#irrational-shutin

[hanasaku-shijin]

any charlotte/ange headcanons you'd be willing to share?

Ahhhhhhhhh I can’t think of any off the top of my head. What gets me thinking about headcanons is writing fics for the characters and exploring some details the canon hadn’t shared. Since I haven’t written any fics for it yet, I don’t have any headcanons off the top of my head.

But never fear, I do plan to write at least one fic for them in upcoming weeks/days.

[homuras-homos]

@irrational-shutin soft hands prompt

The first time their hands touched it was in the corridors of NERV headquarters, and it was a touch that had been accidental. Rei had dropped one of her neural-clips onto the floor when she was putting them in, and it bounced towards Asuka, loud enough to draw her attention. Asuka bent over and picked it up. a rare act of kindness on her part, even if it was one born out of necessity. There was an angel somewhere outside and Asuka knew that neither pilot had a moment to spare. She marched out of the change room, Rei following a step behind her. When Asuka stuck her hand behind her for Rei to grab her fallen clip, their hands had touched for a brief moment. It was enough for Asuka to notice how warm and how soft Rei’s hand was, a thought that made her lose concentration for a brief moment before she made herself focus on the immediate crisis.

The next time their hands touched it was deliberate, but still unexpected. Asuka was lashing out against the first person she saw after another synchronization test where Shinji gained ground on Asuka, from his own increased score and from the dip in Asuka’s own score. Rei had given the advice that she would always give; to open up her heart to her Eva. And as always Asuka had not been able to understand how that would help. Rei began to walk out of the locker room while Asuka continued to rant, and in a fit of anger Asuka grabbed her wrist, stopping her. It did stop her in her tracks. Rei did not try to take her hand back, knowing that it would only further infuriate Asuka. Asuka’s hand slid down, off of Rei’s wrist and into her open hand. She threaded her fingers between Rei’s, feeling the delicate skin against hers. Whatever further arguments Asuka had died in her throat, and she looked down at their hands. Rei’s fingers curled over Asuka’s knuckles, the grip solid yet gentle. Rei tilted her head to the side, curious, but did not try to pull away until Asuka finally did it herself.

The argument had been ended, at least for the night.

It was not something that Asuka had wanted. To know how supple Rei’s hands were, and how much comfort they brought with their presence with their sure yet quiet touch. Asuka tried with others; She had grabbed Shinji’s hand in their apartment, forcing her fingers through his. Shinji’s hands were soft, but awkward in Asuka’s grasp, twisting and turning while trying to either find a comfortable grip or to pull away, Asuka couldn’t tell which. The only feelings Asuka felt were dejection and disappointment. He had pulled away the moment that Asuka gave him the chance. Hikari’s hands were also soft, and she was far better at holding hands than Shinji, but the reciprocation seemed forced on Hikari’s part. She had no idea what Asuka needed from the touch.

So Asuka had returned to Rei, silently demanding the comfort that Rei provided. Rei had given it to her just as silently, but completely willingly.

Asuka had been privy to the gentle feeling of Rei’s hands against hers many times before she managed to say something. The brief moments of contact were always somewhere private. The locker room, deserted corridors of NERV, when they went their separate ways back to their own apartments and the street was empty. It had always been silent, neither of them wanting to say anything, nor knowing what to say.

What finally brought Asuka to speak her feelings had been during lunch break at school, when they had managed to find a private spot to enjoy their lunches together, outside and away from any prying eyes. They sat side by side, and Rei had been the first to offer her hand, which Asuka had accepted. Their fingers intertwined as always, Asuka’s thumb on the outside. It glided over the bit of Rei’s hand between the base of her thumb and the wrist, letting Asuka marvel at how smooth Rei’s hands were. A small smile crept onto Rei’s face, matching the one that formed on Asuka’s. It disappeared as soon as it came. Instead Rei made an inquisitive frown, and Asuka knew what Rei was asking. Why? A question that Asuka had thought of and came up with an answer weeks ago, even if she still had trouble accepting the answer herself.

