just watched project hail mary again and this time I was especially struck by how much shame grace was clearly feeling, during the post-explosion meeting and a million times more in stratt's office.
(is it projection if the actor successfully evoked a familiar and legible emotional response from you on purpose. no and we've become too focused on the idea of projection just like parasociality and previously with the idea of tropes, in this essay)
but that. he's so sick with shame in that scene because he knows the stakes and he knows it's a selfish and awful and cowardly choice to make and it's so painful to make it and look people who he respects and admires and has worked with for so long in the eye and tarnish his image in their eyes beyond any hope of repair. but he's doing it anyway, because the fact is, the way people talk about this sickeningly total shame is that one "can't live with themself because of it" but that's just a thing you say. because he'll be alive. he will hate himself and be ashamed to face any human person and unable to endure any human connection for the rest of his life and every single one of earth's heroes and saviors and helpers will hate him and he will deserve it but he will be alive and that is simply too much for him to give up. he just can't do it.
