Always Almost Perfect
-
Spending my entire life
Being ripped apart.
If I could just fix this,
I'd be lovable.
If I could just hold my breath longer,
Hold my shoulders back further,
Hold my head higher-
I'd find
"Love".
And then when I did find connection,
He took a blade to my body.
I had no reason to struggle.
If I could just change this,
I'd be loved.
And then you.
You showed up out of nowhere,
Pulled me from the massacre with
Flowers
In your goddamned hands.
You touched my curves gently.
Not despite them,
But because of them.
Every flinch,
You'd pause,
Every time I'd hide,
You'd frown.
What the fuck is that supposed to be?
I've never felt like a caged dog,
Afraid of being pet,
Until you told me you loved me.
I've never felt like a wounded soldier,
Still holding her weapon,
Until you stood before my blade-
Ready to die,
And called me beautiful.
I've never been beautiful.
There's always something to chase,
A new size,
A new shape-
Yet you pull me from those tendencies.
You hold me in your lap.
You rip me down to the most vulnerable parts,
And even those,
Even those.
You long for?
There's not enough poetry,
About never being taught
About unconditional love.
And maybe it makes me weak to admit it,
But maybe.
Maybe I'm afraid.
x