“Because I enjoy the feeling. How your hand feels. You have soft skin, and it feels warmer than I expected. It’s nice.” She paused, and then looked down at their hands again, squeezing her fingers ever so slightly. “And the way you hold my hand, it makes me feel less alone.” She admitted. There was silence from Rei, and when Asuka looked up she could see how deeply she was thinking. The bell rang, summoning them back to class. Neither of them immediately moved though, Rei still thinking and Asuka not wanting to break their contact.   

Eventually Rei spoke, and like her grip on Asuka’s hand, her words were certain but gentle. “I believe I feel the same way. It is hard to know if that is true, but I know that I have a desire to hold your hand, and that I enjoy the feeling when I do hold it.” Rei told her.

Asuka smiled again, then stood up and pulled Rei to her feet. They began walking back to the doors of the school, keeping their hands together for as long as they could. 

[homuras-homos]

asurei & 3 for that touchy-feely thing

Ahh, I forgot to answer this. Here you go instigator.

3. They know about my past. They know I’m scared of touch, and they’re trying to respect that. I appreciate it, but with them, I just know it would be okay.

As it turned out, the emotional side of their relationship was the easiest for both of them to come to terms with. Both Rei and Asuka wanted to support each other, and they did so quite well. They both wanted to feel loved, and the other made sure that they were. In their own ways, with some misunderstandings between them. Those didn’t matter though, in the end they were simply there for each other.

Physical intimacy, on the other hand, was proving difficult. They could, and had, held each other tightly and long into the night when either of them had been too emotional to care, and just needed to feel like they weren’t alone in the world. The rest of the time was a far different story. Even after the nights which they held each other they would separate themselves when they woke, neither of them used to lingering contact.

The problem was twofold. First of all, Asuka was rather averse to instigating anything more than holding hands with Rei, and even then it was rare and flighty, usually over after a few seconds. It was fear that kept her from doing anything more, fear of hurting Rei and herself by going too far or too fast. Fear that even if she had someone to hold her, she would eventually lose that feeling and thus leave her with a bigger hole in her heart. Even though both her and Rei had promised not to abandon each other, and both intended to keep that promise. So, even though they were deeply in love, a casual observer would be hard pressed to notice that they were together. It was something that Asuka wanted to amend. She thought that if perhaps they grew more comfortable with each other physically, they may grow more confident in their emotions.

Which had led Asuka to her current position, laying on her bed with only a light dress on. Rei sat on a chair beside the bed, brought in from the kitchen. She was similarly dressed to Asuka. Asuka was giving Rei permission to do what she wanted, how she wanted. While she was scared of physical intimacy, she also told herself that it was okay if it was Rei. Asuka knew that Rei would never abandon her. Even if she had doubts about it every day. However letting Rei take the lead was not That ran into the other part of the problem. Rei had no experience with being physically intimate, and suffered the same fears as Asuka did. The act of touching had never been that important to Rei, she had been neither happy nor sad when someone had touched her shoulder or took her hand. Before, at least. Yet she became more scared of it as she realized that she could find herself without Asuka, and would suffer because of that loss.

Rei stared at Asuka, her usual inquisitive frown on her face. Asuka turned her head towards Rei, meeting her frown with an encouraging smile. “Take your time,” She said, repeating it for the third time in ten minutes. It was for the benefit of both of them. Even though she shied away from touching, Rei tilted her head down in a slight nod, and then stood up slowly. She walked over to the bed, placing one of her hands on it to steady herself.

Asuka moved over on the bed to allow Rei to lay down beside her, which she proceeded to do so. First she sat down, then swung her legs onto the sheets, and finally leaned back and rested her head on a pillow beside Asuka’s head. Rei continued to stare at her, her vermillion eyes meeting Asuka’s ultramarines. She inhaled, not wanting to disappoint Asuka. The girl who had screamed, begged, whimpered, asking to be held. Now Rei could do just that, and more if she chose. Asuka splayed out the hand closest to Rei, and waited. As she suspected, Rei began with something she knew. Holding hands. It was easy, simple, known. A way to start and get comfortable.

