alright so earlier i said “i may or may not be posting the next chapter of something today” so here it is my friends. (tbh i wasn’t even sure i was going to have this done and posted today.) i just want to thank all of you who’ve asked for more of this fic bc it is very near and dear to my heart and probably one of the only things i’ve done that i’m actually proud of. thank you to all my ladies over at tss who have helped me edit and much needed validation.
HAPPY PRINTSHOP DAY Y’ALL
prologue, one, two, three, four, five
Sauve Mon Coeur
Sussex, Virginia
30th March 1858
If you found me, would you save me?
If you touched me, would it break me?
Will I come back from this?
Come down, rescue my heart
I'll drown, without you
The sun slowly began its ascent into the sky, kissing it with hues of pink and orange and blue. Streaks of gold radiated from the sun, breaking through the clouds and bathing the world in light. The frosted tips of grass and leaves melted away, an icy dormancy relenting into soft morning dew. A fog had rolled out from between the trees, briefly obscuring everything until it faded into a fine mist.
A doe emerged from the hazy treeline before stopping dead in her tracks. I suspected that she saw me and spooked, ready to make a run for it—but she didn’t. She was staring directly at me, our eyes locked onto one another’s. I don’t know how long it lasted, whether it was only a moment or twenty, but when I blinked, she was gone.
I was so lost in the world around me, I hadn’t heard him coming.
“Mind if I sit wi’ ye?” He spoke softly, as if I were a small child who’d just woken up from a nightmare.
I was still angry--upset. But I knew that he meant no harm,that he was only trying to comfort me and let me know that he was there. That he would listen without judgement or pity and just listen.
I nodded silently and moved over on the bench so that he could sit beside me. Immediately, I could feel the warmth that radiated off him, even through the cold and the layers of clothing between us.
I felt my anger melt away into something more somber that made my heart feel heavy, like something was squeezing it inside of my chest and the only way to get rid of it was to talk about it. Only I had already told him everything. Well, almost everything.
“Sassena--Claire. I just wanted to apologize for earlier… I ken what ye said about it, I just--”
“Stop, Jamie,” I cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say. I was upset and I blew up at him. In all my life, he was one of the only people who believed in me and cared and listened. Actually listened.
“You didn’t do anything wrong I-- I overreacted and you didn’t deserve that. You don’t need to apologize... it’s alright.”
The corner of his mouth turned up into a smile, and in that moment I could see the small red-haired boy he used to be whose grin lit up the entire room. “Aye, well.” He chuckled.
“It’s no’ just that…” He trailed off, his tone turned serious and his smile disappearing entirely.
I sat up a bit, intrigued. “What is it?”
He took a deep breath before continuing, “Do you remember when ye told me about what happened to ye?” His voice was deep and thick with emotion, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach as I realized what he was about to say.
I froze. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t speak, I felt like I falling and I was powerless to stop it.
He looked away, his eyes pinned to the ground. “I told ye that I knew Randall, an’ that something happened to me as well.”
He swallowed, and I noticed a tear roll down his cheek.
I wanted him to stop; I didn’t want to picture whatever it was that Randall had done to him. But at the same time I knew it was something he had to do--needed to.
I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded, allowing him to continue.
“When I left Scotland, I was also leaving Randall and wha’ happened behind. I promised myself that I wouldna think about it ever again, that I would leave the past in the past.” A breath. “ I’d been able to keep that promise, for the most part. But when ye told me what he did to ye…” I could almost see the anger and rage building in him as he spoke through gritted teeth.
“Not only did I remember wha’ happened to me, but I was seein’ you as well. Everythin’ ye said he did to ye--I can see it. Playin’ over an’ over again in my head-” He paused, squeezing his eyes shut as if to force the image out of his mind.
“It’s tearin’ me apart, Claire.” His voice broke, the emotions running through him too much for one person to bear.
I saw another tear roll down his cheek, and I felt my heart split in two.
“Oh Jamie…” I breathed, and felt a tear roll down my own cheek. Suddenly I was crushing him to me, wrapping myself around him as if to absorb some of the pain so he wouldn’t have to bear it alone.
“I’m so sorry…” I whispered into the fabric of his shirt, my heart breaking along with his.
I felt him wrap his arms around me and hold me tight against him.
“You don’t have to say it I-” I was unable to say anything more as Jamie kissed me hard on the mouth, stealing the breath from my body.
I melted into him, my mind immediately going back to my dream from the night before.
I had kissed him yesterday, in the heat of the moment and immediately regretted it. I hardly knew Jamie and he was there for me, made me feel safe. I had no idea if my feelings for him were reciprocated, but apparently, they were.
