Dear Me. session. 1
For the longest time i was always provoked by the idea of change and trying to rebrand myself either for people approval or what society expected from me... but i have learned that i dont want to fit into those boxes. Nor how matter how hard I try I can never shimmy into one.
Recently i have been having a weird stomach interruption (not the TacoBell kind, but the anxious one) when im in my lonesome thankfully it wasn't attributed to my toxic living environment (whew) but now more on my lifestyle.
so after that tragic but lovely ending to my final semester of college, I have given myself a much needed break. A break that was so long overdue that should have been addressed earlier (sorry Linda, my psychiatrist). lets say my last summer 2021 was filled with stress and chaos that it left me a silver lining. I’m over reacting? But no really I grew a single gray hair and she's a beaut.
anyways I gave myself a break meaning sleeping in late, staying up late to watch shows, spending some quality time with my girls, and eating above and beyond anything i can get my hands on. I was greedy, a slob, egotistical everything i was primed to not engage in for all my life in the matter of 3 weeks. now was i proud of this no, but it did also grant me relief? yes.
after crying and breaking down about the past multiple times and the choas back at home and wondering if im going to be single forever, lets say the excessive spending on food granted me temporary peace. but it left a hole in my heart and a dent in my health ( and bank account) as i feel like i was drifting away from my purpose