Rei’s hand met Asuka’s halfway between them, their fingers interlocking gently. Asuka’s skin felt soft and warm on Rei’s palm. She waited for Asuka to flinch, pull her hand away, citing that Rei was doing something wrong. Asuka didn’t though, she merely passively gazed at Rei. Rei did not do anything other than that for half a minute, getting comfortable with the feel of Asuka’s skin. She found herself matching Asuka’s breaths as they continued to lay still. The room was silent aside from the occasional protests from the bed against the added weight, the creak of springs. Asuka gave her hand a slight squeeze, the small bit of feedback a welcome sign for Rei, who took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

Rei then continued, moving her hand up Asuka’s arm. She took an immaculate time to trace lines between Asuka’s freckles. There was a shiver in Asuka’s arm, and Rei hesitated for a moment, pulling her hand away. Asuka locked eyes with her, giving a nod of the head to show that she was alright. It was merely her body reacting to the unfamiliar sensation. Somewhat hesitantly Rei returned her hand to where it was before, just above the elbow. She continued her journey until she reached Asuka’s shoulder, where she stopped for a moment. Asuka rolled onto her side, getting slightly closer to Rei in the process. She gave another nod to tell Rei that it was alright for her to continue.

Now Rei tucked her arm underneath Asuka’s neck, the hand coming to rest on her back. Rei’s other arm moved to wrap around the top of Asuka. Rei could feel Asuka hold her breath for a moment before exhaling it, and realized a moment later that she too was holding in her breath. She released it slowly, relaxing her tense arms as she did. One of Asuka’s arms moved around Rei’s chest, lower than Rei’s was. Asuka pressed her hand to Rei’s back, watching her reaction carefully. It was the closest that they had held each other on their own volition, when neither of them were breaking down and the other reacted without thinking.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Asuka catching her breath and Rei becoming comfortable with the sensation of feeling the minute movements from the other girl. Hugging was rather comforting, she noted.   

Then Rei pulled Asuka closer, until their noses practically touched. She entangled her legs with Asuka’s, Asuka reciprocating a moment later, and they held each other tightly. Rei could feel Asuka’s pulse quicken ever so slightly. She bit her lip, taking a closer look at Asuka’s face. Even though Asuka was doing a good job at hiding it, Rei knew that she was nervous from her touch. Rei didn’t pull away though, merely keeping her arms still.

And Asuka was nervous. Not as much as she had feared though. It was Rei, and Rei would never do anything to hurt her purposefully. The slow pace that Rei had taken had helped as well, letting Asuka tell herself that it was alright. Alright to feel happy when Rei held her. She took Rei’s somewhat uncertain expression to mean that she didn’t know what to do, and puckered her lips ever so slightly. Inviting a kiss. Rei leaned in a moment later.

It was a rather chaste kiss. Their lips meeting each other and separating a moment later. Rei’s lips tingled from it though. She had kissed Asuka once, or more accurately Asuka had kissed her. A short time after they had managed to find a word to their feelings for each other. It had been harder, longer, Asuka desperately wanting it. Rei hadn’t. Too shocked, too confused, too overwhelmed, she had pulled away, avoiding Asuka for the next two days until Asuka had apologized, saying that she should have taken it slower.

Rei held Asuka for another minute, wondering what to do now. A small smile had crossed Asuka’s face after the kiss. Rei gulped, feeling uncertainty well up inside her. She wanted to see Asuka smile more, she wanted to make Asuka smile more. Yet even so, she had no desire to go any further with her, nor any knowledge of how to do so. She imagined how disappointed Asuka would be with her because of that.

So she pulled away, suddenly and forcefully. Her arms slid out from around Asuka, and she rolled onto her back before sitting up. Asuka reached out, trying to bring her back in, before she stopped herself, knowing that it might make it worse. Rei turned away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“So, is that all you feel comfortable with?” Asuka asked, rolling onto her side to face Rei’s back. Rei turned her head around to look at Asuka, the fear and disappointment palpable on her face. Asuka sat up on her knees, staring eye-to-eye with Rei. She couldn’t read Asuka’s face, but thought she saw some disappointment on it. Rei turned her gaze away from Asuka, then looked down at her knuckles. Her shoulders tensed, and she felt her heart sink. She was worthless, unable to even hold the girl she loved without being afraid of what would happen.  

