Father's Day
“So, hold on a minute,” Iskall held his hands up, “back up, because I must have missed that. You’re a FATHER?”
“Well, yeah?” Jevin shrugged, scrolling through his comm, “What’s so hard about that to believe?”
Iskall, by way of a reply, simply gestured at Jevin’s person from his head to his slimy feet.
“So? Okay, yeah, I guess it- is a little hard to fathom. I do, uh, have a certain- aura of coolness around me. But yeah, no, I’m a dad. And a damn good one, too. I mean, a slime-dad, which is a little different than a regular dad. But for a slime-dad, I’m top-shelf. Of course.”
“Uh-huh. And how does a slime-dad differ from a regular dad?” Iskall folded his arms.
“I don’t gotta, uh, chase after my kids as much as you guys do. They’re pretty much ready to go once they hit full-size. I do my bit by checking up on them periodically. Anyway, point is, I gotta go. My kids are throwing a father’s day bash, and I can’t be late.”
Iskall rubbed his temples.
“Okay, couple questions. One, father’s day was three months ago. Two, is there a Missus Jevin you’ve got stashed away somewhere? Or a Mister Jevin? Or-“
“…Why would another person be involved?” Jevin asked, tilting his head with a squish of slime, “Like, literally, why? Who needs help to become a parent?”
“…Uh…you know what? No. You want to learn about the parrots and the bats, go talk to Keralis.”
“Sure, whatever. Anyway, to answer your second question, it’s ‘cause if you try to do father’s day on the actual, like, day, renting a big enough hall is stupid expensive and it’s all just kind of dumb. And a hassle. So we host it whenever.”
Jevin glanced up from his comm.
“Wanna come? Meet my kids, I mean.”
Iskall rubbed his forehead.
“Sure, why not. Hit me with it.”
They tapped their comms together, and Jevin clacked his jaw together- the slime equivalent of a smile.
“Okay, so uh…All my kids know you guys as their aunts and uncles. So if they start calling you “auntie Iskall-“
“-Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m used to it.” Iskall nodded, “Should I wear something special?”
Jevin waved a hand.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. You’re fine as you are. Anyway, let’s go. Not good to keep my kids waiting!”
And Jevin tapped a few options on his comm and vanished.
<iJevin has left the game.>
Iskall shrugged, tapped over to his server list, and selected the option for the Hub, with the teleport coordinates visible in the centre.
He tapped it, and vanished.
<Iskall85 has left the game.>
When Iskall opened his eyes again, he was standing outside a colossal building, looking like some kind of conference centre. It was made of smooth quartz, with a fake parking lot full of fake vehicles that had clearly taken some builder a long time to put together.
Jevin was standing there, tapping his sneaker impatiently, the blue slime slosh-slosh-sloshing against the ground.
“Alright, c’mon, let’s get moving.” Jevin huffed, “We’re already a couple minutes late, and my kids worked really hard to put this on.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming…” Iskall muttered, brushing off his pants and following Jevin towards the doors.
Iskall was assuming that Jevin’s family would have set up a few tables in a corner. He was a slime; and the way Jevin was talking, Iskall had assumed a big family. Maybe ten kids? That would be a pretty big family.
Then Jevin and Iskall stepped into the conference hall.
“HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, DAD!”
Several thousand slimes bellowed all at once, a wall of sound so deafening that Iskall could feel his bionic eye nearly shake out of its housing.
He blinked his one eye, darting it around the room in shock. There were hundreds of small tables around which sat an unfathomable number of slimes in all colours of the rainbow. The room was a riot of wild fashion choices, and a deafening rumble of clattering bones and squelching bodies.
“I- I-” Iskall stammered, as he reached up and tightened the nut holding his robotic eye onto his skull’s mounting post.
“HEY EVERYONE!” Jevin shouted back, “THANK YOU!”
“Is that Uncle Iskall?” a deep voice said eagerly, “It’s so nice to meet you!”
“You have…THOUSANDS…of children. Not ten. Not twenty. Not even a hundred. THOUSANDS.” Iskall stammered.
“Yeah. I’m, uh, the father of all slime hybrids. It’s not a big deal, to be honest. Some other slime would’ve absorbed a skeleton and decided to think about itself if I hadn’t.” Jevin shrugged.
“All. Of them. ALL OF THEM.” Iskall clutched his head in his hands.
“Yeah? It’s not that difficult. You just, like, shed some slime on a large enough pile of biomass, it’ll grow into a kid. How is this so confusing for you? That’s probably where humans come from.” Jevin shrugged.
He rubbed his slimy hands together with a hideous squelch, and started traveling through the room, eagerly greeting each and every one of his kids.
Iskall staggered over to the snack table, piled high with compost, cinderblocks, and beer. He popped a bottle, and started chugging it.