every kind of person there is in the world when I haven't even called you a single thing, lol [8/12/2016 10:30:09 PM] Em: And I 'lied'? Really? You wanna pull up all our League and Skype chats and pinpoint me on where I ever did that? I don't mind that either [8/12/2016 11:40:01 PM] Jalen Santos: Think I could have a last few words with you? [8/12/2016 11:40:31 PM] Jalen Santos: It'd be quick. [8/12/2016 11:40:52 PM] Em: go for it [8/12/2016 11:41:13 PM] Em: i'm not calling [8/12/2016 11:41:15 PM] *** Call from Jalen Santos *** [8/12/2016 11:41:15 PM] *** Call ended *** [8/12/2016 11:41:20 PM] Jalen Santos: Ok. [8/12/2016 11:43:25 PM] Jalen Santos: I know that you like him, like, quite a bit. And it doesn't bother me. It would have been nice to know before hand. [8/12/2016 11:44:19 PM] Jalen Santos: That's really all. I'm not gunna add or subtract to it. I don't really want to contribute to the "mess" anymore. I just want things to be alright. I know it'll happen with time and it's something that just has to happen. But... Yeah. Anyways. Play with you later. [8/12/2016 11:45:21 PM] Em: For the third time [8/12/2016 11:45:25 PM] Em: stop making assertions and conclusions [8/12/2016 11:45:38 PM] Em: at that point when I was actually talking to you [8/12/2016 11:45:45 PM] Em: I didn't even like him [8/12/2016 11:45:52 PM] Em: and mk [8/12/2016 11:45:53 PM] Em: see ya [8/12/2016 11:46:42 PM] Jalen Santos: Yeah -- let's just move on. [8/12/2016 11:46:54 PM] Jalen Santos: Hey. You didn't have to remove me, dude. [8/12/2016 11:47:38 PM] *** Jalen Santos would like to add you on Skype
Hi Em, I'd like to add you as a contact. *** [8/12/2016 11:48:05 PM] Jalen Santos: Sigh Look. I just wanted to say my last words and that's it. Okay? We and him had a talk and, I dunno, he shed some light. [8/12/2016 11:48:41 PM] Jalen Santos: Whatevr. Rolls eyes Enjoy your meal. [8/12/2016 11:48:52 PM] Em: k [8/12/2016 11:49:37 PM] Jalen Santos: Why can't you just understand? [8/12/2016 11:49:44 PM] Jalen Santos: That's the kind of stuff that hurts me. [8/12/2016 11:50:03 PM] Jalen Santos: When you act like that, it makes me think you don't care. [8/12/2016 11:50:06 PM] Jalen Santos: But YOU DO. [8/12/2016 11:50:20 PM] Jalen Santos: That's not an assertion but a fact. [8/12/2016 11:50:39 PM] Em: I do [8/12/2016 11:50:42 PM] Em: but only because it annoys me [8/12/2016 11:50:43 PM] Em: lol. [8/12/2016 11:51:18 PM] Jalen Santos: Then you just ignore me and not passively aggressively just go "k". [8/12/2016 11:51:56 PM] Jalen Santos: Dude, you know I've been through some tough shit myself. I SHOWED you the jealous side of me because I felt comfortable. I thought we could work it out. [8/12/2016 11:52:14 PM] Jalen Santos: But, like, it's like you ignored all the signs and just... I dunno. Did what I did in a sense. [8/12/2016 11:52:52 PM] Jalen Santos: We both saw eachother's "Pictures" and sorta.. Didn't understand. [8/12/2016 11:53:14 PM] Jalen Santos: This is all one big misunderstanding and I feel like you either don't want to accept it, don't care, or you're just so... guarded. [8/12/2016 11:53:36 PM] Jalen Santos: Or, perhaps, you're busy with your own problems. [8/12/2016 11:53:43 PM] Jalen Santos: And me too. [8/12/2016 11:53:51 PM] Jalen Santos: Us being AT eachother's throats WONT [8/12/2016 11:53:52 PM] Jalen Santos: SO [8/12/2016 11:53:54 PM] Jalen Santos: *DO [8/12/2016 11:53:56 PM] Jalen Santos: ANYTHING [8/12/2016 11:54:15 PM] Em: Your own fault [8/12/2016 11:54:27 PM] Jalen Santos: There's no one to blame. [8/12/2016 11:54:31 PM] Em: Yep, just you [8/12/2016 11:54:44 PM] Jalen Santos: Why do you feel like there has to be a clear "Right" and "Wrong" [8/12/2016 11:54:49 PM] Jalen Santos: "Black" and "White"? [8/12/2016 11:54:59 PM] Jalen Santos: That's not how things work. [8/12/2016 11:54:59 PM] Em: Anyone who reads our conversation would obviously agree it was you who started all the drama [8/12/2016 11:55:02 PM] Em: Lol [8/12/2016 11:55:22 PM] Em: Gonna go do some other things [8/12/2016 11:55:30 PM] Em: Later [8/12/2016 11:55:35 PM] Jalen Santos: Possibly. But you didn't really do much to try to understand why I felt the way I did. [8/12/2016 11:55:45 PM] Jalen Santos: Look -- let's just be friends. Nothing complicated. [8/12/2016 11:56:03 PM] Jalen Santos: You obviously lost interest in me and that's fine. All I want is someone to play with now and then. [8/12/2016 11:56:05 PM] Jalen Santos: That's it. [8/12/2016 11:56:15 PM] Jalen Santos: And us not being friends gets in the way of me and Mike being friends. [8/12/2016 11:56:30 PM] Jalen Santos: So let's just grow up a little and let go. [8/12/2016 11:56:51 PM] *** Jalen Santos would like to add you on Skype