“Asuka, I know that’s not what you wanted, but-”

“Idiot! That’s all you want, and that’s all I need. Even if you don’t want to get all touchy feely, that’s fine with me. I don’t need that because I know you love me!” Asuka declared quickly, cutting her off. Rei stiffened, clenching her fists, only able to tell that Asuka was upset. Then Asuka was sitting beside her, moving to the side of the bed in an instant. She reached out and touched Rei’s hand, running her thumb over Rei’s knuckle, making her hands relax. Rei glanced over at Asuka again, who was smiling, not scowling as she thought she would be.

Her smile conveyed many things. That Asuka was happy. That Rei was different than other people, and still made her happy in spite of it. Asuka didn’t need to be intimate to know that Rei loved her. The look in Rei’s eye, the smile that only came out when Asuka was around, the way that Rei’s shoulders seemed to shrug off the weight of the world when Asuka was there to support her. All were things that Asuka noticed about Rei that told her that she was making a difference. That Rei loved her and was comfortable around her, and that was more than enough for Asuka. Rei glanced down at where Asuka was covering Rei’s hands, and turned her own hand over, so that their fingers intertwined.

It was small and simple. But it was comforting.     

[homuras-homos]

14 or 18 for asuka and rei!

14. things you said after you kissed me

Asuka pulled away from Rei after a few seconds and opened her eyes, disappointed from the lack of reciprocation. The First Child had flushed cheeks, but aside from that had kept a neutral expression. Why had Asuka expected anything else from the doll. She ground her teeth, ready to tell Rei that ‘doll’ was too generous of a nickname for her before storming off. The expression on Rei’s face was blank for another moment. Then Rei let out a shaky breath and her mouth creased upwards into a serene smile. Asuka’s insult died in her throat at its appearance. It was rare for Rei to smile, and even rarer that it be directed towards Asuka.

Rei brought her bandaged hand to her lips, seeing if the tingling sensation was real. Her mind had still not managed to process all the feelings that the kiss had brought on, leaving her in a daze for a few moments. Asuka’s expression degraded into one of disappointment as the seconds passed. Did she do something wrong? Rei wondered. “That was an enjoyable experience.” Rei commented, knowing she was not adept at expressing emotions. Perhaps she had not conveyed it to Asuka clearly enough. She took a few more breaths to steady herself. The Second Child continued to scowl, and Rei shifted under the gaze, wondering if she had made an inappropriate comment. Had the kiss been meant for enjoyment?

“Why didn’t you return it then?” Asuka asked bitterly, looking away from Rei and biting her lower lip in a pout. Rei had to be lying about how she felt. Asuka didn’t know why she felt so disappointed at the thought. It was no different than what everyone else did.

“I am supposed to return it?” Rei realized she had made a mistake. Asuka recoiled slightly, seemingly taken aback by the question. Rei bowed her head to avoid making eye contact with Asuka. She had never done anything like that before.

“I mean, if you want to. That’s the whole thing. You kiss people you want to kiss and you push away people you don’t.” Asuka explained with a sigh. She clenched her fist, ready to feel Rei wiggle out from between her and the wall and walk away.

“May we try again?” Rei pondered out loud, hoping that she could correct her mistake. Asuka seemed to freeze, and then her eyes shot back to Rei. Rei was looking at her, large eyes open with curiosity, reflecting Asuka’s shocked expression. “Asuka?” Rei tilted her head slightly to the side. Wordlessly Asuka took one hand and put it under Rei’s chin, tilting her head back ever so slightly. Then she gave Rei another chance. Rei made sure to lean forward into Asuka, so that this time it was clear what she felt.

[ladyadrestia]

Royalty, pianos, and love

;;;; ahaksjkajsa love you honey

although i haven’t played the piano in a while so idek why you’re associating that with Me anymore

[ladyadrestia]

irrational-shutin replied to your post: if you didnt want attention about it maybe you... @anon just bc i am ENTHUSIASTICALLY into my INCREDIBLE girlfriend does not mean that YOU are entitled to more of our personal life than we want to share here

lmao i can’t believe we even have to say this but :-) 

[ladyadrestia]

I'll take you on a date there, sweetheart!

heheheh good! im excited!!!!!! ill drive us there and then we can go for a walkkk, have some cute picnic under the shade and- ahem some other things… heheh <3!

[ladyadrestia]

irrational-shutin replied to your post: you are way too conceited for your own good its...

I cant believe you just ended this persons life omg

lmaoooo royal execution by the princess herself