I sighed and made a noise of contentment as the rest of the world faded away, until I was only able to feel Jamie’s lips and body against mine.
My hands came up to rest on either side of his face, and I pulled away a little so that I could look at him. Really look at him. There were so many things I hadn’t noticed before: freckles speckled across his face like the stars in the night sky, his red lashes that were blond at the root and dark on the ends, the blue of his eyes that seemed to shine like crystals; flawless and perfect in every way. I could still see the silver trails of tears that ran down his face, shining in the sun. And then I remembered.
What if he was only doing this so he could forget?
What if he’s only doing this to distract himself?
What if he was only using me because I was there?
Do I mean more to him than a friend?
What if he hurts me like everyone else?
But the way he looked at me… It wasn’t like anyone had ever looked at me before, and I could feel my heart reaching out to his. Could feel myself begin to heal and be okay again.
I leaned in to kiss him again, my pulse starting to race. One of his hands came up and tucked a stray curl behind my ear, then moved to the nape of my neck and tangled in the hair that was there.
He kissed his way down to my chin and then my neck, giving my head a gentle tug to expose it.
“Jamie…” I sighed into the air trying to form some semblance of a thought.
I quickly pulled away, even though it took every ounce of strength to do so. “I have to get things ready for today.” I was winded, my body already missing his touch.
A faint blush crept up his neck and settled in the apples of his cheeks as he looked away briefly and smiled, though I could tell something was still bothering him.
The day wore on, one minute seemingly longer than the last. There was a steady stream of patrons throughout the day, the nice weather bringing them in flocks. The sun had begun to set and soon I’d finally be able to have some time to myself again.
“‘Scuse me mistress!” The man had come in hours ago and had been drinking practically all day. “Scould you be sooooo kind n’ gi’ me an… anotherer…?” The man slurred in his inebriated state, leaning over the counter with his empty mug outstretched towards me.
I put down the mug I was drying and crossed my arms over my chest as I glared at the man. “I think you’ve had enough, sir.” I reached out to take his mug, but he jerked it out of my hand and slammed it onto the counter, anger coloring his features.
“I wasnae askin…” He hissed, his Irish brogue prominent.
I was taken aback by the drastic change in his behavior. I reached out again for his mug, this time me being the one to yank it away. “Neither was I.”
The man was furious, even more so than before, if that were even possible.
He dove over the counter and pinned me against the wall, causing me to drop the mug which subsequently shattered onto the floor around me. But I couldn’t focus on anything else except the man in front of me with his hand wrapped tight around my neck. Everyone was looking now, but no one moved.
Memories raced through my mind at an alarmingly fast pace, my entire life condensed into a few seconds.
Is this it? Is this how I’m going to die? After all I’ve been through, after all I’ve survived, I’m going to die at the hands of some drunken idiot?
His grip was tightening and it was getting increasingly harder to breathe. “I said, I wasn’t asking.” He hissed, his words clear and filled with venom.
I was frantic, my heart racing inside of my chest and my eyes flitting about the room at everyone standing by and just watching.
Why aren’t they doing anything?!
His face was only a few inches away from mine, threatening. “Now, I suggest ye ge-” He was cut off as the front door slammed open, revealing a very angry Jamie.
My heart soared at the sight of him.
Jamie stormed over and punched the Irishman square in the face, knocking him to the floor. Jamie stood tall, intimidating. “I suggest,” Jamie growled, repeating the same words that the man had just said to me. “That ye leave here afore ye have much more than a broken nose to worry about.”
Blood was streaming from his nose, and you could see that he was absolutely livid, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He ran out after everyone else like a scared little dog, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Once everyone was out of sight, Jamie turned to me with nothing but worry and concern. “Sassenach, are ye alright?Are ye hurt?” His hands rested gently on my shoulders as he frantically searched for any sign of damage.
“I am now.” I smiled, and he crushed me to his chest, his right hand cradling my head as he pressed me against him.
“God, Claire, I’m so sorry.” He sighed as he pulled away to look at me once again.
I know that I should’ve been in distress over what had just happened, and it’s not that I wasn’t, but the utter joy and relief that I felt at the sight of Jamie was overwhelming.
“Thank God you were here.” I whispered, mostly to myself, as I took in every detail of his face and burned it into my memory.
His wide smile returned and he hugged me again, both of us succumbing to the relief of the moment and the presence of each other.
Jamie had started to laugh, shaking his head before looking back up at me. “Sassenach, I swear… Ye’ll be the death of me.”
I smiled, reached up and pulled his head down to mine and kissed him, long and hard and sweet.
I knew that we should talk about this morning and what Jamie was saying, but it could wait. After all, what difference would an hour or two make?
