#isaacgotterer

[wesleyanampersand]

Is Dressing Up Like a Chicken Nugget for Halloween Reasonable?

The simple answer is no. Chicken nuggets nowadays are extremely complex. In order to pull off this nearly impossible costume, one must get past these steps:

1. Chop off your head so your most tender meat is readily available.

2. Rip out all your bones and place them aside for now. Don’t throw them out; you might need them later!

3. Poke a sharp knife into your butthole very quickly then pull it out. This causes all your blood to exit your body.  

4. Boil a large pot filled with water. After it reaches a consistent bubble, put yourself in it. After ten minutes drain the water.  

5. Put the heat on high, while you’re still in the pot, and melt yourself down into a liquid.

6. Saran Wrap and refrigerate yourself overnight.

7. By morning your body should be the consistency of slime. So scoop yourself into an icing bag.

8. Squirt yourself into various sections of an ice-cub tray.

9. Sprinkle breadcrumbs over you.

10. Place yourself into a preheated oven at 450 degrees. Leave yourself in for 12 minutes or until browned.

11. Congrats, you’re done! Now go out and get some nice treats with your friends and remember don’t get stuck with all the Almond Joys!

[wesleyanampersand]

Have You Ever Been Intrigued by Others Eating? Me Too!!

Some foods are just made for people to watch others eat. Number one on the online poll is corn. A nice juicy corn on the cob will make anyone salivate from insatiable starchy lust. The way one slides their mouth chompers onto loose yellow beads is an art form by itself. Post Modern Art? More like Post Modern eating corn. The eye contact a corn eater makes with its corn partner is an unbreakable bond. To watch this relationship commence is magical. You feel revived and energized, ready to take on life with ambition.

Corn. Oh! Miraculous corn!

Whether watching someone eat corn makes you feel happy, honest, horny or even humble, I just want you to know: You’re not alone. I too am a person-eating-corn-watcher. At lunch, at dinner, or alone in my bed, I feel the urge to watch someone grind down a nice, bumpy shaft of corn.

Tune in next time and you’ll read some personal stories of people watching other people eat cottage cheese. Take care!