Hi Em, I'd like to add you as a contact. ***
*tries to add Em for the 20th time on Skype only to delete her each time* [8/12/2016 11:57:19 PM] Em: Whatever conclusions I make regarding whatever it is [8/12/2016 11:57:27 PM] Em: Feel free to remind yourself it was all you who started it [8/12/2016 11:57:37 PM] Em: alright, tired now [8/12/2016 11:57:38 PM] Em: i'm out [8/12/2016 11:59:01 PM] Jalen Santos: Is that meant to make me feel guilt? Because honestly, it doesn't. I know what I did and why I did it. You might see me as a monster, but I know what I'm capable of [8/12/2016 11:59:38 PM] Jalen Santos: You can do whatever you like. It's you that's missing out if you decide to shut me out for an unfortunate mix of events. [12:00:13 AM] Jalen Santos: You weren't there when I needed you. I could say that's your fault. When I was most emotionally distressed, you just shut me out cold and just... Did you. Ignored me. (Obviously, because look at what all you’ve said.)
[12:00:34 AM] Jalen Santos: You didn't bother to try and make me feel better or anything. [12:00:49 AM] Jalen Santos: We could point fingers all day. There are millions of different angles you could see it. [12:01:40 AM] Jalen Santos: I could say you need to grow up. You need a therapist. But you can say the same for me. [12:02:56 AM] Jalen Santos: What was the way you described it? "Unrelenting acceptance"? [12:03:23 AM] Jalen Santos: I like that term a lot. It applies to the situation. Que sera, sera. [12:13:52 AM] Jalen Santos: In the end, it'd just be you who's missing out because of your lack of acceptance/understanding. Both of us. And that's, for lack of a better word, rather shitty. It's a cycle of shit-clown-fiesta until all parties decide to just put an end to it. And in this case, it's not just me and you. But anyways. I think I got my final thoughts all done. Please, don't say anything unless it "means" something. Don't be mean. Don't be rude. Don't shut me out. Yeah, maybe things take time, and I'm cool with that. Just try not to hold so strong of a grudge. Not just for me. But for people in the future, too. Things aren't so simple. There are so many variables in life... Wow. [12:16:10 AM] Jalen Santos: Thanks, Emily. Really. Whether or not we become friends. I seriously mean it out of the bottom of my heart. I would tell you all these things I've found out about myself but... I feel like I've overstayed my welcome. I'm gunna try and look for someone to talk to. But I'll be here. Whether you consider me a friend or not. I'm still you're friend. You may not be mine, but I'm yours. [12:17:13 AM] Jalen Santos: .... Last thing. Even if I AM a monster.... Undertale taught me that even monsters have souls. Night. [12:36:14 AM] Jalen Santos: Whenever you're ready to open up again, just send me a message. You're obviously not ready. I get it. I struck at some nerves and you want to get back at me by striking at my nerves. You can't possibly think I'm that awful. You're just mad at me because I said some really horrible things. And it makes sense. A lot of things make sense now just by talking to you and Mike and I should have taken your help earlier. But... Complications. You likely don't care, still mad, whatever. But I must make my peace and, unfortunately, I'm not very good expressing myself vocally. I need time to compile what I feel so I'm able to express it. .... So I guess to make it ultimately simple... I don't care. But I care. I understand, and I don't. I "am". I'm not "should" but "am" me. Not "should" me. I "am" me. And I'm just now beginning to accept it. Perhaps at the cost of something special -- but that's what's so beautiful about the ebbs and flows of life. God. Life just feels so good right now. And not because it's good. But because I know I have the power to make it so.
[8/13/2016 11:28:44 PM] *** Hi Em, I'd like to add you as a contact. ***
